Humans will find a sexual use for almost any new media. The Internet is no exception. Prior to the Internet, ‘Polaroid sex’ and of course video existed. Each of these media have been used for the production of both commercial and amateur pornography. What is unique to the Internet is that it has opened up opportunities for more interactive sexual encounters and exploration. This includes both the sexual activities that take place in cyberspace and those online sexual activities that the Internet enables. Psychologists have questioned whether it is healthy to partake in online sexual activities, with some scholars arguing that some individuals can be addicted to online sex. Others, in contrast, have argued that the Internet opens up new ways to explore sexuality in a potentially safe environment. As the preceding chapters have pointed out, the Internet will continue to open up new opportunities for new interactions, and this also applies to online sex and erotica. For example, teledildonics and virtual reality will most likely continue to be developed to create new sexual experiences. This chapter examines the literature on the psychology of online sexual activities and considers whether they are liberating or debilitating. It does so by considering a range of activities. Importantly, though, while it is undeniably important to consider the issue of online paedophilia, this will be postponed until Chapter 14.
People have been engaging in sexual activities on the Internet since its inception. Although, at first, individuals were limited to textual exchanges, many found no difficulties with ‘erotic talk’. This is nicely illustrated in Carol Parker’s (1997) book The Joy of Cybersex:
Gersh
geekgirl
Gersh
geekgirl
Stroking lightly up your thigh with one
hand … stroking my breast with the other as my nipples harden under your gaze … sigh
Gersh
geekgirl
Gersh
Scholars have attempted to categorise some of the various types of sexual activities that take place online. ‘Hot chat’, for example, has been defined as ‘two or more individuals engag[ing] in discourses which move beyond light‐hearted flirting’ (Whitty & Carr, 2006, p. 21). In contrast, ‘cybersex’ is ‘generally understood to be synchronous communication in cyberspace where two or more individuals engage in discourses about sexual fantasies’ (Whitty & Carr, 2006, p. 21).
As mentioned in Chapter 3, bulletin board systems were an especially popular space in the early days of the Internet and many of these systems were sexual in nature. Some were designed for people to meet others who shared their sexual interests and to enable them to live out their sexual desires online and/or offline. Social scientists have examined these sites and the people who inhabit them (e.g., Wysocki, 1998; Wysocki & Thalken, 2007). Wysocki (1998) was interested in seeing whether online sex was a replacement for face‐to‐face relationships or whether instead it enhanced them. She investigated her research question by interviewing participants using a bulletin board called the ‘Pleasure Pit’. In her study, she identified five main reasons for using sexually explicitly bulletin boards, including anonymity, time constraints in one’s personal life, the ability to share sexual fantasies with other people, the desire to participate in online sexual activity and the desire to find people with similar sexual interests to meet face to face. Notably, Wysocki also found that many of the people she interviewed did not reveal to their offline partners that they were using the Internet as a sexual outlet.
In a similar way, as described in the preceding chapters, in the early days of the Internet, scholars were divided in their views over whether the Internet is a healthy space to explore and learn about sexuality or whether engaging in online activities leads to psychologically problematic behaviours. Al Cooper and his colleagues wrote at length about the problems and joys cyberspace has to offer individuals – especially when it comes to sex. Cooper, Scherer and Marcus (2002) stated that ‘the Internet can equally threaten or aid a healthy, sex‐positive, emotionally satisfying sex life’ (p. 210). Cooper (1998) developed what he named the ‘Triple A Engine’ to explain how the Internet can be a potent medium for sexual activity. He pointed out that it is easy to ‘access’ the Internet, that it is ‘affordable’ and that one can be ‘anonymous’ online. Given these aspects of the Internet, sexual activities online are available at any time, cost little or nothing, and can be used anonymously, allowing users to safety engage in sexual activities without people knowing their ‘true’ identities. However, these theorists argued that the seductive appeal of the Internet could also lead to problematic behaviours. Cooper, Delmonico and Burg (2000), for example, found a small proportion of individuals whose online sexual behaviour was clearly compulsive. They also found that both women and gay men were more highly represented than heterosexual men in the group of individuals they identified to be cybersex compulsives.
