I WAS TERRIBLY CONFLICTED.
Willy had to know what had happened, but if I called her now, I’d be calling her right in the thick of it. I knew she would be angry when she found out all this had happened and I hadn’t called, but I couldn’t pull her away from the convention center. I sat in the living room, dazed and still shaking. Trinity returned.
“Okay, we’re going to have an additional member of the security team assigned to you so you’ll feel more secure. He’ll be here in less than an hour. He was pulled off another job nearby.”
“That’s fine, but we should be calling the police,” I said.
“I wouldn’t do that.”
“Why not? Someone tried to kill me!”
“We’ll have to explain what happened to Sterling, why you called us to take care of it…it’ll lead to all sorts of complications. We’re on this. Don’t worry.”
“You’re on this? What did the killer miss me by, a few inches?”
She stared at me as if I were being uncooperative and behaving like a spoiled brat.
“It won’t happen again,” she said.
I looked away, my heart pounding.
“I’m glad you’re so confident. Maybe I should put an advertisement in the newspaper announcing I’m not really pregnant yet or put up a billboard announcing it on my front lawn. That way they’ll leave me alone.”
I felt the strain in my voice. I was tottering on the balance beam of sanity and close to falling into hysteria.
“Just try to calm down,” she said. “We’re directing more resources to you. You’ll be fine, but for now, please stay inside and avoid standing in windows or patio doors.”
“Calm down? Stay inside and avoid windows and doors?” I started to laugh. “You want me to be a prisoner in my own home? What kind of a solution is that?”
“I’m going to do another sweep of the grounds. You should go rest,” she said, not replying to my question and left. She has about as much sympathy as a Nazi SS officer with a hangover, I thought.
My lower back started aching again. I decided I should go lie down and considered taking one of those pills. I rose and started for the bedroom when the phone rang. It froze me for a moment. After the third ring, I picked it up. It would go to the answering machine on four rings and if it were Willy, she would be upset.
“Hello.”
“Don’t believe them,” the raspy voice said. “You are pregnant and we’re not going to let it happen.”
Just as he hung up, Trinity came rushing in through the open patio door.
I stood there holding the receiver away from my body as if I believed the speaker could somehow poison or attack me through it.
“What?” she asked, seeing how I was standing there. “Was it them?”
I nodded.
“Good.”
“Good? Good?” My voice rose. “He threatened me. He was on all of ten seconds.”
“It doesn’t matter how long he was on. Our devices will have picked him up.”
“You were right. They think I’m pregnant. They say I shouldn’t believe what I’ve been told.”
“Don’t listen to them. You oughta know if you’re pregnant or not,” she said. “They’re playing with you. I told you they want to make you crazy. I’m going to my car to check on what we just learned. I’ll be right out front and the second guard should be here momentarily. Go relax,” she told me, and headed for the front door.
I realized I was still holding the receiver and cradled it as if I believed the caller remained connected. I stood there fighting back a more desperate urge to call Willy. I needed her, needed her strength, but it was only a matter of a few hours now until the big extravaganza began. I knew how busy she was at this very moment, coordinating it all, working with so many new people. I feel guilty enough about not being at her side. How could I draw her away, even after this?
I stepped back and turned quickly to go to the bedroom. I closed the shades and, still trembling, looked for the pills. If I didn’t take one, I thought, I would surely not rest and I would only get worse and worse until my hysteria drove me to either run to Willy or call her. I was perspiring so much, I felt as if my skin had just been greased. Before I took a pill, I washed my face in cold water.
Pausing, I gazed at myself in the mirror. Was it part of what I could only call my madness now? My face looked somewhat bloated, my features larger. The weight gain I had felt only in my breasts and stomach, and a little in my thighs appeared to have seeped upwards, thickening my neck and filling my cheeks. There was even a tracing of a double chin.
Shuddering, I backed away.
How could this be happening?
How could my twisted brain be capable of affecting my body this way? Maybe, just maybe, I was imagining it.
