20

Settling in with the babies at home was a welcome time in my life, but the thought of Brenna was always in the forefront of my mind. Three days passed and Brenna’s release date loomed with no resolution as to where she would stay. In my mind’s eye, I had the Adirondack room redecorated to reflect the child’s love of Anne of Green Gables.

Both babies slept peacefully and I thought I should start some laundry. Mundane chores seemed so strange. Put in a load of towels, remember the racing drive in the back seat of my father’s car. Take ingredients out of the refrigerator to start supper, remember what was behind the bathroom door at the cabin. Would I ever be able to concentrate, or just be in the moment anymore? Seemed I was always somewhere else.

Even rocking and feeding my beautiful babies found me spacing out and returning to the scene of the crime. I wondered when things would be normal again. Normal. That was a word that no one could ever say was true since I’d wandered down Exit 477.

The phone rang.

I rushed to answer before waking the babies.

“Mrs. West? This is Jenny Oak from Social Services. We wanted to inform you that we’ve cleared Brenna Bailey to go into your care when she’s released from the hospital. Now you must understand that this is temporary. Given her frail condition, and her repeated pleas, we feel it’s best to send her home with you. We need you to come to the hospital and be briefed on her condition, her care, and what to do in case her condition worsens. Can you come to the hospital tomorrow morning?” Mrs. Oak clipped her sentence as if she had a million other calls to make.

“Of course, we’ll be there. Thank you,” I said. Questions crowded my brain, but I thought they should wait until the meeting at the hospital tomorrow.

Brenna was coming home!

Nothing’s ready. We hadn’t even put up a Christmas tree. At least the front porch would greet her with lights and the wreath Tracy hung. What would she need in the way of medical equipment? I breathed a prayer that we could get it together before she got here.

Scott came in the back door. “Why is your face so red?” He took the phone receiver from my hand and hung it up.

“It is?” I reached up to feel my cheeks with both hands.

“Yes, is everything ok?” Scott put his arm around me.

“I think so. Social Services just called to inform me that Brenna can be released into our care, temporarily. We have to go to a meeting in the morning to learn how to take care of her.” I sat down on the couch.

“Oh, OK.” He sat down next to me.

His tone didn’t match his support of our decision. Was he having second thoughts?

“Temporary? What does that mean? They aren’t giving a prognosis about how much time she has left, are they?” He took off his cap.

“The lady just said she’s frail, and that she pleads to come here.”

“Oh.”

“I can’t read your responses,” I said.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m totally behind bringing Brenna home, but I have to admit I didn’t think it would happen. I’m sorry, Bailey, it’s just that I don’t want things to be too much for you.”

“Too much, how?”

“Don’t make me say it, sweetie. She’s a very sick little girl. I don’t think you can handle it if,” he began, shook his head and stood. He pulled me to a stand and wrapped his arms around me.

“Don’t say it. I know it might happen, but she’s better now, and I know she may be in and out of the hospital, and I know she might get taken away from us. But it’s the right thing to do. I know you know that, no matter how hard it is. It’s, it’s...” I said, nuzzling into his chest.

“It’s who we are.” Scott placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me slightly away to look in my eyes.

“It’s who we are,” I repeated.

“Remember, too, it’s Whose we are that puts us on solid ground with this. We have to trust God for this to work out His way, and we have to do it moment by moment.”

His shaking voice didn’t match his wise words.