13

Avoid Comparison

Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else.

Galatians 6:4

The room buzzes with the sounds of hundreds of bloggers. Hugs are exchanged, laughter rings across the room, and the happy chatter of friends swirls through the air. Conferences like these bring together women who usually just get to connect online. It’s a beautiful gift to come face-to-face with someone you’ve learned to love across many miles. Yet over and over I hear that when this many women get together, insecurity also often rears its ugly head. Even the most confident-seeming women have confided in me, “I just don’t feel like I measure up.” I nod in understanding because I’ve often felt that way too.

In the blogging world it is so easy to measure things. There are numbers—very public ones—such as Facebook friends, Twitter followers, blog subscribers. It’s hard to ignore those things even when you’re trying to do so. Being in the same room with people you admire so much only brings the insecure feelings on stronger. The same seems to be true anytime we pursue measurable change in our lives. Instead of Facebook friends, it might be your weight, the amount of time you spend with God, or even your latest performance review at work.

You will always be tempted to compare.

And there will always be someone further along than you.

There will always be someone just a bit back from where you are too.

I don’t think women can turn off the tendency to compare—it’s what makes us wonderful wives, friends, sisters, and daughters. We are naturally and beautifully in tune with those around us. What we can do is recognize this tendency and redirect it into something more helpful than insecurity.

With those who are further down the path, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can learn from her?” Usually this person has been pursuing the goal you’re chasing for a longer period of time. As Jon Acuff says, “Never compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”[3] We tend to place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and think we need to be where someone else is when it may have taken them years of intense effort to get there. Or they may simply have different strengths than we do. You can probably look at your life and see some places where this person could learn a thing or two from you too.

For those just a bit back on the path from where you are, ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can teach her?” We can become so focused on moving ahead that we don’t even think about those who are where we were a few steps ago. Various research actually shows that we tend to compare ourselves to those who are better off than we are and ignore everything else—which can lead to dissatisfaction in our lives. Be intentional about taking time to look over your shoulder, not only to see how far you’ve come but also to cheer someone else along.

Comparison is an obstacle we all face on the journey to change. Let it be an opportunity to learn and grow—as well as to help others do the same—instead of a source of anxiety. Then next time you’re in a room full of people with the same goals as you, it can be exhilarating rather than bring out your insecurity.

You are only responsible for you. You are doing well. Press on, my friend.

Who’s ahead of you on the journey, and what’s one thing you can learn from her? Who’s a bit further back, and what’s one way you can help her?