Eve’s footsteps sounded hollow on the stairs. Lizzie listened until she got to the landing then she heard the unmistakable squeak of her heading to the attic. That loosened the knot in her stomach a bit, even if she didn’t know how she was feeling or what to do next.
Her gaze caught on the abandoned mugs of hot chocolate. Maybe she should take them upstairs as a peace offering, try to restart the conversation. Then again, maybe they needed something stronger than that.
There was a bottle of white wine in the fridge that she’d intended to use with the risotto, but it wasn’t ultra cheap stuff. After a minute of wondering whether it was a daft idea, she poured two large glasses and set them on the table while she made sure the house was secure. The last thing they needed was Paul storming back in.
She balanced the wine glasses with a packet of custard creams in her hands and went up to the landing, telling herself that if Eve had closed the door, she’d leave it. But she hadn’t and Lizzie climbed the thin staircase with deliberately clumping footsteps.
Eve was watching from the sofa when she reached the top, eyebrows knitted together. It didn’t feel comfortable up here, not like it had when they’d been watching films, but the full glare of the main light hadn’t been on then. She missed the intimacy of the lamps, especially that new one Eve had bought at the antiques shop.
Lizzie held out one of the glasses. ‘If you want me to go, that’s fine. I just thought you could do with a drink. And a biscuit.’
There was a little snort from Eve as she took the wine, but at least she wasn’t kicking her out. Lizzie risked sitting beside her on the sofa, feeling the cushion ripple underneath her. She gave it thirty seconds then cracked open the custard creams and offered one over. Eve took it and they chewed quietly, both washing down the crumbs with wine.
‘I’m sorry,’ Lizzie said finally.
‘You don’t need to apologise. I should have told you all this before inviting you to stay. I didn’t know how to.’
‘I turned up on your doorstep without warning,’ Lizzie reminded her.
Eve conceded that with a shrug. ‘But then I made a choice and I made you complicit in a lie.’
‘What’s the lie? You just didn’t tell me straight away, same as I didn’t tell you everything about me because you don’t do that. I mean, I lived with Megan and Rhona for years and they couldn’t tell you anything about what I like or don’t like. You know more about me in a couple of weeks than they ever did.’
Until she’d said it, she didn’t realise how true it was. Eve shifted in her seat, edging away as much as she could and Lizzie thought it was because she didn’t believe her. Then she recognised it could be because she did. Putting the packet of biscuits and her wine on the end table, she turned back around to Eve.
‘What I’m saying,’ she went on carefully, ‘is that it doesn’t matter when you told me. It doesn’t change what I think about you.’
Eve shuddered, jumping to her feet before Lizzie could stop her. She drained her wine glass and slammed it down on the nearest table.
‘You don’t know what you’re doing,’ she muttered.
‘I’m just trying to be honest, that’s it,’ Lizzie insisted, rising and taking a step towards her. ‘I want you to know -’
‘Stop it,’ Eve cut in.
‘Don’t push me away because you’re angry.’
‘I’m not angry, I’m - I’m . . .’
As Eve trailed off, Lizzie swallowed down the lump in her throat. She could see how Eve’s hands were quivering, something that sent a spasm right into her core. Maybe she wasn’t reading this properly and maybe she was going to make an arse of herself, but she couldn’t shake the feeling of needing to touch, needing to know. She took another step forward and Eve baulked.
‘Lizzie, please, you can’t - you need to leave. If you stay -’
‘If I stay, what?’ she interrupted.
Eve clenched her fists over her stomach. ‘You need to leave me alone.’
‘Why?’ Lizzie demanded. ‘What are you so scared of?’
‘What I want to do!’
The words lingered in the air, though Eve clamped a hand over her mouth as if she could take them back. Lizzie’s heart was thumping so hard that she thought the neighbours were going to hear it, but Eve just stood there with her eyes wide.
‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled. ‘That was unforgivable, I shouldn’t -’
‘I dream about you,’ Lizzie interjected.
