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Rian
Reagan had insisted on church attendance once he became my guardian. I had always chafed under this regulation, but since becoming a believer, I craved the chance to go and opportunities had been scarce. As Adrika and I entered the church in Aisling, I scanned the familiar plaque beside the door, my gaze settling on the last part of the verse carved into the wood.
What must I do to be saved?”
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ,
and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
How many times had I read those words and not taken it to heart? How different would my life be if I had accepted this truth as a child?
Just before the service began, we made our way to the pews reserved for the royal families at the front of the sanctuary. From the moment the congregation stood to sing, this service felt different than what I had experienced here as a child. At one point, Reagan had his face and hands lifted toward heaven, as if he expected the Lord to take him up at any moment. The same spirit moved though me, reminding me of the night I was saved.
After the congregational hymns, the choir sang, and then the preacher announced that the king of Aisling would share one of the songs he wrote. Thinking this must be a mistake, I automatically looked to Garrett. I had never heard my brother sing before and the thought of him writing a song was astonishing. As his deep voice rang out, I began to consider the inspiration behind his words.
Sometimes pain racks my body,
And I feel alone and blue.
Then I feel His holy presence,
And joy comes flowing though.
Years ago, I learned to trust Him,
To call upon His name.
Through faith I feel and hear Him.
The Comforter is there again.
Had Garrett felt God’s comfort as he was being tortured in that forsaken dungeon by our father? I could not imagine. Brianna wiped tears from her face. The sound of sniffing came from behind me. I could feel the sting in my nose and behind my eyes, but held my emotions in check. I focused once again on the face of my brother standing in front of the congregation—the people of his kingdom. There was a type of peace shining there that was beyond explanation.
I wanted to reach out and grab that same peace for myself. According to Garrett and Reagan, that involved me forgiving my parents. I was beginning to see the merit behind this suggestion. I spent the rest of the service praying that God would help me toward that endeavor.
Most everyone else napped after church, but I was restless. Now that people were starting to flow into Aisling for Session, the reality of our true purpose for being here began to weigh on me. Both of my brothers had warned me that once we stepped into that meeting on the first of June, kingdom loyalties would be our priority. We would each be representing a different kingdom and our responsibility would be to our own people and not to family.
The citizens of Dermot did not feel like my people as of yet, but that did not lessen my obligation to them in any way. One day I would be their king—a role I took seriously. I was already looking to the future, to the kind of ruler I intended to be. For sure, I wanted to be less like my father, and King Farris was not much better.
The sound of metal against metal, accompanied by the grunts of two people honing their fighting skills, rang out through the front courtyard. Shouted words of encouragement added to the excitement. My blood pumped faster as I made my way to the shade of the practice arena on the far side of the stables. This was the very thing I needed to distract me from my thoughts.
Even above the din, the warriors’ heavy breathing could be heard. The small woman in the arena hardly looked a match for the hulking man across from her, but she had obviously been holding her own for a while. Her short, blond hair was plastered to her head while sweat rolled from her opponent’s bald pate.
A swift thrust and flick of his dull sword and hers was suddenly flying through the air. “Now what is your plan, little brush rat?”
The flat inflection of his voice gave him away as an Aislinian, and his insult labeled her as one from Gilvary. Female warriors were common enough here in Aisling, but when I left my home kingdom, women had just begun joining our ranks.
The slight woman began to circle the man still holding his sword. The eerie smile on her face silenced the crowd, but the emerald green of her eyes sent my heart pounding in my ears. Now that I could see her face, I knew exactly who she was, and my past came rushing before me.
In what seemed like the blink of an eye, she had swept the man’s legs with her own and flipped over his now horizontal body to retrieve her sword. The air from his lungs, as well as the sword from his hand, had left him in the process. She stood silently over his bulk now with the tip of her sword at his throat. I had seen fighting like this in Rivania but never here. Judging by the stunned silence, no one else had either. Where had she learned to fight like this?
Gemma Fergus was one of the many reasons I had for leaving Gilvary. Things had gotten too complicated between me and my childhood sweetheart. She had been my first in a long line of lovers. Gemma was nothing like the rest of the women from my past, but I had used her as such. I still had enough of a conscience back then that I knew what I was doing was wrong. I had not wanted to do any more damage to this girl that I, at the very least, cared about. Leaving had seemed the easy way out.
The crowd split to allow her to leave the arena. She sauntered over to another warrior standing on the outskirts of the spectators, a small towel hung from his outstretched hand and a beaming smile lit his face. I recognized Kyle Darby as well. He had been my childhood nemesis, or thinking back, it may have been the other way around. I had always considered him weak—a trait I despised. Truthfully, the clear admiration he was showing toward Gemma bothered me still.
The money that had been exchanging hands among the crowd a moment before seemed to evaporate into thin air as they wearily watched me make my way toward the two Gilvarian warriors. If Garrett or Brianna had a problem with the gambling going on within the walls surrounding the castle, they would have to deal with it themselves.
