17

I talked to Michele every day for a week as my blood pressure stabilized. The anemia took some doing as well, but I began to feel better. At least, physically. I dreamed about the gunshot every night. Guilt muddied the waters as well.

Twice a day my wonderful mom and Toppy brought my babies in so I could nurse them. I feared they’d prefer the formula they were given to supplement.

Scott haunted the place. It was the first time I’d ever seen him completely forget about work. He had grown to be able to let others do their job without his constant oversight.

I enjoyed our time together every day, but the nightmare came no matter what kind of day I’d had. Scott would be by my side when I would wake up in a cold sweat, shaking. He didn’t pressure me to talk about it, and I was glad. I’d insisted he go home this morning to take a shower and get a good breakfast at the diner. I hoped when he showed up later that it would be to take me home.

Michele said that I needed to get where I could talk to my family about what happened, and the horror of it would wane. The telling, and the passing of time. She didn’t make any promises. “It’s a process,” she’d say.

I wasn’t sure why Brenna didn’t come back to see me, but I felt sure my door had been diligently guarded. I still couldn’t deal with her. I put it in a little mental box and stored it at the back of my head somewhere.

I’d asked Mom and Toppy to bring me some clothes. I wanted to go home so badly, and I thought perhaps today might be the day. I’d showered and washed my hair in preparation for good news.

“Here we are,” Mom said as she walked into my room. She had Helen in her arms, dolled up to the nines in a pink bow the size of her head. Toppy followed suit with Paul wearing the tiniest team cap I’d ever seen. Both babies were asleep.

I held out my arms. I’d been aching to hold them.

“Want to get dressed first?” Mom held up my overnight bag.

“Oh, let me snuggle them for just a few minutes.”

Mom snuggled Helen into my right side, and Toppy went around the other side of the bed and did the same with Paul on my left. They smelled so sweet. I realized I’d missed the chance to give them their first bath. I sniffed back tears. It wasn’t Mom’s fault. Those babies had to be bathed.

I knew they were getting enough nourishment from the formula. How could they sleep so soundly otherwise? If I didn’t get on a regular routine with them soon, nursing wouldn’t happen. Please let me go home today. I couldn’t let what happened rob me of this.

David came in and his face lit up. “Oh, I haven’t seen them for a few days. They look wonderful! May I hold one?”

I nodded and he lifted Helen from the bed. He held her close and rocked her gently.

“There’s some of those in your future, if you’d just pop the question,” I said.

He just smiled and gave me a wicked wink.

“You’ve asked her, haven’t you? I knew it.”

“If such a thing has happened, Melissa would want to be the one to tell you. I did tell you why she hasn’t been here to see you, didn’t I?” He let his cheek rest on Helen’s fuzzy head.

“Her mom was sick. I know she’d have been here otherwise.” I wasn’t the only one suffering. It would do me good to remember that.

“I flew up to Amarillo to see her one weekend, and came right back. She got home last night. She’s anxious to see you, and calls me for updates every day.”

I smiled. I’d probably missed a lot of calls. They’d taken the phone out of my room because of desperate reporters wanting a statement from me about what happened. Scott finally gave them a statement on my behalf, but they still kept calling. He didn’t know the details, so he must have just given them an overview. I hadn’t shared it with anyone but Michele. That was a hard session, but she was right. Saying it out loud had helped. Some.

David handed Helen to Mom, and then picked up Paul. He snuggled him for a bit, and then handed him to Toppy.

“All right, Bailey. You can go home today. I need to hear you say you’ll take it easy, let your folks help you with the babies, and continue meeting with Michele once a week.”

Music to my ears. “You bet!”

“One of the nurses will come in with your paperwork, and information about follow-up appointments. I’m happy to send you home with no medications. I know you want to nurse those babies.” He gave me a hug, and then Mom, and shook Toppy’s hand.

They’d both been so quiet. They were probably worried. Surely they’d like to get their life back since I was going home.

“I’ll be dressed in a few,” I said.

Mom grabbed my hand as I passed, her eyes shining with tears. “I’m so glad you’re going home. Everything will be all right.”

I hugged her, and then did the same to Toppy, whose red face and quivering bottom lip betrayed his usual calm. “Yes, I’ll do my best.”

Michele had suggested that I not borrow trouble and stress by speculation on what the future held. The sad memories that haunted me would not get in my way. That was the plan. As soon as I felt ready, I’d tell them all about it, and then put it behind us.

“Bailey, I have some news about Brenna,” David said.

Finally, someone not afraid to say her name in my presence. Had she taken a turn for the worse?

“An anonymous donor made it possible for her to have the experimental treatment. She’s responding quite well.”

“That’s good news. Do you think she might be able to leave the hospital soon?”

“Too soon to tell yet, but I just thought you’d like to know she’s improving.” He smiled warmly, then left the room.

I slipped into the bathroom and dressed. I wondered if I could handle a nearly teenaged girl living with us to secure her future. One of the babies begin to cry. I opened the door an inch. “I’ll feed them, just hold on a minute.” A few minutes later I nursed Paul. Helen still slept.

Toppy had slipped out again to give me privacy.

“I hear there’s good news,” Scott said, walking into the room.

“Yes, as soon as I sign the paperwork, I’m outta here, and, well, David says Brenna is improving,” I said, lifting my face for a kiss.

He kissed me quick and then rubbed his hands together. “David just told me in the hall. I’ll see if I can hurry that paperwork up.” He bounded out just as quickly.

A few minutes later all systems were go. The nurse wheeled me to the elevator. I held Helen, and another nurse accompanied carrying Paul. Scott, Mom, and Toppy followed behind. I was going home.

“Excuse me, Mrs. West?”

I stood and turned to find another nurse running toward me.

“Before you leave, one of the patients upstairs is asking for you. Brenna Brown.”