Chapter VI

 

THE MORNING dawned misty. The chill of the sea was in the air that did not burn off until after breakfast. Ellie dressed and arranged her hair and wrapped her bare shoulders in the hooded cloak Hubert de Burgh had provided her with, though she should have thrown the gift in his face. Griffith was returned to his cell last night by an armed escort.

Ellie performed the usual cautions in her head to protect herself from thinking about him. She had been running these cautions all night since he was taken from her. Initially, she felt only glad to be rid of him. She was sore and wanted to be alone, to think and perhaps to cry a little. But as each moment with Captain Griffith was turned over to be examined, Ellie found her blood would warm and her thoughts would turn to his mouth, his eyes, his breath in her ear, the comforting weight of him. And the rest of it too. The work performed with his fingers and then the pain that had been so terrible. How could such pain lead to bliss?

After what they had done, she would be mortified to see him again.

But she had to. She must.

Ellie flushed and closed her eyes. “Judith, where is my guardsman being held?”

“Captain Griffith is in the other wing of the castle, my lady. He is in the tower, awaiting his release. His lordship has made arrangements for your travel to Canterbury. The captain is to accompany you as your guard.”

Her heart leapt. “We are to be released together? Are you certain of this? Why are they letting him go?”

“I understand he performed a service for his lordship last night and in doing so, secured your release and his.”

Her flesh burned. Ellie died a small death, recalling how de Burgh’s men had watched Griffith deflower her. But the act had secured their freedom.

Captain Griffith was free. She would see him again.

Ellie’s hand trembled as she dressed her hair.

 

THEY WERE awkward together in the cart they had been supplied with, a small, rough vegetable cart and a mule to pull it. The journey to the outer walls of Dover Castle was conducted in silence.

Ellie had been both terrified and overjoyed to see the captain again. Her reaction to him was shameful in light of the captain’s marriage. She’d cooled her blood by reminding herself that Griffith loved Miranda and what happened last night was designed to hurt her father. Still, she held the events of that night close to her chest so that when she was alone again, she could relive every moment.

But there was now a subtle change in Griffith’s manner toward her. He had always been taciturn, but as a soldier on guard duty. This hideous silence was entirely different. For one thing, it felt to Ellie that he was repressing speech out of strong feeling. There was an over abundance of words that he wanted to say—so he would say nothing.

The captain reddened when she met his eyes. She reached for the reins and their hands briefly touched. Griffith dropped his hand, flushed and looked away.

“Griffith, we must not be awkward with each other. I forbid it. What happened was no one’s fault save Hubert de Burgh. You did the right thing, the kindest thing, and I shall never forget it. You sacrificed your honour and your wedding vows to protect me from greater harm. Miranda has joined you in this sacrifice and for that I am deeply grieved for you both.”

Ellie drew herself up. “However, as you have said, we are not children. It happened and now it is over. I have put the incident behind me. I wish for us to carry on as before. You are my guardsman; you acquitted yourself honourably.” She tried to laugh. “Now, do not look so gloomy. If you cannot greet me as a friend, then greet me as a stranger, with cheer.”

“I hurt you last night.”

“A little. I suspect it would have been much worse for me without your intervention. It was not a terrible introduction to what goes on between a man and a woman,” she said carefully. “I was not ... displeased. I suppose what happened makes me a spoil of war. I have well and truly been spoiled. It could be argued my marriage to Tyndale would have accomplished the same thing for the same purpose—one lord seeking power over another.”

Griffith stared at her, half-disbelieving his ears. He had thought this day to be filled with tears and shrinking repulsion. He had degraded her. He had taken her virginity. He had not expected to find this pragmatic little miss perched beside him, prepared to put the whole thing behind her. Silly, pampered Lady Elspeth was as sensible as a courtesan.

Griff threw back his head and convulsed with laughter. She made him laugh with such frequency on this journey. For years, he thought he’d forgotten how.

“I am quite serious,” Ellie protested. “I must consider that de Burgh did me a favour. I will not be required to lie with Tyndale after all. Nor to converse with him. I could never determine which was going to be the worst part of married life—the conversation or the bed. Now that I have had experience in one area, I have no desire to repeat it with another man. I am indebted to de Burgh for relieving me of the burden.”

“You make light of something that must cause you great suffering.”

Ellie tossed her head and breathed the sweet summer air. She closed her eyes as the sun bore down on her face. “I make light of something that I am glad to be free of. I am not to be a wife but I shall be a Countess one day. If you were me, which would you prefer?”

Griffith kept his eyes on the road ahead and the wood they were approaching. Weald Forest.

“I have displeased you,” she said, gazing at him. “What is it? You must tell me.”

“It is not my province to be pleased or displeased by your ladyship’s wishes.”

“Stop that,” she said sharply. “Do not speak so. Not to me. Not after everything we have gone through together. You are more to me than my guardsman. Tell me what I have said to trouble you.”

