“Dad, will you make me a sandwich?”
“Poof! You’re a sandwich!”
My son just threw a milk carton at me. How dairy?
Q: Why was the burger thrown out of the army?
A: He couldn’t pass mustard.
Q: Why do hamburgers make good baseball players?
A: They’re great at the plate!
Q: How do you make an apple puff?
A: Chase it around the garden.
I was going to tell you a pizza joke, but it’s way too cheesy.
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Q: What do you call a cat who eats lemons?
A: A sourpuss!
There was a baker’s assistant named Richard the Pourer, and his job was to pour the dough mixture that the baker needs while making sausage rolls. One day, Richard noticed he was running low on one of the necessary spices for the rolls, so he sent a young worker from the bakery to go buy more at the store.
Upon arriving at the shop, the young man was asked if he needed help finding anything, but he realized he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. All he could do was tell the shopkeeper that he needed a spice for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst.
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: It wasn’t peeling well.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.
My friend and I like to try new food together. We’re taste buds.
Q: What do you call an average potato?
A: A commontater.
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s popcorn?”
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Q: How can you make a basset hound fast?
A: Take away its food!
Q: Why did the coffee file a police report?
A: It got mugged.
Q: What did the cocktail say to the swizzle stick?
A: “You stir something inside me.”
I threw butter out the window because I wanted to see a butterfly.
Q: Why did the banana go out with the prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date.
Q: What do you call a cow on the floor?
A: Ground beef.
This may come across as cheesy, but I think you’re grate.
Q: What is your dog’s favorite breakfast?
A: Pooched eggs!
Did you hear the song about the tortilla? Actually, it was more of a wrap.
Q: What do you use to determine if a burger is hot enough?
A: A thermomeater!
“Dad, will you fix dinner?”
“I didn’t know it was broken!”
Q: What is red and sometimes explodes in the fruit section?
A: A pomegrenade.
Did anybody go to the donut party? I heard it was jam-packed.
Q: What did the grape do when it was stepped on?
A: It let out a little wine.
Q: What does Batman™ like in his drinks?
A: Just ice.
I knew I shouldn’t have had the seafood. I’m feeling a little eel.
Q: What do you yell at a cheese thief?
A: “That’s na’cho cheese!”
Q: Why do hamburgers make poor witnesses?
A: They won’t talk no matter how you grill them!
Did you hear about the donut maker retiring? He was fed up with the hole business.
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee?
A: In a nest-café!
Q: What’s the best day to eat bacon?
A: Fryday.
Did you know that hamburgers can hula? Just order it with a shake!
Q: What vegetable needs a plumber?
A: A leek.
Early one morning, a husband and wife were making breakfast together. The man was making an omelet and beating the eggs with a fork.
The woman said to her husband, “Don’t forget to add salt to the eggs, dear.”
The man replied, “But I’m already assaulting the egg!”
Q: What pastry wanted to rule the world?
A: Attila the Bun.
“Dad, your glass of juice is empty. Do you want another one?”
“Why would I want two empty glasses?”
Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling crumb-y!
Q: What happens when two burgers fall in love?
A: They live together in holy meatrimony!
I used to be a member of the secret cooking society, but they kicked me out for spilling the beans.
Q: What did one plate say to the other plate?
A: “Lunch is on me!”
Q: What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
A: Coopcakes!
You’re a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.
I have the easiest recipe to make a banana split. You just cut it in half.
Q: Why do hamburgers love young people?
A: They’re pro-teen!
Q: What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg?
A: It egg-splodes!
I try to be cheesy when I make jokes, but everyone I know is laughtose intolerant.
Q: What would you call two banana skins?
A: A pair of slippers.
Q: What is the left side of an apple?
A: The part that you don’t eat.
Burgers always laugh when they are around pickles. They’re probably picklish.
Q: How do you make a rabbit stew?
A: Keep it waiting.
“Dad, what rhymes with ‘orange’?”
“No it doesn’t.”
Q: What do you get when you wake up in the morning and realize you’re out of coffee?
A: A depresso.
Q: What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven?
A: Angel food cake.
Two melons wanted to run away and get married, but they realized they cantaloupe.
Q: What do clams do on their birthdays?
A: Shellebrate!
Q: What can a whole apple do that half an apple can’t do?
A: It can look round.
Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.
Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A: With a pumpkin patch!
A woman drove to her local grocery store to go shopping in preparation for Thanksgiving dinner. After collecting the produce and other ingredients she would need, she started picking through the frozen turkeys at the store. Despite the large selection, she couldn’t find a turkey big enough for the entire family.
She found a stock boy and asked him, “Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No, ma’am. They’re dead.”
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Did you know hamburgers feel sad at barbecues? They have to meet their old flames!
Q: What do you call an espresso with a cold?
A: Coughee.
When I’m sad, I like to make pork roast. That way, I have a shoulder to cry on.
Q: What is a cheese that’s made backward?
A: Edam.
Q: What’s a cucumber’s favorite instrument?
A: A pickle-o.
The best jokes about oranges have a tang of truth in them.
Q: Why was the vegetable lonely?
A: It had no pear.
Q: What did the pumpkin say when it was surprised?
A: “Oh my gourdness!”
I stepped on some cornflakes this morning. I guess I’m a cereal killer.
Q: What is the difference between a banana and a bell?
A: You can only peal the banana once.