Q: What does a cloud do when it gets an itch?
A: It finds the nearest skyscraper.
I’m so bright that my dad calls me son.
Q: Why don’t you wear snow boots?
A: Because they will melt.
Did you hear about the riots on Mars? The government declared Martian law.
Q: What does a cow make when the sun comes out?
A: A shadow.
I was trying to catch some fog earlier but I mist.
Q: Why was the cat afraid of the tree?
A: Because of its bark.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
Q: In which state does the Ohio River run?
A: In the liquid state.
The only thing that flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
Q: What kind of hair do oceans have?
A: Wavy.
A Russian couple is walking down a street in Moscow when the husband feels a drop hit his nose.
“I think it’s raining,” he says to his wife.
“No, that feels like snow to me, dear,” she replies.
Just then, a Communist Party official walks toward them. “Let’s not fight about it,” the man says. “Let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing.”
“It’s raining, of course,” Comrade Rudolph says and walks on.
But the woman insists, “I know that felt like snow.”
To which the man quietly says, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
I have a hard time trusting trees. They seem kind of shady.
Q: What runs all day but never gets tired?
A: Water.
Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space.
Q: What is sticky and brown?
A: A stick.
Q: How many apples grow on a tree?
A: All of them.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.
Q: How do you find your dog if it’s lost in the woods?
A: Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark!
Q: What do you use to cut the ocean?
A: A seasaw.
For years, I’ve suspected my wife of adding soil to my garden. When I asked her about it, she just shrugged. The plot thickens…
Q: What’s the scariest plant in the forest?
A: Bamboo.
I’d like to know how the earth rotates. It would make my day.
Q: What’s a tree’s favorite drink?
A: Root beer.
Q: What lies on the ocean floor, twitching uncontrollably?
A: A nervous wreck.
Did you hear about the quarry that went out of business? They hit rock bottom.
Q: What did the dad volcano say to his son?
A: “I lava you.”
R.I.P. boiled water. You will be mist!
Q: What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A: “You crack me up!”
Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.
Q: How can you take a bath without water?
A: You sunbathe.
Two botanists were working on a research project together. In all seriousness, one turned to the other and said, “You know, this job may not be the most poplar, but I do love it.”
The other botanist stared blankly at the first and didn’t respond.
The first one continued, “If you’re not a fan of tree puns, you can leaf me alone. Maybe they’re just oak-ay to some people, but I fernly beleaf my jokes are qualitree.”
The other botanist walked away without saying a word.
Q: What planet is like a circus?
A: Saturn, because it has three rings.
Rivers are so lazy. They never get out of their beds.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: How do trees access the internet?
A: They log on.