The Royal Family. Such an enigma, yes? We spend so much time thinking of what the public thinks of us that we often forget what we think of ourselves. So for now, let us not be royal. Let us be just a family. Can we allow ourselves that? If we can, then it is an honour to spend a Christmas alone with this family of mine. Christmas is a time for happiness and joy, but it is also a time for forgiveness and looking towards the future.
‘So, firstly, let me wish you all a Happy Christmas. Let us take a moment to remember that we all love each other – no matter our place in this familial unit, and no matter how the sands of time have eroded us, our values, our devotion to one another. We are the Windsor family. We always have been, and we always will be – no matter history or future. And on this most white Christmas, let us be united and happy. So cheers to all. I love you – remember that throughout the next few minutes. And Happy Christmas.
‘Now, to business, as some may call it. I’m sure the majority of you have some idea what the rest of the content will be about, and if you don’t, I would wish you to just take a look at me, and that may give you some idea. I talked with some of you earlier this morning, in private audience, about various matters. In some ways, those were my parting words as King. In other ways, they most definitely were not. You see, I did indeed say what I needed to say to you as individuals, but not what I needed to say to you as a collective. When I get onto all that, remember the start of this speech. Remember, all, the love – but I am about to say some things that will be hard to hear.
‘When I look at us, we have become something I would not wish on anyone. We have become engorged, dependent, out of touch with our subjects. Look at us – family. What have we become? The world has grown up outside of these walls and we remain the suckling piggies we always were. We allow others to wipe our mouths when we drool, we allow the government to dictate whom we park our rears next to at dinner, we allow the law to pervert itself for our own ends. Family, I want you to see that today could be the start of a new chapter.
‘Daughters, I have done you a grave disservice. I feel like I have not been your father enough – maybe I have been here, but I have not protected you from the wolves at the door. Sometimes a bird must thrust his little ones out of the nest, but we didn’t. We couldn’t. And now I see that my nest may not have been my nest at all, but I want you to know that whatever happens, whatever happened, I am your father.
‘Thomas and Anton (although he is not here), we have cultivated an atmosphere where your actions are constantly questioned. Whether you are genuine or just hungry for money and fame is a topic debated constantly in these halls by many, even regarding Thomas, who has been married to Maud for years and has children with her. I do not partake in this line of inquiry, but I do question one thing – you desire to be a part of this grand show and that, I feel, is deeply odd. (And to Emeline, on this note, I am sorry that Anton was not here for you today. I did have a hand in it. I promise next year, he can come to Balmoral and have his test and become part of the family.)
‘Grandchildren, what have we done to you? Facing you is a life of red tape. You will be adored by millions, but hated by millions too. That is no one’s fault but our own. And the worst thing is that I believe in some way you want this. Whether to fulfill yourselves or please us – you want this. I guess it is just as well, as it would seem you do not have a choice.
‘Marjorie, my dear Marjorie, what has become of you? I think I know – the burdening of the soul. That has ended now, after what we discussed earlier. You do not need to shoulder it alone, my love. Then again it is not just that, is it? You have become high on the decadence of everything – and now that need is consuming you. You are heading for a crash, you know it, and instead of slowing you are putting your foot down on the pedal. Maybe in some ways you see that the crash is inevitable, and you only want to get there faster – but why, love? Because you cannot change, because the road you chose is what you deserve? I do not know your reasons, but I have to watch your descent. That is why you are not queen, my love, and I’m afraid you never will be.
‘And lastly, David, my little brother. What is there to really say that we haven’t said already? I welcome you back into my home, I risk the sanctity of the Crown on this wretched thing called familial blood, and for the first time I am forced to confront a dreadful mistake. You are that mistake, brother. Why do we have such a bond that I can allow what you have done to happen? I look at you and see everything that the monarchy should not be. And then the word comes – my little birds twitter in my ear, that thing you have run from for so long. The truth. How it must keep you up at night, dear brother – how it must feel looking in a mirror – looking at what you’ve become. It’s despicable, and we cannot do a thing about it. Is it better or worse, knowing that you will never face any consequence – better because you never have to truly face it, but worse because you will never feel atoned? A disgusting crime, encased in amber.
‘This family is warped beyond repair by the pressures of monarchy. We are all something horrible, capped by the promise of full potential. And outside of these walls we would struggle to even survive. We are all attached to this thing called the Crown with tubes and threads. We are on a kind of life support. And it does not let us think straight.
‘This is why you don’t really know what I’m going to say, not completely – because your intrinsic design does not allow you to. I do not mean to sound accusatory, even though I know that is undeniably how it is coming across. For the old guard, we have not known anything different for so long that we cannot fathom something so drastic. For the young, you cannot fathom the true follies of everything we have experienced. For everyone outside of these walls, the British public, who grow weary of our excess, they cannot fathom the true price paid.
‘What I announce today, I announce for not only us, or that public we serve so candidly, but for the generations to come, who do not need certain aspects of this world bearing down upon them. As I have said before, the world has grown beyond our bounds, and we are stuck in time, drinking our tea, and having our little meetings, and eating our buffet lunches, and turning a blind eye to the fact that we are all old and tired and we simply do not fit anymore. We are an old puzzle piece, to a world that accepted us as lost and has moved on to five more jigsaws since ours. But enough of the laborious metaphor. Maybe I am simply writing this, speaking this, to delay the inevitable. But we all know where I am bringing this from, we have all seen it, felt it. We can deny it until the royal geese return for the summer, but we know.
‘That is why I stand before you now – not only to announce my abdication as King. I am here to tell you that, at the soonest convenience, I will stand before the establishment, and give my recommendation – the recommendation for the complete and absolute disassembly of the British monarchy. This ends, as all things do. Let us be descended from musty, fragile kings, but let us not be those kings ourselves – we do not deserve it, and the grand truth is that no one ever did. The world has moved on without us – maybe if we start walking now, we can try to catch up to it.
‘I hope you all agree. But my resolve is as set as the foundations of this castle – the Royal Family is over.’
Jon stopped reading and realised he was shaking. He chanced a look up to the room, to see every face painted with the same shock and awe.
‘He printed his name – Eric Windsor.’