Twelfth Night, or, What You Will

Enter Viola and <Feste, the Fool, playing a tabor.>

VIOLA Save thee, friend, and thy music. Dost thou live	1
by thy tabor?	2
FOOL No, sir, I live by the church.	3
VIOLA Art thou a churchman?	4
FOOL No such matter, sir. I do live by the church, for I	5
do live at my house, and my house doth stand by the	6
church.	7
VIOLA So thou mayst say the <king> lies by a beggar if a	8
beggar dwell near him, or the church stands by thy	9
tabor if thy tabor stand by the church.	10
FOOL You have said, sir. To see this age! A sentence is	11
but a chev’ril glove to a good wit. How quickly the	12
wrong side may be turned outward!	13
VIOLA Nay, that’s certain. They that dally nicely with	14
words may quickly make them wanton.	15
FOOL I would therefore my sister had had no name,	16
sir.	17
VIOLA Why, man?	18
FOOL Why, sir, her name’s a word, and to dally with	19
that word might make my sister wanton. But,	20
indeed, words are very rascals since bonds dis-	21
graced them.	22
VIOLA Thy reason, man?	23
FOOL Troth, sir, I can yield you none without words,	24
and words are grown so false I am loath to prove	25
reason with them.	26
VIOLA I warrant thou art a merry fellow and car’st for	27
nothing.	28
FOOL Not so, sir. I do care for something. But in my	29
conscience, sir, I do not care for you. If that be to	30
care for nothing, sir, I would it would make you	31
invisible.	32
VIOLA Art not thou the Lady Olivia’s Fool?	33
FOOL No, indeed, sir. The Lady Olivia has no folly. She	34
will keep no Fool, sir, till she be married, and Fools	35
are as like husbands as pilchers are to herrings: the	36
husband’s the bigger. I am indeed not her Fool but	37
her corrupter of words.	38
VIOLA I saw thee late at the Count Orsino’s.	39
FOOL Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the	40
sun; it shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but	41
the Fool should be as oft with your master as with	42
my mistress. I think I saw your Wisdom there.	43
VIOLA Nay, an thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with	44
thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee.	45

FOOL Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send	46
thee a beard!	47
VIOLA By my troth I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for	48
one, <aside> though I would not have it grow on my	49
chin.—Is thy lady within?	50
FOOL Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?	51
VIOLA Yes, being kept together and put to use.	52
FOOL I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to	53
bring a Cressida to this Troilus.	54
VIOLA I understand you, sir. ’Tis well begged.	55

FOOL The matter I hope is not great, sir, begging but a	56
beggar: Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir.	57
I will conster to them whence you come. Who you	58
are and what you would are out of my welkin—I	59
might say “element” but the word is overworn.	60

He exits.

VIOLA
This fellow is wise enough to play the Fool,	61
And to do that well craves a kind of wit.	62
He must observe their mood on whom he jests,	63
The quality of persons, and the time,	64
And, like the haggard, check at every feather	65
That comes before his eye. This is a practice	66
As full of labor as a wise man’s art:	67
For folly that he wisely shows is fit;	68
But <wise men,> folly-fall’n, quite taint their wit.	69

Enter Sir Toby and Andrew.

TOBY Save you, gentleman.	70
VIOLA And you, sir.	71
ANDREW Dieu vous garde, monsieur.	72
VIOLA Et vous aussi. Votre serviteur!	73
ANDREW I hope, sir, you are, and I am yours.	74
TOBY Will you encounter the house? My niece is	75
desirous you should enter, if your trade be to her.	76
VIOLA I am bound to your niece, sir; I mean, she is the	77
list of my voyage.	78
TOBY Taste your legs, sir; put them to motion.	79
VIOLA My legs do better understand me, sir, than I	80
understand what you mean by bidding me taste my	81
legs.	82
TOBY I mean, to go, sir, to enter.	83
VIOLA I will answer you with gait and entrance—but	84
we are prevented.	85

Enter Olivia, and <Maria, her> Gentlewoman.

