chap61

LIST 61

8 Books That Didn't Make it Into the Bible

Back in the days before groups of men decided what books would comprise the Bible, scads of Jewish and Christian writings were floating around. Here are some that the bishops and rulers didn't include in the Good Book.

The First Book of Adam and Eve

After being cast out of the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve trudge up a mountain that looks down on their paradise lost:

Then Adam threw himself down from the top of that mountain; his face was torn and his flesh was ripped; he lost a lot of blood and was close to death. Meanwhile Eve remained standing on the mountain crying over him, thus lying. And she said, “I don't wish to live after him; for all that he did to himself was through me.” Then she threw herself after him; and was torn and ripped by stones; and remained lying as dead. But the merciful God, who looks over His creatures, looked at Adam and Eve as they lay dead, and He sent His Word to them, and raised them. [21:4-8]

The Book of the Secrets of Enoch

In this distinctly odd book, angels take Enoch to Heaven, where God shoots the breeze with him, explaining the Creation, Adam and Eve's fall, Satan, etc. Upon reaching the top level of Heaven, Enoch meets the Big G:

On the tenth heaven, [which is called] Aravoth, I saw the appearance of the LORD'S face, like iron made to glow in fire, and brought out, emitting sparks, and it burns. Thus I saw the LORD'S face, but the LORD'S face is ineffable, marvellous and very awful, and very, very terrible. And who am I to tell of the LORD'S unspeakable being, and of his very wonderful face? And I cannot tell the quantity of his many instructions, and various voices, the LORD'S throne very great and not made with hands, nor the quantity of those standing round him, troops of cherubim and seraphim, nor their incessant singing, nor his immutable beauty, and who shall tell of the ineffable greatness of his glory? [22:1-3]

The Almighty explains, more or less, what the scene was like before he pulled off the Creation:

For before all thing were visible, I alone used to go about in the invisible things, like the sun from east to west, and from west to east. But even the sun has peace in itself, while I found no peace, because I was creating all things, and I conceived the thought of placing foundations, and of creating visible creation. [24:4-5]

God gives the lowdown on making Adam:

“On the sixth day I commanded my wisdom to create man from seven consistencies: one, his flesh from the earth; two, his blood from the dew; three, his eyes from the sun; four, his bones from stone; five, his intelligence from the swiftness of the angels and from cloud; six, his veins and his hair from the grass of the earth; seven, his soul from my breath and from the wind. And I gave him seven natures: to the flesh hearing, the eyes for sight, to the soul smell, the veins for touch, the blood for taste, the bones for endurance, to the intelligence sweetness [enjoyment].” [30:10-11]

The First Book of Enoch

And it came to pass when the children of men had multiplied that in those days were born unto them beautiful and comely daughters. And the angels, the children of the heaven, saw and lusted after them, and said to one another: “Come, let us choose us wives from among the children of men and beget us children.”…

And all the others together with them took unto themselves wives, and each chose for himself one, and they began to go in unto them and to defile themselves with them, and they taught them charms and enchantments, and the cutting of roots, and made them acquainted with plants. And they became pregnant, and they bare great giants, whose height was three thousand ells: Who consumed all the acquisitions of men. And when men could no longer sustain them, the giants turned against them and devoured mankind. And they began to sin against birds, and beasts, and reptiles, and fish, and to devour one another's flesh, and drink the blood. [6:1-3, 7:1-6]

The Gospel of the Birth of Mary

This book fills the void about the life of the Virgin Mary. Angels appear to her parents, telling them they will conceive a miracle child who will eventually give birth to the Son of God. When little Mother Mary is three, her parents take her to a temple, where she performs what we are supposed to consider a miracle, even though crawling up some steps doesn't seem so hot compared to healing the sick and raising the dead:

