Chapter 17

Randy

It took like a dozen cargo planes to bring all of our shit out here. The plane ride was endless, but at least we got to sleep. We’ve pulled out all the stops for this festival, man, like all the extra money we got from the first batch of record sales went right into the money for this venue. It’s the biggest we’ve ever done, and we want to do it with a bang. There are only two more shows left of our tour, and we’re done. Both are in California, too, so we’re heading home after this. Darrell’s in the back, feverishly helping the stage crew put stuff together, and she brought a camera crew to take some footage of the show for our next video. That was her idea, and I think it’s great. Live videos are huge, especially for a big one like this.

I don’t know who is more excited. Darrell is buzzing with energy and the guys are all crazy with adrenaline. My fingers are burning and covered with bandages from all the practicing we’ve been doing. Rehearsal went off without a hitch this afternoon. Turns out that Swivel really didn’t get an invite to this shindig, and I don’t know why. They’re a great band, and it’s too bad if it was a political thing, but I’m just happy that we’re here and being given a chance to show the world what we’ve got. I’m nervous as hell but also so goddamn excited I feel like I’m vibrating.

Darrell will be front and center for a while during the show, but she’s going to oversee the filming of our hit song, so she can direct what the crew is to do. She’s even got a headset on and everything. It’s the real deal. This woman is relentless. A perfectionist. Her and I are like ying and yang, we’re so alike in the working and perfection department, it kills me sometimes. I can’t wait to see what our house looks like. She’s been working her ass off getting it ready for when I come home. She’s so excited she wouldn’t even let me see it until it’s done.

I give her a million kisses before I go do my warm-up with the guys, and she giggles, because we’re both so excited. It’s like we’re the dream team or something. She loves doing this shit with me. And I love doing it with her, too. Best of all, the guys adore having her around. She’s an inspiration, and in no way is she ever a wet blanket. Gordon wants to go get a blow job before or after a show, and she makes sure that he’s got a place to go for privacy. Yeah, she’s that cool. Kristina and Corey are never going to happen. They can’t get their shit together to see each other, so it’s obviously not meant to be, and that’s fine with me. The less complicated things are the better.

After our millionth kiss, I bid my girl adieu, and she heads out to make sure that the crew are ready, while we go do our warm-up. Soundchecks were perfect, and this part is great, because it’s all our own shit up here, and we don’t have to share it with any other band, like when we’re the opening act. We also get a whole hour and a half to perform, which I’m super stoked about. We’ve been doing forty-minute sets since opening for Swivel, and I’m done with that shit. I’m hoping for our next tour, that Crimson will support us being the headlining act. We’ve got a lot to show for that after this show, so we’re giving it our best shot. This is the closest thing we’ve had to a headliner, so we’re giving it our all.

Wade’s practicing his vocals when I go backstage. His hands are twisting up and down, as if flexing his wrists, and I’ve never seen him do that before. “Dude, you okay?”

“Fuckin’ shaking in my boots here, man.” Wade admits. “Aren’t you shitting your pants?”

“No, not really. Sure, I’m a little nervous, but I’m too excited, man. This is a huge opportunity for us, man. Embrace it. The audience loves us.”

“Yeah, the American audience. This is a whole nother audience, man.”

“So? They bought tickets. We’re on the bill.”

“How do we know they didn’t just come to see the other bands play, man? What happens if when we get on stage, they all fucking fall asleep?”

“Are you fucking joking, man?”

“No, I’m not. I’m serious, brother. I’m literally shitting my fucking pants here.”

“Hold on a second.” I say. Trotting down to the hallway leading to the stage, I grab Martin. “Dude, go get Darrell for me, would ya?”

“Sure thing, man.” He nods.

Two minutes later, he brings my girl over. She’s got a look of concern on her face. “What’s wrong, honey?” she asks.

“It’s Wade. He’s got major stage fright. I need your help.”

“Aw, poor thing. Sure.” She says, and I love how she’s so concerned, genuinely.

