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Adrika
Rian’s excitement was almost tangible. I had forgotten that the things I took for granted about traveling to Aisling, were mostly new to him. There was no way of competing with the pleasure he must have felt at seeing the progress of his home kingdom against the backdrop of the land that must have once been as familiar to him as the back of his hand.
Losing him was my greatest fear. I had this sinking feeling that every fragile thing we had built between us would be crushed once Rian was reunited with the rest of his family. This constant dread had my stomach in knots and increased the pounding in my head. We had been enclosed in this carriage for days, but in my heart, I had put more distance between us with each passing mile.
And then he had taken the pins from my hair. Him pulling me against his chest, running his fingers through my tresses, and gently kissing my temple had soothed my weary heart. His tender act eased my pain, and it was almost my undoing. No man had ever shown me such kindness. How could I ever let him go?
This was our last night together before we arrived in Aisling, my last chance to connect with him before I was outnumbered by his family. As I watched the light reflect off the silver chain around his neck, I tried to think of a way to start the conversation. I had not meant to blurt out that question. What made you finally decide to come home? Was it your family? What I really wanted to know—What can I do to make you stay with me?
Rian reached out in the dark and lightly brushed the side of my face with his palm. “I love my family, but they were not the reason for my return, not really.”
“What was it then?”
He hesitated for so long, I wondered if he was going to answer. “I was involved with this woman. Things went . . . badly.”
What did he mean? I had not expected this answer.
My husband turned over on his back with his face toward the ceiling of the carriage as if he did not want to look at me, even in the dark. Did thinking of her make him wish he had never left Rivania? My heart twisted in my chest at the thought.
I could only whisper my next question. “What happened?”
“She was with child. She said it was mine. It seemed doubtful, but it did not matter. I offered to marry her. She refused.” He sounded broken.
His feelings toward this woman seemed obvious, but I had to ask. “Did you love her?”
“I told you, I have never been in love before now. I cared about her wellbeing, but I did not love her. Truthfully, I am not even sure I cared about her wellbeing until the end.”
He stopped talking for a moment. Maybe he was waiting for a response from me, but I did not know what to say. I sensed there was more to this tale—things I was not so sure he was ready to reveal. Did I even want to know these things?
“Once I accepted the responsibility of the babe to come, I became excited at the prospect of a child of my own. I imagined what it would be like. For some reason, I pictured a little girl. Which is odd, I guess, considering I had no sisters. But the woman, she did not feel the same way. She cursed the baby and constantly complained about what it was doing to her body and how it would ruin her future.”
“What was her name?”
“I would rather not say. It is not important now anyway.” He stopped talking again, making me regret my interruption.
When he finally began again, his voice was strained. “I came home one afternoon, and she was lying in a pool of blood. She told me that she had taken measures to rid herself of the unwanted baby. She died before I could even call out for help.”
I could hear the pain he must have felt along with a shift in his emotions as he said these words. Nothing I had ever experienced could compare to the moment he was describing.
He turned back on his side, facing me. “Her life and that of the child were not the first senseless deaths that had resulted because of me. In Rivania, it is either kill or be killed. I had begun to hate my life there, but losing my child . . . that had brought me to my lowest point, which was down on my knees before God. After my salvation, I knew He meant for me to come home.”
He scooted closer and put his arm around me. “I believe He planned out my stop in Dermot.”
“You do?” Could that be true? Hope blossomed in my chest.
“Yes, I do. I have never felt more sure about anything.”
Nothing else was said, but it was a long time before I could sleep. I raked through every word of that conversation. He had said he had never been in love before now. What did that mean? I felt a jealousy toward the unnamed woman. If he could not even bear to say her name, he must have loved her even though he said otherwise. I had never felt that tug to be a mother, but Rian’s desire for a child had me imagining his babe in my arms.
I awoke the next morning with the imprint of his anchor pendant in my palm. He was still asleep when I sat up and tried to smooth back the hair that had come loose from my braid. Daylight peeked through the curtains. We would be stopping soon for the last time before our arrival.
Thankfully, my head no longer hurt. It was a shame my hair would be pinned up once again very shortly. I had taken my husband’s advice to heart, but I wanted to look my best for this first meeting with the Barnali family as Rian’s wife.
We both took extra care with our appearance during our morning stop. It was surprising to find that a part of me was looking forward to the end of our journey. For one thing, we would finally be released from this moving contraption. It was admittedly better than traveling by horseback, but I would rather travel by boat. At least we would have had the freedom to move about aboard a ship.
I was also looking forward to seeing Deidre again. It had always been my wish that we could live closer to one another. Damini had been my only companion in Dermot. I loved her and missed her dearly, but it was never the same as having someone closer to your own age to confide in.
When we rolled up to the front of the castle, Rian’s entire family was there. As soon as he helped me down from the carriage, I was accosted by his niece. Deidre grabbed me in a tight hug. She did not let go as she pulled back to look into my face. I took in her auburn hair and striking green eyes.
Her face was glowing with happiness as she looked up at me. “I cannot believe it. We are family now. To tell the truth, I had hoped you would end up with Nic, which would make us cousins, but I never dreamed I would one day refer to you as my aunt. Aunt Rika. I do not know if I will ever get used to calling you that.”
Heat colored my face. Deidre’s words about me and Nic had been spoken in almost a whisper, but I would have died right on the spot if anyone had heard her. I did a quick look around to see if anyone was paying attention. They were all gathered around Rian several feet away, and no one was looking our way.
Nic was a sweet boy, but he was two years younger than me and it showed. While he stood waiting for his chance to speak with Rian, I took in his appearance for the first time with the newfound knowledge of who his father was. He had the same light brown eye color as Reagan and Rian, but there had always been something different about the shape of his features that had been hard to place. Now that I knew he had once belonged to someone other than Reagan and Gwen, it made perfect sense.
Deidre took my hand and walked toward her family. Rian was now standing before Queen Gwen. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at him while touching his face. In fact, the same type of emotion could be seen on the faces of all the adults present. It was strange standing on the edge of the circle, looking on. I truly was an outsider.
Deidre was the last to hug him. “Uncle Rian, I am glad you finally made it back home. It is so good to see you again.”
My gut cinched at the word home. Where ever home was for Rian, would I truly be included?
“I missed you too, Brat.”
Her giggling at the nickname sounded as if it had a life of its own. I had always envied my friend’s easy manner, but never more so than now. I never had this type of family connection. Things had changed so much between my father and me. At times, it was hard to recognize any relationship between us at all.
Rian took me by the hand and pulled me to the middle of the crowd. “Everyone, I would like to introduce you to my wife.”
It was embarrassing, being the center of attention. The king and queen of Aisling were standing directly in front of me. I dipped down in a low curtsy like I had done at every meeting prior to this day.
Queen Brianna grabbed me by the shoulders as soon as I stood and pulled me into an awkward hug. “You are family now. There will be no more curtsying.”
She pulled away and her hazel eyes studied my face as if she truly was meeting me for the first time. Except for those eyes, she and Deidre looked so much alike, but their personalities were very different. Brianna was much more serious. I had a feeling she would be a force to be reckoned with if crossed.
The queen looped her arm through mine and led us into the castle. I wanted nothing more than to believe I had been completely accepted into this family, but how could that be? They had to know that Rian had been practically forced into marrying me. How would I feel if the shoe were on the other foot? I had never had siblings to compare it to, but I could not imagine welcoming an intruder, such as myself, with open arms.