Chapter 10

Randy

I’ve said nothing to her since I saw her, but she knows to follow me, and as much as I’d love to smack her I lead her into a small storage room a few doors down, that Bobby has arranged to have opened for us. The light is already turned on and the door is propped open, so I close it and keep my eyes on the floor, because just the thought of looking at her right now makes me want to puke. She says nothing at first, and I realize that for the first time ever, Emily is speechless. She usually has plenty to say.

“I was…giving you a chance to yell at me.” she says fairly.

I clench my jaw but say nothing. My eyes don’t move to her.

“Randy, it wasn’t just cheap sex. Jeff and I…he wasn’t lying when he said that we’re in love.”

My chest is heaving. This must have been going on for a very long time for her to be in love. It took her…what…a year to tell me that she loved me? I have no response for her, so I say nothing…yet.

“We bought a house together, in Malibu. I was going to tell you after our anniversary. I didn’t want to crush you. Jeff told his wife tonight after…well, after this afternoon. We realized that it was foolish to carry on this long without coming clean.”

Oh, how fucking noble of them.

“You can keep the house, Randy. I know that you won’t have a place to live.”

Nothing. I can feel the bile coming up my throat, but I swallow it down. She’s not even worth it.

“You can keep your car, too. I’ll arrange to have the few things I want taken away when the new house closes escrow.” She swallows. “You can have everything. It’s the least that I can do.”

My teeth are grinding together so hard my head hurts. My fingernails are cutting into the insides of my palms. It’s taking everything in me not to hit her. What am I, a fucking charity case? This doesn’t make up for shit.

“Randy?” she looks at me, but I don’t look at her.

Not an apology, not a word of remorse. Nothing. She’s the most heartless fucking bitch that ever lived.

“Randy, say something, please.” She almost begs.

Drawing in a deep breath, my nostrils flare. “I don’t want anything from you. You can fucking rot in hell.” I practically whisper, speaking coldly, without looking at her, and I walk out, not looking back. She doesn’t follow me. Stomping up the hall, back to the green room, I can hear Swivel on stage, and I see the girls siting in the room, looking like they’ve been told to sit down and shut the fuck up. “Sorry about that, girls. I didn’t mean to come off pissy.”

“No, that’s okay, Randy.” Darrell says. “We should go, anyway. You guys probably have a million things to do, and we have a long ride home.”

“You’re not staying?”

“Well, no.” Darrell says, and then Kristina interrupts.

“My boring dish rag of a sister has to work in the morning, and she doesn’t want to leave your dog.”

Randy’s face falls. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I can arrange to have someone go let him out in the morning.”

Darrell waves. “No, it’s fine. I do really have to work in the morning. I was lucky to get out of work in time to make it tonight.”

“Boss man’s a real hardass, huh.”

“That’s putting it mildly.”

Kristina changes the subject. “Hey, where’s Corey?”

“Staying as far away from me as possible.” I answer with a scoff.

“Are you going to be okay?” Darrell asks.

With a slight hesitation, I nod. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. I’m going to stay with Wade during our breaks, and I’ll get Crimson to front me some money to get a place when the tour is over.”

“I can get you a great deal on a house, Randy.” Kristina offers.

“Sure, that’d be great, thanks.” Then I look at Darrell. “If looking after Carter is going to be a bother, I can find alternate arrangements. Really. I don’t want to be a pain in the ass.”

“No, it won’t be.” Darrell insists. “If it’s okay with you, I’m actually going to bring him to the office with me. He’ll be great company and protection during the day, and that way he won’t be lonely, and I can take him out whenever he needs to go.”

“Hey, that’s a great idea, sis.” Kristina says.

“I’m very cool with that. He’ll love it.” I say and mean it. Carter’s a very social animal, and that’ll be right up his alley. “But, don’t you think you should ask Brian first?”

“I’ll tell a little white lie and say that it’s a condition of doing your next video if he puts up a fuss. Plus, he’s never there, so he won’t even notice.”

We hear footsteps approach, and suddenly the boys are in the room with sunken faces. “Oh, man, you told them.” I say to Wade. “Well, you can wipe those pusses off, man, she’s not fucking worth it.”

“Sorry, man, I had to tell them.” Wade says regretfully. “I couldn’t lie.”

“That’s okay, brother. It was going to be out in the open some time.”

Corey walks up to me and pats me on the back. “Sorry, buddy. Anything you need, just say the word.”

“You want us to go grab you a groupie, man?” Gordon asks, and I know that he’s only half joking.

I laugh. “I’m good. But I’ll let you know.” I joke.

“Just think of all the tail you’ll get now, man.” Wade says, and I know that he means well, but the thought of being with another woman right now makes my skin crawl.

“Yeah.” I say, shuddering. Time to change the subject. “Shit, I’m sorry. Did you girls want to watch Swivel?”

