Chapter Thirty-Six

APRIL 1865

Late April showers fell gently as we buried Elliott beside Emma in our family’s section of the churchyard, the graves of their lost children at their feet. I held Ellie, fractious, in my arms as Reverend Snow spoke the final prayer. She’d remember nothing now, but one day I wanted to tell her that she’d been there, at her father’s burial —the man who’d loved her and her mother more than life, the man who’d nearly died for his principles and a vow he’d made to God, who did die in the end because of them.

Father was too weak and too distraught to attend. Grayson stood beside me, hat in hand, as the first clods of dirt fell onto our brother’s coffin, as they pierced my heart like daggers. His presence, though expected, felt a sacrilege.

A thousand times I’d wanted to confront Grayson, to ask him if he’d doused the fire in Elliott’s room that night of the fire in town, if he was the one to open the window, ushering in cold air and death. But I knew it would do no good. Elliott had already been dying. There was nothing I could prove, and Grayson would find a way out of it, just as he and all the other young men responsible for the burning of the courthouse had cast blame elsewhere, taking the lives of innocent men. I could not deal with more of Grayson.

We were home less than an hour when Grayson packed to leave. Of all things, I’d not expected that.

“Where are you going?”

“Raleigh, Sister. I’ll be gone a few days. I imagine you can manage without me that long.”

Grayson’s leaving was a relief, but I’d come to distrust his sudden movements. “We’ll manage.” It was all that was safe to say, and I wasn’t up to guessing games.

“When I return, we’ll go over the household accounts. I’ll be taking charge of those, of course.”

I blinked. But there were more important matters to discuss. “We need to go together to the registrar, Grayson. We need to clear the matter of the deeds.”

“I don’t see why.”

“Because they were burned. We need to make certain everything is legal and binding for Obadiah and Martha and all the others.”

“Oh, yes, Obadiah.” Grayson all but smirked. “We must certainly see to Obadiah.”

My stomach turned over. Obadiah had been beaten to unconsciousness the night of the courthouse fire, so badly that he hadn’t been able to attend Elliott’s funeral. “Tell me the truth, Grayson, did you have anything to do with —”

“Truth is relative, dear sister, and I have a long ride ahead of me. I’ll see you when I return.” He hefted his case.

“Grayson!”

“Goodbye, Minnie.” And he was gone.

Martha nursed Obadiah herself. She didn’t trust a soul outside Belvidere Hall and not all those within. Each of my visits to their cabin had been when Grayson was out of the house. With him gone a few days, I wanted to move Obadiah into the main house.

“No, Miss Minnie.” Martha was adamant. “We don’t know when your brother will return and my husband’s doin’ fine right here.”

But he didn’t look fine. The discoloration below his eyes and the swelling there looked painful, even though the better part of a week had passed. I didn’t know the extent of his injuries I could not see, but he could not sit up and around his chest and rib cage Martha had bound wide linen strips.

“It’s just gonna take some time. Alma’s best with herbs and poultices I’ve ever seen. Even our mama couldn’t do better. My Obadiah just need to lay low for a time.”

With a shudder Dr. Hendrix’s warning came back to me, and Grayson’s near threat concerning Obadiah.

Alma came to me later that morning as I rocked Ellie in the nursery, fresh from her time with Mother Sally. “I’d like to speak with you, Miss Minnie.”

“Minnie, remember? Of course, Alma. I’d love your company.” With all my attention given to Elliott these last weeks, I’d hardly noticed or spent time with Alma, my closest friend.

“Martha say Mr. Grayson be gone a few days.”

“That’s right.” I sighed. “Just as well.”

“That what I’m thinking, too.” But Alma looked as if she was thinking more.

“What is it?”

Alma drew a deep breath. “I want to speak freely, ma’am.”

“Speak freely, Alma —always —and please stop ma’am-ing me. You’re a free woman now.”

“Inside these walls, with you, I’m a free woman. Outside, in town, or with Mr. Grayson, I ain’t nowhere near free, no matter the South done lost this war. Not one of us is . . . not even you.”

