Clint tossed another load of laundry into the washing machine. He added a scoop of detergent, the fabric softener, then closed the lid. Stifling a yawn, he slid the milk jug back into the refrigerator and placed the dirty dishes in the sink. Turkey and cheese sandwiches with a bowl of chicken noodle soup. From a can. He’d included sliced apples and carrot sticks, to provide Gracie with additional nutrition. Nothing special like the tantalizing stew Josie had offered. Maybe he should have accepted and fed Gracie before they came home.
Then again, maybe not.
Poking his head into Gracie’s room, he found it dark, except for a reading lamp on the nightstand by her bed. Dolls and stuffed animals crowded the top of her dresser. Books and games lined two shelves. He loved each and every drawing and finger painting she had plastered on her walls.
Gracie sat on the floor in her warm pajamas, holding a blue ceramic dish and a picture of her mother in her lap. He’d taken the picture of Karen the day they’d found out they were expecting Gracie. He’d been so filled with joy, but Karen had seemed reluctant. At the time, he’d written it off as nervousness over becoming a new mother. He hadn’t fully realized yet that her problem went much deeper. That she actually feared she would ruin their baby’s life simply because she was her mom.
“That’s nice.” He pointed at the blue dish with white speckles.
Gracie had made it last year in school. A Mother’s Day gift for a mom she didn’t have. Her teacher had told her to give it to her dad instead. Gracie had kept it, insisting she’d one day give it to her new mom, if she ever got one.
“You about ready for bed, pumpkin?” He stepped inside and picked up a few toys she’d missed when he’d sent her to clean up her room.
“Yep, I’ve even brushed my teeth.” She gritted her teeth to show him her rows of pearly whites, and stuck her tongue into the gap where her front tooth was missing.
He laughed. “Good job.”
She stood and placed the picture aside, skimming her fingertips over the glass pane, as though she were caressing her mother’s face.
Clint had given her the picture two years ago, when she’d first started asking questions about Karen. He didn’t want her to forget her mother or ever believe she wasn’t loved.
From what Frank had told him, Josie had grown up believing she was an unwanted burden. Clint could understand how that might make her a bit antisocial. In spite of her emotional problems, Karen had loved Gracie very much. It was herself that Karen hated. She’d never believed Clint had loved her, either. And that tore him up inside. How he wished Karen could have seen herself the way he saw her.
The way God saw her.
“I miss Mommy,” Gracie said.
“I know. Me, too.”
“Someday I’m gonna give this to my new mom.” She set the dish beside the picture.
Clint didn’t say a word, his heart twisting into tight knots that made breathing difficult.
Gracie knelt beside the bed. He forced a smile and joined her there, pulling her close as they folded their arms and closed their eyes. Evening prayers were such an integral part of their nighttime routine that Gracie didn’t even ask anymore. She just knelt down and began.
“Heavenly Father, thanks for the wonderful day we had and our beautiful Christmas tree. And thanks for letting Grandpa Frank and Josie come along with us. Bless Mommy and Daddy and me and help us to always be brave. And help Daddy to find us a new mommy, because we’re lonely. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.”
“Amen.” Clint opened his damp eyes.
He loved Gracie so much and she never ceased to amaze him with her honesty and compassion. But how could he tell her that there would never be another mom for her?
Gracie scrambled onto the bed and burrowed beneath the blankets. Clint sat beside her on the mattress. He snuggled the covers up around her shoulders, tucking her in.
“What was Mommy like?” she asked.
He knew the drill. Almost on a daily basis, his daughter asked the same question. But he didn’t mind. He knew this was the only real connection Gracie had with her mother. Talking about Karen helped the girl feel closer to her mom. Helped keep her real and alive.
“Well, she was smart and pretty, like you. And she liked to ride horses.”
Gracie’s brows pinched together. “White horses?”
“Yes, and purple and green horses, too.” He leaned forward until their noses touched.
“There’s no green horses, Daddy.”
He tickled her ribs and she squealed.
“How do you know?” he asked, laughing deeply.