Eve’s hand dropped to her side. ‘I dream about you too.’
Heat flooded through Lizzie’s body, settling between her legs. Before either of them could second-guess what they’d said, she darted across the attic and pressed her lips to Eve’s.
Straight away, Eve melted into the kiss and wrapped both arms around her waist. A dozen sensations were suddenly fighting for Lizzie’s attention, from the way their breasts were pressed together to the prickling of her fingertips as they found their way into Eve’s tousled hair. She brought her closer with that hand and ran the other one along her spine, causing Eve to arch against her. Lizzie let out a soft moan that only intensified when Eve’s tongue flicked against hers. It was too much suddenly and she pulled away, desperate to make sure they were still on the same page.
Eve’s breath was coming in ragged gasps.
‘I shouldn’t have done that,’ she murmured.
Lizzie stroked her cheek. ‘You didn’t, I did.’
‘I’m taking advantage -’
‘Like hell you are. I’ve wanted to do that since the night we watched Rebecca at the Majestic. When we were in the foyer, do you remember?’
‘Of course,’ Eve replied softly.
‘You felt it too,’ Lizzie said, unable to stop herself smiling. ‘I didn’t think you did.’
‘I didn’t want to assume - I couldn’t imagine this. But you’re so young, you don’t know what you’re doing. This is just you feeling sorry for me -’
Lizzie broke her off with another kiss and stretched her hand further down to Eve’s rear. As she squeezed, she marvelled at how simplistically sexy she was underneath those boring trousers, not to mention what the contact was doing to both of them.
Eve groaned into her mouth. ‘We need to stop.’
‘I will if you want me to.’ Lizzie relocated her lips to Eve’s slender throat, sucking gently below her ear. ‘Just tell me, it’s okay.’
One hand caught in her hair and held her fast. It wasn’t an answer, but Eve wasn’t pushing her away. In fact, the other hand was sliding down her back and under the hem of her shirt. Lizzie’s knees almost buckled at the slight touch against her skin then a thumb worked its way up and fumbled with the hooks on her bra.
All she knew now was that she needed to get rid of her clothes and she needed Eve inside her. She tried to fix the first point by tugging her shirt up over her head, drawing back from Eve’s throat for an agonising ten seconds until she was free. Eve’s hands were fiddling with her bra and it finally came loose, the straps sliding down her arms. The material fell into a barrier between them, forcing Lizzie to detach herself, and that seemed to bring Eve back to reality. She stood there gazing at her, not blinking and not moving, though her cheeks were flushed and her lips swollen.
Lizzie tried to catch her breath. ‘Please, Eve, I need you to . . .’
‘I don’t think . . .’ Eve raised her eyes slowly. ‘You have to be sure. I can’t do this if you’re not completely sure.’
Reaching out, Lizzie took one of her trembling hands and brought it up to her breast. Eve exhaled and lowered her mouth, replacing the palm with her tongue. Lizzie’s body pulsated as Eve’s hand travelled lower and unfastened first the button then the zip on her trousers. It might only have been a few seconds, but the craving almost overtook her before Eve’s fingers slipped into her underwear.
The feeling of Lizzie coming apart in her arms was the most exquisite experience of Eve’s life. They’d made it as far as the sofa, clumsily clinging on to each other and so intent on what they were doing that they could’ve been anywhere. Lizzie responded to her touch eagerly, leaving no doubt that she wanted this as much as Eve did, and it was so easy to bring her to a climax that left both of them breathless.
Now, though, as Lizzie’s skin cooled, Eve’s mind began to run circles around itself. She was still clothed, even if there was a distinct clamminess in between her thighs that couldn’t be ignored. It would be difficult to extract herself but perhaps -
‘Thank you,’ Lizzie whispered.
Eve’s heart stuttered and she pressed a kiss to Lizzie’s bare shoulder. She was unprepared for the renewed ache that act brought with it, a sensation made all the more acute when Lizzie twisted in her arms to look into her face.