Cybersex has been around since the early days of the Internet. The extract earlier in this chapter written between Gersh and geekgirl is an example of cybersex. A definition of cybersex was offered earlier in this chapter; however, there are many ways in which individuals can engage in sexual discourses in cyberspace. This might be by themselves or with others – either physically or virtually present. Shaughnessy, Byers and Thornton (2011) asked 292 students to define cybersex. Consistent with previous definitions, their participants defined it as an interactive online sexual activity and most described it as taking place in real time. Thirty‐six per cent of their sample stated that cybersex is a ‘describing activity’ – that is, an activity that involves describing sexual activities, having sex and sexual acts. Twenty‐five per cent stated that it involved self‐stimulation, and 21% stated that it involved arousal. Thirteen per cent stated that it involved visual stimuli – which is an advance on the early understandings of cybersex, given that participants then were mostly limited to textual exchanges.
Problems associated with cybersex include cybersex addiction (detailed later in this chapter) and infidelity (see Chapter 6 for a detailed discussion). However, is there anything positive about engaging in cybersex? Whitty (2008d) has suggested that cybersex is potentially a liberating activity, especially for those who wish to explore sexuality. Adams, Oye and Parker (2003) argue that the Internet offers a liberating space for older people. They state: ‘Without a doubt, sexual expression on the Internet has a facilitative potential for older adults. For example, individuals can find a sense of “normalcy” about their sexual interests when finding others with similar pursuits’ (p. 413). In a study of MMORPG players, Valkyrie (2011) found that the participants she interviewed reported mixed views on cybersex. Sometimes it was perceived as harassment from women players. Others felt that it added another dimension to their virtual world experience, as explained by ‘Beck’:
Leveling Drg is a drag. Lots of time LFP [looking for party], and well, I had to keep myself entertained somehow. There was another Drg that I knew. She was good fun to talk to, and I started by talking to her about Drg, and this that and the other. Eventually, it just turned into cyber sex (laughs). So yeah, that’s about it really that went on for a few months. It was good fun, and very distracting … its cyber sex, it’s all about how vivid your imagination can be and trying to tune into the other persons at the same time. (p. 89)
As already highlighted, cyberspace has provided a new space for a range of interactive sexual activities. As in the past, pornography can be either amateur or professionally created. However, the Internet has provided a new space for more interactive sex entertainment. To date, little research has focused on any of the potential psychological benefits of interactive sex entertainment, despite these forms of entertainment having been around for well over a decade. An example of this is CU‐SeeMe, which was videoconferencing software used by many as an interactive sex entertainment site. In more recent times, we have seen sites such as Chatroulette, where strangers are randomly paired to engage in web‐based conversations. They can opt to use voice, webcam and/or text. On this site, strangers continue to chat until one decides to move on to the next stranger. Bilton (2010), in the New York Times, describes his experience using the website:
At one moment I was sitting in the living room with my wife, and on entering the site, we were siphoned into a dimly lit room with a man who told us he was in Russia. Moments later we were watching a woman dance half‐naked in a kitchen in Turkey, and then we stared in shock at a gaggle of laughing college students in a dorm room somewhere. With each click of the mouse we were transported into a stranger’s life – then whisked along to another jarring encounter.
After five minutes, we disconnected and sat in silence, disturbed by the rawness of some of what we had seen … [Another time, we] clicked Next and there were three naked men in Amsterdam dancing to Rick Astley music … Then a man told us he was in jail … It’s very strange, and not just because you are parachuting into someone else’s life (and they yours), a kind of invited crasher. It is also the eerie thrill of true randomness – who, or what, will show up next? (p. 1)
Researchers have spent some time examining the negative aspects of engaging in online sexual behaviours. Cybsersex addiction is a topic that has received much focus from researchers (see, e.g., Griffiths, 2000a, 2000b, 2001). Addiction to sexual activities can include a range of activities, such as cybersex and viewing pornography. As mentioned earlier in this chapter, Cooper, Delmonico and Burg (2000) found a small proportion of individuals whose online sexual behaviour was clearly compulsive. They also found that both women and gay men were more highly represented than heterosexual men in the group of individuals they identified to be cybersex compulsives. Daneback, Ross and Månsson (2006) found that online sexual compulsives are more likely to be men who are in a relationship, are bisexual and have a sexually transmitted infection. Schneider (2000) has argued that cybersex addiction is a major contributing factor to separation and divorce. Moreover, Schneider’s study found that about half (52%) of cybersex users had lost interest in relational sex. More recently, Brand et al. (2011), in a study of 89 heterosexual male participants, found that those participants who experienced greater subjective sexual arousal from watching Internet pornographic pictures reported more problems in their daily life. These individuals were also more likely to be addicted to cybersex. Corley and Hook (2012), in a study that examined self‐identified female sex and love addicts, found that these women were more likely to engage in hypersexual Internet behaviours compared with nonaddicts.
