By eight o’clock, the adults were falling asleep. Kyle and Lady were sitting on the floor playing with a ball. Every time Lady hit the ball with her paw, sending it back to Kyle, he laughed so hard everyone else chuckled.
“Goodnight, everyone.” I stood up. “I’m exhausted.”
“Don’t go to the cottage. Stay here. It’s too cold to be walking down there.” Teresa looked at Dan. “Tell her.”
“Sounds good to me,” Dan agreed.
“Goodnight.” Erin stood up and tapped Kyle on the head. “Kyle, what do you say?”
Kyle stood up and hugged Jesse, Dan, and then me. “Thank you.”
I kissed him on the cheek. “You’re welcome. Goodnight, my prince.” I looked at Lady. “Goodnight, baby girl.”
Dan and I went up to the Jamestown Room. Closing the door, he said, “I’ll go down and get our clothes in the morning. When the sun is shining,” he added shaking his head.
“Can you light a fire?” I asked, knowing he would.
“For you… anything.”
I grinned, knowing all he had to do was flip the switch and the gas logs would burst into flame. I took my clothes off and grabbed the robes hanging in the closet. I put the bigger one on the bed and wrapped myself up in the other one.
Dan looked at me. “Where’s mine?”
I pointed to the bed and sat down on the floor with the extra pillows from the closet.
Dan grabbed the throw blanket draped over the chair near the window and sat down next to me. “Julie, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something.”
I rested my head on his shoulder as he covered my legs with the blanket. “Mmmm…?” I said, as I pulled the blanket up higher.
“I’m glad you got to meet Barbara. And Rose.” He kissed the side of my face. “They’ve helped me so much. Seriously. I never believed in therapy until I met them. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone could help me. Julie?”
“Yes?”
“Are you okay with me talking about this?”
“I promise you. I’m okay talking about it. As long as you’re truthful with me.”
Dan nodded. “I promise. Can I tell you how different Barbara and Rose are?” He continued as I glanced at the fire. “Barbara would ask me things like. Tell me what you like about yourself and what you don’t like. Rose, handed me a mirror and said, tell me who you see? Julie?” He held his breath as the tension on his face eased. “I looked at my reflection so long Rose asked me if I was okay. I thought about you, and that made me feel good inside. I handed her back the mirror and said I see Julie’s husband, and he’s the happiest man alive. That’s who I see!”
I had goosebumps hearing him say those words. I sat motionless, staring at the flames. I wanted him to know how I felt. “Dan, you can talk to me about anything…” I looked up at him. “I love you with all my heart. I promise you no more pretending. From now on open dialogue.”
He kissed the top of my head again. “I want to talk about it for a reason. A reason that I hate.”
I hugged him.
“Barbara told me that an affair was less about the sex and more about the betrayal. She told me to imagine you with a thousand cuts… for every time I had betrayed you. That killed me.”
I heard him sniffle and swallow.
“Julie, Barbara gave me detailed advice on helping you to overcome the trauma I’ve caused you. She said the only way to restore your trust in me is by me telling you the truth. I can’t ignore the fact that I cheated on you. We can agree the affairs should never have happened. I don’t have to tell you, infidelity has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. We both know there are two commandments in the Bible, one against doing it and one just for thinking about it.”
I rubbed his hand. “I prayed for you. Dan, I asked God to forgive you.”
“Julie, I ask Him every day to forgive me. I thanked God for Frank. Did Frank tell you he had to call me back? I was so relieved to hear you were okay, I immediately had to call Lynnae and Jesse. I lived in hell. Every day I asked myself why. Barbara said, ‘If your life was a living hell without your wife, then why did you cheat on her?’”
Dan held me tighter.
“Julie, I was bored. Not with you. With myself. Every affair was my mistake.”
“Dan, you have no idea how much those words mean to me.” I pulled the blanket up to my chin. “I used to blame the women. I suppose that was my way of protecting our relationship.”
“I’m sorry you had to do that.”
“Dan, it’s hard for me to think about you with another woman. Let alone talk about it. But… I cannot turn my head, nor will I close my eyes. I love you so much. You… were my world. And even though deep down I knew you were having an affair, I knew if I confronted you, and you would not have told me the truth.” I felt Dan sit up straighter, inhale, and turn toward me, moving in even closer. I patted his hand. “I feared losing you.”
“You will never have to live in that fear again. I promise you.” Dan scratched his head. He was breathing heavily. “At one of my last sessions, Barbara looked right at me and said, ‘Dan, your first marriage is over. Would you like to create a second one with Julie?’ My heart started beating. She gave me hope for the future. I prayed so hard that night. The next day, Frank called the house.”
I sat up. Our eyes met.
Dan had tears in his eyes. “And a day later, I found you. I’m so thankful you opened your heart and –”
I kissed him. “Forgave you?”
“Yes.”