21

You’d think their little bodies would just give out after a night of crying and not nursing. But no, my sweeties had a horrible night, were still wide awake at 7:00 AM, and none of us, including Scott, had any sleep.

We’d been given a few more days before Brenna would come home. Something about paperwork.

We’d planned to get the laundry done, load the dishwasher, and get showers that night. All those things went by the wayside with the twins. It took both of us to get through the night, but exhaustion wore both our nerves thin.

“Maybe a warm bath,” I said.

Scott sat cross legged on the bed holding Paul, who fussed and squirmed. I almost laughed at the disheveled hair and beard shadow that framed his sleepy face.

“Anything,” he said, with a yawn he didn’t even bother to cover.

We headed into the hallway toward the kitchen and I nearly tripped over the pile of laundry.

“Really? In the middle of the floor? I could have dropped her,” I snapped.

“It’s not as if I wasn’t headed to the laundry room when you hollered for help, Bailey. I’ve been in the bedroom with you ever since, and I forgot all about the pile of laundry.” He stepped over Mount Laundry and we made our way into the kitchen.

“For crying out loud,” Scott whined, and handed Paul to me. “The sink is full. Let me clear it and we’ll bathe them.”

I sighed as though it was all his fault. Mean, but I was so tired.

“Didn’t you ask Tracy to come by and help you with all this? Not like her to abandon us,” Scott said.

“No, you asked her, not me. She’s not at your beck and call now that she’s working at Barkley House, Scott. Besides, I’d have gotten all caught up if it weren’t for these two little munchkins.”

“Well, where’s your mother, then?” He practically threw dishes into the dishwasher.

“How could you, Scott? After all they’ve done for us? Mother simply had to go back to work. I have to learn to handle this on my own, after all. Especially with Brenna coming in a few days,” I said, letting emotion warp my tone of voice.

He whipped around, dishwater dripping on the floor. “Exactly.”

The reality of my incompetence dropped on me like an after-game dousing, except there was no victory in sight. I thought I could handle all this. That familiar, rising anger that I’d been dealing with stung like acid against the back of my throat. I tried to practice the anxiety and stress relieving techniques that Michele taught me in our sessions. Truth was that I just didn’t want to. I wanted to lash out. But at whom? God? My dead father? Scott? To keep from saying something I’d regret, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. The explosion didn’t happen, just tears.

Scott made an exasperated sound, dropped to his knees with a dishtowel and wiped up the spills.

He’s getting tired of me. I’d promised in our marriage covenant to only bring good to him, never harm. That promise was already broken. Who could blame him for not wanting to be steeped in this mess?

My crying agitated the babies, who ramped up their royal fuss to higher decibels. All three of us sat at the kitchen table, bawling our eyes out.

Scott finished cleaning out the sink and started the water running to fill for their baths.

The doorbell rang.

“Thank God,” Scott said. “Surely the cavalry has arrived.”

I followed him down the hall. He hopped over the laundry pile. I was tempted to kick it out of the way, but I had both babies in my arms. If someone could just hold Paul and Helen for half an hour and let Scott and I get control of this mess, that’d be good.

Scott flung open the door and his jaw dropped.

I gasped. I became acutely aware of his rooster hair, unshaven shadow, as well as my two day old nightgown and no makeup.

“Barbara Okeke, Social Services,” the woman said, extending her hand through the front door. Her dark caramel skin and deep brown eyes glowed under an intricate African-style headdress. A pencil jutted from the top of her right ear. Her conservative navy business suit was accented with a colorful beaded necklace. She held an official looking clipboard in her other hand.

Not a peep came from our throats. Even the twins were quiet.

“Is this a bad time?” She recoiled her extended hand and wrapped it around the clipboard. She craned her neck to look behind us.

“Oh, no, um, sorry. Please, come in.” Scott said, and stepped back.

I managed to seat myself on the couch, still holding both babies.

“It’s just that we didn’t know anyone was coming from Social Services. We had a bad night with these two,” I said.

“Adorable. May I?” She set the clipboard on the coffee table and reached for Paul.

“Of course,” I said. Lord, have mercy on us. His diaper was soaked.

She stood in front of me with Paul.

Scott picked up Helen.

“It’s just a formality. I have to present a report of the living conditions that Brenna will be coming to,” she said, and then added, “presumably.”