‘Are you okay?’ she asked.
‘Of course.’
It was a lie and the pair of them knew it. Lizzie bit down on her lip then manoeuvred herself around in an attempt to straddle her. Eve’s stomach tightened and she tried to move away.
‘You don’t have to, Lizzie. I don’t even think that I can -’
She was silenced with another kiss, just like the one earlier that had muffled her senses to the point where she’d allowed this to happen. This time she wanted to be stronger but the intensity of Lizzie’s kisses was too much. Eve whimpered and tilted her head back, all her attention focused on the way Lizzie’s hands were shimmying her trousers along her legs. It brought olfactive proof of her arousal into the room, yet she still couldn’t fully surrender to it.
‘It’s been too long,’ she murmured.
Lizzie straightened up, throwing the trousers aside almost as an afterthought. There was something incredibly exhilarating about a woman as young as this gazing at her with such a fire in her eyes, a thought that Eve immediately tried to banish.
‘How long?’ Lizzie questioned.
Eve shook her head. ‘Seven years, probably more. You stop counting after a while, it’s easier. Anyway, you shouldn’t feel obligated -’
‘I want to,’ Lizzie said, her fingers closing around the waistband of Eve’s underwear. ‘I won’t if you don’t but . . .’
‘I’m scared,’ she admitted.
Lizzie exhaled in a rush and then tugged the underwear down. As she pulled them loose, she slipped from the sofa to kneel on the carpet. Eve only grasped her intent when a hand urged one of her legs over a smooth shoulder and her entire body seemed to spring open. Any illusion of control she had left splintered into a thousand pieces the moment Lizzie’s mouth encircled her.
With Eve’s hand gently stroking her hair, Lizzie thought she might fall asleep on the narrow sofa. It wasn’t the worse place she’d ever spent the night and the warmth of Eve’s body was more than enough to relax her. But a voice at the back of her head told her to say something before either of them had a chance to overthink what’d just happened.
‘That was amazing,’ she said.
Eve’s fingers stilled. ‘Yes, it was. You were, I mean.’
‘How do you feel?’ Lizzie queried. ‘Tell me the truth, just tell me what’s going through your mind.’
There was a long pause and she resisted the temptation to push. If what had happened felt as big to Eve as it did to her, maybe she needed the time to get herself together. When the words finally came, Lizzie just clung on and listened.
‘I’m - I still feel as if I’ve taken advantage of you,’ Eve said slowly. ‘I brought you into this house and it’s led to this. How does that make me any better than Karen surrounding herself with young women who would’ve done anything she wanted? Whatever did or didn’t happen, the inference was there.’
‘But that’s not why you let me stay,’ Lizzie pointed out.
‘You can see how it looks.’
‘To the neighbours? To Paul?’
Eve’s hand went back to caressing her hair. ‘To everyone. I suppose I’m getting ahead of myself anyway. We can leave this as a one-off, something incredible we experienced together. Something ethereal.’
‘Is that what you want?’ she pressed.
‘Lizzie, you’re so young -’
‘What difference did that make to what just happened?’
‘Nothing,’ Eve replied.
‘I don’t want to leave it,’ Lizzie said after a few seconds. ‘It’s not like I can switch my brain off and pretend it wasn’t all that when it was. Eve, that was the first time I ever . . .’
She left the sentence unfinished, hoping that Eve got the drift without her having to say it. They might’ve been naked together on the sofa covered just by a blanket, but there were some things she still couldn’t bring out into the open. Until that moment when Eve’s fingers had curled inside her, she hadn’t known what people had been going on about all these years. It partly made her feel stupid but, at the same time, she was glad it’d been Eve.
‘Sweetheart . . .’
Lizzie’s heart lurched at the word and she burrowed closer, trying to remove any threads of space between them. After a few seconds, Eve’s grip tightened and triggered a fresh wave of desire that she couldn’t control. The air thickened as Eve’s free hand drifted lower then it was suddenly all Lizzie could feel.