ACT 5


Scene 1

Enter <Feste, the Fool> and Fabian.

FABIAN  Now, as thou lov’st me, let me see his letter.

1

FOOL  Good Master Fabian, grant me another request.

2

FABIAN  Anything.

3

FOOL  Do not desire to see this letter.

4

FABIAN  This is to give a dog and in recompense desire

5

my dog again.

6

Enter <Orsino> Viola, Curio, and Lords.

ORSINO

 

Belong you to the Lady Olivia, friends?

7

FOOL  Ay, sir, we are some of her trappings.

8

ORSINO

 

I know thee well. How dost thou, my good fellow?

9

FOOL  Truly, sir, the better for my foes and the worse

10

for my friends.

11

ORSINO

 

Just the contrary: the better for thy friends.

12

FOOL  No, sir, the worse.

13

ORSINO  How can that be?

14

FOOL  Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me.

15

Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass; so that by

16

my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and

17

by my friends I am abused. So that, conclusions to

18

be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two

19

affirmatives, why then the worse for my friends and

20

the better for my foes.

21

ORSINO  Why, this is excellent.

22

FOOL  By my troth, sir, no—though it please you to be

23

one of my friends.

24

ORSINO, <giving a coin>

 

Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there’s gold.

25

FOOL  But that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would

26

you could make it another.

27

ORSINO  O, you give me ill counsel.

28

FOOL  Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once,

29

and let your flesh and blood obey it.

30

ORSINO  Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a

31

double-dealer: there’s another.

32

<He gives a coin.>

FOOL  Primo, secundo, tertio is a good play, and the old

33

saying is, the third pays for all. The triplex, sir, is a

34

good tripping measure, or the bells of Saint Bennet,

35

sir, may put you in mind—one, two, three.

36

ORSINO  You can fool no more money out of me at this

37

throw. If you will let your lady know I am here to

38

speak with her, and bring her along with you, it

39

may awake my bounty further.

40

FOOL  Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come

41

again. I go, sir, but I would not have you to think

42

that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness.

43

But, as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap. I

44

will awake it anon.

45

He exits.

Enter Antonio and Officers.

VIOLA

 

Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

46

ORSINO

 

That face of his I do remember well.

47

Yet when I saw it last, it was besmeared

48

As black as Vulcan in the smoke of war.

49

A baubling vessel was he captain of,

50

For shallow draught and bulk unprizable,

51

With which such scatheful grapple did he make

52

With the most noble bottom of our fleet

53

That very envy and the tongue of loss

54

Cried fame and honor on him.—What’s the matter?

55

FIRST OFFICER

 

Orsino, this is that Antonio

56

That took the Phoenix and her fraught from Candy,

57

And this is he that did the Tiger board

58

When your young nephew Titus lost his leg.

59

Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,

60

In private brabble did we apprehend him.

61

VIOLA

 

He did me kindness, sir, drew on my side,

62

But in conclusion put strange speech upon me.

63

I know not what ’twas but distraction.

64

ORSINO

 

Notable pirate, thou saltwater thief,

65

What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies

66

Whom thou, in terms so bloody and so dear,

67

Hast made thine enemies?

68

ANTONIO                                  Orsino, noble sir,

69

Be pleased that I shake off these names you give

70

me.

71

Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,

72

Though, I confess, on base and ground enough,

73

Orsino’s enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither.

74

That most ingrateful boy there by your side

75

From the rude sea’s enraged and foamy mouth

76

Did I redeem; a wrack past hope he was.

77

His life I gave him and did thereto add

78

My love, without retention or restraint,

79

All his in dedication. For his sake

80

Did I expose myself, pure for his love,

81

Into the danger of this adverse town;

82

Drew to defend him when he was beset;

83

Where, being apprehended, his false cunning

84

(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)

85

Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance

86

And grew a twenty years’ removèd thing

87

While one would wink; denied me mine own purse,

88

Which I had recommended to his use

89

Not half an hour before.

90

VIOLA  How can this be?

91

ORSINO, <to Antonio>  When came he to this town?

