I could hear Susie humming from the bathroom as I opened my eyes. I lay in the bed and stared up at the ceiling, remembering the previous night. It had been the first time in a long time that I’d actually walked away from sex. I’d been so hard and had wanted her so badly, but I’d had to put our friendship over my carnal needs.
She walked out of the shower, a towel around her hair, and she grinned at me.
“Morning, Wainwright.”
“Morning, Susie,” I said. “Why the last name?”
“I don’t know. I figured that’s what your teammates call you, right?”
“Um, my teammates do call me Wainwright, but you’re not my teammate.”
“So you’re saying you’d rather I call you Brody?”
“I do think it’s appropriate,” I said as I jumped out of the bed. I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward me. “Morning,” I said, giving her a big kiss.
Her eyes widened in surprise, and I grinned.
“So, last night was fun,” I said.
“Yeah, it was.” She smiled back at me, her brown eyes staring innocently into mine.
“You wanted me so badly, didn’t you?”
“I think you wanted me. Did I give you blue balls?” she said, and I laughed.
She was fun, and she didn’t take herself too seriously.
“Honestly, you did give me blue balls, and I think I’m about to go into the shower and take care of a little something something before we go to breakfast with Finn and Marcia. I don’t want them thinking I’m getting frisky with you at the table.”
“What do you mean?” she said. “Frisky?”
“Because there are certain things I’d like to do to you.”
“You wouldn’t try anything at breakfast,” she said, disbelief in her tone.
“You want to bet?”
She narrowed her eyes at me.
“I can show you if you really want to know,” I said, staring at her, hoping she would say yes. I’d love to play with her at the breakfast table. I’d love to have her mouth opening and gasping and having everyone wondering what’s going on.
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I believe you.”
“Smart girl. I guess you don’t want to be played with under the table.”
“Does anyone want to be played with under the table? Actually, don’t answer that,” she said, shaking her head. “So you’re going to go into the shower now?”
“I think I am.” I nodded. I stared at her for a few seconds and then looked at my watch. “However, if you want a quick fuck, we can…”
“Really, Brody?” She looked disappointed.
“What? I’m just offering.”
“I really thought we had a good time last night, and I thought you were going to stop being—”
“Stop being me?”
“If you mean being a jerk, yeah.”
“I’m just who I am. Take it or leave it,” I said and licked my lips.
“You know what? Let’s pretend you didn’t just say that. You go shower, and I’ll call Marcia and see when they’re ready for breakfast.”
“Sounds good to me.” I could feel my spirits lowering.
I’d ruined the mood that had been so light and fun. I shouldn’t have asked her if she wanted to fuck, but it was my way of diffusing the situation. It had felt almost too comfortable between us, and while I liked it, I didn’t want that feeling. I didn’t want to feel domesticated. I didn’t want to feel like there was something special between us, because I wasn’t looking for that with anyone.
I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The water was slightly cool. Susie must have taken a long shower for all the hot water to have been gone already. I closed my eyes and leaned back and thought about the taste of her from the previous night and the way she’d held my head against her so she could feel my tongue deeper inside of her.
I thought about the way her breasts had jiggled, and the way her back had arched as I’d played with her nipples. My hand soon found its way to my cock, and I jacked off quickly, shuddering in the shower as I had one of the most intense orgasms I’d had in a long time.
My eyes flew open as I realized that was due to the thought of Susie. She was in my head constantly, and I didn’t like how much I was attracted to her. I didn’t like how much I wanted to be with her.
I quickly shampooed my hair and got out of the shower and walked into the room. I was disappointed to see that Susie was not there. I pulled on my clothes and grabbed my phone and exited. I headed down to the lobby and toward the dining room. Susie sat there with Marcia, having an intense conversation about something. Finn was standing behind Marcia’s chair, and they all looked up as I entered the room.
“Morning,” I said. “How’s everyone doing today?”
“I’m sore as hell,” Marcia said, grimacing.
“Me too,” Susie said. “I thought the shower would help a little bit, but my bones and muscles and every part of my body feels super weary.”
