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It turned out dating Penny with a kid was a lot like dating Penny when we were kids ourselves. There was a lot of curfews, sneaking around and stolen kisses, only instead of worrying about her parents catching us, we worried about Callie.
We knew that Callie supported our relationship, but we didn’t want to be making out and groping each other in front of her, that wouldn’t be appropriate.
Even though we had been separated for twenty years and were both totally different people now we fell easily back into a close friendship. We found ourselves talking and laughing and spending time together whenever we could. When we weren’t together physically we were texting so much I was sure I was getting a repetitive use injury in my fingers.
We quickly settled into a good routine. I was usually off work on Wednesdays and Sundays and since Penny was self-employed she could adjust her schedule, so we generally spent those days together.
On Wednesdays while Callie was in school we had the whole house to ourselves, which was nice. It gave us plenty of time to have what Penny jokingly called our “afternoon delight time”. By the time several weeks had passed we had broken in pretty much every surface in the house. The sex was red hot and creative and we were as insatiable as had been as kids.
On Sundays the three of us generally did something together: go for a hike, play laser tag, ride bikes, or explore the neighboring towns up and down the coast. In the evenings Callie and I would play video games while Penny cooked and then we all ate dinner together. Callie was a force to be reckoned with in every video game we played.
At first Penny was hesitant to insert me into her time with her daughter, but Callie had strongly encouraged it. She and I had grown close quickly, in part because we had similar personalities and interests.
She was such a great kid. I had never considered having a child before, but the more time I spent with Callie, the more I understood the appeal.
Penny and I agreed that we would only spend the night together when Callie was out of the house at sleepovers, and we stuck to that commitment. We were pretty sure that Callie knew that I stayed over when she wasn’t home, but none of us talked about it. Maybe it was a bit old-fashioned, but neither of us felt right about taking that step so soon in our relationship with a kid in the house.
I knew that Penny was pleased that the two of them had settled into their new life in Diamond Bay so well. Callie was thriving at Diamond Bay High and had already assembled a great circle of friends, including her fellow cheerleaders. She was also doing quite well in all of her classes, which was no surprise. Her mother had always done well in school and clearly the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Meanwhile Penny had reconnected with her old friend from high school, Jenny, who had introduced her to some of the other local women. They all got together periodically for happy hour or yoga classes. Penny also joined the town’s business association, and her website business was flourishing, especially after her dramatic overhaul of the town’s page. The mayor was her biggest fan.
As fall turned to winter, Thanksgiving came and we spent the day together. Our families all lived far away, and though we had been invited to eat with friends, in the end we decided to stick close to home.
The three of us did the town’s 5k Turkey Trot together, talking and laughing as we ran, wearing shirts with cartoon turkeys on them. After our workout we prepared and ate an enormous meal and watched stupid movies together for the rest of the day. Honestly it was the best Thanksgiving I’d ever had. We felt like a family, even though I wasn’t sleeping there every night. I was pretty sure that Penny and Callie felt the same way.
My parents came back to town for Christmas and Penny and Callie joined us at my house to celebrate. We decorated the tree together and spent Christmas Day in the pajamas my mom had purchased for each of us.
My mom was thrilled to see Penny again. She had always loved her in high school, and soon the two of them were talking and laughing and poking fun at me like they had in the old days. Even Callie joined in on their teasing.
I was impressed with how confident Callie was, despite living in such a terrible environment for the first ten years of her life. She seemed to fit in easily wherever she went. It was a testament to Penny’s parenting skills and her commitment to ongoing counseling sessions for the girl that Callie had come through that experience mostly unscathed.
The one thing that bothered me was that Penny had never talked to me about what happened; she never even hinted at it. I knew enough about domestic violence to know that women often felt ashamed about getting into those situations, but I had thought by now she would have trusted me enough to open up about her experience.
I had tried several times to bring the conversation around to her ex-husband, but she always changed the subject, saying only that he was out of their lives and she didn’t want to think about him. The insecure part of me wondered what else she was keeping secret from me.
It all came to a head on New Year’s Day.
I had worked a 12-hour overnight shift on New Year’s Eve – prime time for drunk driving, bar fights and other bad behavior. After collapsing into my bed for ten hours, I dragged myself over to Penny’s for a late dinner as planned. Callie was planning to sleep over at Samantha’s and we were both looking forward to a quiet night alone.
Looking back, I’m not even sure how things went off the rails so quickly.
It started when I went to knock on Penny’s front door and realized that it was unlocked. I walked in and heard music coming from the kitchen. Penny had music turned up on her phone and was dancing around and singing loudly while she cooked.
She looked sexy as fuck with her faded jeans hugging every curve, her hips swaying to an old Boys 2 Men song, but I didn’t focus on that like I should have. Instead, I focused on the fact that I had walked in and snuck up behind her without her hearing me.
I was instantly terrified, thinking of what could have happened if someone else had tried her door. My terror made me angry. Diamond Bay was a safe community but like any town, it wasn’t immune to crime, especially with so many tourists passing through every day.
“Penny! What the fuck are you doing?” I yelled over the music, my voice loud and angry. I slammed my hands on the countertop behind her.
Penny jumped, whirling around and sinking to the floor next to the cabinets. It happened so fast: one second she was joyfully dancing, the next second she was huddled on the floor with her knees to her chest and her hands over her lowered head, trembling.
Damn it.
I found her phone on the counter and turned the music off. The silence was deafening. Penny was still huddled in a little ball in the corner, not making a sound. It looked like she was in some kind of trance. It was easily the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen, and I had been to war.
