The last year has seen me facing a new life, one that I didn’t seek but which the Lord has allowed. I have become a widow.
How I wish it hadn’t happened. If the Lord had asked me to write this part of my life, my scenario wouldn’t be the one I’m living. Chuck would still be alive, healthy, whole. He was a wonderful guy, and I miss him and his love every day. It’s very strange indeed that he’s gone and life goes on both for me and around me.
It’s interesting that the one line that irritates me most is the one people offer me as comfort. “Isn’t it wonderful that Chuck’s with the Lord!” they say.
Well, of course it is, especially when you think of the alternative. However my internal response is, No, it’s not! I want him here.
Grieving is so individual.
When my friend Janny’s mother died, her neighbor came over as soon as she heard and stayed, not wanting to leave Janny alone in her sorrow. When the neighbor’s mother died, she hadn’t wanted to be alone, and she transferred her feelings onto Janny. All Janny, an introvert, wanted was for her neighbor to go home and leave her alone to process her emotions.
Relationships are tricky enough when everything is fine. Just ask Carrie and Greg. When loss is involved, they are trickier still. I’ve been fortunate enough to have family and friends gather around and encourage me. They let me talk and grieve in my way and on my schedule. What a gift!