I glanced at the scale and then took a deep breath and stepped on it. It was as if I were in a church bell tower. The ringing echoed from one ear to the other and bounced around in my head.
According to my scale, I had gained nearly twenty-five pounds!
Was all this, could all this, even the reading on the scale be a figment of my imagination? Was I caught in some dream? Was pseudocyesis that powerful a mental aberration? I couldn’t have gained this much weight this quickly. I wasn’t eating as ravenously. If it were true, surely it was water retention, serious water retention. I need to see the doctor.
As if to reinforce that decision, I felt that damn movement inside me, that quickening again. It was even more vivid causing me to gasp. A wave of nausea came over me and then another and another. I dry heaved for a few moments and then, feeling very dizzy now, headed toward the bed.
I never made it. The room spun and the floor went out from beneath my feet. I felt myself falling and falling, but never hitting the ground. I was descending forever into the deeper and deeper darkness, accompanied by a horrendous howl, the cry of some prehistoric beast giving birth in a delivery so painful, it spit out her insides with the fetus and left her soaking in pain and blood, eagerly welcoming the embrace of Death.
When I woke I was in bed.
I had no idea what time it was, but I saw it was dark outside. After a few deep breaths, I turned and saw Willy sitting in the lounge chair, her feet up on the ottoman. Her head was tilted to the right and with the little illumination from the outside lights spilling in around the closed shutters, I could see she was asleep. Bracing on my elbows, I sat up and saw it was four o’clock in the morning. How could I have slept so long? How did I get into the bed? I was naked. Who undressed me? Had Willy come home and found me on the floor?
I needed a cold drink. My skin felt clammy and my throat was so dry that I was afraid if I swallowed too hard, I’d scratch it. When I pulled the blanket completely away and shifted my legs to get off the bed, Willy opened her eyes and scrubbed her cheeks with the palms of her hands quickly.
“Kate? How are you?”
“Why are you sleeping in the chair? When did you get here? How did I get into this bed?”
I fired my questions at her, but she just sat there staring at me in the dark.
Then she leaned over and turned on the standing lamp. The brightness stung my eyes.
“I came home about an hour ago. The party went on and on,” she said, “but Trinity found me and told me you had passed out and she had gotten you into bed. She said you woke and were confused so she was told to give you one of the pills.”
“Trinity found me and gave me a pill? I don’t remember any of that.”
“She said you were confused. I understand.”
“Well, I don’t,” I said sharply. “Who told her to undress me and put me in the bed?”
“Don’t be so upset about it. It wasn’t a bad thing to do for you at the time, Kate.”
“You know they tried to kill me?”
“Pardon me?”
“The dart Trinity found in my bed…the poison dart!” I cried when she continued to stare. “Didn’t she tell you all about it?”
“No, she didn’t mention any dart. All she told me was you received another one of those threatening phone calls.”
“What?”
“She said they traced it to a pay phone in the Palm Springs Airport.”
“She didn’t mention any dart?”
“They went to the airport but they didn’t spot any of the people they knew from the fanatic organization,” she continued.
“Aren’t you listening to me? Someone blew the same kind of dart with this poison frog stuff that killed Sterling Plunkett at me through the opening in the window there,” I said pointing. “She found the dart inches from where I was and then she went after the assassin. They’re trying to kill me, Willy. They think I’m pregnant for sure and they vow they won’t let me have the baby!”
“Take it easy,” she said, rising. “You want to go to the bathroom?”
“No, I don’t want to go to the bathroom. Where’s Trinity now?”
“She’s out front. She and another security agent are outside watching the house.”
“Get her in here.”
“Kate, it’s after four in the morning.”
“I don’t care. I don’t see how she could leave out the dart story. If there was no attempt on my life, why did they send a second security guard, Willy?”
She didn’t reply.
“Well, why would they do that?”
“She said you were quite hysterical after the phone call and she thought it would help.”
“What? I need to talk to her now!”
“Okay, okay, we’ll talk to her, but let’s wait until morning when we’re all bright and alert and we’ll sit down with her and go over it. I’m exhausted,” she said.
