Q: What always goes to bed with shoes on?
A: A horse!
Q: Why do bears have hairy coats?
A: Fur protection.
“Dad, can you put the cat out?”
“I didn’t know the cat was on fire!”
Q: What do you call a boring dog?
A: A dullmation!
Never play games in the jungle. There are too many cheetahs.
Q: How do you catch a unique bird?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: Why did the octopus blush?
A: It just saw the bottom of the ocean.
Q: How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?
A: It has a rattle.
A man was admitted into the hospital because he swallowed eight plastic horses. His condition is now stable.
Q: How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?
A: With its sparrowchute!
Q: Out of all the animals, what one is the least interesting?
A: A boar.
Q: To what dog do other dogs tell their problems?
A: A complaint Bernard!
If you make a cow angry, she’ll cream you.
Q: What did the orca say to his valentine?
A: “Whale you be mine?”
A man was driving and saw a truck stalled on the side of the highway that had ten penguins standing next to it. The man pulled over and asked the truck driver if he needed any help.
The truck driver replied, “If you can take these penguins to the zoo while I wait for a tow truck that would be great!”
The man agreed and loaded the penguins into the back of his car. Two hours later, the trucker was back on the road and decided to check on the penguins. He went to the zoo, but the penguins weren’t there! He returned to his truck and drove around the town, looking for any sign of the penguins, the man, or his car. While driving past a movie theater, the truck driver spotted the guy walking out with the ten penguins.
The truck driver yelled, “What are you doing? You were supposed to take them to the zoo!”
The man replied, “I did, and then I had some extra money so I took them to go see a movie.”
Q: What’s the best way to catch a fish?
A: Have someone throw it to you.
Q: Why does a flamingo lift up one leg?
A: Because if it lifted up both legs it would fall over.
I used to search for shellfish at the beach until one day when I pulled a mussel.
Q: What do you call a cow that fell in a hole?
A: A holey cow!
Q: What do you call a crate of ducks?
A: A box of quackers!
Q: Why have you never seen elephants hiding in trees?
A: Because they’re really good at it.
The swordfish is the best-dressed fish. It always looks sharp!
A cowboy had been feeling lonely, so he asked one of his good friends what he could do to make himself feel better. After hearing some advice, the cowboy went to an animal shelter and asked for a dachshund.
One of the volunteers at the animal shelter responded, “Sure, we have some sweet dachshunds here. But if you don’t mind my asking, why do you want that breed instead of any other kind of dog?”
The cowboy responded, “My friend suggested I get a long, little doggy.”
Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?
A: To get to the Milky Way!
Q: Why do dogs run in circles?
A: Because it’s hard to run in squares!
Q: What do you call a cat with eight legs that likes to swim?
A: An octopuss!
Did you see the horse that could balance a corncob on its head? It was some unique corn.
Q: What is a pig’s favorite Shakespeare play?
A: Hamlet.
Q: Why did the dog jump into the sea?
A: He wanted to chase the catfish!
Q: What’s the worst kind of cat to have?
A: A catastrophe!
Q: Why do kangaroos love koalas?
A: Because they have many fine koalaties!
I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
Q: What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A: A steak-out!
Q: What is a cat’s favorite TV show?
A: The evening mews!
Q: What is an owl’s favorite TV show?
A: Doctor Who.
Q: Why couldn’t the rabbit fly home for Easter?
A: He didn’t have the hare fare.
Did you hear about Moby Dick’s birthday? He had a whale of a party!
Q: What do cat actors say on stage?
A: Tabby or not tabby!
Q: How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
A: None. They are all on the outside.
Q: How do you tune a fish?
A: With its scales!
Q: What do you call a crafty pig?
A: Cunningham.
You know, having horses is a real nightmare.
Q: What do you call a cat who has joined the Red Cross?
A: A first-aid kit!
Q: What dog loves to take bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!
Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?
A: A firequacker!
Q: Why did the rabbits go on strike?
A: They wanted a better celery!
Q: What do cats read in the morning?
A: Mewspapers!
I’ve never hunted bear, but I have been fishing in shorts.
Q: Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
A: Because he was a little horse!
Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
Q: What part of a fish weighs the most?
A: Its scales!
Q: What do you call it when a cat stops?
A: A paws!
Q: Why do cows like being told jokes?
A: Because they like being amoosed!
Q: What do you call an underwater social network?
A: Fishbook!
My son wants to dress up as pest control for Halloween. I told him to gopher it.
Q: What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A: A herring aid!
Q: What do you get when you cross a Doberman with a bird?
A: A Doberman fincher!
Q: Why do cats eat fur balls?
A: Because they love a good gag.
I hate insect puns. They bug the heck out of me.
Q: Why did the rooster run away?
A: He was chicken!
Q: What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot?
A: A carrot!
Q: Why was the mother flea feeling down in the dumps?
A: Because she thought her children were all going to the dogs.
When they told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I put my foot down.
Q: What happened when the cat ate a ball of wool?
A: She had mittens!
Q: What do you call it when a bunch of chickens play hide-and-seek?
A: Fowl play!
A woman brought her Saint Bernard to the vet. She said to the veterinarian, “I’m concerned that my dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him, Doctor? Will he be okay?”
“Well, I’m not sure,” said the vet. “Let’s have a look at him.”
The vet picked up the dog and examined his eyes. Finally, she said, “I’m going to have to put him down.”
Stunned, the woman exclaimed, “What? Why would you do that? Just because he’s cross-eyed?”
The vet replied, “No, because he’s really heavy.”
Q: What did the judge say when a skunk entered the courtroom?
A: Odor in the court!
Q: Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
A: Because talk is cheep!
Q: What is a mouse’s favorite game?
A: Hide-and-squeak!
An owl lost its voice, but it didn’t give a hoot.
Q: What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can’t tuna fish.
Q: Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot?
A: Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw!
Q: Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
A: He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be!
We can’t take our dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. I guess that’s what we get for having a pure bread.
Q: What are cows’ favorite party games?
A: Moosical chairs!
Q: What is the definition of robin?
A: A bird who steals!
Q: What cat purrs more than any other?
A: A Purrsian!
People can say that zebras are carnivores, but they’d be lion.
Q: What’s the different between a hippo and a Zippo®?
A: One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Q: What did the seal with a broken arm say to the shark?
A: “Do not consume if seal is broken.”
Q: Why can’t dogs get MRIs?
A: Because only CAT scan!