Cyberspace not only opens up new ways to perform sex but has also created new opportunities to locate individuals to engage in sexual activities in the physical world. With the existence of websites such as Gaydar and apps such as Badoo, Grindr and Hornet, it should come as no surprise to learn that cyberspace has become a popular place to hook up for sex, especially for anonymous sex between men (Gass, Hoff, Stephenson & Sullivan, 2012). Malu, Challenor, Theobald and Barton (2004), in a sample of British participants, found that the use of the Internet to seek sexual partners was more prevalent for men who have sex with men (47%), compared with men who have sex with women (14%) and women who have sex with men (7%). Sex workers, in particular, have noted that the Internet has played a dramatic role in increasing opportunities for commercial sex encounters (Parsons, Koken & Bimbi, 2004). Liau, Millett and Marks (2006) found from an offline survey on men who have sex with men that 40% of their participants located their sexual partners via the Internet.
The number of people using the Internet to locate sexual partners is a concern, given that there has been found to be a correlation between locating sexual partners online and contracting STIs, including HIV. Involvement in anonymous sex between men who find each other online, for example, is associated with greater involvement in HIV‐related risky practices (Kakietek, Sullivan & Heffelfinger, 2011; Klein, 2012). Lee, Tam, Mak and Wong (2011), in a study of 77 Chinese HIV‐infected men, found that over half (58%) of their sample had found partners via the Internet a year prior to their infections.
The above studies suggest that simply using the Internet to find partners leads to a higher risk of engaging in unsafe sexual practices. However, scholars have found that there are other factors we need to consider. For example, researchers have argued there may be cohort effects, with the older generation of men who have sex with men being potentially more likely to engage in sexually risky behaviours compared with the younger generation (Kubicek, Carpineto, McDavitt, Weiss & Kipke, 2011). Garofalo, Herrick, Mustanski and Donenberg (2007) have found evidence to support this notion. In their sample of 270 young men who have sex with men, they found that 68% of their sample had used the Internet to locate a sexual partner. Of these, 48% were successful at finding a partner, and about half of those individuals (53%) used condoms consistently. Coleman et al. (2010) found in a sample of 2,716 men who have sex with men that those who scored higher on compulsive sexual behaviour were more likely to engage in unprotected anal intercourse.
Not all researchers, however, have found a direct relationship between locating sexual partners online and engaging in unsafe sex practices. In a study that focused on male sex workers, Parsons et al. (2004) found that some male escorts felt that the Internet had given them more control over the sexual requests made by their clients. Moreover, they stated that it gave them an opportunity to educate their clients about safe sex practices. One of the male escorts they interviewed had the following to say:
When I was younger, I worked out of an escort service, and I would have sex with people, and I used to do things that I didn’t want to do. And I hated that. And that made me feel bad about it, and that made me feel like a whore. And so, when I started doing this [advertising on the Internet independently], even though I sort of am a whore, I said, I’m going to arrange so that I don’t feel like a whore. So I don’t do anything I don’t want to do. Anything, I don’t want to do … I don’t have unsafe sex. They’ll say ‘Do you do bareback,’ and I say ‘No.’ That’s it, you know. That’s all they want to hear. But I don’t want to lie, and I try and give ’em a little lecture … I’m also thirty‐six. I mean, I say over the phone I’m thirty‐two, but I’m thirty‐six. I think a lot of these young kids, these 21‐year‐olds, they didn’t see the generation before them die of AIDS. (p. 1030)
Although the evidence is fairly clear about the increase in sexual risks associated with those who seek partners via the Internet, on the other side of the coin is the utility of the Internet for providing sexual health information, which in turn could prevent sexual risks. Malu et al. (2004) found that those who used the Internet to locate sexual partners were also more likely to use the Internet to access sexual health information. Research has found that the Internet provides a unique opportunity for men who have sex with men to learn about sexual health and relationships (Brown, Maycock & Burns, 2005). Kubicek et al. (2011) found, in a sample of 526 young men, that the Internet was an important venue for these young men not only to locate sexual partners but also to obtain information about sexual behaviour and health. They contend that the Internet has provided a new space for many young men to learn about health information as well as share their stories (we will examine, in detail, the use of the Internet for health in Chapter 15). Many of the men in their sample spent time getting to know their potential sexual partners online first, prior to meeting offline. The authors conclude that ‘providers hoping to initiate online intervention programs should be aware of how young men are accessing the Internet and for what purposes in order to most effectively reach their target populations’ (p. 812). Others too have found that the Internet is useful for individuals to learn about sexual health information, such as HIV prevention (Mustanski, Lyons & Garcia, 2011). Hooper, Rosser, Horvath, Oakes and Danilenko (2008) found that the majority of men who have sex with men in their sample accessed the Internet for sexual health information (86% for psychical sexual health; 69% for HIV prevention).
