LIST 50

6 Sex Acts That Are Illegal

 

1

Adultery

In many states, not only is it a misdemeanor to nail someone else if you're married, it's also illegal to nail someone who's married even if you're single. For example, Arizona law states: “When the act is committed between parties only one of whom is married, both shall be punished.” Michigan is biased on the issue, declaring that “both parties are guilty if the woman is married and the man is not; only the man is guilty if he is married and woman is not.” Most of the states that outlaw adultery rank it as a misdemeanor, but in five states—including Idaho and Michigan—it's a felony.

2

Pretending to be a person's spouse or a medical professional

Like many other states, California defines sodomy as contact between the penis of one person and the anus of another. The act is not automatically illegal, but—being California—there are numerous conditions that make it against the law. One of these involves buttsex “where the victim submits under the belief that the person committing the act is the victim's spouse, and this belief is induced by any artifice, pretense, or concealment practiced by the accused, with intent to induce the belief…” Punishment is up to eight years in the state slammer, where no one ever breaks sodomy laws.

In a related vein, going up someone's rear in Cali is illegal when the recipient “[w]as not aware, knowing, perceiving, or cognizant of the essential characteristics of the act due to the perpetrator's fraudulent representation that the sexual penetration served a professional purpose when it served no professional purpose.”

Both of these statutes apply word for word to oral sex, as well. So when you're in the Sunshine State, don't fool someone into anal sex by pretending to be her husband, and don't tell someone that going down on him serves a professional purpose when it really doesn't, okay?

3

Incest

Sex with close family members is a felony in every state (and DC) with two exceptions: It's a misdemeanor in Delaware, and there's no law against it at all in Rhode Island. Maybe New England should be the butt of all those inbreeding jokes, instead of the South.

4

Necrophilia

Sexual contact with a corpse is specifically outlawed in several states, including Georgia, where it'll get you one to ten years in jail. Indiana considers it a felony if you merely open the lid of a coffin with the intent to molest the occupant, even if you never consummate.

5

Sexual intercourse

In a few states, it's illegal for an unmarried person to have sexual intercourse with anyone. Doesn't matter if your partner is of the opposite gender, of legal age, completely willing, etc. In Georgia, this is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $1,000 and up to a year behind bars. Idaho, Massachusetts, Utah, Virginia, and West Virginia have similar restrictions, and several other states consider it a misdemeanor for unmarried couples to live together if they're having sex on a regular basis.

6

Bestiality

Covering all its bases, Missouri specifies that its law against critter-humping also applies to dead animals.

Honorable Mention

In Washington, DC, having oral or anal sex with anyone is a felony, while adultery is a misdemeanor, and bestiality and peeping aren't specifically against the law. Besides being an upside down application of sex laws, it would appear that there are a whole lot of guilty politicians on the Potomac.