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Adrika
How could I be attracted to this man when I had been pining for another earlier on this day? No one could deny that Prince Rian was handsome—even before when his hair and beard had been shaggy and unkempt. I could smell his spicy, manly scent over the smell of food wafting through the dining hall. Something about him seemed to loosen my tongue. I would never consider speaking to another man in the same manner. When my father asked to speak with me, I was reminded of the dangers Rian posed on my life. I chided myself all the way to Father’s chambers.
“I had expected you to come to me today.”
“I am sorry, Father. I forgot.”
He sat down at the small table in his sitting room and motioned for me to sit to his left. I folded my hands in my lap and looked down at the table while I silently begged him not to bring up his knowledge of me and Brett. I might die on the spot if he did.
“You are eighteen years old.” He cleared his throat. “It is past time that you should be married. Your uncle has been after me to allow him to find you a husband from among his people.”
My stomach clenched at his words. Had he changed his mind? Of all my prospects for a husband, the thought of being married to a Cordelian stranger was the worst. I visited my mother’s country once. Some of the men there were openly cruel to their women, and no one batted an eye. There, even the more fortunate among women lived in oppression.
It was fine for my father to find a wife from Cordelia because he would hold power over her. It would be different with a man from the same country. A husband from my mother’s homeland could mean a life of misery, and I would be helpless to do anything about it. Given the choice, Rian was the better option, only he was not Brett.
Father stopped speaking for a moment, and I glanced his way. He reached out as if to place his hand on my shoulder but pulled away at the last moment. “I would think you would not like that, and I certainly would not want a Cordelian ruling my country once I am gone.”
Relief poured over me. I let out the breath I had been holding.
“I have chosen Prince Rian to be our next ruler. I offered him your hand in marriage this morning. He is going to take the next couple of days to decide. And Adrika . . .”
He took my chin and turned my face toward him. My eyes stung with unshed tears. My chest hurt with the effort of holding them back. “I expect you to do whatever it takes to make sure he agrees to this union.”
Father’s choice for my husband had little to do with me and everything to do with his rule over this kingdom. I felt like a worthless token, to be used in securing Rian’s place on the throne and nothing more. My desires did not matter in the least.
“Oh, Poppa.”
I slid from the chair to kneel before him, laying my head on his knee. I wanted to plead for him not to make me do this. I wanted to beg him to change his mind, but all I could get past the thickening of my throat was this endearment from my youth.
“Rika.”
He had not used my nickname since the day I began wearing the undergarments of a woman. I had thought it was yet another sign that I had grown up, but it had not taken long for me to miss it. Things were different after that, and the distance between us had only grown after the death of my mother.
He began stroking my hair and a measure of calmness filtered through me. “It will not be as bad as you think, you will see. I have never said as much, but Prince Rian was the one chosen for you when you were but a toddler. There is no one else in the country more suitable.”
“But Poppa, he is not the one I love. I do not even know him.”
His hands stilled on my head. “As for that, I am sure if you have thought yourself in love with another, you were mistaken. Do I make myself clear?”
I could only nod my head, still hoping he would not mention what he knew about Brett Eveny. I would never be ready for that conversation with my father. I squeezed my eyes tightly closed, hoping he would move on. He lifted my chin, and I forced my eyes open.
“I met your mother for the first time at the altar in front of a Cordelian priest. That is the way they do things in her country. I brought her back here to Dermot, and it took us a few years, but we did fall in love. You know what I am saying is true, do you not?”
“Yes, Poppa.”
“You have an advantage over me and your mother. You can take these next couple of days to get to know the prince. I want you to put forth your best effort to make him agree to this marriage. I mean that—whatever it takes. As far as I am concerned, you already belong to the prince. Do you understand what I am implying?”
My limbs felt heavily laden as a chill settled over me. I worried that my stomach might empty its contents right there in his lap. Was he asking me to seduce Rian? I felt dirty. I had slept with a man I was not married to. I suppose he thought one more would not hurt.
I had to swallow several times before being able to whisper my reply. “Yes, Father.”
“You may go.”
I stood, curtsied, and left the room. I understood perfectly.
Tears smarted my eyes. Oh, why could I have not done things differently? If Brett and I had not rushed our relationship, Father may have considered him a more suitable mate. He was to inherit the title of duke after all. His unmarried uncle intended to pass his title and holdings down to him. Surely a Dermish duke was a suitable enough rank for a princess.
Damini was in my room when I returned. She studied my face with concern, probably noting the signs of my crying. She took a step forward with her hand reaching for me. I wanted to melt into the comfort of her embrace, but she had betrayed me.
Gathering a courage I barely possessed, I turned my back to her, crossing my arms over my chest. “You are dismissed.”
There were a few moments of silence before I heard the soft whisper of her slippers padding across the floor and then the quiet sound of the door closing behind her. I sat before my dressing table and brushed my hair as I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
What would Father do if I went against his demands? I felt sure I could turn Rian against me but what then? If Rian was no longer an option, would Father give in to my uncle’s desires? A shiver slithered down my spine. Marrying someone from Cordelia was out of the question.