She pursed her rosebud lips. “Everyone knows that, except you.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. But she loved the solitude of riding.”
His daughter’s eyes crinkled. “What’s solitude?”
“Quiet. Privacy. Being by herself.”
Karen had liked being alone too much, but Clint didn’t tell Gracie that. Thankfully, his little girl had a special way of relating to other people, and wasn’t at all like her mom in that regard. She was what her teacher at school called a “social butterfly.” Clint didn’t want to change that, apart from perhaps encouraging her not to chat quite so much during class time. Most people loved her and he wanted her to feel wanted and accepted.
“I like Josie,” she said out of the blue.
He nodded, not surprised.
“Don’t you like Josie?” she pressed.
“Yes, I like her just fine.” But he couldn’t help wondering where this was leading.
“When you go over to Grandpa Frank’s house to fix his roof, Josie said she’s gonna let me help her make Grandma Vi’s chocolate chip cookies. And maybe some peanut brittle or pumpkin bread.”
“Hmm. That should be lots of fun. And tasty, too.” He appreciated Josie’s generosity toward his daughter. Gracie loved everything domestic, baking included. Anything that might be interpreted as motherly. And once again he thought he might have misjudged Josie.
“I wish Josie could be my new mom. And I wish Grandpa Frank could be my real grandpa. Then we’d be a real family again. That would make Christmas so much more fun.”
Oh, boy! This conversation was definitely taking Clint out of his comfort zone. Fast.
“I don’t think that’s gonna happen, pumpkin,” he said.
“Why not?” Her unblinking eyes met his.
“For one thing, Josie lives in Las Vegas. She has her life there and we have ours here.”
“Why can’t we have our lives together?”
He raked his fingers through his hair, wishing his daughter wasn’t quite so precocious. “It’s not that simple. Josie’s worked hard for her job there and I’ve worked hard for my job here. I know you and I both miss Mom, but we’re doing okay on our own, aren’t we?”
Gracie nodded and blinked her brown eyes, so much like her mother’s. For a long time, he’d feared she might have also inherited Karen’s depressive mood swings, but Gracie always seemed so happy and even-keeled. In retrospect, he realized why he’d fallen in love with Karen. She’d been so sad and vulnerable, and he’d wanted to protect her the way his dad had protected him and his mom. Always there. Always supportive and loving.
But Clint had failed miserably.
“We’re doing okay, but we could be a lot better,” Gracie said.
From the mouths of babes.
“I’m gonna ask Santa to make Josie my new mom,” Gracie announced. “Then we can all be happier together.”
Happier? He hadn’t thought about it much. He worked and served each day, meeting his responsibilities. Trying to be the best father and forest ranger he possibly could. He loved his work, he loved his child and he loved God. That was all he needed in his life. But was he happy? Clint didn’t know anymore. He sure didn’t laugh much. Until today.
He arched one brow. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. You know Josie is just a friend, right?”
“But I want her to be more than just a friend. I want her to be my mom. You should ask her out, Daddy. On a real date. And buy her flowers and say mushy stuff to her.”
Oh, yeah. This mommy discussion had gotten way out of control. But it sliced his heart to know his daughter had thought this deeply about the topic.
He sat back and took a long, settling breath. He wasn’t about to lead his daughter on. With her usual candor, she might say something embarrassing to Josie. Better to nip this in the bud right now. “No, sweetheart. No dates. No flowers or mushy stuff. Frank and Josie are just friends we visit once in a while. Besides, Josie is just here for a short visit. She can’t stay.”
Gracie shrugged her slender shoulders and the carefully tucked in blankets drooped. “So ask her to stay.”
Clint stared. Children saw things so simply. Their innocent minds couldn’t always grasp the complications that adults packed into their lives. Either you were happy or sad. Hungry or full. Everything was black-and-white, with no gray areas. But Clint didn’t have the luxury of seeing things that way. Not anymore.
“I’m not going to do that. Now, go to sleep,” he said.
He stood and stepped over to the door, flipping off the light before she could comment any further.