92

ANTONIO

 

Today, my lord; and for three months before,

93

No int’rim, not a minute’s vacancy,

94

Both day and night did we keep company.

95

Enter Olivia and Attendants.

ORSINO

 

Here comes the Countess. Now heaven walks on

96

earth!—

97

But for thee, fellow: fellow, thy words are madness.

98

Three months this youth hath tended upon me—

99

But more of that anon. <To an Officer.> Take him

100

aside.

101

OLIVIA

 

What would my lord, but that he may not have,

102

Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?—

103

Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

104

VIOLA  Madam?

105

ORSINO  Gracious Olivia—

106

OLIVIA

 

What do you say, Cesario?—Good my lord—

107

VIOLA

 

My lord would speak; my duty hushes me.

108

OLIVIA

 

If it be aught to the old tune, my lord,

109

It is as fat and fulsome to mine ear

110

As howling after music.

111

ORSINO

 

Still so cruel?

112

OLIVIA               Still so constant, lord.

113

ORSINO

 

What, to perverseness? You, uncivil lady,

114

To whose ingrate and unauspicious altars

115

My soul the faithful’st off’rings have breathed out

116

That e’er devotion tendered—what shall I do?

117

OLIVIA

 

Even what it please my lord that shall become him.

118

ORSINO

 

Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,

119

Like to th’ Egyptian thief at point of death,

120

Kill what I love?—a savage jealousy

121

That sometimes savors nobly. But hear me this:

122

Since you to nonregardance cast my faith,

123

And that I partly know the instrument

124

That screws me from my true place in your favor,

125

Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still.

126

But this your minion, whom I know you love,

127

And whom, by heaven I swear, I tender dearly,

128

Him will I tear out of that cruel eye

129

Where he sits crownèd in his master’s spite.—

130

Come, boy, with me. My thoughts are ripe in

131

mischief.

132

I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love

133

To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.

134

VIOLA

 

And I, most jocund, apt, and willingly,

135

To do you rest a thousand deaths would die.

136

OLIVIA

 

Where goes Cesario?

137

VIOLA                              After him I love

138

More than I love these eyes, more than my life,

139

More by all mores than e’er I shall love wife.

140

If I do feign, you witnesses above,

141

Punish my life for tainting of my love.

142

OLIVIA

 

Ay me, detested! How am I beguiled!

143

VIOLA

 

Who does beguile you? Who does do you wrong?

144

OLIVIA

 

Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?—

145

Call forth the holy father.

146

<An Attendant exits.>

ORSINO, <to Viola>                  Come, away!

147

OLIVIA

 

Whither, my lord?—Cesario, husband, stay.

148

ORSINO

 

Husband?

149

OLIVIA          Ay, husband. Can he that deny?

150

ORSINO

 

Her husband, sirrah?

151

VIOLA                              No, my lord, not I.

152

OLIVIA

 

Alas, it is the baseness of thy fear

153

That makes thee strangle thy propriety.

154

Fear not, Cesario. Take thy fortunes up.

155

Be that thou know’st thou art, and then thou art

156

As great as that thou fear’st.

157

Enter Priest.

                                              O, welcome, father.

158

Father, I charge thee by thy reverence

159

Here to unfold (though lately we intended

160

To keep in darkness what occasion now

161

Reveals before ’tis ripe) what thou dost know

162

Hath newly passed between this youth and me.

163

PRIEST

 

A contract of eternal bond of love,

164

Confirmed by mutual joinder of your hands,

165

Attested by the holy close of lips,

166

Strengthened by interchangement of your rings,

167

And all the ceremony of this compact

168

Sealed in my function, by my testimony;

169

Since when, my watch hath told me, toward my

170

grave

171

I have traveled but two hours.

172

ORSINO  <to Viola>

 

O thou dissembling cub! What wilt thou be

173

When time hath sowed a grizzle on thy case?

174

Or will not else thy craft so quickly grow

175

That thine own trip shall be thine overthrow?

176

Farewell, and take her, but direct thy feet

177

Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

178

VIOLA

 

My lord, I do protest—

179

OLIVIA                                O, do not swear.