Most excellent accomplished lady, the heavens rain	86
odors on you!	87
ANDREW, <aside> That youth’s a rare courtier. “Rain	88
odors,” well.	89
VIOLA My matter hath no voice, lady, but to your own	90
most pregnant and vouchsafed ear.	91
ANDREW, <aside> “Odors,” “pregnant,” and “vouch-	92
safed.” I’ll get ’em all three all ready.	93
OLIVIA Let the garden door be shut, and leave me to	94
my hearing.	95

Give me your hand, sir.	96
VIOLA
My duty, madam, and most humble service.	97
OLIVIA What is your name?	98
VIOLA
Cesario is your servant’s name, fair princess.	99
OLIVIA
My servant, sir? ’Twas never merry world	100
Since lowly feigning was called compliment.	101
You’re servant to the Count Orsino, youth.	102
VIOLA
And he is yours, and his must needs be yours.	103
Your servant’s servant is your servant, madam.	104
OLIVIA
For him, I think not on him. For his thoughts,	105
Would they were blanks rather than filled with me.	106
VIOLA
Madam, I come to whet your gentle thoughts	107
On his behalf.	108
OLIVIA O, by your leave, I pray you.	109
I bade you never speak again of him.	110
But would you undertake another suit,	111
I had rather hear you to solicit that	112
Than music from the spheres.	113
VIOLA Dear lady—	114
OLIVIA
Give me leave, beseech you. I did send,	115
After the last enchantment you did here,	116
A ring in chase of you. So did I abuse	117
Myself, my servant, and, I fear me, you.	118
Under your hard construction must I sit,	119
To force that on you in a shameful cunning	120
Which you knew none of yours. What might you	121
think?	122
Have you not set mine honor at the stake,	123
And baited it with all th’ unmuzzled thoughts	124
That tyrannous heart can think? To one of your	125
receiving	126
Enough is shown. A cypress, not a bosom,	127
Hides my heart. So, let me hear you speak.	128
VIOLA
I pity you.	129
OLIVIA That’s a degree to love.	130
VIOLA
No, not a grize, for ’tis a vulgar proof	131
That very oft we pity enemies.	132
OLIVIA
Why then methinks ’tis time to smile again.	133
O world, how apt the poor are to be proud!	134
If one should be a prey, how much the better	135
To fall before the lion than the wolf.	136

Clock strikes.

The clock upbraids me with the waste of time.	137
Be not afraid, good youth, I will not have you.	138
And yet when wit and youth is come to harvest,	139
Your wife is like to reap a proper man.	140
There lies your way, due west.	141
VIOLA Then westward ho!	142
Grace and good disposition attend your Ladyship.	143
You’ll nothing, madam, to my lord by me?	144
OLIVIA
Stay. I prithee, tell me what thou think’st of me.	145
VIOLA
That you do think you are not what you are.	146
OLIVIA
If I think so, I think the same of you.	147
VIOLA
Then think you right. I am not what I am.	148
OLIVIA
I would you were as I would have you be.	149
VIOLA
Would it be better, madam, than I am?	150
I wish it might, for now I am your fool.	151
OLIVIA, <aside>
O, what a deal of scorn looks beautiful	152
In the contempt and anger of his lip!	153
A murd’rous guilt shows not itself more soon	154
Than love that would seem hid. Love’s night is	155
noon.—	156
Cesario, by the roses of the spring,	157
By maidhood, honor, truth, and everything,	158
I love thee so, that, maugre all thy pride,	159
Nor wit nor reason can my passion hide.	160
Do not extort thy reasons from this clause,	161
For that I woo, thou therefore hast no cause;	162
But rather reason thus with reason fetter:	163
Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.	164
VIOLA
By innocence I swear, and by my youth,	165
I have one heart, one bosom, and one truth,	166
And that no woman has, nor never none	167
Shall mistress be of it, save I alone.	168
And so adieu, good madam. Nevermore	169
Will I my master’s tears to you deplore.	170
OLIVIA
Yet come again, for thou perhaps mayst move	171
That heart, which now abhors, to like his love.	172

They exit <in different directions.>

Scene 2

Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.

