So, we come to the end of this grounding in assertiveness. Unfortunately, in the same way as you will not become slimmer and trimmer merely by watching a fitness workout DVD, neither will you become assertive just by reading words on the written page! You need to be actively involved in modifying your behaviour patterns to become more assertive, and thus more effective in social and business interactions – and you have to go out there and practise. Start with something small; be assertive over an issue that does not matter too much whether you succeed or fail. Practise your skills on someone you are unlikely to meet again, and if you make a mistake, forgive yourself, decide what you’ve learned from the interaction, and try again.
In choosing to be assertive you are not giving yourself control over your life. Whether or not you get what you ask for or achieve your needs, you know you have power over any situation, over your own feelings, stress levels and self-image.
Any form of self-development will affect existing relationships. Hopefully, everyone around you will be supportive, but remember to respect their feelings and the fact that they may need time to grow with you. If someone remarks, ‘You wouldn’t have said that a few months ago’ you can assertively reply, ‘You’re probably right, I wouldn’t. I’m pleased with the way I handled that. I like the new, assertive me!’
Creating Success series
Dealing with Difficult People by Roy Lilley
Decision Making & Problem Solving by John Adair
Develop Your Assertiveness by Sue Bishop
Develop Your Leadership Skills by John Adair
Develop Your Presentation Skills by Theo Theobald
Effective NLP Skills by Richard Youell and Christina Youell
How to Deal with Stress by Stephen Palmer and Cary Cooper
How to Manage People by Michael Armstrong
How to Organize Yourself by John Caunt
How to Write a Business Plan by Brian Finch
How to Write a Marketing Plan by John Westwood
How to Write Reports and Proposals by Patrick Forsyth
Improve Your Communication Skills by Alan Barker
Successful Project Management by Trevor Young
Successful Time Management by Patrick Forsyth
Taking Minutes of Meetings by Joanna Gutmann
The above titles are available from all good bookshops.
For further information on these and other Kogan Page titles, or to order online, visit the Kogan Page website at