180

Hold little faith, though thou hast too much fear.

181

Enter Sir Andrew.

ANDREW  For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one

182

presently to Sir Toby.

183

OLIVIA  What’s the matter?

184

ANDREW  Has broke my head across, and has given Sir

185

Toby a bloody coxcomb too. For the love of God,

186

your help! I had rather than forty pound I were at

187

home.

188

OLIVIA  Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

189

ANDREW  The Count’s gentleman, one Cesario. We took

190

him for a coward, but he’s the very devil incardi-

191

nate.

192

ORSINO  My gentleman Cesario?

193

ANDREW  ’Od’s lifelings, here he is!—You broke my

194

head for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to

195

do ’t by Sir Toby.

196

VIOLA

 

Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you.

197

You drew your sword upon me without cause,

198

But I bespake you fair and hurt you not.

199

ANDREW  If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt

200

me. I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

201

Enter Toby and <Feste, the Fool.>

Here comes Sir Toby halting. You shall hear

202

more. But if he had not been in drink, he would

203

have tickled you othergates than he did.

204

ORSINO  How now, gentleman? How is ’t with you?

205

TOBY  That’s all one. Has hurt me, and there’s th’ end

206

on ’t. <To Fool.> Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot?

207

FOOL  O, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone; his eyes

208

were set at eight i’ th’ morning.

209

TOBY  Then he’s a rogue and a passy-measures pavin. I

210

hate a drunken rogue.

211

OLIVIA  Away with him! Who hath made this havoc

212

with them?

213

ANDREW  I’ll help you, Sir Toby, because we’ll be

214

dressed together.

215

TOBY  Will you help?—an ass-head, and a coxcomb,

216

and a knave, a thin-faced knave, a gull?

217

OLIVIA

 

Get him to bed, and let his hurt be looked to.

218

<Toby, Andrew, Fool, and Fabian exit.>

Enter Sebastian.

SEBASTIAN

 

I am sorry, madam, I have hurt your kinsman,

219

But, had it been the brother of my blood,

220

I must have done no less with wit and safety.

221

You throw a strange regard upon me, and by that

222

I do perceive it hath offended you.

223

Pardon me, sweet one, even for the vows

224

We made each other but so late ago.

225

ORSINO

 

One face, one voice, one habit, and two persons!

226

A natural perspective, that is and is not!

227

SEBASTIAN

 

Antonio, O, my dear Antonio!

228

How have the hours racked and tortured me

229

Since I have lost thee!

230

ANTONIO

 

Sebastian are you?

231

SEBASTIAN                 Fear’st thou that, Antonio?

232

ANTONIO

 

How have you made division of yourself?

233

An apple cleft in two is not more twin

234

Than these two creatures. Which is Sebastian?

235

OLIVIA  Most wonderful!

236

SEBASTIAN, <looking at Viola>

 

Do I stand there? I never had a brother,

237

Nor can there be that deity in my nature

238

Of here and everywhere. I had a sister,

239

Whom the blind waves and surges have devoured.

240

Of charity, what kin are you to me?

241

What countryman? What name? What parentage?

242

VIOLA

 

Of Messaline. Sebastian was my father.

243

Such a Sebastian was my brother, too.

244

So went he suited to his watery tomb.

245

If spirits can assume both form and suit,

246

You come to fright us.

247

SEBASTIAN                        A spirit I am indeed,

248

But am in that dimension grossly clad

249

Which from the womb I did participate.

250

Were you a woman, as the rest goes even,

251

I should my tears let fall upon your cheek

252

And say “Thrice welcome, drownèd Viola.”

253

VIOLA

 

My father had a mole upon his brow.

254

SEBASTIAN  And so had mine.

255

VIOLA

 

And died that day when Viola from her birth

256

Had numbered thirteen years.

257

SEBASTIAN

 

O, that record is lively in my soul!

258

He finishèd indeed his mortal act

259

That day that made my sister thirteen years.

