Theo hated the look on her face. Confused, frightened, and angry all at once. All feelings he wished she didn’t have to experience.
“Sarah,” he began. “It’s complicated. And dangerous. It would only hurt you.”
“Shouldn’t I be the judge of that?”
He shook his head, and then took her hands in his. “Can’t you just forget about it?”
“No, I can’t,” she said, snatching her hands away. “And at this point, I deserve to hear it.”
He sighed. She was right. “I’ll tell you,” he said, making the decision. “But not here. We need to go somewhere warm.”
He led her to the street and found a carriage to hire. A cold winter wind chose that moment to rush around them, and Sarah shivered. Theo cursed the weather. It made everything worse. He bundled Sarah into the dubious warmth of the closed coach, and then called a name out to the driver.
The carriage was off. Sarah looked at him, still angry. “Where are we going?”
“It doesn’t matter. Somewhere safe, warm, and anonymous. That’s all.”
After that, she didn’t utter another word. From the set of her jawline, she had plenty to say, and he was lucky she wasn’t unleashing it all on him at that moment. But Sarah was too much of a lady to ever raise her voice in public. Thus, the silent condemnation. She wouldn’t even look him in the eye, instead pretending he wasn’t there.
There were very few places where a gentleman could conceivably take a single woman without causing comment. One of those places was a theater. Granted, a lady like Sarah ought to have a chaperone with her. But Theo knew there was a large gap between the ideal and reality. If he took her to a private box in his favorite theater, no one would raise a fuss. And if Sarah kept her face concealed until they actually got to the box, no one would be able to identify her. A paper-thin rationalization, considering all that happened so far. But it was the only thing he could think of.
It didn’t take long to reach their destination. Through the coach’s window, he glimpsed a poster on the brick wall. It advertised an old show, and the paper was now ripped and faded.
See the Remarkable Miss Finn!
Comic Actress Extraordinaire!
Now playing the role of Simple Simon in the
rollicking romance The Three Magicians!!
The exclamatory text floated over the image of a woman dressed as a boy, with cropped hair and colorful but ragged men’s clothing. The actress was holding a bright red handkerchief in one hand and had just revealed a dove in the other.
Theo wished his life could be as simple as producing the evidence like a magic trick. He glanced again at the image and thought a woman dressed as a boy could be a nearly perfect spy. I should mention the idea to Julian, he thought, though he’ll probably call me mad.
“Put your hood up,” he said to Sarah, as the carriage rolled to a stop. “You don’t want to be seen.”
“Astute as ever, my lord,” Sarah said sarcastically. But she obeyed him, drawing the hood up so her face was well hidden. “Where are we?”
“The Pavilion Theatre. It’s not private, but it’s close enough.”
* * * *
“A theater,” she said.
A theater was one step up from a brothel, as far as Sarah knew. It was one thing to attend the Theatre Royal, where strict standards were in place and even the King himself might conceivably attend a play. But most theaters were little more than indoor circuses, showing not serious drama—for which they had no license—but bawdy comedies and music and dancing and weird acts.
And that’s what Theo called safe.
Sarah wasn’t sure she dared take down her hood the whole time she was there.
“No one will see you,” he said. “The lights are all directed at the stage, and it’s difficult to see much of anything in the boxes. Believe me, I know from experience.”
They entered the building, Sarah relying on Theo’s escort, since she could only see what lay directly in front of her.
He guided her through a door to a private box. The little room was much fancier than she expected. The furniture was gilded, the chairs facing the stage were upholstered, and a lush oriental carpet was underfoot. There were unlit candleholders on the walls. It was empty save for them.
“You’re familiar with this place,” she guessed.
“Yes. I rent this box because it can be a useful place to meet people…or to hide from them.”
She looked around, and slid against the back wall, as far as she could get from the rail, where patrons could look down onto the stage. From the laughter of the audience, some comedy was in progress.
“Sit down, Sarah. You look like a ghost.”
“I will not sit down!” she said. “This isn’t an evening out. I’m not staying long enough to sit down. I’m only here because you lied to me.”