ANDREW No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.	1
TOBY Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.	2
FABIAN You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.	3
ANDREW Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the	4
Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon	5
me. I saw ’t i’ th’ orchard.	6
TOBY Did she see <thee> the while, old boy? Tell me	7
that.	8
ANDREW As plain as I see you now.	9
FABIAN This was a great argument of love in her toward	10
you.	11
ANDREW ’Slight, will you make an ass o’ me?	12
FABIAN I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of	13
judgment and reason.	14
TOBY And they have been grand-jurymen since before	15
Noah was a sailor.	16
FABIAN She did show favor to the youth in your sight	17
only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse	18
valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in	19
your liver. You should then have accosted her, and	20
with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint,	21
you should have banged the youth into dumbness.	22
This was looked for at your hand, and this was	23
balked. The double gilt of this opportunity you let	24
time wash off, and you are now sailed into the north	25
of my lady’s opinion, where you will hang like an	26
icicle on a Dutchman’s beard, unless you do re-	27
deem it by some laudable attempt either of valor or	28
policy.	29
ANDREW An ’t be any way, it must be with valor, for	30
policy I hate. I had as lief be a Brownist as a	31
politician.	32
TOBY Why, then, build me thy fortunes upon the basis	33
of valor. Challenge me the Count’s youth to fight	34
with him. Hurt him in eleven places. My niece shall	35
take note of it, and assure thyself, there is no	36
love-broker in the world can more prevail in man’s	37
commendation with woman than report of valor.	38
FABIAN There is no way but this, Sir Andrew.	39
ANDREW Will either of you bear me a challenge to him?	40
TOBY Go, write it in a martial hand. Be curst and	41
brief. It is no matter how witty, so it be eloquent	42
and full of invention. Taunt him with the license of	43
ink. If thou “thou”-est him some thrice, it shall not	44
be amiss, and as many lies as will lie in thy sheet of	45
paper, although the sheet were big enough for the	46
bed of Ware in England, set ’em down. Go, about it.	47
Let there be gall enough in thy ink, though thou	48
write with a goose-pen, no matter. About it.	49
ANDREW Where shall I find you?	50
TOBY We’ll call thee at the cubiculo. Go.	51

Sir Andrew exits.

FABIAN This is a dear manikin to you, Sir Toby.	52
TOBY I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand	53
strong, or so.	54
FABIAN We shall have a rare letter from him. But you’ll	55
not deliver ’t?	56
TOBY Never trust me, then. And by all means stir on	57
the youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes	58
cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were	59
opened and you find so much blood in his liver as	60
will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat the rest of th’	61
anatomy.	62
FABIAN And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage	63
no great presage of cruelty.	64

Enter Maria.

TOBY Look where the youngest wren of mine comes.	65
MARIA If you desire the spleen, and will laugh your-	66
selves into stitches, follow me. Yond gull Malvolio is	67
turned heathen, a very renegado; for there is no	68
Christian that means to be saved by believing rightly	69
can ever believe such impossible passages of gross-	70
ness. He’s in yellow stockings.	71
TOBY And cross-gartered?	72
MARIA Most villainously, like a pedant that keeps a	73
school i’ th’ church. I have dogged him like his	74
murderer. He does obey every point of the letter	75
that I dropped to betray him. He does smile his face	76
into more lines than is in the new map with the	77
augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such	78
a thing as ’tis. I can hardly forbear hurling things at	79
him. I know my lady will strike him. If she do, he’ll	80
smile and take ’t for a great favor.	81
TOBY Come, bring us, bring us where he is.	82

They all exit.

Scene 3

Enter Sebastian and Antonio.