260

VIOLA

 

If nothing lets to make us happy both

261

But this my masculine usurped attire,

262

Do not embrace me till each circumstance

263

Of place, time, fortune, do cohere and jump

264

That I am Viola; which to confirm,

265

I’ll bring you to a captain in this town,

266

Where lie my maiden weeds; by whose gentle help

267

I was preserved to serve this noble count.

268

All the occurrence of my fortune since

269

Hath been between this lady and this lord.

270

SEBASTIAN, <to Olivia>

 

So comes it, lady, you have been mistook.

271

But nature to her bias drew in that.

272

You would have been contracted to a maid.

273

Nor are you therein, by my life, deceived:

274

You are betrothed both to a maid and man.

275

ORSINO, <to Olivia>

 

Be not amazed; right noble is his blood.

276

If this be so, as yet the glass seems true,

277

I shall have share in this most happy wrack.—

278

Boy, thou hast said to me a thousand times

279

Thou never shouldst love woman like to me.

280

VIOLA

 

And all those sayings will I overswear,

281

And all those swearings keep as true in soul

282

As doth that orbèd continent the fire

283

That severs day from night.

284

ORSINO                                     Give me thy hand,

285

And let me see thee in thy woman’s weeds.

286

VIOLA

 

The Captain that did bring me first on shore

287

Hath my maid’s garments. He, upon some action,

288

Is now in durance at Malvolio’s suit,

289

A gentleman and follower of my lady’s.

290

OLIVIA

 

He shall enlarge him.

291

Enter <Feste, the Fool> with a letter, and Fabian.

                              Fetch Malvolio hither.

292

And yet, alas, now I remember me,

293

They say, poor gentleman, he’s much distract.

294

A most extracting frenzy of mine own

295

From my remembrance clearly banished his.

296

<To the Fool.> How does he, sirrah?

297

FOOL  Truly, madam, he holds Beelzebub at the stave’s

298

end as well as a man in his case may do. Has here

299

writ a letter to you. I should have given ’t you today

300

morning. But as a madman’s epistles are no gos-

301

pels, so it skills not much when they are delivered.

302

OLIVIA  Open ’t and read it.

303

FOOL  Look then to be well edified, when the Fool

304

delivers the madman. <He reads.> By the Lord,

305

madam

306

OLIVIA  How now, art thou mad?

307

FOOL  No, madam, I do but read madness. An your

308

Ladyship will have it as it ought to be, you must

309

allow vox.

310

OLIVIA  Prithee, read i’ thy right wits.

311

FOOL  So I do, madonna. But to read his right wits is to

312

read thus. Therefore, perpend, my princess, and

313

give ear.

314

OLIVIA, <giving letter to Fabian>  Read it you, sirrah.

315

FABIAN (reads)  By the Lord, madam, you wrong me, and

316

the world shall know it. Though you have put me into

317

darkness and given your drunken cousin rule over

318

me, yet have I the benefit of my senses as well as your

319

Ladyship. I have your own letter that induced me to

320

the semblance I put on, with the which I doubt not but

321

to do myself much right or you much shame. Think of

322

me as you please. I leave my duty a little unthought of

323

and speak out of my injury.

324

                                                 The madly used Malvolio.

325

OLIVIA  Did he write this?

326

FOOL  Ay, madam.

327

ORSINO

 

This savors not much of distraction.

328

OLIVIA

 

See him delivered, Fabian. Bring him hither.

329

<Fabian exits.>

<To Orsino.> My lord, so please you, these things

330

further thought on,

331

To think me as well a sister as a wife,

332

One day shall crown th’ alliance on ’t, so please

333

you,

334

Here at my house, and at my proper cost.

335

ORSINO

 

Madam, I am most apt t’ embrace your offer.

336

<To Viola.> Your master quits you; and for your

337

service done him,

338

So much against the mettle of your sex,

339

So far beneath your soft and tender breeding,

340

And since you called me “master” for so long,

341

Here is my hand. You shall from this time be

342

Your master’s mistress.

343

OLIVIA, <to Viola>               A sister! You are she.