“Sure. Do you guys have any commitments? Maybe we can watch together.” Darrell suggests.

“I think after last night, any commitment would be a little hesitant until they find the dude who called the bomb threat.” I answer.

“More like the kid.” Wade adds. “And the little fucker’s probably got friends in high places who can cover his tracks. They’ll never find him. Not unless they get the Feds involved. They’re the ones with all the fucking technology for shit like that.”

“You’ve been watching too much ‘Cloak & Dagger’, man.” Corey scoffs, and I notice that he goes to slide his arm around Kristina. She looks at him like he’s her first Trans Am. I hope he doesn’t plan on fucking her and saying adios, like Gordon does, or we’re going to be in some hot water with these girls.

“Come on.” I say, taking Darrell’s hand in mine. “Let’s go watch the show and chill out, man.” We stand off to the side, backstage, and watch Swivel hammer out tunes. “You like this band?” I ask Darrell over the din.

“They’re okay.” She says honestly. “Max can be a bit of an asshole. At least to me, anyways. He may be sweet to you, I don’t know.” She frowns.

“What did he do?”

She waves. “It doesn’t really matter. Unless he asks me to do another one of his videos, which I doubt, seeing as he all but refused to pay for my services, since he thought my work was trash, so I think it’s safe to say that our business together is done.”

“They’re a little aggressive, I admit, and I heard that they can be hard asses.”

“But they’re a great band. I’m glad that you guys have been given this huge opportunity.”

“So, I suppose offering to meet them would be redundant, huh.” I smile.

“Kind of. But Kristina might be up for that.”

We look over at Kristina and Corey, standing together, and notice that Kristina is standing in front of Corey, while his arms are wrapped around her from behind. His hands are in her front pockets, and hers are on his wrists. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that they’re a couple. The thought makes me nervous.

“Is it just me, or was the crowd more…err…rambunctious…when we were on?” I ask Darrell.

“Definitely.” She says, almost growling for emphasis. “And I’m being perfectly honest here. Whether or not Max is an asshole, I still agree that the audience enjoyed themselves way more when you were up there.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. I was one of them.” She winks.

“Last night, too?”

“For sure. Last night you guys killed it. Swivel didn’t have a prayer. They may come off all tough and heavy, but they don’t have their audience eating out of their hands the way that you guys do. The engagement isn’t there. Yeah, max is pumping his ass here and there, but he’s not really engaging. Sure, the whores like him, but who else does? And their guitar player can’t hold a candle to you. He doesn’t have nearly the moves that you do, and again, you engage with the audience. This guy would probably drop his guitar if he looked up.”

I have to chuckle at that. Flavio is pretty good, actually, but he certainly doesn’t smile much when he’s on his axe, and Darrell’s right in that he’s very focused and centered, and he almost never looks at the audience. “I think you should tell him that.”

“Not on your life. He scares me, too. These guys are not people to mess around with. I can’t imagine that they take constructive criticism well, in fact, I know they don’t.”

We watch the rest of the show, and the fans seem to enjoy themselves overall, but I notice that there aren’t any bras being thrown on stage, or any items for that matter, and the only time that the fans really go wild is when they shoot fireworks towards the end of the show. Swivel doesn’t even go out for an encore, which I resent them for. Since we’re the opening act and not the headliner, we’re not allowed to do an encore unless approved by Swivel, which they said no to.

“Hey, you girls want to hang around for a bit before we jet out of here on the tour bus?” I offer.

“I should really get going. I have to work in the morning, like I said, and it’s a long drive back.”

“Sure. Okay.” I nod, but I can’t help the disappointment in my tone. I’m a little bit nervous about the first leg of this tour, and for some reason, having Darrell here is comforting. When the show is over and our crew is busy packing up our stuff, we hang in the green room with the girls and Swivel. It doesn’t look like Kristina wants to leave, as she’s glued to Corey, and Darrell keeps giving her the eye, but she’s ignoring her sister. “Looks like Kris wants to hook up with Corey.” I whisper to her from behind her ear.

“No shit.” She says with a scoff.

Kristina, all but kissing Corey in the corner, is suddenly interested in more than just her latest conquest. “What’s that, sis?”

“I said no shit.” Darrell’s voice is flat and unimpressed.

“No shit what?” Kris asks.

“Never mind. We should go, Kris. I have to get up in like seven hours, and two of them are going to be spent driving.”

“I’m driving, so stop worrying.” Kristina says, gaze turning back to Corey.

“Yo, why don’t you two go fuck in the other room?” Max says bluntly, as if he’s offering to make them some toast.

Kristina scoffs, rightly insulted, and I have to give a point to Max. “What do I look like?”

Darrell intervenes. “Like someone who needs to go home…now.”

