Chapter 3

September 10, 2001

Well, four hours of sleep is a lot less than I had hoped for, but I guess that will just have to do. Today is the big day. I have a four-hour drive in a small Honda CRV with my wife and two children. My nerves are shot. I thought yesterday was nerve wrecking, but I was sadly mistaken.

So at 2:00 a.m., I jump in the shower and try to wake up and wash off the jitters. I do not suffer from anxiety; however, right now I could use a dose or two of an anxiety medication. It isn’t the unknown that bothers me, rather it’s the fact that I know that there is no backing out. I have already accomplished much in my life and this should be just one more stepping stone in my career, so why in the hell am I so damned nervous? I just can’t figure it out, maybe it’s just the fact that I don’t want to let my family down. Yes, I think we will chalk it up to that.

Well now that I am out of the shower and in my Sunday best it is time to set off, with my family, on another journey. This will probably be one hell of a long trip this morning. I am due in Tallahassee, Florida, at 7:00 a.m. today. Of course I have to get the wife and kids up first. I walk in to wake my wife.

“Jenni, wake up. It is time to go.”

“Okay I am getting up. Have you gotten the kids up yet?”

“No, not yet. It takes you longer to get ready than it takes me to get the kids ready.”

“You’re such an asshole in the morning, you know that.”

“I am not being an asshole. I just want to make sure you aren’t rushed for time.”

“Okay, whatever. Will you please go get the kids up and ready while I get a shower, please?”

“Yep, sure will.”

I walked into the kid’s room and gently shook my son.

“Wake up, buddy. It’s time to get dressed because daddy has to leave.”

“No, I don’t want to go. I’m tired.”

“Seth, we have to go so Daddy isn’t late.”

“Fine,” Seth said with his best pouty voice.

I got him out of bed and helped him get dressed. We combed his hair and got him ready to go. As soon as he was dressed, he did what most five year olds do, stuck out his bottom lip and stomped down the hallway.

Well that went well. Now time to go get the little one up, I thought to myself, and I headed off to Alyssa’s room.

Not wanting to wake my daughter, I bent slightly over her bed and slid my hands and arms between her tiny head and back and the mattress, in an ill-fated attempt to gently pick her up and cradle her. I failed at this miserably. She woke up and scrunched her face, much as someone would after sucking on a lemon. She began to moan and cry. I held her and comforted her for a few minutes, and once she had been given time to awaken properly, she changed her tone and put a smile on her face.

Once she was in a more cheerful mood, I changed her and fed both her and Seth a bit of breakfast. After breakfast, it was time for the long awaited Journey to begin.

“Okay, Seth, let’s head to the car. Mommy will be out in a minute.”

“Dad, how long is the drive?” Seth asked.

“A few hours, buddy, but you will be with me and Mommy. It will be fun. We can play games and stuff, okay?”

“I don’t want to play games, but okay,” Seth replied.

I then went back in the house to check on Jenni.

“Honey, we have to get going.”

“Okay, I am coming. Are the kids in the car yet?” my wife asked.

“Yes, they are,” I said with just a hint of sarcasm in my voice.

I must admit that one of my biggest faults is that I can be a bit of a smart ass. It is all in good fun, but it does tend to upset some people, my wife included.

“Okay I’ll be out in just a minute, asshole.”

I walked in the bedroom to see Jenni still only half-dressed rifling through the closet in search of the perfect blouse. I am not sure what she was looking for, but whatever it was, she was determined to find it. I walked over and put my hand on her bare shoulder.

“Honey, you will look fine no matter what you wear,” I said.

“Stop trying to rush me, dammit. We are not going to be late.”

“I am not rushing you. All I was saying is that you look great no matter what. I am going to go wait in the car and you just coming out when you’re done.”

“I am sorry. I have just been dreading this day, and I guess I am just trying to postpone the inevitable. I’ll be out in a second.”

I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close and gave her a hug. I let go and turned and walked to the car.

Jenni finally came strolling out the front door around fifteen minutes later. She seemed as if she was on a leisurely stroll, the way she just kind of waltzed to the car. She plopped down in the driver’s seat and put the key into the ignition. She glared at me, as if to say, “You’re an ass for waking me this early.” I just looked back at her with a knowing glance. I didn’t want to say too much, but honestly, I wasn’t feeling all that wonderful about today either.

As she slipped the gear shift into reverse and started to back out of the driveway I felt like I could just throw up. I could not understand the reason for my sick stomach other than to think that maybe I should have eaten a little breakfast to try and settle my insides down.

It’s around 3:30 a.m. by this time, and we are heading out of Water Oaks Subdivision. While I have left my childhood home before, this was the first time that it felt permanent. I knew I would be back to visit before going wherever the Florida Highway Patrol would send me, but I also knew that it would be my last extended stay at that particular home.

As the engine revved and we pulled out on to Chemstrand Road, my heart and head felt heavy, and I became lost in thought, if only momentarily.