Chapter 14

Darrell

As I get on the plane, I feel like I’m floating. That look in Randy’s eyes is something I’ve never seen before. Last night was so difficult. I want him so badly, but I know that he’s not ready to jump into anything with me, and as much as my body says yes to him, my heart is saying no, don’t screw it up. And hey, he’s going to be without me for at least a week, and knee deep in girls, fans, groupies, he’s probably going to forget all about me. I’m just a Band-Aid to get him through the rough patches, and nothing more. Randy is so far out of my league it’s laughable. He’s a rock star. I’m just a video editor. He’s married to a Hollywood celebrity, and going to go through a Hollywood divorce, too. The fact that I’m even thinking about him in the way that I am is ridiculous. A life with him is so far out of reach I have a better chance of sprouting a second head. But I’ve enjoyed the time I’ve had with him so much it hurts to say goodbye.

Kristina is home when I arrive. She’s dressed up in a pants suit. Her hair is all done up, too, and her briefcase is on the kitchen table. “Hey,” I say as I enter the door, carrying my bag. “You got another open house?”

“Yeah.” She looks up as she rinses her coffee mug in the sink. One look at me and she smirks. “Uh oh.”

I whine. “Oh, don’t start. Nothing happened. I didn’t sleep with him. Well, technically I did, but it’s not what you think.”

A hand rests on her hip as she smiles at me. I start to ramble, not wishing for her to put me through the third degree. “We stayed in this flea bag motel and my door wouldn’t lock, so I had to sleep in Randy’s room with him. He didn’t lay a finger on me, and we only kissed at the gate before I got on the plane, but that’s it. He’s gone to New Mexico now and I don’t know if I’ll see him again, even though he says he’ll see me next weekend when he comes home to finish recording the album.” I look at her. She hasn’t blinked. “Corey’s fine by the way. He misses you.” Not a word. “Where’s Carter?”

Just as I say that, Carter comes tearing down the stairs, running towards me. “Hi, buddy!” His tail is wagging a mile a minute as he cries, dying for me to pet him. I bend down to his level. “Oh, your daddy misses you so much, baby!” I hug him and he cries he’s so excited to see me.

“He must have been upstairs in my room. Little bugger loves my room when you’re not here.”

“So, no snarky comebacks?” I ask, hugging Carter.

“You’re a big girl. You know what you’re doing.” She shrugs. “Besides, I don’t have time. I’m late for an open house.” She takes her briefcase off the table. And just as I think I’m off the hook, she utters. “By the way, you’re in love with him.”

“You think I don’t know that?” I blurt. “But I’ll get over it.”

“Something tells me you won’t have to.”

“Yeah, I doubt that. Did you know that they hit number one?”

“I heard. But that doesn’t change anything, Dar. He loves you, too.”

“What makes you think that?”

“The fact that he hasn’t slept with you.” She says nonchalantly, like she’s an expert. “Guys looking for something casual would have already done that by now.”

“He’s just getting out of a marriage, Kris. He wants nothing to do with women.”

“Don’t be a fool, Dar. If he didn’t want anything to do with you, he wouldn’t have flown you out there to see him. And he sure as hell wouldn’t trust you with his dog.”

“How do I know he isn’t just using me?”

She stands there and looks at me like she wants to puke. “God, what the fuck did Craig do to you. Even I’m not as jaded as you after my encounter with Adam.” She shakes her head. “I think that your brain is making you think crazy things because you think you’re not good enough for Randy. Well, think again, sis. Even I know that the guy is head over heels in love with you.”

I’m silent for a moment.

She adds, as she picks up her car keys and walks out the door. “Corey knows, too.”

 

***

 

The phone rings at eight o’clock, as I’m reading in bed, cuddling with Carter. “Hello?” I answer.

“Hey, babe. How was your flight?”

“Good. Short. How are you?”

“Good.” He sighs sharply. “Just getting pumped for the show. We go on in about a half an hour. Just wanted to call before we do our warm-up.”

“You’re sweet. You didn’t have to do that.”

He ignores my statement. “How’s Carter?”

“Sleeping on my feet while I’m reading in bed.”

“I’m so jealous.”

“I’m so boring.” I chuckle. “I’d much rather be there.”

“You’re not boring.”

“Well, I’m not rocking out with a zillion fans, either.” I change the subject. “Kris misses Corey.”

