what the men needed to know

1. Women can tell when you’re staring.
2. No one cares about your beer opinions.
3. Drink water.
4. Your father’s generation did not do it correctly.
5. Your father’s generation was not great.
6. Even more than war and muggers and illness and death, your father was scared of words. Simple little words, scared of speaking them, hearing them, writing them down on paper—and because of that you’re scared of words.
7. Your mother cheated on your father.
8. Your mother wasn’t a saint.
9. Your mother left you in the tub for too long, far too long.
10. That celebrity you met didn’t wish you two could hang out alone.
11. If there is a secret to grilling, you do not know it.
12. Over 98 percent of those arrested for forcible rape are men.
13. Men make up nearly 60 percent of those arrested for fraud.
14. Your new jokes are even less funny.