SEBASTIAN
I would not by my will have troubled you,	1
But, since you make your pleasure of your pains,	2
I will no further chide you.	3
ANTONIO
I could not stay behind you. My desire,	4
More sharp than filèd steel, did spur me forth;	5
And not all love to see you, though so much	6
As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,	7
But jealousy what might befall your travel,	8
Being skill-less in these parts, which to a stranger,	9
Unguided and unfriended, often prove	10
Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,	11
The rather by these arguments of fear,	12
Set forth in your pursuit.	13
SEBASTIAN My kind Antonio,	14
I can no other answer make but thanks,	15
And thanks, and ever <thanks; and> oft good turns	16
Are shuffled off with such uncurrent pay.	17
But were my worth, as is my conscience, firm,	18
You should find better dealing. What’s to do?	19
Shall we go see the relics of this town?	20
ANTONIO
Tomorrow, sir. Best first go see your lodging.	21
SEBASTIAN
I am not weary, and ’tis long to night.	22
I pray you, let us satisfy our eyes	23
With the memorials and the things of fame	24
That do renown this city.	25
ANTONIO Would you’d pardon me.	26
I do not without danger walk these streets.	27
Once in a sea fight ’gainst the Count his galleys	28
I did some service, of such note indeed	29
That were I ta’en here it would scarce be answered.	30
SEBASTIAN
Belike you slew great number of his people?	31
ANTONIO
Th’ offense is not of such a bloody nature,	32
Albeit the quality of the time and quarrel	33
Might well have given us bloody argument.	34
It might have since been answered in repaying	35
What we took from them, which, for traffic’s sake,	36
Most of our city did. Only myself stood out,	37
For which, if I be lapsèd in this place,	38
I shall pay dear.	39
SEBASTIAN Do not then walk too open.	40
ANTONIO
It doth not fit me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse.	41

In the south suburbs, at the Elephant,	42
Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet	43
Whiles you beguile the time and feed your	44
knowledge	45
With viewing of the town. There shall you have me.	46
SEBASTIAN Why I your purse?	47
ANTONIO
Haply your eye shall light upon some toy	48
You have desire to purchase, and your store,	49
I think, is not for idle markets, sir.	50
SEBASTIAN
I’ll be your purse-bearer and leave you	51
For an hour.	52
ANTONIO To th’ Elephant.	53
SEBASTIAN I do remember.	54

They exit <in different directions.>

Scene 4

Enter Olivia and Maria.

OLIVIA, <aside>
I have sent after him. He says he’ll come.	1
How shall I feast him? What bestow of him?	2
For youth is bought more oft than begged or	3
borrowed.	4
I speak too loud.—	5
Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil	6
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.	7
Where is Malvolio?	8
MARIA He’s coming, madam, but in very strange man-	9
ner. He is sure possessed, madam.	10
OLIVIA Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?	11
MARIA No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your	12
Ladyship were best to have some guard about you if	13
he come, for sure the man is tainted in ’s wits.	14
OLIVIA
Go call him hither. <Maria exits.> I am as mad as he,	15
If sad and merry madness equal be.	16

Enter <Maria with> Malvolio.

How now, Malvolio?	17
MALVOLIO Sweet lady, ho, ho!	18
OLIVIA Smil’st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad	19
occasion.	20
MALVOLIO Sad, lady? I could be sad. This does make	21
some obstruction in the blood, this cross-garter-	22
ing, but what of that? If it please the eye of one, it is	23
with me as the very true sonnet is: “Please one, and	24
please all.”	25
<OLIVIA> Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter	26
with thee?	27
MALVOLIO Not black in my mind, though yellow in my	28
legs. It did come to his hands, and commands shall	29
be executed. I think we do know the sweet Roman	30
hand.	31
OLIVIA Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?	32
MALVOLIO To bed? “Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to	33
thee.”	34
OLIVIA God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and	35
kiss thy hand so oft?	36
MARIA How do you, Malvolio?	37
MALVOLIO At your request? Yes, nightingales answer	38
daws!	39
MARIA Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness	40
before my lady?	41
MALVOLIO “Be not afraid of greatness.” ’Twas well	42
writ.	43
OLIVIA What mean’st thou by that, Malvolio?	44
MALVOLIO “Some are born great—”	45
OLIVIA Ha?	46
MALVOLIO “Some achieve greatness—”	47
OLIVIA What sayst thou?	48
MALVOLIO “And some have greatness thrust upon	49
them.”	50
OLIVIA Heaven restore thee!	51
MALVOLIO “Remember who commended thy yellow	52
stockings—”	53
OLIVIA Thy yellow stockings?	54
MALVOLIO “And wished to see thee cross-gartered.”	55
OLIVIA Cross-gartered?	56
MALVOLIO “Go to, thou art made, if thou desir’st to be	57
so—”	58
OLIVIA Am I made?	59
MALVOLIO “If not, let me see thee a servant still.”	60
OLIVIA Why, this is very midsummer madness!	61