When we reach Wade, he’s sitting on a bench with his head between his knees, looking like he’s going to faint. “Wade?” Darrell says, sitting next to him.

“I can’t fucking do it, dude.” he says to her. “I’m losing it here.”

“Are you telling me that the great and powerful Wade is scared?” she says, half joking.

“That’s exactly what I’m saying, sweetheart. I’m going to puke if I lift my head.”

“Take a deep breath. Come on, I’ll do it with you.” She motions with her hands breathing in and out. The guys, who were pacing a minute ago, come and join us. Soon, we’re all taking deep breaths, following her lead. “Now breathe in for ten, out for ten. In through the nose, out through the mouth.” We all do that, watching her closely, as she starts to knead his shoulders with her fingers, loosening the tension for him.

With Wade, you would think that he’d turn this into something lewd, but the boy must be genuinely nervous, because he’s taking it like a man. Darrell climbs in behind him, standing on the bench, with her legs parted, massaging his neck and back, while we continue to breathe.

“Now, try to lift your head, sweetie.” She says calmly, still massaging him. He lifts it slowly. “Keep breathing, Wade.” She reminds. “Do you still feel nauseous?”

“I’ll be damned.” He says, and the ghost of a smile forms on his lips.

“Keep breathing.” She says, still massaging him. “We love you, Wade. Your fans love you, from far and wide. And most important, God loves you. And God never gives you more than you can handle, sweetie.”

He nods, and I can see the focus coming back to his eyes.

“In…out.” Darrell instructs. “You can do this.” She nods and jumps off the bench. He sees her and nods, following her lead, still breathing, nodding. “This is your destiny. You’re going to wow the UK, Wade. Just like you wow Americans back home.” She’s nodding, breathing, he’s following. We’re all still following, as if it’s a mantra, as if by us all doing this, that we’re pulling Wade out of this dark place that he’s never been before.

Still breathing, still nodding, Wade’s focus is on Darrell and hers is on him. “You can do this, Wade.” She says with conviction. “This is who you are, baby.” She says tightly. He nods his agreement, looking like he’s getting pumped. I exchange a look with the guys, and they give me a reassuring glance. “Are you ready?” she coaxes.

“I…yeah, I’m ready.” He nods. “I’m ready.” He repeats. “Just…one thing.”

“What’s that, sweetie.” She says, still in the trance.

He takes a step towards her and hugs her tight, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “I love you, man. Thanks.”

“I love you, too.” She smiles. “Go get ‘em.”

I mouth ‘thank you’ to her and give her a kiss, as we hear the din of the crowd and the announcer. Wade looks at me before we hit the stage and he yells over the din. “Marry her.”

I just smile. But in my mind, I’m thinking, ‘I plan to’.

As we climb up on stage, the crowd is even crazier than at home, with flags that have notes on them, banners, Christ, there’s even a row of fans with a banner that goes across the whole row of them. The banners are all accolades for us. I had no idea we were so popular out here. Wade sees all this and smiles. Darrell was right. They love us. We break into our first song, and kill it, the crowd is going nuts. My guitar is tuned perfectly despite the long flight here, which was a worry, because we didn’t have enough time to properly tune them all.

Towards the end of the first song, I see Darrell climbing down to her spot, and a cameraman nodding at her directives. He starts filming from a cordoned off row at the lip of the stage. Angling the lens to get us in different perspectives. He’s really good and I know that this was her idea. Another cameraman has a camera on a stand with casters, to get a smoother shot of us in action. These will all be accessory shots, because the song that we’re doing the video for is coming up in another few songs. She wanted to get enough footage to do some cool treatments, and I think it’s great.

Wade’s nerves are completely gone. The reason I know that is that he’s all but straddling the mic stand, and I have to laugh. He’s in his element. Thank God. He starts removing layers of his clothes like he practiced, driving the chicks wild in the front row, especially the ones with the huge banner, who should be rewarded, and man, are they ever being rewarded. Glancing over at Darrell, she’s half watching the crew, half watching me, and I wink at her. She winks back. I want to kiss her so bad, but I can’t reach her this time, because the first row is cordoned off.