Theo stepped so he could look directly at her. “No. I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you the whole truth.” His body eclipsed the light from the stage, so his face was shadowed. Still, she could tell he was angry.
Well, so was she. “Hiding the truth instead of outright lies? How is that different? Why didn’t you tell me? Why?”
She was so furious with him she wanted to hit him. But Sarah had never hit anyone, and Theo was so close to her that she’d never be able to raise a fist between them. She tried, but instead her hands only rose to his chest, her fingers balled up tightly. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
He leaned even closer. “Because I didn’t want to hurt you.” His hands curled around her upper arms, still concealed by her cloak.
“Don’t mock me,” she warned.
“Watch your voice.”
Only the proximity of other people kept her voice from getting louder. She wanted to scream, but hissed out, “You didn’t answer me. It’s because you didn’t trust me, isn’t it?”
“No, I never thought that. Telling you would have meant revealing a side of Charlie you never wanted to see, and I didn’t want to hurt you.”
By the look in his eyes, he was telling the truth. But it wasn’t enough.
“Why? With stakes like this, what does it matter if I’m hurt? Why should that matter to you?”
He kissed her. Sarah knew he would. She knew it and she did nothing to stop it. She tasted his lips and then she was bending toward him, as if she had no shame at all.
The kiss wasn’t gentle as the first one had been, but it was just as entrancing. She should stop. She should remind him she hated him.
But she didn’t hate him then, not when his hands moved to slip under her heavy outer cloak to slide around her waist. Not when he held her so close she could feel the heat off his skin. Not when he parted her lips with his tongue and ever so slowly deepened the kiss, until Sarah was burning with a desire she hadn’t thought she was capable of.
“That’s why,” he said, when he pulled away long enough to take a breath. “Do you understand?”
Sarah inhaled, her breath as shaky as her body. “No.”
“I don’t want to hurt you because you make me feel like this,” he said, his voice hot with either desire or anger, or both. “How do you manage that? To be so utterly innocent I get irrational at the thought of you being damaged, yet all I can think about is getting you alone?”
“I don’t do anything.” She flattened her hands against his chest, intending to push him away. “You’re wrong. You don’t think of me like that. You’re engaged, or don’t you remember?”
“Of course I remember,” he said bitterly. “But I’ve never felt anything for my fiancée like I feel for you.”
At that confession, she completely forgot to push him away. “We barely know each other,” she protested.
“Is that true?”
“What does that mean?”
“Sarah,” he said, his expression perfectly serious. “When you saw me, at the dinner at the Wolvertons, what did you think? When you first recognized me, what exactly did you think?”
“That I knew you,” she said, feeling faint. “But only because I met you at the funeral…”
“No,” he said. “You hardly saw me at the funeral. I could have been dressed like Queen Elizabeth and you wouldn’t have noticed.”
Something in the absurd statement pulled her out of her daze. “No. To catch my attention, you should be Queen Boudicca. I prefer older history.”
Theo just stared at her for a moment, then leaned past her shoulder so his forehead touched the wall behind her. He dissolved into silent laughter. Then Sarah couldn’t stop from laughing too, collapsing into him. The whole evening had just been too much for her nerves, and once she smiled at the nonsense she said, she had to laugh, and then she couldn’t stop. He held her, tightening his embrace until both of them were tangled together, weak with slightly hysterical joy.
After a moment, he straightened up to look at her.
“That remark,” he said, putting one hand on her cheek and tilting her face to meet his, “is an excellent example.”
“Example of what?”
“Why we’re matched.”
She stiffened, recalling the situation they were in. “We’re not matched.”
“Yes, we are.” he said, growing serious again. “You recognized me.”
“I felt as if I knew you from a long time ago,” Sarah admitted, her heart beating wildly. “How could you know that? I’ve never mentioned it. I’ve never even written it down for myself.”
“I know it because I thought the same thing when I saw you. I recognized you. I thought, that’s her.”
“You can’t be serious. That’s…mystic.”
“It’s instinct. Are you denying it?”
“I find you attractive. But that doesn’t mean I believe in fate!”