As he walked out of the room, he heard her huff of impatience. Then her whispered voice filled the air like a shout. “I’m still gonna ask Santa to give us Josie and Grandpa Frank for Christmas. I’ve been good this year and we can make them happy, too.”
Clint ignored that and headed down the hallway toward the living room. Brushing aside Gracie’s coloring books, he plopped down on the sofa and switched on the evening news. He turned the volume down low, so it wouldn’t disturb her. With any luck, she’d fall asleep soon.
He should go to bed, but Gracie’s words troubled his mind. Why had she set her sights on Josie for a mom? They barely knew the woman. But that didn’t seem to matter. He was attracted to Josie. Chemistry, Viola had called it. When a man and woman were drawn to one another for no obvious reason. A mating of their spirits.
But Josie didn’t seem his type. No, not at all. She was too confident, educated, and set in her ways. Too determined in her goals. And he realized these were also just a few of the reasons he found her so attractive.
Laying his head back, Clint decided not to think about it anymore. He’d had his chance at happily ever after. Now, he had Gracie to raise. That was enough. It must be enough.
And yet it wasn’t. No matter how hard he wished it was.
The next morning, Josie stood in the kitchen wearing her bathrobe and blue fuzzy slippers. Gazing out the window, she stared in awe at the stunning winter wonderland before her.
Ice crystals had gathered around the edges of the single-pane glass, forming intricate shapes. Six inches of new snow had fallen in the night, blanketing the world in white. As she stared at the hoarfrost clinging to the cherry tree in the yard, a reverent feeling settled over her. And for several moments, she found herself almost believing that God had created this beautiful world she lived in. That He wasn’t a remote, uncaring God. That He loved all His children.
Including her.
The scraping sound of a snow shovel brought her back to reality. The neighbors must be out early this morning.
Reaching for a pan, she set it on the stove, then turned toward the fridge. She’d make Gramps his breakfast, then get dressed and venture out into the cold to clear their driveway and sidewalks. Later on, she planned to make peanut brittle. She’d found Grandma’s recipe last night. Making candy would give her something to do until she could gather up the courage to speak with Gramps about moving to Las Vegas.
A figure moved past the kitchen window and she lurched around. Looking out, she saw Clint wielding his shovel like a tractor as he cleared tidy furrows along their driveway. At the sight of him, Josie’s pulse tripped into double time. Before she could consider why seeing this man caused her breath to quicken, she glanced over at the garage.
Gracie followed behind her dad, pushing a child-size red plastic shovel. Amusement mingled with surprise inside Josie’s mind. Clint didn’t need to shovel their walks. Josie could do it. In fact, she relished the exercise. This man didn’t need to keep coming over here to serve them. She could take care of Gramps. But she was glad Clint was here.
Abandoning breakfast for the time being, Josie hurried to her room, jerked on her clothes and pulled a brush through her snarled hair before racing downstairs again. She tugged on her coat and gloves, stomped into the new snow boots she’d purchased last night just before the store had closed, and hurried outside.
Standing on the front porch, she reached for Gramps’s snow shovel, squinting against the haze of sunlight streaming through the trees.
“Hi, there.” Clint stood at the bottom of the steps, wearing a black knit cap, gloves and his warm winter coat.
She returned his smile. “Hello. What are you doing here?”
He gestured toward a pile of snow. “Shoveling.”
Obviously. She felt rather stupid for asking. Then she remembered he was here on assignment from his church. And she couldn’t help wishing he’d come to see her again.
She struck a pose and gestured downward, to draw attention to her feet. “Do you like them?”
“Hey! You got some boots,” he said.
“Yeah, I thought it was time. So now you don’t need to shovel our driveway. I can take care of it.”
He shrugged one shoulder and continued with his chore. “Just being neighborly.”
Yes, and pushing her senses into overdrive. Did he even realize how attractive she found him?
“Are you neighborly to Gramps all the time?” she asked as she gripped her own shovel and stepped down beside him.