“Oh yeah? I think he misses her, too, but hell if he’ll admit to it.”

“It’s not a guy thing to admit to.”

“I disagree, babe.” He pauses. “I miss you, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”

“You just miss my bra and garter.” I joke.

I hear something in the background. “Shit, babe. I gotta go. I’ll call you after the show.”

“Okay. Hey, good luck.”

“Thanks, babe. Give Carter a hug for me.”

“I will.”

“Talk to you later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

I fall asleep reading, and I awake at midnight, to Carter nuzzling me because he needs to go out. Randy hasn’t called yet and I’m sure that the show ended. I try not to worry, but it’s eating at me. What happens if he’s hooked up with a groupie after the show? Or he’s met a smitten fan? Why am I driving myself nuts over this? Randy is not for me and he never will be, so stop this madness. After taking Carter out, I head off to bed, trying to put it out of my head that I ever had a chance with Randy. Just the memory of the time we’ve spent together is good enough for me, even though inside I’m aching to see him again.

Brian is coming into the office this morning, so I make good and sure that I’m very early to arrive, ensuring that I’m there well before he is. He doesn’t know about Carter yet, so I put a big blue bow around his neck to pretty him up, in hopes that that may help alleviate any negativity around me keeping a dog in the office. I even took a few pictures of some of our newest clients with him, and framed them, so Brian can see that the dog is a hit. I’ve got all the latest video edits I’ve done lined up, so he can go through them, and I have the receipt that Crimson Records sent, showing that they wired the money to Brian’s business account.

Carter is sitting on my feet as I go through the initial editing process from the raw footage of a video, when Brian comes in the door. He’s tanned, his hair is bleached from the sun, and he’s lost some weight up front. If he weren’t ten years my senior…and an asshole…I’d think that he wasn’t half bad. “Hey, boss man, how was the vacation?”

“Good. How are things here?” he asks almost tersely. Then he looks down at Carter at my feet, who has stood up, and for some reason, is as rigid as a brick. “Who’s the mutt?”

“Randy’s Jackson’s dog. His name’s Carter.” I explain. “Randy needed someone to watch him and I needed protection, so it was an even trade. Plus, he’s agreed to let us do the next video for him.”

“What do you need protection for?”

“Um, Brian, in case you didn’t notice, there’s a shooting up the street at least weekly, break-ins happen on a monthly basis, and I do believe the cops are investigating a murder a block over.”

“Nobody’ll touch this place. We don’t keep cash on site and we’re nowhere near a pharmacy. Thugs have no reason to bother us.” He states.

Easy for you to say. “Hey, did you see the funds from Crimson for Brave Face’s video yet? I have a copy of the receipt.”

“Yeah, it finally showed up. Apparently it was a problem with the bank on my end.”

“Oh, good.” Brian walks behind me and Carter doesn’t take his eyes off him. He goes to pet him, and Carter lifts his lips into a tight snarl. “Fuck, I hate dogs.”

“He can sense that.”

“Can’t you…let him go outside or something?”

“He won’t hurt you. He’s harmless.”

He sighs. “Fine. I don’t have much time. Show me what you’ve go there.” he mentions the name of the band and asks if this is the footage from them.

“Yes. I’m just working on the raw stuff so far. No tweaking is done yet.”

“Okay. Did you take copies of all the other stuff you’ve done while I was away?”

“Yes. It’s on your desk.” I nod.

“Okay. I’ll pick it up and take it home for review. Why don’t you courier me over the tape when you’re done with that one?”

“Sure. Hey, are you going to be in town for a while?”

“Nope. I’m heading off to Greece in three days. That’s why I’m going to review this work before I go.”

“Well, can we go through some stuff before you leave? I’d like to discuss a few things.”

He folds his arms over his chest like I’m an annoyance. “What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I’d like to talk about you getting someone in here to give me a hand. Even part-time. It’s getting a little bit too hairy for me to handle, especially when there’s a band in here.”

He frowns. “Okay. Next.”

“A security system. These locks are not doing anything to set my mind at ease.”

“What about the dog?” he asks, with a smirk.

“Well, he’s only temporary, while Randy’s on tour.”

He unfolds his arms and walks to his office door. “I’ll think about it.” Is all he says. God forbid I mention that I’m so overdue for a raise it’s laughable. “How’s that new software going?”

“Great. Love it.”