Researchers have found that women sex workers can and are willing to participate in online HIV/STI prevention intervention programmes (Hong, Li, Fang, Lin & Zhang, 2011). In a sample of 1,022 female sex workers, Hong et al. found that 40% of their sample had searched online for HIV/STI information and about two thirds of their sample were willing to participate in online HIV/STI prevention programmes.
Although the Internet is an appropriate space to provide sexual health information and research has found that some individuals are willing to use the Internet to learn more about sexual health, as will be discussed in more detail in Chapter 15, not all of this information is credible. For example, in a meta‐analysis, Eysenbach, Powell, Kuss and Sa (2002) found that 70% of the 79 studies reviewed concluded that much of the health information available online is inaccurate, out of date or incomplete. Lindley, Friendman and Struble (2012) found that not all sexual health sites available to lesbians cover all the information they need.
The Internet can also provide support to those coping with their sexuality. There is a wealth of literature produced on the types of support the Internet can provide for individuals with sexual issues or for those who wish to learn more about sexuality.
Adolescence is a time of identity exploration, and one of the domains of identity is sexuality (Erikson, 1964; Marcia, 1966). As will be discussed in more detail in Chapter 7, the Internet has provided new opportunities for adolescents to explore sexual identity. Subrahmanyam, Smahel and Greenfield (2006) examined a large sample of conversations in both monitored and unmonitored teen chat rooms. In their study they found that 5% of the conversations were sexual. Participants who claimed to be female produced more implicit sexual communication, and participants who identified as male produced more explicit sexual communication. Suzuki and Calzo (2004) found that sexual health was a popular topic on bulletin boards. They argued that, for teens, ‘bulletin boards proved to be a valuable forum of personal opinions, actionable suggestions, concrete information, and emotional support and allowed teens to candidly discuss sensitive topics, such as sexuality and interpersonal relations’ (p. 685).
Since the early days of research into the Internet, researchers have found that the Internet is potentially a safe space for individuals, in particular adolescents, to ‘come out’. McKenna and Bargh (1998) found that individuals of all ages (15–62 years, M = 34 years) with marginalized sexualities felt comfortable expressing their sexuality as well as coming out online. Moreover, the acceptance they received in these online groups gave them the confidence to come out offline to friends and family. Bond, Hefner and Drogos (2009) found, in a small sample of 56 self‐identifying LGB participants, that the majority of participants reported using media more than face‐to‐face communication as a means of gathering information during the coming out process. This was more likely to be the case for younger than older participants. Interestingly, the authors found that participants who used media more during the coming out process were less open with their families regarding their sexuality. Furthermore, there was no relationship found between feeling lonely or having low self‐esteem and media use. More recently, Mustanski et al. (2011) found in a sample of 329 young men (18–24 years) that participants reported the Internet provided support during the coming out process as well as support for those who received homophobic messages.
Although cyberspace can offer a safe space for adolescents to explore their marginalized sexuality and come out, the risks involved with engaging in online sexual practices cannot be ignored. During the 2010s a new behaviour, known as sexting, has caused a multitude of problems for teenagers. Sexting is the use of a mobile or similar electronic device to distribute sexually explicit images. Teenagers might send these pictures of themselves to a friend or partner only to learn that the image has subsequently been distributed to their social network. Moreover, the images could potentially be sent to a paedophile.