“I do.” The way he looked at her made Sarah wish she believed in it too.
“If that’s true—you believe and I don’t—then it’s evidence we’re not well-suited.”
“No. It only means we’re complementary.” He reached to undo the buttons on her cloak. “Take this off. You’re too warm.”
“That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“It’s improper,” she said, though it wasn’t.
“Your cloak? It’s not as if I intend to take all your clothes off.”
She went still as soon as he said that. If he knew Sarah was ruined, he wouldn’t be half as restrained as he was right then. She closed her eyes, trying to stop the picture from her mind. He called her innocent a moment ago. His attitude would change sharply if he ever learned the truth about her.
Even as he pulled the cloak away, she said, “I have to leave. I’m sorry.”
“Quit apologizing,” he growled. “We’ve already talked about how you shouldn’t take the blame for things that aren’t your fault.”
“It must be partly my fault. I encouraged you.”
“You did no such thing.” He laughed softly, sadly. “All I know is that I can’t think clearly when you’re near me.” He leaned toward her again, and kissed her neck.
Sarah sighed. Why did that feel so impossibly good? With one hand, he took hold of her neck and kept her skin under his mouth, not allowing her to pull away, to recover her better sense.
After a moment, she couldn’t remember why she should not let him be so close. She felt drugged, a sweet haze enveloping her as she allowed Theo to devour her, his mouth working its way down her neck to her chest. She couldn’t explain why it felt so wonderful, but she wanted to surrender to it, she wanted to kiss him back.
A voice inside her warned her she was being foolish. “Theo,” she whispered. “Why are you doing this?”
“I’ve been dreaming of touching you.”
“That is not true,” she said. Sarah wanted to laugh, except that his expression didn’t suggest a man who was joking.
“You know you make sounds when you’re concentrating on something? Little mmms, and the occasional oh.”
“I don’t.”
“I keep wondering what other sounds you’d make if I knew what to do.”
Sarah wished that didn’t sound so interesting. “I’m not a code to be deciphered,” she said, uncertainly.
“Yes, you are.”
She would have thought up an excellent retort if he hadn’t bent his head and bit her neck then, making her gasp. Heat flushed through her. She’d done exactly what he wanted, reacting to his move with an instinctive little sound.
“Let me hear more,” said Theo. Something in his tone made her aware of how much he meant it.
“I shouldn’t,” she said, even as she put her arms around him, somehow afraid he’d move away. “Besides, I don’t want to you to see my face.” What a terrible argument, she thought. One would think she wanted to be convinced.
“That’s all? Then take a step forward,” he said, moving back from her.
Puzzled, Sarah did, and he shifted so he was standing against the wall instead of her, and he held Sarah with her back to his chest. “There. I can’t see your face.”
“What do you intend—”
He kissed her neck and slipped one arm around her waist, pulling her tight against him.
“Oh,” she whispered, her head falling back onto his shoulder.
“I’m just going to listen to you, sweetheart.”
Her legs went a little weak, and he felt her tremble.
Within moments, he’d slid down the wall so she sat between his legs and could lean her back against him and feel him breathe and know exactly how hard he was. The plush rug beneath them was as good as a bed, and the darkness of the theater box hid them from the world. Sarah felt scandalous like that, but didn’t have the slightest inclination to move away.
He trailed a finger along the neckline of her gown, then edged the cap sleeves down her arms. He moved to cup one breast, earning an oh from Sarah, who didn’t think it possible to blush more than she already was. He continued kissing her neck and shoulders, which he did with a very flattering dedication. Sarah moaned a little each time, knowing he liked to hear it.
With his other hand, he worked the skirt of her dress up until nearly all of her legs were exposed. He found the top of one stocking, and he ran his thumb along her inner thigh, pressing gently, until he reached the curls where her legs met. At her startled gasp, he reversed direction, stroking her leg down to the knee.
His hand slid to her stomach, gliding over the fabric of her gown. “Tell me to stop,” he said in a low voice, his breath brushing by her ear. “You can.”
“You really want to touch me like that?” she whispered. Yes, it turned out she could blush more.