The smile slid from Kyle’s face, and he nodded as soon as he noticed my presence. “Prince Rian.”
Gemma jerked around to face me, her eyes stretched wide in surprise before they narrowed in barely controlled anger. I remembered her moods well. “Rian. What are you doing out here among the peasants?” Her words sliced the air.
Kyle took a step back and looked down at the ground between his boots as his face colored. At the very least, his woman was in danger of a reprimand, and he had no warning to give her? It seemed he had not changed. Neither had she. I took a moment to say a little prayer. I had no business judging the man, and the last thing I wanted to do was cause more strife with the woman before me.
“May I speak to Gemma in private?”
Kyle glanced up at me, gave a nod, and then walked away without a word.
“If you came to pick up where we left off, you can forget it. I hear you found yourself a princess. Looks like you will get to be king after all.” She turned and slowly walked away from the arena, and I followed.
I had forgotten all about sharing with her my desire to lead. At the time, I was chafing under Reagan’s rule and thought I could do a better job. I had been beyond ignorant at the time. “I can tell you are still angry with me. I wanted to say that I am sorry for my misdeeds against you. Knowing how it would hurt you, I should not have left without saying anything.”
She stopped midstride and turned to face me. “That is where you are mistaken. Whatever I felt for you before, left me right after you did. If I do feel any contempt for you, I have other reasons.”
Gemma started walking away from me again. I studied the back of her damp hair as I tried to think what those reasons could be. I had not seen her in over ten years. Whatever misdeeds she had perceived belonging to her during that time, were of her own imaginings. I decided to focus on my true guilt where this woman was concerned.
“We engaged in a physical relationship that should not have been. Maybe that was more my fault than yours, but I am sure my leaving without a word was the worst of my sins toward you. I knew you cared for me, but I was too young and broken to deal with such emotion at that time. I know I hurt you deeply, and for that, I am truly sorry.”
A shudder ran through her shoulders, and I wondered if she was crying. “And if I should tell you that you left me with child, what would you say? Do you believe your words would be enough then?”
My breath left me, and it seemed as if my blood suddenly turned to ice. It was all I could do to press the words past the tightening of my throat. “Is that true?”
She turned to look at me. She was not crying but her brows and lips were drawn. “No. It is not, but I . . .”
Gemma stopped speaking. I could only feel relief after hearing that one word. She was looking over my shoulder now, and I turned to see who had approached at my back. Adrika stood with her arms crossed, her expressionless face somehow conveyed sadness. She slowly turned and walked away without saying a word.
I turned back to Gemma. “I have done all I can here. I have apologized, and I can only hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me.”
I left before she could say more and hurried after my wife. I caught up to Adrika just before she made it to the steps leading up to the front entrance of the castle. She did not look my way. Her back was stiff when I placed my hand there, but at least she did not pull away.
“Please, walk with me into the garden.” She did not respond, but when I turned toward the other side of the castle, she moved with me. We entered through the gate and meandered through the mazelike grounds until we came to a private spot—a bench under the shade of a pin oak tree. We sat side by side, me looking at her while she stared straight ahead.
Surprisingly, she was the first to speak. “Did you love her?”
“No, I did not.” I turned and stared ahead of me as well. Maybe it was better that we did not look at each other for this conversation.
Adrika took a deep breath. “When you told me about your past lovers, I did not realize at least one of them lived here in Kearnley. I thought . . .” She swallowed hard. “I thought all of that happened after you were in Rivania.”
“Gemma was my first . . . she is the only one in this country. We were too young, and I knew her feelings for me were stronger than mine for her. It was one of my many reasons for leaving. I am not proud of what I have done. I promise I did not seek her out, but when I happened upon her at the practice arena, it became obvious that my long-ago actions were affecting her still. I only wanted to make amends.” I leaned forward, and allowed my head to rest in the palms of my hands. I had been a coward and worse. Not only had my past sins hurt others like Gemma, but now they were interfering with the present. They were hurting my wife.
“So I heard. Do you plan to speak with her again?”
I turned to look at Adrika. “No. I apologized. That is all I can do.”
“I suppose I would be helpless to stop you if you should decide differently, so what does it matter?” She made to rise and I took hold of her wrist, stopping her flight.
“You are my wife, and I . . .” I studied her deep brown eyes that were now turned toward me. I had been about to say and I love you. I never wanted those words to leave my mouth if they were not true, and at this moment, I was not sure. Besides, this was not the place nor time to say it for the first time.
“I took my vows to you seriously. Whatever was between me and Gemma is over. Really, it has been for over ten years. You have nothing to worry about.” I pulled her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles. I placed my next kiss on the inside of her elbow. I tugged her closer and placed kisses along her collarbone. “Do you trust me?”
Her fingers were cool against my skin as she ran them around my neck and through the hair at the back of my neck. She did not make a sound as her lips found mine, but then, that was all the answer I needed.