“Good.” He’s in his office for all of thirty seconds, picking up the bag that I prepared for him with all the tapes, and grabbing various things from his desk. “Okay. I’m outta here. I’ll talk to you again before I leave.”

“O…kay.” I say, thinking that I’ve been sloughed off yet again.

“See you.” He says, saluting me.

The second he leaves, Carter relaxes and lays back down at my feet. “Good call, boy.” I pat his head. “You should have bit him.” The phone rings an hour later, just as I’ve gone through a full run of the footage. “Lightning Video Editing.” I answer.

“Hey, babe.”

It’s so good to hear his voice. “Randy, hi. How are you?”

“Great. Sorry I didn’t call after the show last night.”

“That’s okay. I fell asleep anyway.”

“Yeah. Sorry. We got head up with a bunch of interviews and then Swivel, shockingly, threw us a huge party, and then we had to get on the road and leave directly for our next venue. I’m calling you from a phone booth if that’s any indication. We’re only halfway there so far, but Wade had to pull over to puke he’s so hung over, so I took advantage of a phone booth across the road.”

“How come you don’t sound hung over?”

“Because I’m not, babe. I had a beer but that’s it. Corey and I didn’t even stay for the whole party. We jammed in his room, trying to clean up the last song on the record, so we’re good and ready to get the damn thing recorded in a couple of days.”

I decide to test the waters…or poke the bear…depending on how it turns out. “So, you didn’t hook up with any groupies or anything?”

“Me?” he pauses. “I wouldn’t touch those chicks with a ten-foot pole, babe. Even if I was really desperate.”

“You mean your groupies aren’t models or anything?”

“Wade’s into the models, babe. Besides, that’s a complication that I don’t need right now.”

“How come Corey didn’t hook up?”

“Gordon’s the whore here.” He chuckles. “He hooks up every night. Corey…I think he’s holding out for Kristina if you ask me. But then again, as I said, we’re trying to polish off this last tune, which is way more important.”

“I’m glad you guys are staying focused.”

“Well, two of us are. Like I said, Wade’s puking right now, and I think Gordon’s got crabs.”

I laugh out loud. “How are you?”

“I’m great. How’s Carter?”

“He just all but growled at Brian. You would have been proud.”

“Good boy. Hey, Frank’s waving at me, so I better go. I’ll see you in a couple days.”

“Be careful.”

“You too, babe.”

 

***

 

What a week. I finished the preliminary edits for this band, and they came in, loving it, but they had a whole list of other stuff they want done, too. The footage is phenomenal, but it’s all panoramic views of places all over the world, so it’s very specific treatments that I have to use on each frame. It’s a lot of work and it’s going to look fantastic, but I’m exhausted. Carter and I were here late last night and again early this morning, and I feel so bad, because the poor dog hasn’t had much play time with me, but I’m almost finished, so I’ll make it up to him.

Brian is off to Greece, and he called to rub it in my face in the special, backhanded way that he does it. But once again, I bite my tongue and hope to God that karma will get him some day, and that somehow I’ll be there to see it. Carter is laying on the cool floor, and every time I walk past him, he wags his tail, so I have to stop and pet him. He’s got me trained. And just as I’m kneeling to pet him again, I hear the front door open, and my face lights up.

“Hey, babe.” Randy beams from the door.

Carter gets up and dashes over to him, barking his excitement, and peeing it, too. I have towels spread here and there in case he has an accident, so I grab one and place it on the floor. “What are you doing here?” I ask, smiling so brightly my cheeks hurt. Randy pets Carter, shuffling his fur from side to side as the dog rolls over onto his belly, taking his daddy in.

“Well, I just got back, and we’re heading to the recording studio in an hour. So I told Wade to drop me off here, and I thought you could take me over to the studio so we can hang together here for a bit, and then you can come with us.” Carter seems to have gotten his excitement out of his system, as I mop the floor. Randy takes a step towards me and pulls me close. “Also…I missed you.”

His body feels so good against mine. My fingers immediately go to the hair at his temples, and when we’re nose to nose, Randy leans in and kisses me on the mouth. I want so much more, but I’m so afraid to kiss him more. His kiss is chaste but meaningful and full. “I missed you, too.” I whisper as he pulls back. “Did you get to see a lawyer?”

