Now that we’ve discussed the three ingredients that build frientimacy (positivity, consistency, and vulnerability), we’ll want to demystify some of the thoughts that can block us from reaching the peak.
Fear is an interesting dynamic. At times it saves us: It keeps us from rushing out into the street and getting hit by oncoming traffic; it keeps us from trusting dangerous people who intend to hurt us; it can even just keep us from making fools of ourselves.
But fear can also paralyze us: It can hold us back from stepping into the very experiences that would expand and deepen us—or even encourage us to walk away from what we want. And it can short-circuit our learning and growing.
There are two things about fear that are particularly pertinent to our discussion: 1) It doesn’t distinguish whether it’s based on reality or not; and 2) Many of the fears that plague us all are frequently injurious to relationships. So in the upcoming chapters we’re going to evaluate five fears that often paralyze us from pursuing the frientimacy we long for:
• Chapter 9: Doubting Our Self-Worth—or, really, the fear that we’re not good enough.
• Chapter 10: The Fear of Rejection—or, really, the fear that they don’t think we’re good enough.
• Chapter 11: The Toxic Friend Trend—or, really, the fear that they aren’t good enough.
• Chapter 12: Jealousy and Envy—or, really, the fear that they’re too good.
• Chapter 13: Holding Ourselves Back—or, really, the fear that they think we’re too good.
But first: Chapter 8—where we’ll consider the benefits of Leaning In to Intimacy, even when doing so feels scary, difficult, or awkward. Onward!