I settled back. Of course she was, I thought.
“Do you want anything before I go to sleep?” she asked.
“I need a glass of cold water. My throat feels like sandpaper.”
“Okay. I understand. I’ll get it.”
“What about Eve? Where is she?”
“She remained behind to finish up. She’s still not back. It was an enormous job, but it went well for us,” she added. “We had many compliments on the food.”
“Terrific,” I said, but without any enthusiasm. “I’m sorry,” I quickly added. “I’m not exactly in a mood to celebrate yet.”
“I understand.”
“Stop saying you understand.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back with your water,” she said in the tone of voice of someone trying to placate a mental patient and left.
I looked down at myself. My stomach was even more distended. Pseudocyesis or no pseudocyesis, how could it grow so large so quickly? Was I going to get to the point where I would simply explode?
She returned with my water.
“Look at me,” I said when she handed me the glass. I put my hand on my stomach.
She stepped back.
“Yeah, so?”
“Don’t you see how big I’ve become?”
“You’re bigger, yes, but Dr. Aaron explained it all to us. It’s not unexpected, right? It’s part of that psychosomatic condition, pseudo something or another.”
“Pseudocyesis.”
“Exactly.”
I drank some water.
“I can’t believe it.”
“Stranger things happen,” she said.
“Not to me. Did Trinity tell you what he said to me on the phone?”
“Who?”
“Aren’t you listening to anything? Them, whoever…he said I shouldn’t believe that I’m not pregnant. I’ve been thinking. Maybe…maybe I am. Maybe I don’t have pseudocyesis. Just maybe the report was erroneous.”
Willy smiled.
“You think that you could possibly be this far along in a real pregnancy in this short of time, Kate? Get a hold of yourself. You, yourself, told me you were having symptoms characteristic of a woman in her second trimester.”
“It’s more like the third trimester,” I said.
“So that’s even more implausible. Third trimester?”
“Yes, third trimester! I’ve gained nearly twenty-five pounds, Willy. My lower back aches every time I sit for more than fifteen minutes. My breasts are even more enlarged. Look at this,” I said, pointing to my stomach and then to my breasts. “Look at these stretch marks.”
She nodded.
“I think we should go to a therapist, Kate.”
“Oh, WE should go?”
“What happens to you, happens to me, remember?”
“Your breasts and your stomach aren’t bulging. Mine are!”
“Okay, we should take you to a therapist. Dr. Aaron gave me the name of someone nearby.”
“I thought she said under the circumstances it would soon not matter whether I went to one or not.”
“Obviously, for you now it matters.”
“Oh, just for me.”
“I know you’re upset and testy, Kate, but I’m trying to do what would be best for you.”
“Upset and testy, the weaker one again. I wonder how you would be after someone tried to hit you with a poison dart and then called you and called you to scare and threaten you. Even you, Willy the Super Dyke, might crack.”
“Stop it, Kate.”
“Even you might crack after you found a man dead in your pool lounge chair with a dart sticking in his neck.”
I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks.
“Are you going to get hold of yourself or what?” Willy said approaching.
I stared up at her. She looked as if she might strike me and it frightened me. I imagined that was her intent.
“I want it to end,” I said and looked down.
She was silent and then she put her hand softly on my hair and drew my head to her. I felt her lips on my forehead. She took the glass from my hands and guided me back into the bed.
“I know. That’s why we should get you some treatment. I really am exhausted,” she said. “Let’s talk about it all in the morning, late morning.”
She began to take off her clothes. I watched her undress, turn off the standing lamp, and then slip under the blanket beside me. Her lips grazed my cheek and her left hand slipped up and over my ribs to caress my breast.
“I’m not physically distasteful to you?”
“You’re voluptuous,” she whispered.
“Yeah, right.”
“Relax,” she said, bringing her mouth to my breasts and nipples and then kissing her way down and over my distended stomach. The moment her lips moved below my belly button, I felt a terrific rumble within, a distinct quickening. I seized her head at her temples and kept her face buried in my stomach until she pulled away.
