I think Dad’s as worried as I am about the Wheelbarrow Disaster. The woman with the pots was nice about the falling-over incident and said it could happen to anyone but I still can’t help thinking that I might have done some serious damage to Mum’s cover. What if someone was watching us? What would they think?
Once Mum gets home, Dad pulls on his ear the whole time he’s telling her what happened, which is what he does when he’s really nervous.
So when Mum just laughs, I know I’m not the only one in the room who’s relieved.
‘To be honest,’ she says, ‘when we moved here, I thought this might come up. So I decided “occasionally clumsy” would be a part of my new cover identity. Every now and then I trip up some stairs on purpose or drop something in the street. It can be useful to come across as clumsy. When you have an enemy spy tailing you they usually decide “ditzy” isn’t a likely spy characteristic. So it won’t have looked unusual if you were being watched.’
‘Hang on,’ I say. ‘You “thought this might come up”?’ I stare at her. ‘I thought you didn’t want me to be your body double? Now you’re saying you thought one day your son might have to dress up as you, go out to a garden centre and trip up over a rake?’
Mum shrugs. ‘Well, I didn’t think of exactly this situation but working with your father I’ve learned that it’s best to be prepared – for anything. Especially moments of embarrassment.’
As if she’s had to cope with those! I’m the expert in embarrassment.
Dad starts to frown but then Mum laughs and he changes his mind and grins at her. ‘Zelia, you are a marvel. As a wife, and as a spy.’
‘You’re absolutely right,’ Mum tells him.
It turns out that Mum’s second meeting with the double agent went brilliantly. She’s sure now that he’s bought her cover story of being the best contact for the most top-secret spy gear and she’s told him to expect another two very important gadgets from her. Meanwhile, HQ have already started receiving intelligence that the first gadget she gave him is on its way into enemy territory.
‘So now all we have to do,’ Mum says cheerfully, ‘is pick up the last gadgets, deliver them to him, and arrange the meeting where he can be caught by HQ and stopped from any more double-dealing.’
And, I add in my head, prove that Curtis is a mole and stop him from uncovering my identity.
It’s about as easy as any of my missions – in other words, not very easy at all.
But nothing’s ever stopped Dan McGuire, and nothing’s going to stop me. Not even heels.
The next morning, Mum and Dad get me and Sam in for another before-school meeting in Mission Control to run over the details of our next collection. Sam’s told her mum that we’re doing extra football practice before class to prepare for a big game against another school. I still think I need to have a word with Mum and Dad about this whole early morning stuff. It’s getting out of hand.
‘Your contact will be at your school. His cover is as a temporary caretaker,’ Mum says. ‘That gives him the opportunity to be pretty much anywhere in the school we need him to be.’
‘Okay, but what if people are around and watching?’ Sam asks. ‘Didn’t you want to make sure no one could see when we made the collections?’
Mum shakes her head. ‘These last pick-ups are urgent and have to be made as soon as possible. HQ think that you two collecting the packages in school will be the safest way to do it. Although we think there may be a spy on my tail, they don’t believe anyone is likely to be specifically watching you. As you know, their only worry is that there may be a mole somewhere in the area trying to spot a boy pretending to be a girl but they’re not too concerned about that.’
‘Why not?’ I can’t believe it. All this time they’ve been going on about how important it is to keep my cover and now HQ are saying they’re not too concerned?!
Mum smiles. ‘Actually, it’s a compliment to you, Josie. You’ve been so good at maintaining your cover that they’re confident you can keep it up until it’s time for us to leave the area.’
Great. I’m good at being a girl. Just what I always wanted.
NOT.
‘Of course, you shouldn’t let your guard down,’ Mum says. ‘But be careful, as always, and everything will be fine. There’s nothing to worry about.’
Grown-ups can’t make their minds up – worry, don’t worry, worry, don’t worry.
I decide to worry a tiny bit – it’s safer.
‘Right, your next collection will take place at the school’s Halloween party,’ Dad says. ‘The fancy dress makes it an excellent place to make a secret exchange without anyone being recognised or noticed. The contact will be there under cover as the caretaker, but at some point he’ll change into a neon green-and-purple skeleton costume so that he’ll blend in with everyone else but you can also spot him easily. And we’re giving you particular costumes so he’ll be able to identify you both too.’
‘Good idea,’ Sam says. ‘And at least it gives Josie a break from dressing as a girl!’
I laugh. ‘Yeah, I could use it.’
Mum reaches into a bag on the floor. ‘Okay, Sam, you’ll be a cat, and Josie, you’ll be a pumpkin.’ Mum pulls out a cat outfit, mask and tail and what looks like a very large inflatable orange cushion.
‘I’m going to be a pumpkin,’ I say.
‘Yes, Josie, a pumpkin,’ Mum says. ‘What’s wrong with that?’
‘I’m dressing up as a vegetable.’ I shake my head and sigh. It’s no use complaining, they’ll never get it. ‘Oh never mind, at least it’s not a dress.’
‘You’ll be unrecognisable,’ says Dad. ‘That’s the point. This costume covers your body and your head completely.’
‘This costume could cover up the school completely,’ I say. ‘It’s huge.’
Mum holds it up and examines it. ‘Yes, it is a little on the large side but we don’t have time to return it. Anyway, it’s what the contact is expecting you to wear.’
‘Fine,’ I say. I guess after I’ve had to dress as my own mum, why should dressing as a vegetable bother me?
‘Right,’ Dad says. ‘Now when you see the skeleton, the code phrase is “Cool costume.”’
‘Though obviously we say it to the skeleton, the skeleton won’t say it to me,’ I grin. ‘Pumpkins aren’t really “cool”, are they?’
‘That’s enough!’ Mum snaps. ‘We know perfectly well how you feel about your disguise, and believe me, I wouldn’t have you doing this if it wasn’t important.’
‘I was only joking!’ But Mum’s giving me one of her lightsaber looks and I realise this isn’t really about the pumpkin costume. The thing is, I know that when my mum gets snappy like this, it’s not always because she’s cross, it’s because she’s feeling under pressure. And if my talented spy mum is feeling under pressure, I should probably be more than a tiny bit worried.
I don’t say much after that, not even when Dad gives us both Click-It Rings that take digital photos automatically when you wiggle your fingers. Because however cool the gadgets are, I can’t help thinking that the work Mum’s doing must be really, really dangerous if she’s being that grumpy. And that means I need to do a better job at my part of the mission.
I’m going to have to be a better mum.