And there were about the temple, according to the fifteen Psalms of degrees, fifteen stairs to ascend. For the temple being built in a mountain, the altar of burnt offering, which was without, could not be come near but by stairs; The parents of the blessed Virgin and infant Mary put her upon one of these stairs; But while they were putting off their clothes, in which they had travelled, and according to custom putting on some that were more neat and clean, In the mean time the Virgin of the LORD in such a manner went up all the stairs one after another, without the help of any to lead or lift her, that any one would have judged from hence that she was of perfect age. Thus the LORD did, in the infancy of his Virgin, work this extraordinary work, and evidence by this miracle how great she was like to be hereafter. [4:2-7]

In chapter 7, Mary asks the angel Gabriel how the hell she's going to conceive while remaining a virgin. He replies: “For the Holy Ghost shall come upon you, and the power of the Most High shall overshadow you, without any of the heats of lust.” [7:19]

Gospel of Thomas

In this book, Thomas the Israelite writes about the early life of Jesus.

And after certain days, as Jesus passed through the midst of the city, a certain child cast a stone at him and smote his shoulder. And Jesus said unto him: Thou shalt not finish thy course. And straightway he also fell down and died. And they that were there were amazed, saying: From whence is this child, that every word which he speaketh becometh a perfect work? But they also departed and accused Joseph, saying: Thou wilt not be able to dwell with us in this city: but if thou wilt, teach thy child to bless and not to curse: for verily he slayeth our children: and every thing that he saith becometh a perfect work. [4:1-2, Greek text B]

The Gospel of Mary

Supposedly written by Mary Magdalene, this book exists only in fragments.

Peter said to him, “Since you have now explained all things to us, tell us this: what is the sin of the world?” The Savior said, “Sin as such does not exist, but you make sin when you do what is of the nature of fornication, which is called ‘sin.’ For this reason the Good came into your midst, to the essence of each nature, to restore it to its root.”

The First Gospel of the Infancy of Jesus Christ

Early verses from this Gnostic Gospel remind me of Look Who's Talking or the many commercials featuring talking babies:

He relates, that Jesus spake even when he was in the cradle, and said to his mother: Mary, I am Jesus the Son of God, that word which thou didst bring forth according to the declaration of the angel Gabriel to thee, and my father hath sent me for the salvation of the world. [1:2-3]

Soon we learn the fate of Jesus' foreskin:

And when the time of his circumcision was come, namely, the eighth day, on which the law commanded the child to be circumcised, they circumcised him in the cave. And the old Hebrew woman took the foreskin (others say she took the navel-string), and preserved it in an alabaster-box of old oil of spikenard. And she had a son who was a druggist, to whom she said, Take heed thou sell not this alabaster box of spikenard-ointment, although thou shouldst be, offered three hundred pence for it. Now this is that alabaster box which Mary the sinner procured, and poured forth the ointment out of it upon the head and the feet of our LORD Jesus Christ, and wiped it off with the hairs of her head. [2:1-4]

Later, baby Jesus is put on the back of a man whom a witch had turned into a mule, and he is cured, changing back into human form. The tiny savior then casts Satan out of a little boy named Judas Iscariot, who definitely would not return the favor about 30 years later. This Gospel says that Joseph was a pretty lousy carpenter, so Jesus would miraculously adjust the size and shape of “gates, or milk-pails, or sieves, or boxes” that his stepdad made.

Questions of Saint Bartholomew

And Bartholomew said: LORD, when thou wentest to be hanged upon the cross, I followed thee afar off and saw thee hung upon the cross, and the angels coming down from heaven and worshipping thee. And when there came darkness, I beheld, and I saw thee that thou wast vanished away from the cross and I heard only a voice in the parts under the earth, and great wailing and gnashing of teeth on a sudden. Tell me, LORD, whither wentest thou from the cross?

And Jesus answered and said: Blessed art thou, Bartholomew, my beloved, because thou sawest this mystery, and now will I tell thee all things whatsoever thou askest me. For when I vanished away from the cross, then went I down into Hades that I might bring up Adam and all them that were with him, according to the supplication of Michael the archangel. [1:6-9]