“Did you feel it?” I asked. “Well? Didn’t you?”
“Feel what?”
“Damn it, Willy, that movement inside me, what Dr. Aaron called the quickening. Couldn’t you feel it?”
“I didn’t feel anything, Kate. I’m sorry.”
First Trinity felt nothing when I did and now Willy. I wanted to scream. I did open my mouth and I did scream, but inside myself.
She shifted away from me.
“I guess we both should just get some sleep. It will all seem different in the morning. Late morning,” she added. She kissed my cheek and turned over. I lay there with my eyes open looking into the darkness.
“I’m sorry,” I said after a few minutes. My head was so heavy. It felt clogged with thoughts, fears, images. “I should have asked you more about the party.”
I waited, but she didn’t respond. I could hear her heavy breathing. She is spent, I thought. She was going to make love to me just to help me feel better. I’m such an ungrateful bitch. She was right. There wasn’t anything we could do right now anyway, but why didn’t Trinity tell her about the dart? That was far more important than another threatening phone call. They tried to kill me.
Maybe Willy did know but was pretending she didn’t just to keep me calm, to prevent my hysteria from getting worse. Maybe I would see the therapist. Maybe he or she would help me bring this condition to an end and we could start anew. If I did that, if I lost all the symptoms, perhaps those fanatics would learn about it and leave us alone. It was worth a try. It comforted me to think so.
The ache started in my lower back again. I turned on my side and closed my eyes. Get some sleep, I told myself. Don’t let events take over. Get control. I felt myself drifting off and smiled with gratitude, grateful to a body that was finally being cooperative. For a few hours at least, I wasn’t going to be at war with myself. I wouldn’t feel as if I were separated from my own flesh and blood. I wouldn’t feel like I had lost it, like a Kate Dobson trapped inside someone else.
I slept.
When I awoke in the morning, I discovered Willy had already risen. It was nearly noon. I called for her, but heard nothing. I did feel stronger and rose quickly, put on my robe and went out to look for her. There was a note on the kitchen table. She said she wanted to let me sleep and she had gone to the plant to handle the cleanup and setup after the big event. She told me to call her as soon as I had gotten up. I was about to do so when I out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone moving in the direction of the casita.
I went to the patio door and watched Trinity, gun drawn, moving very slowly, a bit in a crouch. I watched, mesmerized.
A very tall, caramel-colored man, who looked more like a professional basketball player than a security guard, came up on her right. She nodded at him and they drew closer to the casita. I saw her pause at the door and then nod at him and go in. He followed. I waited. After a good five minutes or so, they both emerged, their guns holstered.
I opened the patio door.
“What’s going on?”
The tall man went toward the rear of the property. Trinity came my way.
“We thought we saw someone run across the yard and go into the casita,” she said.
“And?”
“No one there. Kerry Barnes is checking out the grounds again. How are you?”
“Why didn’t you tell Willy about the dart?” I asked.
She shrugged.
“I didn’t think she was that interested in it.”
“What?”
“The poison you mean?”
“No. The dart in my bed? The attempt on my life? Hello,” I sang.
She shook her head.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said and started away.
“What? What do you mean? Trinity!” I screamed.
She turned and looked at me.
“You had a bad night, Kate. Leave it at that,” she said and continued toward the front of the house.
I stood there, my jaw hanging.
“This is bullshit!” I screamed and backed into the house, slamming the patio door closed.
Few a few moments, I just stood there trying to make sense of it all, my heart thumping as if something was trying to break out of my chest. My whole body was shaking. I drank some cold water and calmed myself. Then I looked at Willy’s note and hurried to the phone. It rang so long, I thought I had dialed the wrong number.
“Hey,” she said when Tony put her on. “How are you?”
“I think I’m going crazy, otherwise, I’m just a perfect example of pseudocyesis.”
She laughed.
“You sound stronger.”
“I thought I was, but this woman, androgyny, whatever she is, is trying to make me think I’m going nuts.”
“What do you mean? What woman?”
