Binky was marched from the guardhouse down a corridor to the courtroom by a sergeant, in step behind him, who clipped out orders the whole way.

‘Stopp. Merk følgende,’ barked the sergeant. Binky snapped to attention.

Friday and Melanie followed them inside.

The courtroom was cold. Not in temperature, but in every other way. For a start, it was a surprisingly small room, but also disappointing bureaucratic. The floor was blue linoleum and the walls were dull grey. The only furniture was a long laminate table, behind which three senior officers sat, and a smaller table where a captain was waiting with a few papers spread in front of him.

The most impressive thing about the tableau was the uniforms. The three senior officers looked intimidating. They were not in ceremonial uniform, but they weren’t in fatigues either. They were wearing their first class uniforms, with all the insignia to identify which missions they’d fought in and which medals they’d won.

The captain sitting on his own, Friday immediately guessed, was Binky’s lawyer. He didn’t have as many ribbons. And unlike the other three men, his body language didn’t in any way suggest that he could kill you with his bare hands.

There was also a younger man wearing everyday fatigues. He was standing at the back of the room, looking uncomfortable to be there. Friday guessed this was the main witness for the prosecution, Jonas.

Finally, there was a middle-aged man in a very practical-looking snow coat. It wasn’t hard to work out who he was, because the words ‘Dr Finsberg. Svalbard Global Seed Vault’ were embroidered on the chest.

‘Who are these young women?’ asked the colonel sitting in the central position behind the desk. He didn’t address his question to Friday or Melanie, but to the lawyer.

‘Sir, I believe Corporal Pelly contacted his family,’ said the lawyer. ‘These may be his sisters.’

Melanie and Friday looked nothing alike, so this was not immediately believable.

‘I am Binky’s sister, Melanie,’ said Melanie.

‘The court did not give you leave to speak, young lady,’ snapped the colonel. ‘This is a closed hearing.’

‘Oh I know,’ said Melanie, not at all perturbed at being reprimanded by a military officer. ‘I’m sure I don’t need to be here. But I brought my brother’s legal representation, Friday Barnes.’

Friday glanced at Melanie. Her friend did not often lie. Certainly not so blatantly. But she had to hand it to Melanie, she knew how to pick her moments. If Melanie had not made the outrageous claim that Friday was a lawyer, they would have certainly been thrown out of the room.

‘You are a lawyer?’ asked the colonel.

‘I have extensive experience representing clients in cases such as these,’ said Friday, which was an entirely true statement. A lot of thoughts were whirring through Friday’s mind as she said this, and one of them was – she was pretty sure she could never be a lawyer because of her criminal record. But Friday decided that this colonel did not need to know that. Certainly not now.

‘Corporal Pelly already has legal representation,’ said the colonel.

‘But he is entitled to legal representation of his own choosing,’ said Melanie. ‘And he chose Ms Barnes.’

Because he was standing at attention, Binky was not allowed to turn and look at his sister while she told these outrageous falsehoods.

The colonel glowered at him. ‘Is this true, Pelly?’

‘Sir, yes, sir,’ said Binky.

‘I cannot for the life of me understand why you should think you need special legal representation,’ said the colonel. ‘Courts martial are not places of soaring rhetoric. This isn’t like courtroom dramas on TV. It’s about facts, justice and punishment.’

‘Quite,’ agreed Friday. ‘But there won’t be any need for punishment today, if justice is upheld. The facts clearly show that my client is entirely innocent.’

Binky made an involuntary guttural noise on hearing this audacious statement, which he tried his best to supress.

‘I do not appreciate theatrics, young lady,’ said the colonel.

‘My age and gender are immaterial,’ said Friday. ‘I can prove, based on the facts, that Binky is innocent.’

The colonel sighed. He may have been grumpy, but he was an intelligent man, and he deduced that it would be easier just to let Friday say what she wanted to say.

‘Get on with it then,’ said the colonel.

‘Binky says that he went out into the snow to protect Jonas from a polar bear,’ said Friday. Jonas was standing at attention too, so he couldn’t turn his head, but he did glare at Friday out of the corner of his eye.

‘But when he got to the top of the rise . . .’ continued Friday, ‘. . . he couldn’t see Jonas or the bear.’

‘Yes, I know,’ said the colonel. ‘I have read his ridiculous fanciful statement.’

‘That’s not a very impartial attitude to bring into a legal proceeding,’ said Friday. ‘But, no matter. At this point, Binky heard the polar bear roar behind him. As he turned, a white paw hit him in the side of the head, and he collapsed in the snow.’