“Really?” I said, surprised. “Even after, you know…” I winked to her.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, her face turning slightly pink.
“You know, even after I went down on you, and you screamed out my name?”
“Brody.” She jumped up and hit me in the shoulder. “Really? Why would you share that with everyone?”
“I didn’t think it was a secret.” I looked at Marcia and Finn, who were staring at each other. Marcia was glaring, obviously blaming him for bringing along his douchebag friend. “Sorry, I assumed we were all friends here, and I thought you were talking to Marcia about it this morning.”
“You weren’t so good that the first thing I did was go and tell my best friend about you.” She stared at me. “You’re such a jerk. Why would—you know what? Forget about it. I thought you were different, but I guess not.”
“You thought I was different to what?” I shrugged. “I don’t know what that means.”
“Just nothing. Shall we go get breakfast?” She turned to Marcia and Finn, and they both nodded.
We headed toward the table and sat down, and I started to feel a little bit annoyed with myself. Of course I’d known she wouldn’t want me to share what had happened, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself. It was like I wanted to ruin our friendship, even though I liked her. I didn’t understand.
“But I mean, my tongue was good, right? Would you say the best you’ve—”
“Come on now, Brody.” Finn’s eyes narrowed. “That’s enough.”
Marcia shook her head. “You’re so immature.”
“You’re telling me,” Susie said. “I thought we had a connection yesterday. I thought when you were telling me about your brothers that—”
“Brothers?” Finn interjected and looked confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Last night, Brody was telling me a story about his brothers and a three-way duel they had.”
Finn looked at me in confusion. “I’ve known you since college, and I clearly remember you only having one brother. Right?”
“I need to make a call,” I said, pushing back my chair.
I could feel my muscles tightening as I jumped up and headed out of the room. I looked back and saw that they were all staring at each other in confusion.
I forgot. I’d gotten so relaxed and comfortable with Susie that I’d forgotten, and now everything was going to come out. People were going to ask questions and demand answers to things. I didn’t want to talk about that. I never wanted to talk about it. Why? Because I’d been a jerk. Because I told them that I’d gone down on Susie. This was my punishment.
I walked to the lobby of the hotel and looked at my phone for a few seconds. I just needed to get out of here. As fate would have it, my phone started ringing, and I picked up.
“This is Brody. What’s up?”
“Hey, Brody. It’s me, Marianna.”
“Who?” I said, not recognizing the voice or the name.
“Marianna from LA? I’m a cheerleader for the Lakers.”
“Um, okay.”
“I was just wondering if you were going to be in town this weekend because we’re having a party.”
“No, I… Actually, you know what? Sure. Where’s the party?”
“It’s in Beverly Hills. It’s going to be so cool. I knew you’d be down. You know, I’ve been thinking.” Her voice lowered.
“Thinking about what?” I said.
“I’ve been thinking about Mr. Brody.”
“Oh, yeah?” I grinned.
“Yeah.” She laughed. “And that thing you got me to do that I said I would never do.”
“I’m not recalling,” I said, oblivious.
“You know. Back door.” She giggled.
“Um, okay.” I didn’t want to tell her that I’d fucked around with so many women that it was hard for me to remember one from the other. Though, it was weird, because I could still remember the way Susie had tasted, and I could still picture her face when she’d orgasmed, and the way her brown eyes had—
I had to stop it.
“I’ll fly in tonight,” I said. “This is your number?”
“Yeah, of course. Isn’t it saved in your phone?”
“Yeah, it is,” I lied. “I’ll call you when I get into town. Maybe we can hook up tonight and party or something.”
“Sounds good,” she said, and with that, I hung up.
I was meant to fly back to New York with Finn and Marcia and Susie, but I needed to get away from them. I needed time to think. I needed to just be me, and I couldn’t do that if I was surrounded by them. I couldn’t do that when a part of me wanted to be a better man. The truth was, that there was no part of me that could ever be a better man than I was now.
I’d ruined my chances of love and happy ever after a long, long time ago.