“Trinity, my security guard. The one who didn’t tell you about the poison dart in my bed, remember?”
“So?”
“I asked her why she didn’t tell you and she made me feel as though I imagined the whole thing.”
Willy was quiet.
“I didn’t imagine it, Willy. I saw the dart. I saw her take it away.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll speak to her as soon as I can get free. We’re overwhelmed here.”
“I swear it happened. Maybe she didn’t tell you because they’re afraid of your knowing how dangerous this has become for me. Maybe they think we’ll cancel the next insemination. Maybe…”
“Kate, you don’t need anyone to drive you crazy. You’re driving yourself crazy. I told you we’ll get to the bottom of it. For now I’ve got my hands full getting this place in order, machinery, products…on top of which, we still have our regular customers.”
“You should have woken me when you woke so I could get there to help.”
“It’s under control for the moment, but I’ll need you back here as soon as you can get yourself together and drive over, okay? There’s a ton of paperwork to be entered into the computer and the phones aren’t stopping. The party was so successful for us that we’re getting tons of new inquiries and Tommy isn’t exactly an ideal receptionist. He still thinks yeah is a synonym for hello.”
“Eve isn’t doing any of it?”
She was silent too long.
“Where is she?” I asked.
“We’ll talk about it when you get here.”
“What do you mean, we’ll talk about it? She’s not there? She’s not here. They just checked out the casita. Where is she? What’s going on, Willy? Did she quit on us? Why would she quit on us immediately after such a success?”
“Look, take a shower, have your breakfast, get dressed, and come over to the plant.”
“Willy, I’m not hanging up until you tell what’s going on with Eve,” I said firmly.
“Don’t freak out on me,” she replied.
“I’m not freaking out.”
“I’m warning you. I can’t come running over there right now, Kate. You’ll be on your own or I’ll just make a call to the paramedics.”
“I said I won’t freak out, Willy. I’m better, stronger, despite what my security guard is doing to me.” I stiffened myself for any new blow. “Well? Tell me!”
“She had a family tragedy,” she said.
“What? You mean, something happened to her father, her sister, the one who works for Dr. Aaron?”
“No. Her brother, his new wife, and their child. It happened early this morning.”
“What happened?”
“A house fire. They’re all dead,” she replied. “She had to go to Jackson to identify the bodies. I felt very bad for her. She was exhausted and then hit with this terrible, terrible thing.”
I didn’t speak.
The receiver felt soft in my hand. It was as if it were turning into putty and it would simply fold over into a mass of nothing. With it would go Willy’s voice and all she had just told me.
“You’re freaking, aren’t you? I knew I shouldn’t have told you.”
“Do they know what caused the fire?”
“She didn’t know any more than what I just told you. I’m sure it’s an ongoing investigation. They lived in one of those fancy log cabins. Dried logs…out in the woods beyond any fire hydrants. It was probably something electrical. They were apparently caught fast asleep and trapped, probably dying of smoke inhalation.”
“No alarms?”
“I don’t know, Kate. She woke me very early and told me what I told you. She promised to call tonight.”
“Do they suspect arson? Well, do they?” I followed before she could answer.
“I just told you. Eve didn’t know any more than that.”
“They killed them,” I said in a heavy whisper. “They wanted to be sure they killed the baby.”
“What?”
“The child was created through the same insemination process and Eve told us her sister-in-law was harassed just as I’m being.”
“Stop it. Kate, do you hear me?”
I felt a deep and heavy shuddering inside me which caused a swift surge of icy cold up my spine. However, that was immediately followed by a warmth at the tips of my nipples. With my free hand, I opened my robe and looked at my breasts.
The receiver fell out of my hand, the wire swinging it into the wall. I could hear Willy calling for me.
“Kate! Kate, damn it.”
I picked up the receiver.
“Willy.”
“What is it? Are you freaking out on me? Kate?”
“Willy, my breasts….”
“What? Damn it, Kate. What?”
“They’re leaking,” I said. “Just as they would for a woman in her third trimester.”