I had to be realistic. Brett was no longer a choice. If he wanted me as a wife badly enough, he would have found a way to come back to me. I would have left my father behind to be with him if necessary. And if anyone else had come seeking my hand, Father must have turned them away.
Like it or not, my father was right. Rian was my only choice. Father had said to do whatever it took to secure a marriage to the prince. How far was I willing to go? I glanced at the heavy drapes covering the windows behind me. Rian had asked if I would be out on the veranda tonight. If Father wanted me to seduce him, so be it.
I opened the jar of rouge from my dressing table and moved closer to the mirror. I dabbed a little on my cheeks and lips, using only a small amount. Having never applied it to myself before, I did not want to overdo it.
After drying my eyes with the edge of my tunic, I took the eyeliner from my drawer and pulled my eyelid taunt as Damini had done on the few, special occasions when she had applied it. This turned out to be harder than it looked. The line at the edge of my lid became ever wider as I tried to make them even. I did not even look like myself when I was done.
I undressed and slipped on my nicest pair of silk pajamas. They looked so like the clothes I wore, I wondered if he would notice the difference. What would his reaction be when he saw me? I tried to push it from my mind as I slipped on my boots and donned my hat and cloak.
A last look in the mirror almost made me laugh. The long cloak covered most everything. In addition, it was now completely dark outside. It was doubtful he would be able to see anything. I grabbed a quilt from my armchair on the way to the door. I pulled back the drape and tried to peer outside, but darkness was all I could see. Maybe he would not show. Taking a deep breath, I stepped outside.
“Princess.”
I jerked at the voice so unexpectedly close to me. Even though I had known he might be out here, it had never occurred to me that he would be waiting on the bench outside my door.
“Sorry, I was trying not to scare you.”
His voice sounded more amused than sorry. I attempted to compose myself as I shut the door and sat down on the bench beside him. I tried to see if he was smiling at my expense, but his face was completely shadowed.
“I was beginning to think you were not going to show.”
He had been anticipating seeing me again? My heart hammered in my chest. I was supposed to do whatever it took to entice him. I searched my mind for something clever to say.
“Sorry to have kept you waiting.”
My voice came out in a squeak. Hugging the folded quilt to my chest, I tried in vain to stop my body from trembling. I had no idea how to go about seducing a man. I had no experience in such things. Brett had pursued me. Taking a deep breath of chilled air, I attempted to calm my fears. Prince Rian was a man after all. They were all just alike, or so I had been told.
“It is cold out here and you are already shivering. Here, let me help you with your blanket.” He took the quilt from me and shook it out to its full length before wrapping it around me, stuffing the excess between us.
“Thank you.” My voice came out sounding strangled. With more daring than I felt, I tugged the edge of the blanket from beside me and threw it over his legs.
“What are you up to?”
The harshness of his voice caused me to look up toward his face. “Nothing. I only thought you might be cold as well. That is all.”
I felt him relax beside me. He seemed to accept my explanation. Good.
“If I may ask, what did you and your father talk about?”
My first instinct was to tell him it was none of his business but that would not endear me to him. “We talked about the future.”
“Did he reveal who he had in mind for you to marry?”
If I had not overheard his conversation with my father, I would have thought this was an innocent interlude to our conversation from the previous night. Irritation tightened my jaw, making it harder for me to give my answer. “You spoke with him this morning. I am sure you already know who he has in mind.” I tried to rein in my emotions. Snapping at him like this would not help.
He cupped the side of my face and tilted my chin up. “And you approve of his choice? Or is he the one who sent you out here like this? Is that what this is about?”
His words and the calculated tone of his voice conflicted with the gentleness of his fingertips caressing my face. He ran his thumb across my lower lip and it had me shivering for a different reason. I could not speak. He leaned in closer and slowly lowered his lips toward mine. I closed my eyes, anticipating the kiss that was sure to follow.
“I should kiss you and show you what a real man is like, but I refuse to be tricked or trapped into marrying you.”
My eyes snapped open. I wanted to slap him, but he was already walking away.
“By the way, I liked you better without all that makeup.”
I jumped to my feet. If it had been daylight, I would have hurled a rock at his head. I watched as his dark form headed toward the door to his room with my teeth gritted together. Where was the perfect comeback when I needed one?
I picked up the blanket at my feet and entered back through my own door. In a lame attempt to release the angst I felt, I wadded it up and tossed it on the chair in my room. How dare he do that to me? Somehow, he had managed to make me crave the sensation of his lips on mine only to leave me wanting. And the things he said to me . . . I was a fool for even caring, but I did.
With a dampened cloth, I scrubbed my face in an attempt to remove the color but only managed to blacken both of my eyes. I looked like a raccoon. How stupid could I be? I had thought my features were hidden in the dark, but of course, I had been facing into the moonlight.
As my anger began to fade, another emotion crept in to take its place. Failure. What would Father say? What was to become of me now? If I only had his anger and disappointment to overcome, I could handle that. But if Rian would not have me, what then? Would my uncle then be allowed to choose a husband for me? That thought kept me awake long into the night.