‘Yes, yes, we’ve read all this,’ said the colonel.

‘But what Binky thinks happened cannot be true,’ said Friday.

‘I thought you were meant to be defending me?’ said Binky.

‘I am,’ Friday assured him. ‘But you’re wrong. So the only way I can defend you – is by contradicting you.’

‘Oh,’ said Binky. He was very confused, but he had complete faith in Friday, so he didn’t mind.

‘There is no way Binky could have been attacked by a polar bear,’ said Friday. ‘For a start, polar bears don’t roar. They are capable of making a variety of guttural noises and clicking sounds, but they don’t roar when they attack. They’d starve to death if they roared every time they attacked a seal, or whatever it was they were hunting. Whenever you see a bear attack depicted in a movie, they usually have to use lion or other big cat sounds for the sound effects, because bear noises are actually underwhelming.’

‘So he made that up?’ said the colonel.

‘No, I didn’t say that,’ said Friday. ‘Binky sincerely believes he was attacked by a polar bear.’

‘I was hit in the face by a big white paw,’ said Binky.

‘That’s another fact that disproves your story,’ said Friday. ‘Polar bear paws are not white. Not on the underside. If you had been hit across the face by a polar bear, the big black pads of its paw would have been what you saw coming towards you.’

‘But I know I was hit because I’ve got this big lump on my head,’ said Binky, pointing to the large red lump.

‘Yes,’ agreed Friday. ‘But that disproves your story too. A polar bear can’t have given you that lump because polar bear paws are huge. They are designed to disperse weight over as much surface area as possible, so they don’t fall through the ice. If a polar bear hit you in the face, you wouldn’t get one distinctive lump just on your forehead, because your whole face would take the force of the blow.’

‘So he hit his head on a rock when he fell,’ said the colonel.

‘Was there a rock?’ Friday turned to Dr Finsberg. ‘When you found Binky in the snow, I presume you rolled him over to see if he was all right. Was there a rock under his head?’

‘Well, I don’t know,’ said Dr Finsberg. He seemed to be very uncomfortable to be asked a question. ‘That’s not really my area of expertise. I’m not a geologist.’

Friday sighed. Her own parents were like this – experts in a very specific field of science, but clueless about everything else including basic life skills.

‘I’ll tell you – the answer is “no”,’ said Friday. ‘The snow was falling hard. The snow on the ground was over two feet deep. When Binky collapsed, the snow would have cushioned his fall.’

‘Well, you’re doing a good job proving the prosecution’s case for them,’ said the colonel. ‘He wasn’t attacked by a polar bear. He was derelict in his duties.’

‘Not at all,’ said Friday. ‘Because someone went out of their way to make Binky believe he was being attacked by a polar bear.’

‘That’s farcical,’ said the colonel.

‘Exactly,’ said Friday. ‘What could possibly be the motive for such a farcical crime? To discredit Binky. Binky is a wonderful man, but – no offense, Binky – not the sharpest knife in the drawer.’

‘That’s okay,’ said Binky. ‘It’s entirely true. All my teachers always said much the same thing. Sometimes using language that was nowhere near as nice.’

‘And that lump on Binky’s head proves it,’ said Friday. ‘Because the only way he could have got that lump is if someone hit him in the head with something hard, perhaps a rock. And there was only one person there that night – Jonas.’

‘What?’ said Jonas. ‘I’m not on trial.’

‘No,’ said Friday. ‘Not yet. The only way this series of facts can be explained is – if it was you who snuck up behind Binky, played a recording of an animal roaring, then, using something white wrapped round your hand, picked up a rock and bashed Binky about the head.’

‘Why would he do something so theatrically ridiculous?’ asked the colonel.

‘I’m glad you asked,’ said Friday. She was beginning to enjoy herself. ‘Motivation is often the most interesting element of a crime. Jonas didn’t like Binky. But we also know Jonas is essentially lazy, because he liked to go down to the bar in town and drink when he was supposed to be on patrol.’

‘Gosh,’ said Binky. ‘Is that why you always smelled of beer?’

‘He liked the posting at the Svalbard Seed Vault because he was left alone,’ said Friday. ‘So he would have been annoyed when Binky was stationed with him. But that isn’t motivation enough. So, we must ask ourselves – who else would want to see Binky dishonourably discharged from the military?’

Melanie gasped. ‘The King of Norway!’

‘That is a treasonous suggestion,’ said the colonel.

‘I’m sure the king would never arrange something like this,’ said Friday. ‘But often important people have members of staff who like to anticipate what they want but are too polite to ask for. These loyal staffers then make it happen, without ever receiving direct instructions.’