I knew in that moment that I had fallen back in love with her. Not the crazy childhood love we once had, but full blown “I want you to wear my ring and I want to grow old together” adult love. If I were honest I had felt that way for months, but I had been in denial, telling myself it was too soon.
“Penny, it’s me,” I said softly, walking slowly towards her. “It’s Mitch. You’re safe, baby. It’s only me.”
She looked up slowly, her eyes wide and disoriented, and I sank down on the floor in front of her, reaching slowly for her hands. They were as cold as ice.
“You’re safe Penny,” I repeated, striving to keep my voice low and calm. “It’s me, Mitch. It’s OK baby, you’re safe.”
I watched as the panic of her flashback subsided and she realized what had happened.
Suddenly she grabbed her hands away and jumped up to standing, racing over to the other side of the island before I could even get up off the floor.
“Mitch! What the FUCK are you doing?” she asked me, her voice high and angry. She glared at me, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she took loud gasping breaths. Her entire body was shaking.
“You scared the shit out of me!” she shrieked.
“I’m sorry Penny,” I told her sincerely. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Your door was open, and you weren’t paying attention when I walked in right behind you. I freaked out when I realized what could have happened.”
“What?” she yelled. “What could have happened?”
I looked at her incredulously, my anger rising again. “What do you mean, what could have happened?” I shouted. “Someone could have walked in here – just like I did – and attacked you before you even realized they were there. You could have been hurt or even killed Penny.”
She shook her head. “Actually, people are way more likely to be killed by people they know than by strangers invading their homes,” she replied, her voice steadier now, but still angry and cold.
“I have more of chance to be hurt by someone I’m in a relationship with, someone like you, than some Stranger Danger. I think you know that as a law enforcement officer. ”
“Someone like me?” I said, feeling like she had slapped me. “Why would I hurt you Penny? I love you.”
I realized it was the first time I had said those to words to her since we were in high school, but if the significance of my declaration sunk in, she showed no reaction. “In my experience, even people who claim to love you will hurt you.”
“I’m not him, Penny,” I said firmly. “I’m not that asshole Rick. I don’t have a rap sheet as long as my arm filled with police calls and I wouldn’t ever hurt a woman, let alone a ten-year-old child!”
Penny gasped and the color returned to her face. “How do you know about all that?” she asked. “I never told you anything about that.”
“I don’t know why Penny, I thought you trusted me. I thought we could tell each other anything, but you didn’t trust me enough to share such an important part of your past.” My voice sounded hurt.
I saw the exact moment that Penny figured it out. She straightened to her full height, her back ramrod straight, and looked me right in the eye, her eyes angry and cold.
“Mitchell John Erickson, how do you know about this? How do you know about Rick? Tell me right now!” she demanded.
“It was after that night with the raccoon,” I told her. “Remember I slammed the door and you flinched like you were scared. You freaked out a little.”
She nodded and made an impatient “go ahead” motion with her hand.
“I, um, well, I looked you up in the state database when I got back to the office.”
I ignored her gasp of outrage and continued, “I saw the reports Penny. I saw what he did you, and to Callie. I ran his record too, Penny. I saw all the women he hurt before you, and what he did to the woman whom he almost killed after you finally divorced him.”
“So...what you’re saying is that you violated my privacy,” she said in a voice that made a chill of foreboding run down my spine. “Instead of asking me and taking the chance I wouldn’t tell you, you used your position and investigated me.”
“I wanted to know what had happened to you,” I said defensively. “When we were young, you were so open and trusting and now...well, it was obvious someone had fucked you over. You’re like a wounded bird some time.”
“Get. Out.” Penny raised one shaky hand and pointed towards the door. “Out.”
“Penny, no, please, let’s talk about this,” I bargained. “I’m sorry. Really I am.”
“I wasted ten years of my life listening to one ‘I’m sorry’ after another from a man who thought he was entitled know everything about me and use that knowledge to control me,” she said firmly, her voice sadder than I had ever heard it.
“I spent ten years never feeling in control of my life. Always afraid I was doing something wrong. Making someone angry.”
She shook her head and rolled her lips in, the way she used to when we were kids and she was trying not to cry.
“When I escaped, I promised myself I would never be in a situation where I let someone steal my control again. I promised myself I would be a better role model for my daughter.”
“Penny.” I reached my hands towards her, but she shook her head again.
“No Mitch, I’m serious. What you did is unforgivable, and the fact that you hid it from me for all these months just makes it all the worse.” Her voice waivered slightly but she stood firm. “I can’t be with someone I can’t trust. You need to go. Now.”
I felt a wave of nausea come up and swallowed hard. “Penny...”I tried again. “I love you.”
“Saying I love you isn’t a hall pass to get out of detention,” she said coldly. There wasn’t a trace of emotion in her voice. “We’re done Mitch. Don’t call me. Don’t come over. Don’t contact me again. I mean it. We’re over.”
I stared at her for a long moment, my eyes desperate to convey how sorry I was, how important she was to me, and she met my gaze steadily, her own eyes flat and dark. Swallowing everything else I wanted to say I nodded and moved slowly towards the door. For the first time since my grandpa died when I was ten years old I felt like I wanted to cry.
“I’ll call you later,” I said from the doorway.
“Please don’t.”
I nodded again. “Can you at least lock the door when I leave?” I asked quietly, knowing I was pressing my luck but wanting to make sure no one else walked in on her tonight.
“Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
Her words were forceful, but I felt a slight sense of relief as I heard her slam and lock the door behind me.