“I guess so, but this is a force of habit. I’ve been shoveling Frank and Vi’s snow for three years now. Ever since we moved to Camlin.”
“Really? I didn’t know that. Part of your church assignment, I suppose.” She’d assumed Gramps had done the chore, and vaguely remembered Grandma mentioning a kind man from her congregation who frequently shoveled their walkways for them. Now Josie realized it had been Clint.
“Hi, Josie!” Gracie came running, bouncing through the drifts of snow like a kangaroo.
“Hey, pumpkin. Walk around the edges so you don’t pack down the snow we have to shovel,” Clint directed in a gentle voice.
The smiling girl hopped off the driveway. “Sorry, Daddy.”
Gracie threw her arms around Josie in a tight hug. At first, Josie stood there in stunned confusion, her heart flying up into her throat. She’d never met a more affectionate child. So open and honest. And Josie didn’t know what to make of it. She’d never been hugged like this before. At least, not by someone other than Grandma and Gramps. And she silently admitted she quite liked it.
Lowering her arms, Josie pulled Gracie in close. “Hi, sweetie. Thanks for shoveling our driveway.”
Gracie drew back and tilted her head in an impish smile. “You’re welcome. We like doing it. Daddy says service is how we show people we love them. And we love you and Grandpa Frank a lot. Don’t we, Daddy?”
The child looked at her father and waited expectantly. His gaze darted toward Josie, then dropped to the ground. “Yeah, of course we do.”
Josie gave the girl another squeeze. “Well, I love you, too.”
“See, Daddy? I told you so.” Gracie tossed her father a victorious smile.
“Gracie...” he said in a warning tone.
The girl looked away, a bit contrite.
What was going on? Josie stared from one to the other in confusion. She sensed she was missing something here, but didn’t know what. She hadn’t meant to say she loved them, but the words had slipped out. She definitely loved Gracie. It was hard not to. But Josie wasn’t sure how she felt about Clint. He was just her grandfather’s friend. Right?
“We’re gonna shovel all your sidewalks, too,” Gracie announced.
“That’s nice. Thank you,” Josie replied.
The girl returned to her task, dropping the blade of her shovel into the snow and plowing forward. She made little growling engine sounds in the back of her throat, like a snowplow.
Josie laughed. “Like father, like daughter. But I fear she’s enjoying her work a bit too much. I’ve never seen a kid so happy to help out like this.”
A chuckle rumbled in Clint’s chest. “Yeah, she throws herself into everything she does. But this is good for her. I’m raising a daughter.”
Josie blinked. What did raising a daughter have to do with shoveling snow? “I don’t understand.”
He stood up straight and took a deep inhalation before adjusting his knit cap over his ears. “When you’re raising kids, you’ve got to teach them service. And you do that by example. I’m not good at taking casseroles to sick people, but I’m great at shoveling driveways.”
“Ah, I see.” And his explanation warmed Josie’s heart. From what she’d observed, Clint was an excellent father, loving and generous. And realizing how often he provided service to others brought a twinge of guilt. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done something for someone else just because she could. Just because they needed her. More and more, she was learning a lot from this kind man, and liking everything about him. But she couldn’t say the same for herself. Edward had told her she was bitter and unlovable. That no man would ever want her. And though she didn’t want to believe it, and her logical mind told her it was a lie, there was also a part of Josie that feared it might be true.
“Gramps is lucky to have you for a neighbor,” she said.
Again, Clint flashed that winning smile that caused a blaze of lightning to crack inside her chest.
“No, I’m lucky to have Frank. He’s a good man and I’m glad to know him,” he said.
His rejoinder touched a chord inside Josie. How lucky she was to have Gramps as her grandfather. She wondered if it was luck or a blessing from heaven. Though she had little use for God, she was starting to think maybe she was wrong to have abandoned Him so long ago.
“Speaking of which, I’ll go pick up the supplies to fix Frank’s roof later this afternoon. The weatherman says the temperature is going to warm up now. I should be able to do the repairs within the next few days,” Clint said.
“But I don’t know what supplies we’ll need.”