We blaze through to the song that’s being recorded, and do our practiced moves, including a modified two-step that we do in the middle of a catchy, lighter tune, and I see the cameras recording footage, so we play with the camera guys a bit, having so much fun, and the crowd loves it, as he turns around and waves, showing the first row that they’re on camera. They love it. It’s awesome. I actually blow a kiss to Darrell, and the cameraman shoots a couple of frames of her smiling at me and me smiling back.

Then, for the piece de resistance, we get to do our very first encore, which I’m so stoked about, and we play one of our other songs that’s hit the charts, making the audience roar. We end with a smoking hot pyrotechnics show, while Corey bangs the shit out of a gong behind the drum risers, and red flares shoot out from the sides of our banner behind the drum kit, and the show is over, leaving our fans screaming so loud, it’s thank God that there is no roof on this forum.

I’m higher than a kite with pure adrenaline when we head backstage. Darrell is glowing she’s so happy. She’s already looking through some of the footage from the camera, on a tiny screen behind the camera. It’s the latest thing, and Darrell is really excited to have this new camera. I walk up to her and give her a kiss. “How’d it go, babe?”

“Excellent. We got some perfect footage. Just awesome for what I had in mind.”

“Nice.” I smile. We already had a bunch of interviews before the show, so it’s pretty quiet here now, since the crew is off pulling our equipment from the stage, readying for the next band to go on. “Hey, you never told me how you managed to get the time off, babe. I thought you said that Brian would never give you the time off. Did he hire someone to help you out finally?”

She sets the camera down and purses her lips into a smile. “Not exactly.” She licks her lips and draws in a deep breath. “You were right. That job was hardly worth it, Randy. While we were apart, I thought about it a lot, when I wasn’t thinking of you. I took copies of my best work, made a copy of the software program that I’ve been using, made note of all the contact names that have thrown me the best projects, and I quit.”

My face lights up. “You’re fucking with me. Are you serious? How did you get the cameras and the camera guys to come all the way out here?”

She waves. “Oh, I stole them. I’ll send them back via courier…the cameras, that is. I spoke to Bobby and Crimson covered the cost of bringing the camera guys out here. Crimson was so impressed by my work, that they think you guys could win an MTV Award for this.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?” the grin on my face is so wide my teeth are drying in the front.

“We’ve been so busy preparing for today. I just figured I’d tell you when you asked.” She shrugs.

“So, what now? What are you going to do?”

“I have enough resources I can start my own business. In fact, this is my first solo project.”

I grasp her, holding her tight against me. “God, babe, I’m so proud of you.” She gives me a big kiss and the guys, who were in the dressing room, doing something, and I don’t know what, reappear. Suddenly, I look quickly, and see the guys shaking up bottles of champagne. “What the fuck are you guys doing?” I chuckle.

“We’ve got some celebrating to do, man!” Wade says, as his voice rises an octave. “So, let’s celebrate, Brave Face style!” he removes his finger from the mouth of the bottle, releasing a stream of frothy champagne, and the boys follow. I take the towel that’s around my neck and cover the camera. Darrell squeals and runs out of the room smartly, as we have kind of a food/champagne/wrestling fight, the way we always do, only this time we get so wet and dirty, when Darrell turns the camera on moments later, we have no choice but to fess up about what we were doing, in an interview-style confession a la Darrell.

As we fly back home, my hand is nestled in Darrell’s, and I bring it up to my lips, kissing it. “So, when do I get to see my new house?”

“When we land.” She smiles. “And don’t ask because I’m not telling you anything.”

“You’re lucky I love you.” I say playfully.

“You’re lucky, too, honey.” She smiles sweetly, and I wink at her.