“Oh…yeah.” he says as if he’s totally forgotten about that small detail. “Everything is signed. I’m officially separated.” He says, and then he kisses me again, as if punctuating his statement.

“And how did that go? No problems?”

“Not a one, babe. Clean and simple.”

“I bet you feel a lot better.”

“Yeah, kind of.” He frowns. “But I’m a lot better now.” he presses his forehead against mine.

“Me too.” I say honestly. I wasn’t sure if I’d see him again, aside from coming to get his dog. But I’m very pleasantly surprised. He kisses me chastely again, and draws in a deep breath, pulling me closer, nuzzling his head on mine. I can’t believe this is happening. Maybe Kristina is right. Maybe he is in love with me. God, could this be true? I feel like I’m in a dream. Carter is standing next to us, wagging his tail expectantly. “So, you have to go in an hour?”

“We have time booked at the studio in an hour, yes. Are you able to bust out of here then? If you can’t, it’s cool, I just have to call Wade to come pick me up. This is going to suck a little for a while, since I don’t have a car.”

“Yeah, no, I was just wrapping up. It’s been a long week.” My hand is on Carter’s head, and suddenly he yelps.

“What’s the matter, baby?” I ask, looking down. Randy and I exchange a look. Another yelp, and he sits, as a stream of blood flows from him. “Oh, shit! Randy!” I cry.

“God, buddy, what’s wrong?!” Randy says desperately, kneeling, looking him over. Carter continues to yelp as blood streams from him. I think it’s from his bladder, but it’s quickly pooling around him, so it could also be coming from his rear end.

I run for my car keys and shut everything off feverishly. “There’s an Emergency vet just up the street, Randy.” I grab an armload of towels, and he picks Carter up, while I fly to the car. “I’ll sit in the back with him. You drive.” I instruct, letting my newfound maternal instincts kick in as I toss him the keys. Sliding towels under Carter, I try to catch the blood, but it’s no use, it’s puddling it’s coming out so fast. I’ve never seen anything like it. “Up the street. Turn right. Big blue lights shaped like paws, Randy. You can’t miss it.” I instruct, and Carter stops yelping, and for a second I allow myself to think that he’s going to be okay, but when I look at him, his eyes are closed. “Just hang in there, baby. We’re going to get you some help.”

We reach the vet’s in record time, and we pick the limp dog up together. Thank God the receptionist sees us coming, and she grabs the door for us. “He’s got a bladder problem.” I say breathlessly as we carry the dog in. The receptionist leads us into a room with a long metal table. There is nobody else in the building from what I can see, until a lady in a white smock appears from the back.

“Yeah, another vet said that there was nothing that could be done.” Randy adds. How we managed to carry the blood-soaked dog in here without getting blood on ourselves is beyond me.

“We were just petting him one second and the next he started yelping, and blood started coming out of him.” I explain.

The lady in the smock, who I assume is the vet, puts a pair of gloves on, and starts touching Carter’s belly. “It feels like he’s got a mass in there. It could have ruptured.” She looks at the towels and pulls one up, but quickly puts it down. “I’m going to have to open him up, sir. Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, please.” Randy nods, pleading. “Anything you can do.”

She looks at the receptionist and they carry Carter out to the back, leaving us there, stunned. We say nothing to each other, but we walk numbly into the waiting room, where we wait, for what seems like hours, but as I watch the minutes pass on the clock, I realize it’s only twenty minutes. It’s so quiet in here you could hear a pin drop. It’s eerie. Nobody comes out for a whole twenty minutes, and then we hear the door from the back click, and we both rise as we see the vet appear. The look on her face is unreadable, practiced, and I get a sinking feeling in my gut.

“He has a mass, as I suspected. The vet who saw him about his bladder should have investigated further. It’s been there for quite some time, sir, and it ruptured, causing major internal bleeding.”

Randy’s face is white. My stomach feels like it’s about to empty its contents right onto the floor. “So, can you take it out? Wha…can you do anything for him?” Randy asks. The desperation in his voice is heartbreaking.

She tilts her head slightly but she doesn’t lose eye contact. It’s a gesture of sympathy. “I’m afraid not, sir. It’s much too large, and the blood loss is severe.”

“So, what now? Can you patch him up? What do we do?” Randy asks, grasping straws.

She purses her lips, and blinks very slowly. “He’s already gone, sir. I’m so sorry. There was nothing I could do.”