Enter Servant.

SERVANT Madam, the young gentleman of the Count	62
Orsino’s is returned. I could hardly entreat him	63
back. He attends your Ladyship’s pleasure.	64
OLIVIA I’ll come to him. <Servant exits.> Good Maria, let	65
this fellow be looked to. Where’s my Cousin Toby?	66
Let some of my people have a special care of him. I	67
would not have him miscarry for the half of my	68
dowry.	69

MALVOLIO O ho, do you come near me now? No worse	70
man than Sir Toby to look to me. This concurs	71
directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose	72
that I may appear stubborn to him, for she incites	73
me to that in the letter: “Cast thy humble slough,”	74
says she. “Be opposite with a kinsman, surly with	75
servants; let thy tongue <tang> with arguments of	76
state; put thyself into the trick of singularity,” and	77
consequently sets down the manner how: as, a sad	78
face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit	79
of some Sir of note, and so forth. I have limed her,	80
but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make me thankful!	81
And when she went away now, “Let this fellow be	82
looked to.” “Fellow!” Not “Malvolio,” nor after my	83
degree, but “fellow.” Why, everything adheres to-	84
gether, that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a	85
scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe	86
circumstance—what can be said? Nothing that can	87
be can come between me and the full prospect of	88
my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and	89
he is to be thanked.	90

Enter Toby, Fabian, and Maria.

TOBY Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all	91
the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion	92
himself possessed him, yet I’ll speak to him.	93
FABIAN Here he is, here he is.—How is ’t with you, sir?	94
How is ’t with you, man?	95
MALVOLIO Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my	96
private. Go off.	97
MARIA, <to Toby> Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks	98
within him! Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady	99
prays you to have a care of him.	100
MALVOLIO Aha, does she so?	101
TOBY, <to Fabian and Maria> Go to, go to! Peace, peace.	102
We must deal gently with him. Let me alone.—How	103
do you, Malvolio? How is ’t with you? What, man,	104
defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to mankind.	105
MALVOLIO Do you know what you say?	106
MARIA, <to Toby> La you, an you speak ill of the devil,	107
how he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not	108
bewitched!	109
FABIAN Carry his water to th’ wisewoman.	110
MARIA Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning	111
if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than	112
I’ll say.	113
MALVOLIO How now, mistress?	114
MARIA O Lord!	115
TOBY Prithee, hold thy peace. This is not the way. Do	116
you not see you move him? Let me alone with	117
him.	118
FABIAN No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The	119
fiend is rough and will not be roughly used.	120
TOBY, <to Malvolio> Why, how now, my bawcock? How	121
dost thou, chuck?	122
MALVOLIO Sir!	123
TOBY Ay, biddy, come with me.—What, man, ’tis not	124
for gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang	125
him, foul collier!	126
MARIA Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby; get	127
him to pray.	128
MALVOLIO My prayers, minx?	129
MARIA, <to Toby> No, I warrant you, he will not hear of	130
godliness.	131
MALVOLIO Go hang yourselves all! You are idle, shal-	132
low things. I am not of your element. You shall	133
know more hereafter.	134

He exits.