We land, and Kristina picks us up at the airport. We’ve only got one bag each, so we don’t have to wait for baggage claim, and thank God for that, because I’m exhausted. I don’t even know where I’m going to live, since Darrell told me nothing, but if it’s Darrell’s choice, I know that I have nothing to fear. As we pull up, I’m suddenly full of energy again, and as I look at my new house, I’m in love. It’s perfect. Not too big or small, and it’s set off in enough privacy with greenery and trees, that we won’t have to worry about being harassed by the media, just like in my old house.

“You ready, honey?” Darrell asks.

“I am, babe.” I say, giving her a sweet kiss. She places a key in my hand and gestures for me to open the door. “Oh, man, I’m almost as excited as I was when we hit the stage in Europe.” I gush.

As I turn the lock, I open the door and instantly fall in love. It’s simple, clean, and isn’t too big. “We have a large basement so you can practice in it, just like you had before.” Kristina says, putting on her realtor hat.

It’s open concept, too, which I love. So I have a view of the foyer, living room and dining room from the front door. The only thing not visible is the back, where I assume the bedrooms are. It’s all hardwood flooring, which I love, and we have a big yard from what I can tell from this vantage point. Suddenly I hear pitter-pattering coming from somewhere, and I look at Darrell. “What the hell is that?” I ask, confused.

There is a big smile on her face, and as soon as I look back towards the end of the hall, I figure out why. A little yellow puppy is running towards me. He has a big blue bow around his neck, that’s bigger than he is, and his tail is wagging so fast I can’t keep count of how many wags he reaches by the time he gets to me. “Who is this little fella?” I ask, feeling a lump in my throat. He’s just like Carter, only he’s a baby.

“His name’s Caleb. The breeder had a litter of them eight weeks ago, giving them all names that start with the letter ‘C’. Her last litter were ‘B’s if that gives you an idea.”

I smile. The little guy is so tiny he barely spans the length of my thigh, but he’s a mighty little thing, as he’s tugging on my jeans with his teeny mouth. “Oh, babe, this is awesome!” I gush, picking him up. He licks my face all over as I laugh.

“I thought you might enjoy having a little friend living here.”

“Oh, babe, you have no idea. I miss Carter so much.”

“We all do. That’s why when I found out a friend of mine has a friend that breeds golden retrievers, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to grab one from this litter.”

“Thanks, babe. You’re the best.” I rise, holding the dog, and I give her a kiss, then Caleb gives her one, too.

Darrell sighs, admiring me and Caleb, and I look at her, smiling. Kristina is looking at her sister tentatively, and I feel like I’m missing something, but I’m too distracted by this super cute puppy to catch on. “I figure that we can start with a puppy.”

“We can get two puppies if you want to, babe.” I say, giggling as Caleb continues to lick my face, with his tail wagging incessantly.

Darrell’s smile slips a notch, and Kristina’s hand goes to her sister’s back. My smile disappears. Something is wrong. “What’s going on, babe?”

“You want me to give you a minute, Dar?” Kristina asks.

She looks at her sister and nods. Kristina takes the puppy and goes outside. I walk to Darrell and lift her chin. It’s quivering. “What’s wrong, babe. Tell me. Whatever it is we can get through it. I love you with all my heart and nothing will ever change that.”

Darrell swallows and a tear falls down her cheek. “I’m pregnant.” A gasp.

I look her up and down, feeling like I didn’t hear her right. As the tears fall down her cheeks, I kiss her lips softly, slowly, and pull back to look at her. I’m not sure if these are tears of disappointment, fear of us losing what we have, fear of having a baby, or a combination of all that. “I know that we discussed having a family later, so if you’re not ready…” her voice cracks as more tears slide down her cheeks.

“No.” I whisper. “Don’t even think that, babe.”

“But I don’t even know if I’m ready yet, Randy.”

“How far along, babe?”

“Seven weeks. It’s still really early. I only found out before we went to the UK.”

“How come you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want you to have to think about that on top of everything else, Randy. This show is so important to us. And with the puppy and the house, I didn’t even realize that my period was late, but then I started getting symptoms, and Kristina can read me like a book, so she knew before I did. We haven’t been using birth control and I feel so stupid about that.”