344

Enter Malvolio <and Fabian.>

ORSINO

 

Is this the madman?

345

OLIVIA                            Ay, my lord, this same.—

346

How now, Malvolio?

347

MALVOLIO                     Madam, you have done me

348

wrong,

349

Notorious wrong.

350

OLIVIA                      Have I, Malvolio? No.

351

MALVOLIO, <handing her a paper>

 

Lady, you have. Pray you peruse that letter.

352

You must not now deny it is your hand.

353

Write from it if you can, in hand or phrase,

354

Or say ’tis not your seal, not your invention.

355

You can say none of this. Well, grant it then,

356

And tell me, in the modesty of honor,

357

Why you have given me such clear lights of favor?

358

Bade me come smiling and cross-gartered to you,

359

To put on yellow stockings, and to frown

360

Upon Sir Toby and the lighter people?

361

And, acting this in an obedient hope,

362

Why have you suffered me to be imprisoned,

363

Kept in a dark house, visited by the priest,

364

And made the most notorious geek and gull

365

That e’er invention played on? Tell me why.

366

OLIVIA

 

Alas, Malvolio, this is not my writing,

367

Though I confess much like the character.

368

But out of question, ’tis Maria’s hand.

369

And now I do bethink me, it was she

370

First told me thou wast mad; then cam’st in smiling,

371

And in such forms which here were presupposed

372

Upon thee in the letter. Prithee, be content.

373

This practice hath most shrewdly passed upon thee.

374

But when we know the grounds and authors of it,

375

Thou shalt be both the plaintiff and the judge

376

Of thine own cause.

377

FABIAN                          Good madam, hear me speak,

378

And let no quarrel nor no brawl to come

379

Taint the condition of this present hour,

380

Which I have wondered at. In hope it shall not,

381

Most freely I confess, myself and Toby

382

Set this device against Malvolio here,

383

Upon some stubborn and uncourteous parts

384

We had conceived against him. Maria writ

385

The letter at Sir Toby’s great importance,

386

In recompense whereof he hath married her.

387

How with a sportful malice it was followed

388

May rather pluck on laughter than revenge,

389

If that the injuries be justly weighed

390

That have on both sides passed.

391

OLIVIA, <to Malvolio>

 

Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee!

392

FOOL  Why, “some are born great, some achieve great-

393

ness, and some have greatness thrown upon them.”

394

I was one, sir, in this interlude, one Sir Topas, sir,

395

but that’s all one. “By the Lord, Fool, I am not

396

mad”—but, do you remember “Madam, why laugh

397

you at such a barren rascal; an you smile not, he’s

398

gagged”? And thus the whirligig of time brings in

399

his revenges.

400

MALVOLIO

 

I’ll be revenged on the whole pack of you!

401

<He exits.>

OLIVIA

 

He hath been most notoriously abused.

402

ORSINO

 

Pursue him and entreat him to a peace.

403

<Some exit.>

He hath not told us of the Captain yet.

404

When that is known, and golden time convents,

405

A solemn combination shall be made

406

Of our dear souls.—Meantime, sweet sister,

407

We will not part from hence.—Cesario, come,

408

For so you shall be while you are a man.

409

But when in other habits you are seen,

410

Orsino’s mistress, and his fancy’s queen.

411

<All but the Fool> exit.

FOOL  sings

 

When that I was and a little tiny boy,

412

    With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

413

A foolish thing was but a toy,

414

    For the rain it raineth every day.

415

But when I came to man’s estate,

416

    With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

417

’Gainst knaves and thieves men shut their gate,

418

    For the rain it raineth every day.

419

But when I came, alas, to wive,

420

    With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

421

By swaggering could I never thrive,

422

    For the rain it raineth every day.

423

But when I came unto my beds,

424

    With hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

425

With tosspots still had drunken heads,

426

    For the rain it raineth every day.

427

A great while ago the world begun,

428

    <With> hey, ho, the wind and the rain,

429

But that’s all one, our play is done,

430

And we’ll strive to please you every day.

431

<He exits.>