TOBY Is ’t possible?	135
FABIAN If this were played upon a stage now, I could	136
condemn it as an improbable fiction.	137
TOBY His very genius hath taken the infection of the	138
device, man.	139
MARIA Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air	140
and taint.	141
FABIAN Why, we shall make him mad indeed.	142
MARIA The house will be the quieter.	143
TOBY Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and	144
bound. My niece is already in the belief that he’s	145
mad. We may carry it thus, for our pleasure and his	146
penance, till our very pastime, tired out of breath,	147
prompt us to have mercy on him, at which time we	148
will bring the device to the bar and crown thee for a	149
finder of madmen. But see, but see!	150

Enter Sir Andrew.

FABIAN More matter for a May morning.	151
ANDREW, <presenting a paper> Here’s the challenge.	152
Read it. I warrant there’s vinegar and pepper in ’t.	153
FABIAN Is ’t so saucy?	154
ANDREW Ay, is ’t. I warrant him. Do but read.	155
TOBY Give me. <He reads.> Youth, whatsoever thou art,	156
thou art but a scurvy fellow.	157
FABIAN Good, and valiant.	158
TOBY <reads> Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind,	159
why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason	160
for ’t.	161
FABIAN A good note, that keeps you from the blow of	162
the law.	163
TOBY <reads> Thou com’st to the Lady Olivia, and in my	164
sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat;	165
that is not the matter I challenge thee for.	166
FABIAN Very brief, and to exceeding good sense—less.	167
TOBY <reads> I will waylay thee going home, where if it be	168
thy chance to kill me—	169
FABIAN Good.	170
TOBY <reads> Thou kill’st me like a rogue and a villain.	171
FABIAN Still you keep o’ th’ windy side of the law.	172
Good.	173
TOBY <reads> Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon	174
one of our souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but	175
my hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as	176
thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,	177
Andrew Aguecheek.	178
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. I’ll	179
give ’t him.	180
MARIA You may have very fit occasion for ’t. He is now	181
in some commerce with my lady, and will by and	182
by depart.	183
TOBY Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me for him at the corner	184
of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever	185
thou seest him, draw, and as thou draw’st, swear	186
horrible, for it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath,	187
with a swaggering accent sharply twanged off, gives	188
manhood more approbation than ever proof itself	189
would have earned him. Away!	190
ANDREW Nay, let me alone for swearing.	191

He exits.

TOBY Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behavior	192
of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good	193
capacity and breeding; his employment between	194
his lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore,	195
this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed	196
no terror in the youth. He will find it comes from a	197
clodpoll. But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by	198
word of mouth, set upon Aguecheek a notable	199
report of valor, and drive the gentleman (as I know	200
his youth will aptly receive it) into a most hideous	201
opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This	202
will so fright them both that they will kill one	203
another by the look, like cockatrices.	204

Enter Olivia and Viola.

FABIAN Here he comes with your niece. Give them	205
way till he take leave, and presently after him.	206
TOBY I will meditate the while upon some horrid	207
message for a challenge.	208

<Toby, Fabian, and Maria exit.>

OLIVIA
I have said too much unto a heart of stone	209
And laid mine honor too unchary on ’t.	210
There’s something in me that reproves my fault,	211
But such a headstrong potent fault it is	212
That it but mocks reproof.	213
VIOLA
With the same ’havior that your passion bears	214
Goes on my master’s griefs.	215
OLIVIA
Here, wear this jewel for me. ’Tis my picture.	216
Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you.	217
And I beseech you come again tomorrow.	218
What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,	219
That honor, saved, may upon asking give?	220
VIOLA
Nothing but this: your true love for my master.	221
OLIVIA
How with mine honor may I give him that	222
Which I have given to you?	223
VIOLA I will acquit you.	224
OLIVIA
Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well.	225
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.	226

Enter Toby and Fabian.