“How else can I know what you’ll sound like when I do, sweetheart? Tell me to stop or go on. Your choice.”
She took a breath. “Go on.”
Sarah heard his sigh of relief, and couldn’t stop from smiling. So she wasn’t the only one losing all sanity tonight. She put her hands back to rest on his hips. “Go on,” she said again.
He stroked her legs with both hands, slow and sure. She shifted so her knees parted a little more. Sarah sank back when she felt his fingers on her thighs, caressing the skin so gently she almost couldn’t feel it. Her hips moved in response, begging him to touch the center of her body, already growing warm. But still, he lingered, content to tease her with those feather-light strokes. She closed her eyes, breathing deeply, wondering how she had succumbed to him so quickly.
She knew he was smiling every time she made a sound, which she couldn’t seem to stop doing. He used one hand to push her legs further apart, giving him freer access to her body.
She was utterly unprepared for the meltingly sweet feelings he created as he touched her. She began to murmur incoherent words as she felt herself reacting to him, spiraling into ever tighter circles with every flick and stroke.
He eased one finger into the heat of her body, drawing out the sudden flush of wetness there. “Theo,” she gasped, her eyes flying open. She thought, all this, and we’re still fully dressed.
“Yes, love,” he said, his mild tone completely at odds with the bite he then gave her, his teeth raking the delicate skin of her throat, sending her temperature soaring.
“What are you doing?”
“Listening,” he responded. “I like listening to you.”
“What should I do?”
“You’re doing quite enough right now, sweetheart. Just let me touch you.”
There didn’t seem to be any hurry, she noted in a daze. He lingered over her, building a slow fire inside her, touching her as if they had all the time in the world. When she tried to turn around, urged on by a wild instinct, he gently pulled her back against his body, murmuring soothing words she couldn’t recall, promising her that she was deserving of this maddening, wonderful delay.
“Please, oh, please,” she begged him relentlessly, hardly aware of what she was saying.
Theo felt the shift in her body, when she tipped over the edge to the inevitable conclusion. He then altered his touch, moving faster. Sarah was vaguely aware that his own breathing was coming quicker, and she knew she affected him too.
Sarah’s breath grew ragged. She moaned softly when the subtle movement of the man surrounding her grew insistent, dominant. The wave threatening to overwhelm her broke then. He held her tightly as she came undone in his arms with a long sigh.
She turned her head to the side, and even though her eyes were closed, she tried to hide in the crook of his shoulder. She was so glad it was dark. She couldn’t imagine feeling like this when anyone could see her.
Her body relaxed against Theo’s, and he shifted so he could hold her more comfortably. All the tension between them was gone for the moment. Sarah would have been happy to stay like that forever, cradled in his arms.
She didn’t recall how it happened, but Theo was sitting against one wall, and she lay curled up on him, her skirts now covering her body again. Her head lay on his shoulder, and she was grateful he couldn’t quite see her face.
“Sarah?”
“Don’t look at me,” she whispered.
“Why not?”
“Because!” Sarah had no idea how she could ever have a normal conversation with him after that. She thought she had learned what men and women did together when Charlie seduced her. But this was completely different. It was far more decadent. And more intimate. “I don’t know what to think…” she trailed off again, confused.
“You could think that you liked it, which you’re fully entitled to do.”
“I don’t believe that’s the usual argument.”
He pulled away enough to expose her face. She kept her eyes closed, but he kissed her very carefully. Softly, placing no demand in the gesture.
Sarah responded after a moment, her body softening against him. She took a breath, then said, “It was quite shameless of me to let you do all that.” She buried her head in his chest again, embarrassed. “Now you know how I sound.”
He laughed softly. “I don’t know half as much as I want to.”
His words cut through the last of her daze. She sat up and looked at him, wishing she didn’t have to say it. “Theo. Don’t distract me any more. I need the truth.”
Theo sighed, then nodded. He took her hand in his. “You won’t like it,” he warned her. “You must promise to tell no one. Ever.”
“Of course.”
“I’m serious as death, Sarah. Once I tell you, you’ll know why. Do you give me your word?”