My hand goes to my mouth as I gasp. Randy exhales quickly, as if his breath has been cut off. He scrubs a hand down his face and swallows slowly. “Can…can I see him?”

With a quick nod, she turns around, leading us to a small surgical room in the back. Carter is laying on his side, with a tube sticking out of his mouth. His snout is unnaturally facing up, and his eyes look like they’ve been forced shut. His ears are still perked up, like he can hear us. They’ve covered his hind end with clean blankets and covered his paws with towels. “Take as much time as you need.” The vet says, before leaving us.

“Thank you.” Randy manages, but it’s a whisper. He looks Carter over, as though checking to make sure that he really is gone, like it’s too hard to believe, and it is. Literally twenty-five minutes ago, this dog was alive, wagging his tail, waiting to be loved. The lump in my throat is the size of a watermelon, but I swear I won’t break, so I can stay strong for this man, who’s heart is probably torn into a million pieces.

What this man has gone through in the last few weeks is far beyond what I’ve gone through my whole life. My heart aches for him. I want to hug him, but I’m afraid to break him, as I can see that he’s hanging on by a string. His face is as white as a sheet, and as he pets his beloved dog for the last time, I bite my lip to keep from crying. “Come here.” Randy says. “If you don’t say goodbye, you’ll regret it. Wade told me that. When his mother died, his father didn’t say goodbye to her, and to this day the man can’t talk about his own wife, the mother of his first-born son.”

“Okay.” I say, not trusting myself to say anything else. My hand is shaking as I place it on Carter’s head. It’s still warm and soft, just like him. I caress his silky ear with my fingers. “I love you, Carter. I’ll never forget you.” I say as a rebellious tear escapes down my cheek. I look up at Randy, and his eyes are watery, as he tries to hold back the tears. He’s standing next to me, and he pats in the same spot that I’m patting.

“Sorry, buddy. I’m so sorry.” He says, raggedly, and I watch a tear crawl down his cheek.

“It’s not your fault, Randy. Please don’t blame yourself. You gave him probably the best couple of years of his life.”

“Yeah.” He sniffs. His jaw is working as he tries to hold back the tears. “I just…feel bad that he died in pain.”

“You didn’t know, Randy. And it was quick, honey. God had mercy on him because he’s such a good boy.”

The vet reappears. “How are you doing?” she asks in such a comforting, empathetic voice, that it doesn’t sound insensitive or leading. “Do you have any questions?”

“He didn’t…feel too much pain, did he?” Randy asks, his voice cracking.

“No, sir. He was already unconscious. He didn’t feel very much at all.”

“He let out a lot of yelps.” He adds, wiping his eyes. “He must have felt something.”

“He was probably just telling you that something was wrong, that’s all.” She comforts. “I noticed that he has a tattoo inside his ear. Do you know which breeder you got him from?”

“I actually found him outside a venue one night. He was just wandering around.”

“You gave him a great life then.”

“I tried to.” Randy says, catching himself before breaking down. My hand goes to his back, as I give him a tender rub. His hand goes to the back of my neck and he gives it a gentle squeeze in response. “God, I…what do we do now? I’ve never….”

“Not to worry, sir. We will have to settle the bill, but you can decide later what you would like to do with him.”

“Okay.” He wipes his eyes again and looks at Carter’s face, giving him one last pet. “I can’t…” he trails off.

“It’s okay, Randy.” I whisper, fighting back tears.

He scrubs a hand down his face and takes my hand in his, as we walk out of the room. Randy pulls his wallet out numbly, paying the bill, and the receptionist gives him a card, so he can call and let them know what to do with Carter’s remains. “Thanks.” He manages, as we walk out together. “I’ll have to pay for the cleaning.” He says, looking at the back seat of my car, which is covered in blood. If there was blood spatter anywhere, it would look like someone was murdered back there.

“That’s the least of my worries right now, Randy.” I say as he puts the key in the ignition, as if driving my car is now by rote to him.

His hand is in mine as he shifts the car into reverse. “Do you need to go back to the office?”

“No. Oh…you must be late for the studio.”

He rakes a hand through his hair. “Shit, I…I can’t go…not now. You mind if we head to your place so I can use your phone?”

“Sure. I’m not far from here.”

As we drive to my house, I’m completely numb. I’ve never been taken more by surprise in my life.

…but nothing will prepare me for the surprise that’s about to come my way.