For a second I’m worried that Max and his boys are going to get pissed off, but then a throng of girls come in, escorted by their road manager, and we’re squeezed out of the green room. We head into the small room where Emily and I had it out earlier. “Look, why don’t we go into the tour bus, where we’ll have way more room?” I offer, not wanting to stay in this room any more than necessary. I can still feel her presence in there.

“Okay. We’ll say our goodbyes after we check out your rockin’ tour bus.” Kristina says.

We walk out back and show them the tour bus, which is nothing special, aside from the fact that it looks like vagrants are living in it, which we kind of are. Clothes are thrown all over the place, pillows, bedding, everything is all over. We have to do a quick sweep of the place, so we have somewhere to sit. “Shit, I forgot my wallet in the dressing room.” I say.

“Shit! I forgot my purse!” Darrell states.

Kristina and Corey are oblivious, having found Corey’s bunk, and Wade and Gordon are taking turns chugging from Wade’s bottle of hooch that he keeps in his duffel bag.

“Come on. The groupies probably aren’t fucking on our stuff yet.” I joke.

She slaps me playfully. “You’re so gross.”

“I do try.”

It’s dark, so I take her hand in mine, as we walk back into the rear entrance of the auditorium. The dressing room is first, so we head in there, and as soon as I walk in, it’s like fucking deja-vous from earlier. Max has his head in between some chick’s legs. He lifts his head and tells us to fuckoff, so I grab my wallet off the corner of the table next to them, and gingerly walk out. The look on Darrell’s face is pure disgust. “Sorry about that.” I say to her.

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.” She says, even though she looks like she wants to puke. “I’d forget about my purse if my wallet wasn’t in there.”

“Don’t worry. Hopefully they’re not having an orgy in the green room. How about I run in and grab it for you?”

“Would you? I can’t…unsee that.”

“Okay.”

Luckily, the green room is where they’re just smoking up and generally partying. Nobody’s genitals are hanging out. Nonetheless, I excuse myself, and grab Darrell’s purse, which is hanging off the back of the chair that she was sitting on. The clan in there barely notices me as I walk in and walk back out again. I feel like an errant child stealing cookies, but my parents are too busy getting high to notice. “Thanks.” Darrell says, draping her purse strap over her shoulder. “Man, what a life you live.”

“This isn’t my life.” I correct. “I don’t do any of that shit.”

She looks at me. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Not every musician does all that shit, you know. I did a little in the beginning, but for me, it was always about the music, never about the other stuff. Especially after I got married. It’s like it was time to get serious. Emily was supporting me, and I felt like me fucking around with all that shit was just a slap in the face to her. I guess that mindset is what sort of kept me in line.”

“Either that or you were just a responsible person from the start.” Darrell states, giving me credit.

“I’ve always taken my career seriously, too. Which is why I’m trying to get Kristina out of here. My job is all I have, and I know some parts of it suck, but the rest of it is wonderful.”

“I get that.” I agree. “You’re great at what you do. Passion is evident.”

“Same for you, Randy.”

“I’m not denying that. Playing guitar is all I’ve ever known, and my dad always said that it doesn’t matter what you do, as long as you do it well.”

“And you do, Randy, you really do.”

“Thanks.” I lick my lips as we walk outside. I take her hand in mine again, as we walk slowly back to the tour bus. “Hey, we’re heading out of state tomorrow. Do you think you might want to come and see us on the weekend?”

“Sure. But that means that I’ll have to leave Carter with Kristina. I already know that she has to work this weekend, so I’ll be coming solo.”

“If you don’t think she’ll mind.”

“She won’t mind.” Darrell frowns. “Hey, do you need me to get anything out of your place for you?”

“Na, I’ll be coming home for a couple of days next weekend, I’ll deal with all that then.”

“Are you sure? Are you worried that she’ll like…throw your stuff out onto the street or something? I’ve heard of disgruntled wives doing that.”

“Well, I’d be more worried if I were the one that cheated on her. Although, I did say some pretty nasty stuff to her earlier, so she may toss a thing or two aside. As long as my dog is out of there, I’m good.”

“I’ll make sure Carter is safe. In fact, I’ll swing by and pick him up on our way home tonight, and that way if Emily pulls anything, he won’t be there.”

I look at her. She’s the first true female friend I think I’ve ever had. “Thanks, Darrell. I really appreciate it.”

“It’s no problem. I’d hate to see anything happen to the little guy.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of what I’m worried about.” I admit. “She hates him, and up until today, I thought that as much as she doesn’t like having him around, she’d never put him in harm’s way. Now, I’m not so sure.”

A ‘v’ forms between her eyebrows, and she hesitates before speaking. “Randy, are you sure you’re alright? You kind of sound like you’ve lost all your faith in the world.” Her arm drapes across my shoulders, and she pulls me close, as we walk slowly.