He waved a hand in the air. “Don’t worry. My dad was a good handyman who taught me a lot. I know what to do, and have it covered.”
His confidence and generosity inspired trust in her. Something she hadn’t felt toward a man other than Gramps for a very long time.
“All right, but I’m paying for it,” she insisted.
His lips twisted in a half smile. “Okay, lady. I won’t argue with that.”
Now that it was settled, he bowed his back and continued his work. Josie joined him, moving to the other side of the driveway so they didn’t bump into one another.
Dipping her shovel into the fluffy white stuff, she lifted and tossed, ignoring the sting as wisps of wind blew the powdery duff into her face. “Wow, it’s heavy.”
He breathed deeply, speaking while he worked. “Yeah, a nice wet snow that should leave a good pack up in the mountains for our summer water supply. But it’ll also create lots of greenery in the spring, to dry out by midsummer. That’ll create a wildfire hazard, but we take the good with the bad.”
She laughed at his analytical answer. “Do you ever stop being a forest ranger?”
He hesitated, looked up and flashed that devastating smile she’d come to enjoy. “Nope, I guess not. That’s habit, too. I have to think about things like that in order to do my job.”
And from what she’d observed, he was very good at everything he did. Dedicated, kind and hardworking. The kind of man she’d once dreamed of having for her very own.
Bending over, she pushed her shovel past an edge of broken cement and tossed the scoop of snow aside. “I don’t know how you have time to raise Gracie, work your job and come over here to clear our snow and fix our roof.”
“It’s no trouble. I live just two doors down.”
She jerked upright, looking to where he pointed at a white frame house with blue shutters at the end of the street. The sidewalks and driveway there had already been shoveled. Not surprising. She was fast learning this man was highly conscientious. A fastidious caregiver who never shirked his duty.
“I didn’t know you lived so close by.”
Of course, she’d never asked. After all, she wasn’t interested in him or any man. Not when she had her own busy career and Gramps to focus on.
Yeah, and pigs could fly.
“It’s handy for stopping by to check on Frank now and then,” Clint said.
“And do you stop by often?” she asked.
“Probably a couple times each week.”
She blinked in surprise, now understanding why he was so attached to her grandparents. But he wasn’t coming around because she was here. This was his normal routine. An assignment from church. Yet she kind of wished he was interested in her, too.
They worked in silence for several minutes. Gramps soon came outside and waved to Gracie.
“While your dad and Josie work out here, why don’t you come inside and help me fix breakfast, sweetheart?” he called.
The girl came running. The moment she disappeared inside, Clint glanced at Josie. “Have you told him yet?”
She whirled around, knowing he was referring to the move to Las Vegas. “Not yet, but I plan to sit down with him later today.”
“Good. It’s time.” With a nod, he returned to his work.
Minutes later they finished their chore, leaned their shovels against the house and went inside. The air smelled of savory bacon. Gramps had eggs and pancakes warming on the stove. Gracie had just finished setting the table. Having Clint and his daughter here felt so normal.
Before she could blink, Josie found herself seated and listening to everyone’s happy chatter as they ate breakfast together. They laughed at Gracie’s nonstop banter and the pancakes Gramps had formed into animal shapes, complete with chocolate chips for eyes and broken candy cane pieces for the mouths.
Looking at the rounded circles of batter that made up the face and two ears, Clint chuckled. “Is this a mouse or a bear?”
“It’s a mouse, of course.” Gramps tucked his chin in, pretending to be offended.
“I love mine, Grandpa Frank.” Gracie rewarded the elderly man with a hug and quick kiss on his cheek.
Josie smiled and bit into a crisp piece of bacon. She absorbed Clint’s deep laughter like the desert sand absorbed rays of sunlight. A warm, giddy feeling settled over her. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d sat down and eaten a meal with people she cared about. Like a real family. But then a tremor of warning made her shiver. Clint and Gracie weren’t her family. Not at all. And this would end soon. She mustn’t get too attached to the ranger and his sweet little daughter. No matter how much she wished she could.