‘That is definitely impossible to prove,’ said the colonel.

‘We’ll see,’ said Friday, turning to Jonas, ‘When Binky was transferred to Svalbard, did anyone from the king’s staff contact you?’

‘That’s crazy,’ said Jonas.

‘It wouldn’t be so strange,’ argued Friday. ‘Binky is the princess’s boyfriend. Someone from the royal staff might ask you to keep an eye on him, or . . . to make sure he stayed warm, or . . . they might suggest that if you did something to discredit Binky, the palace would be pleased.’

Jonas’s expression did not change.

‘It would be easy enough to prove if you’d had a conversation with someone at the palace,’ said Friday. ‘Thanks to computerised phone records, we could soon find out when you were called, from which phone number and how long you spoke for.’

Jonas was silent for several moments while he weighed his options. ‘Someone at the palace did call,’ he conceded. ‘But there’s nothing wrong with that. You can’t prove anything. You can’t prove what they said.’

‘Hmm,’ said Friday. ‘Do you have a smartphone?’

‘Yes,’ said Jonas.

‘Is it in your pocket?’ asked Friday.

‘No,’ said Jonas, a little too hastily.

‘He’s lying,’ said Melanie.

‘Yes, I know,’ said Friday. ‘I can see the rectangular lump in his pants pocket from here. It’s too small to be a book, and it’s too big to be a packet of gum. It is, in fact, the exact size of a smartphone.’

‘Produce the phone,’ snapped the colonel.

Jonas reluctantly drew the phone out of his pocket. Friday took it from his hand.

‘If I were to look at the audio recordings on this phone, would I find any loud animal sounds?’ asked Friday.

‘You’d need a search warrant,’ said Jonas as he tried to snatch it back.

‘You’re thinking of civilian law,’ said Friday, turning away so he couldn’t grab it. She started pressing buttons and typing in codes, hacking through the phone’s security systems. ‘You have way less rights to privacy when you’re living on an army base. Speaking of which . . .’ She glanced up at Jonas then went back to typing in codes on the phone. ‘Your uniform is military issue. It belongs to the government. And the Norwegian Army arctic jacket has a white faux fur lining in the hood. If I rang your billet in Svalbard and asked them to search your things, would they find that the hood from your snow suit had been cut off so you could make an improvised polar bear paw?’

Sweat was visibly beginning to appear on Jonas’s forehead. He cracked. ‘It wasn’t my idea. I was only following orders!’

‘Orders from whom?’ asked the colonel.

‘The king’s personal secretary,’ said Jonas.

‘Sir Eirik Larson?’ said Binky. ‘I know him! He’s a very smart fellow. Although, he does make a strange “tutting” noise every time he sees me.’

‘Here we go,’ said Friday. She hit enter on the phone and held it out to the room.

RAAAGGGHHH!

An animal roar blared out. It was a terrifying sound. All the officers flinched.

Friday looked at the phone again. ‘It’s even labelled “Tiger Roar”, proving my earlier point.’

‘You’d better explain yourself, Corporal Jonas,’ demanded the colonel.

‘Sir Eirik said the king liked to reward enterprising young soldiers who had been helpful,’ said Jonas. ‘Who had gone above and beyond the normal line of duty. He said Binky was an embarrassment to the palace. It was a problem. No one knew what to do . . . I could tell what he was asking.’

The colonel shook his head. ‘You are in a lot of trouble, young man. You have framed a fellow soldier, and you have made a very serious accusation against a senior civil servant.’

‘He framed a polar bear too,’ said Melanie.

‘The charges against Corporal Pelly are dismissed,’ announced the colonel.

And so, a short time later, it was Jonas who was taken back to the guardhouse, while Binky followed Friday and Melanie out into the fresh air.

‘We should go somewhere to celebrate!’ said Melanie.

But Binky burst into tears.

‘Sorry, Mel,’ he said, wiping them away with his cuff. ‘It’s been very stressful. You’ve no idea how relieved I am.’ He suddenly turned on Friday and gave her a big hug.

‘How can I ever thank you?’ he said. ‘I thought I’d never get to see Ingrid again.’

‘It’s okay, Binky,’ said Friday, patting him on the back. ‘Everything is okay now.’

Melanie handed Binky a tissue and he blew his nose loudly.

‘Come on, I saw a lovely truck stop just up the road,’ said Melanie. ‘I’ll buy you a big chocolate milkshake. That will cheer you up.’

‘Yes, please,’ said Binky.