“I’ve lost all my faith in my wife, that’s for sure. Maybe that’s close enough, I don’t know.”

“Well, what one woman did to you, shouldn’t take anything away from the person that you are. People survive adultery all the time. Maybe the relationships don’t, but the people do, so while all this might seem hopeless now, things will get better, Randy.”

“It’s not that, really. I just…it’s strange how twelve hours ago, I loved her, and now…now I all but hate her. It’s like…where did the love go?”

“I think the love is still there, it’s just bruised and damaged, and it’s up to you to decide if you want to repair it.”

“Oh, there’s no way. I can’t stand the sight of her. I never want to see her again. After that, it’s like…it’s like I fell out of love with her. I don’t love her, or feel anything for her, other than hatred. Like she’s the enemy now.”

“It’s still so fresh, Randy. Give it some time.” she says, giving my shoulders a squeeze. “Believe me, I’ve been there.”

“Then you know that you can never go back.”

She looks at me, but then nods, locking eyes with me. “I never could. Neither could Kristina. I think that once that line is crossed, it’s over. And unless you’ve been otherwise happily married for many years, and have a lot more at stake, it’s tough to mend the relationship.”

“That…can never be fixed. Plus, she’s moved on.” I explain. “She told me that they’re in love and that they’ve bought a house together. Made me fucking sick.”

Her eyes widen. “Dear Lord.”

“Yeah, she said that she wanted to wait until after our anniversary to tell me.” I shake my head. “Stupid, since it sounds like it’s been going on for a long time. She could have told me ages ago from the sounds of it. She’s known Jeff since the beginning of her last shoot, which was like six months ago, and she knew him even before that, too. For all I know, this could have been going on since right after we got married. Makes me wonder why she even fucking married me.”

Darrell simply sighs and shakes her head.

“I mean, I know that she wanted to stay married, why, I don’t know. She was paying for everything while me and the boys were paid a pittance to play at nightclubs and smaller venues. What’s confusing is she never rubbed it in my nose or showed any sign of resentment.”

“Maybe cheating was her way of doing that.”

“Maybe so. But if she resented me for that, then why didn’t she tell me?”

“Probably because she wanted both, and it gave her power.”

“What do you mean?”

“By supporting you and cheating on you, she was in control.”

I pause to digest that for a moment. “She’s fucking sick.” Darrell’s looking at me with such honest eyes it makes me pause and stare at her for a moment.

“I’m so sorry that you’re going through this, Randy. You deserve so much better.”

The way she’s looking at me, it’s almost motherly. This girl really gives a damn about me. Like she’s a magnet, I feel drawn to her, and before I can stop myself, my hands slowly snake around her waist, and it’s like that’s what she wanted…to hug me, so I hug her. It’s like in her mind she was begging me to let her hold me, as if maybe it might not be appropriate, or maybe I might feel uncomfortable hugging another chick after what happened with Emily. And as I pull her close, her arms encircle my neck snugly, and it feels so goddamn good I swear to God a lump starts to form in my throat.

No sexual tension, no ulterior motive, no mind games, nothing. Just…a hug. When I need it most of all. Her touch is so calming it’s like the closest thing I’ve felt since the last time I smoked a joint. I had no idea that there was so much pent up anxiety inside me until I could feel it release from my shoulders while Darrell holds me close. She burrows her head inside my neck and cuddles me, almost as if to feel that anxiety emit from me is exactly what she needs too. No words are exchanged, no nuances in her movements that suggest expectations, just pure, simple, friendship, and helping a friend get through a really tough time. Day one; anger and numbness. Day two; who the fuck knows, I’m just getting through day one.

Darrell stands there holding me until Martin and one of our roadies comes barrelling out of the back, readying to load the transport truck waiting on the other side of the tour bus. I didn’t notice that there was somebody sitting right in the cab, watching us. “Uh, we have an audience, babe.” I say, pulling back.

“Oh.” She whispers. “Did I get you into trouble?”

“No, not at all, I just…as much as I don’t want you to leave, I know you’ve got work in the morning. I don’t want to keep you.”

“Randy, I can stay if you want me to.” She offers sweetly, pinching her lips into a warm smile.

“I want you to, but I know you have to go.” I kiss her forehead.

“Yo, Randy! Are we ready to hit the road, man?” Frank, our driver bellows as he comes out of the auditorium.

“Okay, I’ll let you go.” Darrell says, and then she kisses me on the cheek. “I’ll see you on Saturday.”

I nod. “Okay. And, hey, thanks.”

“Any time.”

“Randy?” Frank repeats.

“Yeah, buddy, we’re ready to go.” I say, watching Darrell walk into the bus. “We just…have to offload someone.”

And as I watch the girls leave, I find myself gazing at their car, all the way until the headlights disappear.

…and I miss her already.