SESSION 8
Make a Decision, Make a Commitment
Getting Started
Before the Meeting
1. Pray for the students who will be attending the study. Pray by name for those you know are returning this week and pray for friends who might be invited to come this week. Ask God to help them come with minds ready to receive teaching and hearts ready to receive His Word and wisdom.
2. Watch session 8 of the DVD.
3. Work through the entire session on your own, answering the questions and thinking through how the material impacts you and your views of sexuality. As you prepare, ask God to give you creativity and a heart to listen.
4. You may want to prepare slips of papers with Bible references to be read during the meeting. When folks arrive, hand out the passages. Be sensitive to folks who may not like to read out loud.
5. Keep your eyes open during the week for messages in the media about sexuality.
6. Gather materials for the study and be sure that all the technology is working. Check out the DVD player and arrange seating so that everyone will be able to comfortably see the TV.
7. Have Bibles and pencils or pens available for the students.
8. Play music and offer food to welcome the students as they arrive.
9. For the activity in The Hook-Up section, you will need a regular, everyday kitchen broom.
10. Because this is your last class, you may want to have another study in mind to continue the relationships that have been established. Be sure to check out the Gospel Light website (www.GospelLight.com) or the Regal Books website (www.RegalBooks.com) for other curriculum programs.
Starting the Meeting
1. Just as you have in previous weeks, greet each student by name as he or she arrives. Remember that you are working to create an atmosphere of trust and honesty.
2. Once students have arrived, you can open the meeting by responding to one or two of the questions/concerns that students submitted on index cards last week.
3. Open the study with a brief prayer, or ask one of the students to pray.
This week’s session is a review of the material covered in the past seven sessions. Your job is to help the students integrate what they’ve learned and form some conclusions that they’d like to apply to their lives. Begin by reading the following story together.
Introduction
You may remember this story as told by Lakita in our first video session:
“I go to talk to my best friend,” he answered.
“Who’s that?” I asked.
“Your grandmother,” he answered.
Now, my grandmother had been dead for four or five years. But six days a week, excluding Sundays—which was his day of rest—my grandfather would get up while it was still dark and walk down the dirt road with his cane. He loved to make the two-mile journey to his daily destination—our family cemetery—just as the sun was coming up. He would sit in his lounge chair next to her headstone for hours. Then he’d walk two miles back home. He was 90 years old.
“Why do you do this?” I asked.
“Because Ada was my best friend,” he said, and started to tear up. “That woman made me feel like I could take over the world. You know, there’s nothing I wouldn’t have done for her.”
As we sat on the porch that morning, my granddaddy told me all kinds of stories about he and my grandmother: how she waited for him to come back from WWI, how she helped spare him from being lynched, and how they got their family through the Great Depression. He also took time to tell me that the first time he ever kissed my grandmother was when the minister said, “You may now kiss the bride.”
They were married more than 60 years and raised 12 children together. So it was obvious that after they said “I do” … they did.
The last thing my granddaddy said is the thing that I still remember the most from our entire conversation: “You know, I don’t know anything about any other woman and I don’t want to, because Ada … well, she was the stuff.”
I remember taking a deep breath in awe. That’s what I wanted. I knew from that moment on that afternoon in Alabama that I wanted what my grandparents had. I wanted to be like them and wait until I got married before I had sex …
Now my granddaddy didn’t have more than a third-grade education, and he didn’t know anything about safe sex. All he knew is that he loved this woman more than life itself, and he was true to her throughout his entire life. That was the vision he gave me at 11 years old that helped me see abstinence as the means to reach the desired end: a deep and lasting love.1
Lakita knew from a young age what she wanted to be when she was 90. She took a long look at her life through her granddaddy’s eyes and made a decision: She wanted God’s best for her entire life, not just her sex life.
Lakita put into the practice the words of Psalm 90:
Teach us to number our days so that we might gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).
Keeping the end of your life in mind will help you make wise decisions about how to live your life today. In this final lesson, we are going to review the core principles that have been presented throughout the previous seven sessions. You will be asked to consider the whole of your life and how the decisions you make today about your sex life will impact the rest of your life.
Invite the students to fill in the review questions below during the DVD.
The Naked Truth with Lakita
As you prepare to listen to Lakita’s final video session, ask God to use this time to help you gain wisdom about choices you are making in your life.
As you watch the video, review some of the core principles you have learned during this study in the space below.
1. The amount of time you are married is ___________ times longer (on average) than the amount of time you will have to wait to have sex.
2. The best decision-making process is:
• Know your __________________ and the ____________.
• Make a decision. Choose an ___________________ and set a ________________________.
• Plan and take practical __________ to achieve your ______________________.
• Find _________________ who will ___________________ you.
3. Write down some of the benefits and positive consequences of saving sex for marriage.
4. Write down one way that Lakita’s testimony encourages you to make a decision to choose God’s plan for you to save sex for marriage.
