Chapter 35

 

“What the hell happened to your head?” Evelyn said. A mother’s radar. She’d caught me trying to sneak in the door past her and Alonzo. They were drinking beers at the kitchen table.

“It’s nothing, just a little bump.” I knew it was only a matter of time before the Fogerty gossip mill got the word around on the real story. No need for me to hurry things along.

“Let me see,” my mother said, hopping up from the table and coming at me like Nurse Ratched, ready to make her examination. I flinched.

“That’s some little bump. You should be more careful.”

 Alonzo came over to view my injury. “Ouch. It’s a wonder you didn’t knock yourself out.”

“Yeah, a wonder.”

“Hey,” Alonzo said, “have a beer with us. I’ll tell you about all the fun you missed at King’s Island today.”

“Think I’ll grab a shower first.”

“Aren’t you gonna spill the beans about the meeting with Larry White?” Evelyn said.

“After my shower?”

“Didn’t go too well, huh?” Evelyn said.

“I’ll fill you in completely, right after I take a shower.” I was halfway up the stairs. “Promise.”

“You didn’t sell the station?” Alonzo said, brightening considerably.

“Hold that thought,” I said and boot-scooted into the bathroom at the top of the stairs.

 

The warm water and soap felt like pure hell on my crusty, sore head, but I kept gingerly cleaning the wound, staying at it until I couldn’t stay at it any longer without breaking down and bawling like a baby. Whoever had clonked me had done a pretty good job. Luckily, they hadn’t done a really great job. That is, I was still among the living, at least, so far. 

I toweled off and slipped into some fresh jeans and my last clean shirt. A Hawaiian number with big, swaying fuschia-pink palm trees. Usually the shirt tended to cheer me up. It had its work cut it for this time.

I took three Advil from the extra-large bottle in Evelyn’s medicine cabinet and eagerly swallowed them. Then I headed downstairs to face my mother and Alonzo.

 

Evelyn had a Band-Aid waiting for me. It was a patch about the size of piece of toast. It was decorated with Sesame Street characters.

“Turn around,” she said, and, with little fuss, she slapped it into place. “There.”

Gee, I felt better.

“It’s happy hour,” Alonzo said, handing me a beer.

We all sat down at the table and passed around a bag of potato chips to go with the beer. Alcohol, salt and fat. Delicious.

“Well?” Alonzo said.

“Yeah, well?” Evelyn said.

They leered at me like a pair of jackals.

I proceeded to fill them in on the hairy meeting with Bud Upton and Larry White.

“A buffalo ranch?” Evelyn said.

“You ain’t never gonna catch me eatin’ no buffalo,” Alonzo said. He belched.

“It’s all BS anyway,” I said. “Larry White is a major creep. He’s definitely up to something. And I’ll bet it doesn’t even rhyme with buffalo.”

“Well,” Evelyn said. “Guess we can kiss that quarter-million good-bye.”

“Make that a half-million.”

“A half-million dollars?” Alonzo said, nearly spitting out his beer. “Lord have mercy.”

“You’re kiddin’,” Evelyn said.

I shook my head. “I’m not.”

“Well,” Evelyn said, and sighed, invoking the spirit of Vivien Leigh. “I hear Wal-Mart’s hiring.” Dramatically, she finished off her beer. My mother had never worked at a real job in her entire life. Wal-Mart had no idea what they’d be in for if Evelyn ever darkened their employee entrance, not that I could even visualize it myself.

“Hey, who’s ready for another beer?” Alonzo said, pushing back his chair, headed for the fridge.

Evelyn and I both raised our hands.

 

I’d just killed my second beer when Amy called and said she’d be by shortly to pick me up.

“Shucks,” Alonzo said. “Thought maybe Evelyn and I could talk you into doin’ some line-dancin’ with us tonight.”

I snapped my fingers. “Shucks.”

“I really need some new boots,” Evelyn said. “Actually I could use a whole new dancin’ getup.”

“Maybe you’d better just wear your old one until the Wal-Mart job comes through,” I said.

“Very unfunny,” Evelyn said.

She was right. And things were getting more unfunny by the minute.