TOBY Gentleman, God save thee.	227
VIOLA And you, sir.	228
TOBY That defense thou hast, betake thee to ’t. Of what	229
nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know	230
not, but thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody as	231
the hunter, attends thee at the orchard end. Dis-	232
mount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation, for thy	233
assailant is quick, skillful, and deadly.	234
VIOLA You mistake, sir. I am sure no man hath any	235
quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and	236
clear from any image of offense done to any man.	237
TOBY You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore,	238
if you hold your life at any price, betake you to your	239
guard, for your opposite hath in him what youth,	240
strength, skill, and wrath can furnish man withal.	241
VIOLA I pray you, sir, what is he?	242
TOBY He is knight dubbed with unhatched rapier and	243
on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private	244
brawl. Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and	245
his incensement at this moment is so implacable	246
that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of death	247
and sepulcher. “Hob, nob” is his word; “give ’t or	248
take ’t.”	249
VIOLA I will return again into the house and desire	250
some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have	251
heard of some kind of men that put quarrels pur-	252
posely on others to taste their valor. Belike this is a	253
man of that quirk.	254
TOBY Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a very	255
competent injury. Therefore get you on and give	256
him his desire. Back you shall not to the house,	257
unless you undertake that with me which with as	258
much safety you might answer him. Therefore on,	259
or strip your sword stark naked, for meddle you	260
must, that’s certain, or forswear to wear iron about	261
you.	262
VIOLA This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do	263
me this courteous office, as to know of the knight	264
what my offense to him is. It is something of my	265
negligence, nothing of my purpose.	266
TOBY I will do so.—Signior Fabian, stay you by this	267
gentleman till my return.	268

Toby exits.

VIOLA Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?	269
FABIAN I know the knight is incensed against you even	270
to a mortal arbitrament, but nothing of the circum-	271
stance more.	272
VIOLA I beseech you, what manner of man is he?	273
FABIAN Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read	274
him by his form, as you are like to find him in the	275
proof of his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skillful,	276
bloody, and fatal opposite that you could possibly	277
have found in any part of Illyria. Will you walk	278
towards him? I will make your peace with him if I	279
can.	280
VIOLA I shall be much bound to you for ’t. I am one	281
that had rather go with Sir Priest than Sir Knight, I	282
care not who knows so much of my mettle.	283

They exit.

Enter Toby and Andrew.

TOBY Why, man, he’s a very devil. I have not seen such	284
a firago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard,	285
and all, and he gives me the stuck-in with such	286
a mortal motion that it is inevitable; and on the	287
answer, he pays you as surely as your feet hits the	288
ground they step on. They say he has been fencer	289
to the Sophy.	290
ANDREW Pox on ’t! I’ll not meddle with him.	291
TOBY Ay, but he will not now be pacified. Fabian can	292
scarce hold him yonder.	293
ANDREW Plague on ’t! An I thought he had been	294
valiant and so cunning in fence, I’d have seen him	295
damned ere I’d have challenged him. Let him let	296
the matter slip, and I’ll give him my horse, gray	297
Capilet.	298
TOBY I’ll make the motion. Stand here, make a good	299
show on ’t. This shall end without the perdition of	300
souls. <Aside.> Marry, I’ll ride your horse as well as I	301
ride you.	302

Enter Fabian and Viola.

<Aside to Fabian.> I have his horse to take up the	303
quarrel. I have persuaded him the youth’s a devil.	304
FABIAN, <aside to Toby> He is as horribly conceited of	305
him, and pants and looks pale as if a bear were at his	306
heels.	307
TOBY, <to Viola> There’s no remedy, sir; he will fight	308
with you for ’s oath sake. Marry, he hath better	309
bethought him of his quarrel, and he finds that now	310
scarce to be worth talking of. Therefore, draw for	311
the supportance of his vow. He protests he will not	312
hurt you.	313
VIOLA Pray God defend me! <Aside.> A little thing	314
would make me tell them how much I lack of a	315
man.	316
FABIAN Give ground if you see him furious.	317

TOBY Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The	318
gentleman will, for his honor’s sake, have one bout	319
with you. He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he	320
has promised me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier,	321
he will not hurt you. Come on, to ’t.	322
ANDREW, <drawing his sword> Pray God he keep his	323
oath!	324
VIOLA, <drawing her sword>
I do assure you, ’tis against my will.	325

Enter Antonio.