She took an unsteady breath. What could she say? “Yes. I won’t ever speak of it.”
“You must lean against me,” he said. “Like you were.”
“What?”
“Just do it, Sarah. I’ll tell you what you’ve asked to hear.”
She did. Her head rested on Theo’s chest, and when he bent his head, his mouth was tantalizingly close to her ear.
“Now listen,” he said quietly. “This is the truth. The night Charlie was killed, he was heading to Woodforde. But he wasn’t attacked by highwaymen. You were right. It was a story made up on the spot—no one had time to do anything else. The truth is that he was killed by another agent of the Zodiac.”
Sarah stiffened, but his arm tightened around her, anticipating her reaction. “Not me, Sarah. I swear it.”
“Why was he killed?” she asked.
“He was a traitor.”
The words seeped into her head, and settled there. Theo waited for a moment, letting the revelation sink in. She waited for outrage to rise up in her chest. Nothing. Perhaps she was still too shocked.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“I wasn’t there. But I’m told he admitted it before he died.”
Again, Sarah waited for her righteous indignation to surface. It didn’t. “Rossi said the papers he had were stolen. What did he do?” she whispered. “Exactly?”
On the unseen stage, a musical number began while the actors rushed back to change for the next scene. The dancing girls and cheery, bawdy music were so appallingly wrong in that moment Sarah couldn’t even cry.
“He stole as many documents as he could, and then sold them to the highest bidder. He had been doing so for years—since before the time he proposed to you.”
She wished it didn’t sound like the truth. But it fit. All of Charlie’s little mood swings, his secrets, his promises and threats.
“Sarah?” Theo asked, his voice tight with concern. “Are you all right?”
“Should I be?”
“I warned you,” he said, but without censure. “I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I assumed you wouldn’t help me if I told you the truth. And I truly didn’t want to hurt you.”
She was glad she wasn’t watching Theo’s face. She was afraid of what she would see. “You think because Charlie was a traitor I would have refused to help you? Do you think I condone that?”
“I think you loved him. I think you still do. And you wouldn’t want to have damaged his memory, even if his outward reputation would not have been changed.”
“I can’t believe you’d think I would choose loyalty to him over loyalty to my country!”
“Love is a very powerful motivation, Sarah.”
“Not if it asks you to betray your ideals,” she hissed.
He said nothing to that, but held her until she relaxed again.
She still rested against him, but something else needled her brain. “The Italian,” she said.
“What?”
“I forgot to tell you. I think I know why I can’t make sense of the remaining code. I think he was using Italian instead of English. When I heard them talking, it made me think. If Charlie was connected to them, he might have been thinking like them…in Italian.”
“You might be right.”
Something in his voice made her look sharply at him. “What are you really thinking?”
He shook his head. “I never should have let you walk in there. It was far too dangerous.”
“It had to be me. Besides, it got me out of the house,” she said, with a little shrug.
Theo shook his head, and laughed quietly. Without warning, he kissed her again, just below her ear. Sarah closed her eyes, wishing she had more strength, or less shame. She should either be outraged, or seduced completely. This in-between was torture.
Very pleasant torture.
Sarah realized with a painful start how infatuated she had become. She reluctantly moved away from him and stood up.
So did he. He found the cloak and put it around her, pulling up the hood himself, looking rather possessive.
Sarah watched his expression, and wished things were different. “We’re not going to meet like this again,” she told him.
“No.” He didn’t try to argue. “You don’t have to see me again at all, if you don’t want to. You can write, and Jem can be the courier.”
“Don’t be absurd. We can work together just as before.” She held his gaze. “I want to find those papers. If I’d realized what Charlie was up to earlier, perhaps I could have helped then. Maybe stopped it before he…somehow. But at least let me help now.”
“Keep going through those codes. Try the Italian. That’s the best thing you can do.”
He moved toward the doorway. “Come. I’ll see you home.”
“Is that wise?” she asked, remembering his comment of not being able to think straight when she was around.
“I’ll behave myself,” he promised. “And if I thought you were valuable before, I know you’re even more precious now.”