I stopped rocking Ellie, the truth of Alma’s words hitting hard.

“I don’t know what Mr. Grayson gonna do next, but I’m scared. I’m scared for Obadiah and Martha. I’m scared for you and little Ellie, but most of all I’m scared for me. I hate the way he looks at me. Makes my skin crawl, and I got no protection against him that won’t bring a fist or a knife or a rope to those I love.”

The stark truth of Alma’s words struck me dumb.“I got to do somethin’, Minnie. I can’t let him take me.”

“Are you leaving?” I wanted Alma safe above all things, but the thought of her going away was like being cast adrift in the sea.

“Where would I go? I’ve no place to go and Martha and Obadiah be my only family.”

“Then what? What can we do? What can I do? You know I’ll do anything in this world to help you. Neither of us can trust Grayson, and I can’t control him.”

“You got that right. I want to marry —while he’s away. I’m a free woman now, and if I marry, he won’t touch me. At least, I hope he won’t. And I’ve got to get out of this house before he comes back.”

“Shadrach.”

“Yes, ma’am. Shadrach. He’s taken the name of Chree, Shadrach Chree. My name soon be Alma Chree.” Alma lifted her head in pride. “Miz Chatsworth’s begged him not to go and he feels loyal to her, but we got to somehow make our own way. She’s not offered, but we hope she’ll hire him on, hope we can get some little place of our own, maybe in between here and Chatsworth Lodge.”

Alma’s leaving felt like the last thin straw of my world breaking apart. I loved Mrs. Chatsworth. She’d been nothing but good to me and I had sorely neglected her since Elliott returned. She was Tom’s mother, after all, and for all that Tom had not spoken for Elliott when he needed him to, Elliott had forgiven him . . . and so must I. Still, I knew Alma must not depend on Mrs. Chatsworth’s ability to see beyond slavery with so much at stake.

“The war’s over, Alma. She can’t make him stay. I can talk with her if you want —”

“That not what I’m askin’ and you ought to know that, Minnie.”

I felt justly reprimanded.

“I’m askin’ if you’ll stand by us if we marry, in case Mr. Grayson come after me.”

“You know I will. But do you love Shadrach? Is it safety you’re seeking or do you —”

“I have loved him since before he went off to war with Mr. Tom. If he’d known how to read, I’d have written him the whole war through, but he never learned. We been waitin’ only till he be free and now Shadrach’s waitin’ till Miz Chatsworth get it in her head she need to hire his help. He lived there all his life and don’t want to leave her high and dry. But we need to marry now, even if we can’t live together every day. Since Mr. Elliott passed, I’m afraid to wait. Massa Horace can’t protect me, and neither can you.”

Everything she said was true. “Can Shadrach come here? We can have the wedding right here in Belvidere Hall. I’ll get Father to attend, to sit, and see that he gives his blessing. I know he would bless your union if he was able now that Shadrach is free. And whether or not Mrs. Chatsworth accepts his offer to work for hire, he is a free man. North Carolina will have to recognize that soon. It might be best if he just leaves, Alma. We can hire him on here. You both need —”

“No, ma’am. I won’t ask Shadrach to do what he don’t think right. Before God Almighty I won’t.”

I stared at Alma. Principles. As strong as Elliott’s. I admired her more than I could say and feared for her just as much.

“I’ll ask Brother Rollins to come officiate, then, when Shadrach can get away. All right if I don’t know exactly when yet?”

“Day or night, you come, and we’ll make ready.”

“It got to stay secret just till Shadrach gets things worked out with Miz Chatsworth, but we be married and we —we need to use one of the cabins in the quarters for our wedding night, if he can get leave. There’s plenty empty.”

“You can have a room in the house.”

“No, ma’am. Not this house.”

I wished I didn’t understand all she meant. But I did, and I vowed then and there that I would do whatever was needed to help my dear friend, no matter the repercussions. I was learning at every turn that I could not control life —not mine and not the fate of those around me.

Almighty God, we are in Thy hands, surrendered to Thy will.