The future is unwritten.
—Joe Strummer
Imagine an ending to this fairy tale.
The future is unwritten, and therefore it is up to us to write it.
Once upon a time . . . there was a prosperous kingdom. It was large, with plenty of elbow room, a land of many different types of people, elves, druids, centaurs, mermaids, and so on, vast and beautiful, with flowing rivers, snow-capped mountains, ample beaches, deserts, and enchanting forests.
Now it so happened that in this kingdom there was a slimy and foul toad. This mean little toad was selfish, stupid, and a natural-born liar. It was the kind of toad that normally would only be talked about by parents telling their children scary stories of what kind of person not to be. The toad was racist toward hobbits and elves. It boasted of grabbing damsels against their will. Everybody chuckled about this toad, because it went around bragging all the time that it was a beautiful prince, a wise sage, and an excellent knight—when it was quite plain for all to see it was just a lumpy, fat, old toad.
One day, however, this toad came upon a witch, who was visiting the swamp to gather some eye of newt. This witch enjoyed mayhem and mischief. The witch knew she had found something truly rare in this puffed-up and conceited little toad.
“You know, my stinky little creature, I have a magic spell that works upon the vanity of anyone, creating an illusion so that others will believe it too. With this charm, you can mes-merize almost half the kingdom.”
And so the witch taught the toad a spell, which was actually the ugly croaking sound of “ME! ME! ME!”
Those who fell under this spell would believe the toad when he claimed to be a wise, handsome, and noble prince.
Down the road that toad hopped, croaking, “ME! ME! ME!”
The toad came to a village, where the villagers were out farming in the fields.
The toad hopped into the center of the town square and began to puff itself up and croak his magic spell: “ME! ME! ME!”
The dark magic worked like this: it magnified fear and hate, and distrust, and selfishness, taking root in people’s hearts.
Soon the toad had the villagers all worked up. The villagers were scared of all sorts of fantastical, extremely rare creatures and phenomena. The usual stuff: evil wizards, leprechauns, ogres, goblins.
The magical spell only worked on about one out four people who heard it, but this turned out to be enough. Many other people just went along with it.
The toad croaked to his followers, “I am the smartest, the fanciest toad! Uh, I mean, mighty ogre! And this country is under attack! From all kinds of bad things! Boogeymen and unicorns and scary salamanders! Only I can save you!
“You just have to follow me to the castle and make me king!”
And so the toad marched with his band of followers, wearing a little crown it had fashioned from a soup can. Of course, many people just laughed. They thought it was all a joke. As the toad’s parade marched across the kingdom, many people joined it when they heard it was being lead by a mighty ogre who promised to keep them safe.
Some rich merchants and bankers saw what was happening. This was plainly a toad that had somehow fooled a lot of villagers into thinking it was a powerful ogre. The fat merchants and bankers told each other, let’s just go along with it, and hopefully the toad will lower our taxes. And so they welcomed the toad in through the palace gates.
That was how the toad actually became king. Immediately he began issuing royal decrees. The toad made it illegal for certain races to enter the country. The toad had all the candlestick makers banished, and sent overseas or to jail (the toad said this was to prevent forest fires). And of course, since this is just a medieval fairy tale and not real life, the toad had a gigantic wall built along the border of the whole country to keep out invaders, who might try to sneak in to help work on the farms.
The court advisers were dumbfounded at first.
“What should we do? This new toad, er, I mean, king ogre, is obviously out of his mind! His royal decrees make no sense!”
By now rumors were everywhere that the king ogre was just a toad who had been hexed by the kingdom’s sworn enemy, the evil witch. People who said this out loud where accused of heresy and locked up in the stockades.
The richest, fattest merchant spoke up first, “The toad has no idea how to be king! It’s a toad, after all. So, we can get all of our schemes that we have long dreamed of. Tax cuts for ourselves, to be specific. What else is there to care about, really? As long as nobody uncovers the truth about the witch and the fact that he is just a dumb toad, what could possibly go wrong?”
“Hear hear!”
“It is agreed! We must pretend that every crazy thing the toad says is reasonable and beautiful.”
And so that is what they did.