ANTONIO, <to Andrew>
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman	326
Have done offense, I take the fault on me.	327
If you offend him, I for him defy you.	328
TOBY You, sir? Why, what are you?	329
ANTONIO, <drawing his sword>
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more	330
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.	331
TOBY, <drawing his sword>
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.	332

Enter Officers.

FABIAN O, good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.	333
TOBY, <to Antonio> I’ll be with you anon.	334
VIOLA, <to Andrew> Pray, sir, put your sword up, if	335
you please.	336
ANDREW Marry, will I, sir. And for that I promised	337
you, I’ll be as good as my word. He will bear you	338
easily, and reins well.	339
FIRST OFFICER This is the man. Do thy office.	340
SECOND OFFICER Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit of	341
Count Orsino.	342
ANTONIO You do mistake me, sir.	343
FIRST OFFICER
No, sir, no jot. I know your favor well,	344
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.—	345
Take him away. He knows I know him well.	346
ANTONIO
I must obey. <To Viola.> This comes with seeking	347
you.	348
But there’s no remedy. I shall answer it.	349
What will you do, now my necessity	350
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me	351
Much more for what I cannot do for you	352
Than what befalls myself. You stand amazed,	353
But be of comfort.	354
SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, away.	355
ANTONIO, <to Viola>
I must entreat of you some of that money.	356
VIOLA What money, sir?	357
For the fair kindness you have showed me here,	358
And part being prompted by your present trouble,	359
Out of my lean and low ability	360
I’ll lend you something. My having is not much.	361
I’ll make division of my present with you.	362
Hold, there’s half my coffer.	363

ANTONIO Will you deny me now?	364
Is ’t possible that my deserts to you	365
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,	366
Lest that it make me so unsound a man	367
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses	368
That I have done for you.	369
VIOLA I know of none,	370
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.	371
I hate ingratitude more in a man	372
Than lying, vainness, babbling drunkenness,	373
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption	374
Inhabits our frail blood—	375
ANTONIO O heavens themselves!	376
SECOND OFFICER Come, sir, I pray you go.	377
ANTONIO
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here	378
I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,	379
Relieved him with such sanctity of love,	380
And to his image, which methought did promise	381
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.	382
FIRST OFFICER
What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!	383
ANTONIO
But O, how vile an idol proves this god!	384
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.	385
In nature there’s no blemish but the mind;	386
None can be called deformed but the unkind.	387
Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil	388
Are empty trunks o’erflourished by the devil.	389
FIRST OFFICER
The man grows mad. Away with him.—Come,	390
come, sir.	391
ANTONIO Lead me on.	392

<Antonio and Officers> exit.

VIOLA, <aside>
Methinks his words do from such passion fly	393
That he believes himself; so do not I.	394
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,	395
That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!	396
TOBY Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian. We’ll	397
whisper o’er a couplet or two of most sage saws.	398

<Toby, Fabian, and Andrew move aside.>

VIOLA
He named Sebastian. I my brother know	399
Yet living in my glass. Even such and so	400
In favor was my brother, and he went	401
Still in this fashion, color, ornament,	402
For him I imitate. O, if it prove,	403
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!	404

TOBY A very dishonest, paltry boy, and more a coward	405
than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his	406
friend here in necessity and denying him; and for	407
his cowardship, ask Fabian.	408
FABIAN A coward, a most devout coward, religious	409
in it.	410
ANDREW ’Slid, I’ll after him again and beat him.	411
TOBY Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy	412
sword.	413
ANDREW An I do not—	414
FABIAN Come, let’s see the event.	415
TOBY I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing yet.	416

<They> exit.

ACT 3