When Bill passed away, he was surprised to find himself facing the Pearly Gates. “I always thought Martini drinkers went the other direction,” he remarked to St. Peter.
“Who’d you think invented the Martini? Professor Jerry Thomas? It is truly a Divine Inspiration,” St. Peter chuckled, leading the newcomer off on a heavenly cook’s tour.
Soon they entered the biggest room Bill had ever seen: The walls were covered from floor to ceiling with clocks. “These are the Life Clocks,” the saint pointed out. “They measure every aspect of life performed by every living thing. For instance, every time you ate breakfast, the second hand on your Life Clock ticked.
“And these,” St. Peter remarked when they passed the Cocktail Clocks, “mark every time you’ve had a cocktail, or even thought about it.”
“Where’s mine?” Bill asked. They looked all around, but couldn’t find it. So St. Peter wandered off to ask one of the attending angels.
“It seems yours is upstairs,” St. Peter said when he returned. “Somebody was using it as a fan.”