Take a moment to talk with the group about your questions and comments after watching the video. For the next session, you’ll need that broom!
The Hook-Up
In the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, the world witnessed an incredible example of determination to finish a race. Derek Redmond was ready for victory when he entered the semifinals for the 400m. Derek’s running career had been peppered with injuries, but this year looked like his turn to go for the gold.
Suddenly from out of the crowd, a man in a T-shirt came and grabbed Derek. It was his father. Derek told his dad that he had to finish the race. Walking painfully and slowly, Derek finished the race with his father’s support the entire way. Derek did not win a medal that day, but he went down in history as 65,000 screaming fans gave Derek and his father a standing ovation as they crossed the finish line.
Derek was able to complete the race because he never took his eyes off the finish line. For many decisions we make in life, we will never reach our goal if we only focus on what’s immediately in front of us.
Invite several different students to try and balance the end of the broom on one hand. If time permits, allow all of them to try.
To get a picture of how important it is to look farther out than the end of your nose, place the handle of a broom in the palm of your hand and try to balance it while you look only at your palm.
Can you balance the broom?
Now change your focus. Without changing anything else, look up and focus on the bristle-end of the broom in the air.
Now can you balance the broom?
Your life is like the broom exercise: If you focus only on what is immediately in front of you, you won’t be able to hold it together for the long term. However, if you begin by looking to the long-term future and then plan accordingly, you will be better prepared for success.
Read the following paragraphs together as a group.
The Gospel Truth
Choosing not to have sex before you get married is pretty easy when you are sitting with a bunch of people who are like-minded. Youth groups and college groups around the country have classes and conferences just like this one, and at the end, people are asked to make a decision: Will you choose an abstinent lifestyle?
After all the positive reasons given for saving sex for marriage, and after all the negative reasons to avoid sex with more than one partner, people often make a decision to say, “Yes, I want to follow God’s plan to save sex until marriage.” The conference or class ends with tears, determination and joy for the decisions to follow God’s will. But, choosing not to have sex before marriage is easy when you are in an atmosphere that promotes abstinence. It is the step after a commitment to abstinence that is tough.
The second step of the commitment occurs when you face your first real test:
You meet a really smart, cute and funny guy who sweeps you off your feet. You know he’s The One, and he gently begins to push your boundaries. A little longer kiss, a slight touch between the legs when you are vulnerable, and suddenly you are swirling in a storm of indecision. Will you stay focused on your goal?
You and a friend make a commitment together to stay pure until marriage. You decide to support each other. Your friend goes away for a weekend and later tells you that he went a little too far with someone at a party and ended up having oral sex. You are suddenly faced with a storm of emotions, including betrayal, anger and curiosity about what it must have felt like.
Or maybe you’ll have an experience like Lakita when she was making the soda commercial. In a group of people, someone asks you about your sex life and when you say you are a virgin, you find yourself looking for help in the midst of a storm of people who are making fun of your resolve.
When you face a real test, what will you decide? Where will you find help?
One day, Jesus’ disciples saw the most amazing thing: Jesus fed 5,000 people with just 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. The disciples thought it would be impossible to feed that many people. After Jesus’ miracle, they had a newfound respect for God’s power. If Jesus could feed that many people with so little food, then anything was possible!
Immediately afterward, Jesus asked His disciples to get into a boat and go to the other side of the lake while He dismissed the crowd. After the crowds left, Jesus went up on a mountain to pray while the disciples paddled their boat across the lake.
A huge storm hit, and suddenly the disciples—who were so confident in God’s power only hours before—forgot about Jesus’ ability to save them. They were scared when they were thrown into a dangerous situation.
Divide the students into small groups of three or four to read the Scripture passages and answer the questions together. At the end, underscore for the students that all things are possible with God.
Read Matthew 14:22-33 to hear the story as told by one of the disciples who experienced the storm.
What did Jesus say to the disciples when they saw Him walking on the water? Why would He say that?
What happened when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and focused on the storm?
How did Jesus respond?
Peter walked on water! He is one of only two people in history who was able to do that, and the other one is Jesus. How did Peter walk on water? He decided to focus on Jesus and step out of the boat.
Some people think being a virgin when you get married is impossible. But all things are possible when we keep our eyes on God and not on the storms that swirl around our lives.
If you choose to follow God’s plan to save sex for marriage, what things can you do to keep your eyes on Jesus when you are in a storm of emotion, confusion or doubt?
Read Matthew 6:25-34.
What does this passage say about God’s ability to provide for your needs?
What advice does Jesus give you so that you can stay focused on God?
How does this passage speak to your needs for sex and God’s provision?
After reading the following paragraphs, allow time for the students to work quietly through the next four questions on their own. Ask students to share their responses once they’ve had time to reflect.