“That’s on me, too, babe. Don’t blame yourself.”

“So, what do we do, Randy? You’re not even divorced yet.”

“So?”

“So, ‘guitar hero of Brave Face knocks up unemployed video editor before divorcing his celebrity wife’, news at eleven.” She says, her voice cracking.

“Look, I told you that I don’t give a flying fuck about the media, and I meant it. If you and I are having a baby together, we’re having it because we love each other, not because we fucked one night backstage.”

“Well, that’s what the media will say.”

“Fuck them, babe.” I say with conviction. “Let me say it again, I don’t care what the media says. This is about you and I, not what everyone will say or think. This is our life and to hell with anyone who has anything bad to say about it.”

“So, you want to have the baby?”

“Babe, look, I know that you’ve had a few more days to digest this, but no matter what you think, I won’t change my mind. I love you. I love anything that you and I made together.”

She starts weeping hard and I hold her tight against me. “Babe, it’s okay.”

“No, it’s not that.” she gasps. “I was so afraid that you wouldn’t want the baby, because I do.”

I pull back, looking at her. “You thought I wouldn’t want it? You thought I’d want you to have an abortion?”

She nods. I pull her close. “God, babe…I could…I could never do that.”

We hear scratching at the door, and Caleb is crying to come in. Kristina opens the door tentatively. “Is it okay to come in? I held him down for as long as I could.”

“Sure, it’s fine.” I answer, seeing as Darrell is crying in my arms and can’t speak.

Caleb runs to me, scratching up my leg, wanting me to pick him up. His cries sound like a chew toy. “Oh, Caleb.” I let go of Darrell and grunt as I bend to pick him up. “Looks like you’re going to have some competition there, fella. Soon, you’re not going to be the only baby in the house.”

“Counting you?” Kristina teases.

I give her a playful punch in the shoulder. “So, what do you think? Are you ready to be an aunt?”

“I was born to be an aunt.” She barks. “Nothing’s ever spewing out of my loins.”

I wince. “Thanks. Great visual there.” Caleb is licking my face.

“What about you, mommy-to-be? How do you feel about having two babies in the house?” I ask, sliding a finger down my girl’s face.

“As long as you’re not the biggest of them all.” She says, managing a joke between sobs.

I take her in my arms as Caleb licks both of our faces. “Come on. Let’s check out the backyard.”

“He just made out front.” Kristina says.

“Yeah, but we have to find a special spot.”

“For what?” Darrell asks.

“Well, we have to bury his big brother Carter’s ashes somewhere, don’t we?”

 

***

 

We lay in our new bed, with Caleb’s dog bed at the foot of our bed, and he’s sleeping like a baby. Darrell is half asleep, and I’m noodling on my guitar next to her. When her eyes close, I look at her, as I play a ballad that I’ve been working on. As if I didn’t know it before, I sure as hell know it now, that Darrell is the only girl for me. Baby, dog and house aside, she’s it. My only regret is that I didn’t meet her before I met Emily.

I stop playing, and Darrell looks up at me. I whisper. “Marry me.” in the semi-darkness.

“What?” she asks sleepily.

“You heard me. Marry me.”

She lifts her head. “Did you just…”

“Yeah.” I put the guitar down and turn to face her. “I know that I’m not divorced yet, but that’s okay. You’re all that I want. Nothing else matters.” I look at her and she smiles slowly.

“Yes.”

“Really?” I smile back.

She nods and lifts up, jumping on me, straddling me, kissing me all over my face, as I laugh, which wakes the dog up, and he’s barking at the side of the bed, wanting up. With Darrell still on my lap, I pick him up, grunting as I do. “I figure I better marry you or Wade will kick my ass.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he told me to marry you, so I better. He knows best.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah, but I’d already made up my mind.”

“You did?”

I wave. “Yeah, but only a minute or two before.” I joke.

She takes the pillow and beats me over the head with it, and I do the same, and Caleb gets in on it. Before we know it, we’re rough housing.

…a la Carter style.