Chapter 2
The developing mind
This chapter will first use the Chimp model to explain the development of the child’s mind, and then in the next chapter we will look at the neuroscience.
•The Chimp hijack
•The mind of the adult and child compared
•How you can help
•The developing mind
The Chimp hijack
One of the catalysts for me to write this book was an incident on the London Underground. Some years ago I was travelling on the Underground, when a group of young schoolchildren boarded with their teacher. The children were about seven years old. They had left one train to change to another. As the train began to pull away, it went in the same direction as the train that they had just got off. One little girl realised this, and her Chimp panicked. She began shouting to the teacher, ‘Miss, Miss, we are on the wrong train, we are going in the same direction!’ Her Chimp was in quite a state. The teacher, who was clearly under pressure, reacted from her own Chimp and shouted at her: ‘Yet again, it’s you interfering!’ At this point, her classmates immediately began jibing at her and pointing their fingers, ‘Yes, it’s you again.’ The little girl dissolved.
I appreciate that the teacher was under pressure, but I thought it sad that the little girl could so easily start developing a poor self-image as a result of a Chimp hijack. I managed to keep my Chimp from speaking, but thought how life could be so different if we all understood the way that our minds work. If the little girl had been told, ‘It’s just a Chimp hijack and we all have them’, she might have had a very different view of herself and her classmates might have been more supportive.
The mind of the adult and child compared
In the last chapter, we considered how an adult manages their mind. Using the model, we saw three systems in operation: the Human, the Chimp and the Computer.
In an adult:
•The Human is fully mature and fully functioning by around the age of 30 and can programme the Computer.[1] [2]
•The Chimp is still running true to its nature.
•The Computer is programmed with automatic behaviours and strategies to deal with day-to-day life. It also has established values, beliefs and perspective. The Computer can therefore come to the rescue by advising the Human and Chimp or by taking over and preventing a potential Chimp hijack.
In a child:
•The Human is very immature, undeveloped and struggles to programme the Computer.
•The Chimp is inexperienced, but very active. It is also immature and vulnerable.
•The Computer is usually poorly programmed or not programmed at all, has few constructive strategies and cannot sensibly advise the Human or the Chimp. It also lacks clear values, doesn’t know the truths of how the world works and cannot retain perspective.
How you can help
It is clear that, in order to help a child, the adult must effectively become the child’s Human. The adult can then help to programme the child’s Computer with habits, values, truths and perspective.
Research and science tell us that we can support, guide, encourage and influence the development of the child’s mind in several ways. We will look at this in detail under the ten habits that follow.
From a practical point of view, here are some simple reminders of the obvious. Before you interact with a child, it helps if you can:
•Make sure you are in a good place yourself
•Try to remain emotionally stable, consistent and reassuring
•Recognise the difference between the child and the machine, and respond appropriately
•Accept the nature of the child’s developmental stage and their possible limitations
•Expect the child to be hijacked by their Chimp and have a constructive thought-through programmed response in your own Computer system
The developing mind
During development, the child will go through stages. Here are some examples:
1.The child will experience drives that will change in strength. For example, they will begin with a strong drive for security and to remain with their parent or guardian,[3] but this will be challenged by an independence drive that will gradually take over in their early teens.[4]
2.The child will go through stages of understanding how another person’s mind works and how to interact with others.[5] [6]
3.At times, the child will not be able to do certain things, such as use sound judgement or make rational decisions. With time, these skills will develop and, if the parent or guardian can be aware of these stages, they can have realistic expectations of the child.
The Chimp and the Computer develop first
The Chimp begins to develop in the womb as early as eight weeks into foetal life.[7] As it develops, it stores its emotional memory into the Computer, which is also developing.
Emotional memory means that we get a feeling about an experience but can’t recall facts.[8] [9] For example, if a two-year-old child fell from a climbing frame, they would only store that climbing frames make them feel nervous, but they wouldn’t be able to remember why. Animals also store emotional memory and this can affect the way they behave. These memories can be linked inappropriately. For example, I once had a puppy that experienced a fright when a loud gate slammed nearby. By chance, a young child was standing near the gate. From then on, whenever the puppy met a young child it would become frightened. Even as an adult dog, it could not relax near children.
Often, very young children make links by using emotional memories, which are hard to break. It can help to appreciate that if a child appears to be acting irrationally, they might be working from an emotional memory that cannot be recalled.
The Human arrives
It is easiest to think of the Human as being virtually absent for the first three years of life. When the Human does develop, it will store factual memory in the Computer. This is why our first factual memories don’t occur until we are around three years old – because effectively we weren’t there until then! So our Chimp has a great head start to lay down feelings for situations, without any recall of facts.
As we go through childhood, these two teams of Human and Chimp will try to work together. They will both keep inputting information into the Computer. The Chimp will input emotional memory and the Human will input factual memory. The Human team will steadily have more and more influence as it puts more information into the Computer. It won’t just store memory but also beliefs, values and behaviours that are constructive and helpful for day-to-day life.
Your role as the child’s Human
So, in terms of the Chimp model, we can think of the child’s mind as developing the Chimp first. The Chimp then starts to programme the Computer for a few years, and finally the Human develops. The last part of the brain to develop is the Human and therefore we expect to see a lot of unwelcome Chimp activity in childhood and adolescence.
When adults manage their minds they have several ways in which to do this, whereas the child doesn’t. The child doesn’t have a Computer that has experience, wisdom or even much awareness of how the world and other people function. Disturbingly, the Chimp will therefore programme the Computer most of the time! This can be even more stressful for the child: they don’t have a fully formed or functioning Human and therefore can’t make sensible decisions, organise themselves, prioritise, see consequences, programme the Computer or even know what the ‘truths of life’ are. The list of limitations is extensive!
So, if you imagine a child as having a very powerful unmanaged Chimp, with little input from either Computer or Human, then lots of things might make sense. Effectively you, the adult, can become their Human and their Computer.
You can’t rush the development of the Human within them, but you can help to nurture it. You can assist in areas of the Human development within the child, such as interpersonal skills and awareness. Development of the Human takes time and can continue for 30 years!
The Computer is a different story. You can help develop the child’s Computer at any age. This can be done by establishing constructive behaviours or habits and also helping the child to create beliefs based on truths and facts, as you see them.
The Computer works particularly well with behaviours and being programmed.
Important point
Children usually don’t welcome their own unhelpful Chimp activity. They just don’t understand how to manage it.
Summary
•In adults, the Human, Chimp and Computer have all matured
•In adults, the Human can programme the Computer, which can then manage the Chimp
•In children, the Human is very undeveloped and cannot programme the Computer well, so the Chimp is poorly managed
•In children, the Chimp is very active and programmes the Computer, unless an adult intervenes
•Being in a good place yourself is the best foundation for helping a child
•Learning to distinguish the child from the machine is very helpful for managing the child and your responses to the child and machine.