Lenhart (2009), in the US, found that 4% of mobile‐phone‐owning teens aged 12–17 years said they had sent sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of themselves to someone else via text messaging. She also found that 15% of mobile‐phone‐owning teens aged 12–17 years said they had received sexually suggestive nude or nearly nude images of someone they know via text messaging on their mobile phone. Furthermore, older teens were much more likely to send and receive these images: 8% of 17‐year‐olds with mobile phones had sent a sexually provocative image by text and 30% had received a nude or nearly nude image on their phone.
Lenhart also found that teenagers who pay their own phone bills are more likely to send ‘sexts’: 17% of teens who paid for all of the costs associated with their mobile phones had sent sexually suggestive images via text, whereas just 3% of teens who did not pay for, or only paid for a portion of the cost of, their mobile phone had sent these images. Moreover, the focus groups she ran revealed that there are three main scenarios for sexting: (1) exchange of images solely between two romantic partners, (2) exchanges between partners that are shared with others outside the relationship and (3) exchanges between people who are not yet in a relationship but where at least one person hopes to be in a relationship (we examine sexting again in Chapter 14, in relation to under‐18 nudity and the law).
The types of risky online sexual behaviours adolescents decide to engage in are, in part, determined by peer norms (Baumgartner, Valkenburg & Peter, 2011). Baumgarter et al. (2011) focused on four kinds of sexual online behaviour: searching for someone on the Internet with whom to talk about sex; searching for someone on the Internet with whom to have sex; sending a photo or video in which one is partly naked to someone one only knows online; and sending an address or telephone number online to someone one only knows online. The authors found that descriptive as well as injunctive peer norms predicted whether an adolescent engaged in risky sexual online behaviour. Descriptive norms, however, were found to be stronger. The researchers conclude that ‘perceived behaviour of peers may be more important in the explanation of adolescents’ risky sexual online behaviour than what adolescents perceive their peers approve of’ (p. 757). Despite the influence of peer norms found in the above study, interestingly, the same researchers found in a previous study that adolescents did not take more online sexual risks than adults (Baumgartner, Valkenburg & Peter, 2010).
Being exposed to sexually explicit online material can, however, influence adolescents’ attitudes towards sex. Peter and Valkenburg (2006) found from the Dutch participants they surveyed that exposure to sexually explicit online material is related to more recreational attitudes towards sex. This relationship was, however, influenced by the adolescents’ gender and mediated by the extent to which they perceived online material as realistic.
As argued already in this book, online relating and sexuality will most likely change in the future. Cyberspace will continue to evolve and attract new users. One of the potential new developments is teledildonics, which involves the integration of the physical world (i.e., the use of sex toys) and cyberspace. Often, in these types of interactions, another person or group of people manipulate the sex toys remotely. Currently, smartphones have apps to link to these devices, which include KissPhone, LovePalz and VIVI vibrator. Once activated, all provide a sensation that is meant to feel like the physical body. The KissPhone, for example, has been described as follows: ‘The KissPhone is designed for remote kissing. It has a mouth which you kiss – it subsequently measures the pressure, percussion speed, temperature, and sucking force of your mouth, transmits those same parameters to the remote user’s Kissphone where it recreates your kiss for your teleparamour’ (Halon, 2009). How these will be developed in the future is yet to be seen, and the psychological impact of engaging with these devices is yet to be realized.
As with online relationships, people were engaging in online sexual activities even when the Internet existed only as a textual medium. As this chapter illustrates, there are both positive and negative aspects to engaging in online sexual activities. Although, at present, the research suggests that people who locate sexual partners online are more at risk of engaging in offline risky sexual practices, this might not be the case in the future. The Internet can be used to promote safe sex practices and it can be constructed in such a way as to provide a safe space, especially for young people, to explore and learn about sexuality. The dark side of online sexual activities, however, cannot be ignored. As will be covered in greater depth in forthcoming chapters, some people are addicted to online activities, including cybersex, and some engage in sexual activities to cheat on their partner. The future of online sexual activities is unknown. There is the potential to develop more interactive devices, such as Teledildonics, but the psychological impact of such devices and how they might affect people’s relationships has yet to be researched.