“You mean it’s not a done deal?” I asked, clutching at the top of my gown trying to look decent.

“I believe you were told it is temporary? Nevertheless, the report has to be filed before she can be released into your care.” She handed Paul to me.

At least the babies weren’t screaming.

“This isn’t normal, Mrs. Okeke. We usually have help. It’s just that they were up all night, and so were we.” Scott motioned her to sit in the recliner next to the couch.

“It’s ‘Miss’, but please call me Barbara. Of course not. Normal is not well, normal, when you bring twins home for the first time, especially after what you went through, Mrs. West.” She retrieved the pencil from behind her ear and scribbled something on the clipboard.

“Well, what do you need to know?” Scott sat next to me, rocking Helen back and forth.

“Basically, I just need to walk around and view the surroundings, evaluate the appropriateness for Brenna. And I’ll need to ask you a few questions, as well as interview your family members. It’s a concern that you, Mrs. West, may not be up to the challenge of a seriously ill child on your hands in the midst of all this,” she said, extending her hand from the babies to the pile of laundry.

“Bailey, please, Barbara, and I assure you I’ve weighed the pros and cons. So has my husband. We can manage. She needs us.” Now would be the time for Scott to back me up, but he sat silent.

Barbara Okeke just nodded. “Well, let me get this over with and get out of your hair. Please sit here, if you don’t mind. I won’t be long.” She stood, stepped over the pile of laundry, and headed down the hall.

“Um, there’s water all over the floor,” she said, stepping back over the laundry, which was now soaking wet. We’d left the bath water running in the kitchen sink.

Scott handed Helen to me, sprinted past her, slipped and fell, hit his head on the wall, and sprawled in front of her.

“Are you all right?” she asked.

“Ouch!”

I stood, both babies in my arms, and attempted to walk around the pile.

He sat up and rubbed his head. “I’m fine, thank you very much,” he whispered.

“Bailey, you stay there,” Barbara said.

I didn’t like her tone. Sleepless, nightgown clad, and irritable, it felt as if she was ordering me around. This couldn’t get any worse.

She tiptoed around Scott, went into the kitchen, turned off the water, and then took off her suede flats. She set her shoes and the clipboard on the closest kitchen chair.

“Oh, no. I hope they’re not ruined,” I said.

Scott glared at me with a look that seemed to say, I’m sitting here with a knot on my head, and you’re worried about her shoes?

Barbara walked back into the hallway on bare feet, and went to the pile of wet clothes. She kicked some of them toward Scott. “Walk on those so you don’t slip down again.” She kept shoving clothes toward him.

Hopelessness enveloped me. They’d never let Brenna come home to this chaos. Maybe that was best, but a profound sadness weakened me. I took the twins and perched on the couch. I tuned out Scott and Barbara Okeke, who was walking around the house scribbling on her clipboard. She went upstairs. At least the room we’d planned to put Brenna in was clean, if not decorated the way I wanted. The room she’d probably never use.

She’d asked me to stay on the couch, but my babies were both asleep, so I defied orders and took them to our bedroom to put them in their cribs. I thought about jumping in the shower, but figured it made no difference now. Whatever test Barbara came for, we’d obviously flunked. The babies always woke up when I got in the shower anyway. Maybe she’d leave and I could get a nap before they woke up. Oh, wait, no, the laundry pile. Whatever.

I thought of Brenna and her favorite book. I’d seen the Anne of Green Gables movie. There was a line that went something like “my life is a graveyard of buried hopes.”

Yep, and Scott and my babies did not deserve any of this.

#

Bailey disappeared into our room with the twins while Barbara Okeke finished her “evaluation”. I didn’t bother to retrieve Bailey when it was time for Barbara to leave. I knew she was overwhelmed.

“Thanks, Mr. West. I’m sorry to have shown up at such a bad time. I didn’t have twins, but I do remember how difficult even one could be. I have two sons.” She shoved her pencil over her ear.

“I assure you it’s not like this all the time. We just had a bad night. We do have a lot of help, just not today.” I held her wet shoes in my hand and opened the front door for her.

“I’m sure. It’s not so much the baby chaos that concerns me. It’s your wife’s state of mind. I may be assuming too much, but her ordeal sounds terrifying and one that would not be easily gotten over.” She reached for her shoes.

