At three in the morning, something inside me clicked. I knew the time had come for me to confront my fears. I was still awake when the sun started streaming in through the windows. I had decided to tell Dan about the nightmare, but first I wanted to talk to Rose.
“Good morning,” Dan said. “How’d you sleep?”
“I saw that image again.”
“Image? Oh, the clouds,” he said as he threw back the covers. “Come on, coffee, shower, and I’ll race you up to the inn. We have a lot to do today. Gina Marie’s team is framing the first cottage and I’m excavating the foundation hole for Michael and Christine’s home.” Dan got out of bed and went into the bathroom.
I sat up, stretched my arms and asked him, “Do you think it is God?”
He peeked his head out the door. “Yeah, sure.”
“I’m serious—”
“Julie, I’m sure you are.” He sat down on the bed next to me. “I know your faith is strong. “I’m glad you have—”
“A relationship with God. Dan, you know what, I’m waking you up the next time I see it.”
Dan knew I was upset. He didn’t say a word the whole time we were drinking our coffee. I wasn’t about to tell him that I only see the image when I have that damn nightmare with him making love to another woman. I’m sure he’d tell me not to be silly or those days are over, but I couldn’t help the way my heart felt. Yes, I loved Dan and as much as I forgave him for the way he acted, I could not make the past go away. I couldn’t help but feel this way. When Dan was in New York, I would dream about him, I longed for him to hold me, but seeing his face brought back the memories all over again.
The morning had fallen into an uncomfortable silence. Then we heard a knock on the door. Dan’s voice was lower than usual. “Morning,” he said, holding up his empty cup. “Coffee?”
“Please,” Jesse replied, his breath warm and sweaty. “I ran down here. Don’t ask me why.”
I handed him his cup. “Who are you running from?” I jokingly asked.
“No one,” he replied, smiling. “I thought I’d drop by and see if you’re ready to check out my plans.” He reached behind his back and held out a cardboard tube.
I snatched it from his grip, opened the top, and pulled out his plans. “Let me see,” I said, setting them down on the table.
“Four bedrooms?” Dan said, “What? Why do you need…?”
Jesse sat back, took his hat off and said, “Just because I don’t plan on getting married, doesn’t mean I don’t want kids someday.”
“You would make a noble father.”
“Yeah,” Dan said, as he patted Jesse on the back. “Great grandfather!”
“Still not as old as you, old man.”
“Stop, both of you,” I said and then emptied my cup. “Jesse, I love your design and the thought of you having children.”
“Yeah, well, one of your kids is up at the inn with news about the woman who gave her up.”
“Erin?” Dan asked as he set our empty cups in the sink.
Jesse snapped his neck to the left. “Yeah, apparently she wrote a letter.”
“I’ll see you guys later,” I said as I headed for the door.
“Come on, we have work,” Dan said to Jesse and then added, “Let us know how Erin is.”
I sat down on one of the rockers, watching the men head down to the construction area. They were talking and laughing the entire way. I was still on the porch lacing up my sneaker when I remembered my cell phone. When I went back inside, the message light was flashing. I read Frank’s text message and smiled. “He misses me.” I closed my eyes and whispered, “I miss you more!”
I was near the perennial garden and I could hear Dan’s excavator crashing and banging on the ground. It sounded like he hit rock. That’s not good. Blasting is not in the budget!
“Julie! Julie.” Erin said, waving her arms in the air.
“Hello,” I yelled back to her.
Standing only a few feet away from me, she grinned shyly. Our eyes met, and I could not believe how beautiful she looked. She appeared happier, and somewhere between fear and awe. She reached in her pocket and pulled out a small envelope, waving it in the air. “Margaret wrote back to me.”
I took in a deep breath. “Oh, Erin. I’m so happy for you.” And I meant it. I was happy for her.
We sat on the porch swing. “I want you to read it. I wanted you to be the first person to know,” she said as a tear slipped from behind her sunglasses.
She handed the envelope to me. I looked at her face as she lifted her sunglasses, and rested them on her head. Her eyes were smiling. I pulled out a single piece of paper that smelled like gardenia and read:
Dear Erin,
I’m so glad you found me. I cried for days when I heard the news of your mother’s passing.
I grew up knowing and loving your mother and your father. They were the sweetest individuals I have ever known.
As you know, they fell in love with each other in middle school. Every day, he would walk her home from school. It was during the eighth grade, when your father stole his first kiss. Or was it the other way around? I often teased the two of them.
A few years after graduation, a longshoreman named Jack asked your father to accompany him to America. He told him he would find him a job. A better paying job. I remember the day as if it were today. I was standing on the dock with your mother. We cried so hard that day. When your father saw us sobbing, he told Jack he was happy working as a dockhand. But Jack said he would pay for your mother’s passage, and your father agreed. I was so happy for them. They were about to live a new life in America.
A few months had passed, and I received a letter telling me of the news. They were expecting their first child. Six months later, I received a telegram letting me know of the infant’s death. A year had gone by without any word. After sending many letters to your mother, she finally told me she could never bear a child. I felt her pain. I loved her so.
By now, I am sure you know the truth. I am the woman who carried you for nine months. Erin, your mother and father loved you before you were born. They wanted you so much. They deserved the gift of a child. I love you, my darling. As I loved my sister.
Love,
Margaret
Tears were streaming down my face. I lifted my eyes. “This is wonderful news!”
With happy tears, she cried. “I was born out of so much love.”