Doing the Truth
In our opening lesson, Lakita told a parable about two characters—Truth and Lie—who went skinny-dipping in the local pond. During the story, we learned that Lie stole Truth’s clothes and wore them into town. Completely naked, Truth found Lie wearing his clothes and the two of them ended up in a heated discussion in front of the whole town. You, like the townspeople, are faced with a challenge: Will you believe a lie in truth’s clothing or will you believe The Naked Truth?
Over the past seven weeks, we’ve undressed the following lies:
• “It can’t happen to me.”
• “I’ll practice safe sex.”
• “They’re going to do it anyway.”
• “Sex is an uncontrollable urge.”
• “It just happened.”
• “I just listen to the beat.”
• “Everybody’s doing it.”
• “It’s too late for me.”
• “Marriage is just a piece of paper.”
You’ve done a lot of work! Take some time to consider what you’ve experienced through this study by answering the following questions.
What did you learn that was surprising or new to you?
What is the most compelling reason that you heard for remaining sexually abstinent until marriage?
What are your greatest challenges to remaining sexually abstinent until marriage?
In what ways does your relationship with God impact your decision to remain abstinent until marriage?
Invite the students to read Psalm 90:12 aloud with you as a group. Ask them what they think it means to number their days, and then invite them to fill out the timeline using the questions to help them decide what they think the significant events of their future will be.
“Teach us to number our days so that we might gain a heart of wisdom” (Psalm 90:12). If you choose to live your life with the end in mind, you can reach the goals you have set for yourself. Use the timeline below and map out the hopes and dreams you have for your life [see the next page]. As you do this, ask God to give you wisdom as you number your days.
Here is a list of possible events and goals you might want to include on your timeline:
• Will you go to college? Graduate school?
• When will you start a job/career?
• Where will you live?
• Will you get married?
• When will you have kids? How many kids?
• When will you retire?
• When will you become a grandparent?
Take some time to talk about your dreams and hopes for your life with the entire group. After you have shared your dreams with the others in this study, use the worksheet below to develop a framework for your personal plan.
After the timelines have been completed, ask students to share some of their dreams and goals for their future.
The Big Finish
It’s one thing to have a dream or a goal in mind … it’s another thing to know how to make your dreams become realities. You can begin to plan how to reach your goals right now, using the worksheet below. Fill in the blanks to start your plan.
Steps to Fulfilling Your Personal Plan
Step One: Write a specific goal for your life relating to your decision to remain abstinent until marriage.
Example: Have a marriage like Lakita’s grandparents.
Step Two: Identify people to support you in your plan.
Example: I want friends who want to be virgins when they get married, and I only want to date people with a similar goal.
Step Three: Make a list of concrete actions you can take to reach this goal.
Example: On the first date, let the person know my personal goals while I watch for their reaction. Avoid situations in which it would be tempting to have sex.
Step Four: Describe what you want in a mate. If you could design the perfect spouse, what would she/he look like? What kind of personality would she/he have? Would that person have faith? How many children would that person want? Where would she/he want to live? What kind of career would she/he have? Would that person be a virgin? Think of characteristics in a spouse that you would find ideal.
Step Five: Start a letter to your future mate that you will give to him or her on your wedding day.
Dear future wife/husband,
Lakita’s Challenge
Our commitment to God is not a commitment if it is based on obligation, tradition or fear. When all is said and done, a commitment to God, parents, family, friends and future spouse will only last if it is rooted in deep devotion and love.
God desires the absolute best for us, and sometimes His best requires time, preparation and maturity. You must ask yourself if you love and trust Him enough to wait for His best, or if you love yourself and trust your own judgment more. Either way, there will be consequences—negative for the latter choice and positive for the former.
God created us to desire an intimate relationship with Him, and only He can fulfill our deepest desires. Today God offers you His love, presence and guidance. Will you choose to follow Him?
Coming to a Close
Allow time at the end of the session for each student to share the most important thing he or she has learned over the past eight weeks. What will the students carry with them? What changes do they want to make in their lives?
If it is appropriate for your group, have some Pledge Cards (make them at home before the session) that your students can sign, declaring that they want to choose abstinence until they are married.
Be sure to allow enough time to pray for each student at the end of the session, asking for prayer requests and being sure to pray for each student by name. After the session is over, try to hang out for a while and remain available for any students who may want to talk with you privately. You may want to contact your students over the next week to check in and see how things are going.
After the Meeting
1. Evaluate: Evaluate the effectiveness of the entire study. Take time to talk with your volunteer leaders about how God worked, what went well, what did not go well and what needs to be changed before you begin a new study.
2. Encourage: Try to follow up with each student over the coming year. You can become a main source of encouragement for students to remain faithful to God’s call to abstinence. Make yourself available to answer any questions they might have.
3. Pray: Make a commitment to pray for your students each week.
Notes
1. Lakita Garth, The Naked Truth (Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 2007), pp. 18-19.
2. “Derek Redmond: Finishing the Race.” http://www.olympic.org/uk/athletes/profiles/bio (accessed September 27, 2006).