Every fiber in my being wanted to support Bailey and Brenna in this. But I was worried about my wife. I didn’t know what to say.

“I’d like to pay for those shoes, Barbara. I’m really sorry about that whole mess.”

“No need. They aren’t expensive, and they may dry out all right.” She smiled.

“So, will your evaluation hurt us or help us?” I had to ask.

“The home is more than adequate. Miss Brenna is begging to be sent here. It could only be a benefit to her. But again,” she began.

“I get it.” Might be disastrous for Bailey.

“Well, it was very nice to meet you both, and congratulations on your beautiful children,” she said, and walked onto the porch.

“Thank you.” I stood at the door until she got into her car, then went back inside the house.

Bailey was asleep in our bed. The twins slumbered peacefully in their cribs. Thank heaven. I backed out of the room as quietly as I could, but not before I noticed that Bailey’s face had the definite look of someone who’d cried herself to sleep. How had I not heard that?

I started on the wet mess of clothes strewn all up and down the hall. It really didn’t take long to mop up, and then start the dishwasher and the washer. Amazing how those two little ones could completely consume our time. Had I ever loved anything so much as Bailey and those twins? That thought immediately settled on my mom and dad. How they would have loved seeing me married and bouncing twin babies.

My love for Bailey staved off the underlying anger I felt toward her father. I was too busy trying to keep her from falling apart and I didn’t have time to deal with it. I knew I could never let it overtake me for her sake. He was dead now, anyway. Nothing to vent my anger on. And now Brenna. I had no problem with welcoming her into our family. I just didn’t think Bailey could take it. I suddenly realized I needed to pray and pray hard. Right now. I tiptoed back into our room and left Bailey’s cell phone on the bed with a note.

Bailey, I’m running a quick errand. Call me when you wake up.

I took some chicken breasts out of the freezer and tossed them into the sink. The kids never did get their bath. I jogged across the back yard to the Prayer Garden. Someone beat me to it.

My mother-in-law was on her knees, and oblivious to my approach.

“Mom? Everything OK?” I sprinted up the few steps into the gazebo.

She looked up, wiped away tears with her hands, and then sat up on the bench. “Oh, hey, Scott.”

I sat down next to her and took her hand. “You’re not worried about Bailey, too, are you?”

“Of course I am. My child is hurting, and trying to take on Brenna too is a bit much, don’t you think?” She shook her head and let out a ‘whew’.

“She is pretty exhausted and emotional. I agree that it’s the right thing to do, but the timing couldn’t be worse.”

“Which is what I’ve been praying about. I think I have a solution.” She squeezed my hand.

“I’m all ears.”

“What if Brenna came home to Toppy and I? She could still be a part of Bailey’s life, and it would give Bailey time to heal, and get used to mothering.” She laid her head on my shoulder.

You could have knocked me over with a feather. She wanted to take in the child of her ex-husband.

“I know what you’re thinking. Toppy asked the same question. But she’s a child, and she’s Bailey’s sister. That’s all that matters.” She stood up and paced back and forth in front of me.

“What does Uncle Toppy think of this arrangement?”

“He’s very supportive. I was just here praying, and making sure before I approached you two about it.”

“Wow. It would help. Still,” I began.

“I know. Brenna could still die. I can’t imagine what that would do to Bailey. But the thought of that sick child in the house when Bailey is so fragile. If everything was perfect, taking care of twins is still a challenge. At least with the responsibility of Brenna on our shoulders, she might get stronger, in mind and body.”

I didn’t know what to say. A little hope entered my heart.

“Is now a good time? Should I go to the house and talk to her about it?”

“We had a terrible night last night. She hasn’t slept. But all three were snoozing when I left just now. Maybe this evening?”

“Perfect, we’ll come and bring dinner.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I said. “A Social Services person came and evaluated the residence an hour ago. She said the home was “more than adequate”, but there was sheer chaos. Barbara, that was her name, said Bailey’s state of mind is a concern.”

“I can imagine. Do you think she’ll go for it?”

“I don’t know, but I’ll pray right now. I’ll see you and Toppy tonight.” I got on my knees as she left the gazebo.

God worked things out before I’d asked.

A quiet confidence settled over me, and I turned my prayers to Brenna.