She was very beautiful, artless, though possibly a vain girl and vain for all the wrong reasons which made her pleasant to be with. She talked a great deal. Griffith had not known such a chatterbox. She encouraged a man to speak what was in his heart and that was never a wise thing for a man to do. Griffith did it anyway.

“Your predicament troubles me, Ellie. As you say, you will be Countess of Dorset. I fear Tyndale will not turn his back on your title merely because you are no longer a virgin.”

“You do not think he will? I do not know the minds of men. If Tyndale agrees to honour his end of the bargain, then I shall do my duty and honour mine.” Ellie fixed her silver eyes on the horizon. “My father will be so pleased,” she said softly. “After all, what good is a titled daughter if one cannot profit by her?” She shot him a quick smile that was heartbreakingly sad.

They were almost at Weald Forest. There was not much time. If he meant to say what was in his soul, Griffith must speak it now. The trap he was surely leading her into would rob him of the chance. To keep up the ruse and protect his cover, they would be separated when they reached camp. Ellie would be transported to Canterbury and Griff would stay in camp to fight alongside Cassingham. He could be dead before the month was out and she would never know what he felt for her.

“I was not troubled by your marriage before this,” he began haltingly. “My life has been continually pulled in one direction or the other by the whims of the nobility. Your marrying Tyndale reminds me of how impotent I am.”

“You do not want me to marry Lord Tyndale?”

“I like you too much to see you unhappy.”

The colour rose in her cheeks. “How can you be certain I will be unhappy?”

“Because you are marrying the wrong man! Do not press me, Ellie. I just know you cannot be happy with a man like Tyndale.” Griff took a breath and tried to make sense of his feelings. “I did not think he was the wrong man for you in the beginning of this journey. Your father insisted I ride in the carriage with you when I would rather have been on my horse. You talk a good deal. Do you know that?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “Everyone says so.”

“You are beautiful and one day you will be the Countess of Dorset. Yet I see a girl who chatters and is pretty and interested in all manner of things. She can catch fish and prefers to sleep under the stars. She is brave. And I think this girl is not for Tyndale.”

“If not for Tyndale, then who is this girl for?”

“Me.” He looked her full in the eyes. “I would this girl were for me.”

“You have a wife, Griffith,” Ellie said softly. “And I have Tyndale. You honour me with your words. I shall never forget you for as long as I live.”

He opened his mouth to tell her the truth about his wife, and then changed his mind. “I pray you remember me to a fine old age, my lady. I know I shall remember you.”

Learning the truth about Miranda would not alter anything for them. She would still be Lady Elspeth and he would still be the captain of her father’s guard, entrusted to deliver her to her future husband. Griffith knew the hearts of men. Tyndale would not turn his back on becoming the next Earl of Dorset for the sake of manly pride. De Burgh was a fool to think so. Ellie had been robbed of her maidenhood for nothing.

Silence hung between them. The summer insects whined in the heat and a soft warm wind circled over their faces as the mule plodded on.

“Do you not think it strange they let us go so easily, Captain?” Ellie said at last.

“I do not think they let us go easily at all, my lady. To my mind, the cost was rather high.”

“Yes, of course. I am sorry. I did not think.” She bowed her head, chastised. The events of last night must have caused him pain. He was too noble a man to take a girl’s maidenhood without being deeply affected by the act. Griffith had just confessed to having feelings for her—feelings that could come to nothing. His heart had been the ransom for their freedom.

And what of her feelings? Ellie could not separate them. She had a duty to her father and her title to marry Tyndale if he would have her. She could not allow herself to feel anything for the captain. Her body had a mind and will of its own but her conscience would not be ruled by her body. She was very glad to lose her virginity to a noble young soldier under desperate circumstances. Ellie’s romantic soul had craved danger and adventure and her first time lying with a man had satisfied that hunger. The marital bed with its sanctioned intercourse could be endured now.

Or so she hoped.

They reached the forest without incident. Enclosed in the cool leafy green, Ellie closed her eyes and tried to forget the last time she was alone with Griffith in Weald. Was her future husband still so very eager to have her for a wife? If so, she had done Tyndale a great disservice in coveting another man in her heart.

“Tell me again about Miranda,” she said suddenly. Talking about his wife helped Ellie to recall her duty.

“What would you like to know?” Griffith turned to her. “There is nothing I can tell you about my wife that will help us now. She is where she is and we are here. She has all of me but for the hour we have left on this journey, I wish only to talk of you.”

Ellie’s organs turned to water. She flushed hot with desire for him. “Shall I tell you about the first day I saw you? You were newly arrived in my father’s Guard but you carried yourself like a man who had been born to rank. You were the most beautiful of my father’s soldiers.”

He laughed. “Beautiful was I?”

“All the maids and mistresses thought so. The house servants were smitten. You were beyond my reach with so many females at your beck and call. I was often distracted from my studies by the soldiers on horseback, the banners, the shining armor—and you, Griffith!” She laughed. “You were everywhere my eye landed. I did not know who you were; you were as unknown to me as the sea. But my eye sought you out, I watched your swordplay; I imagined all manner of romantic trysts with you when I was alone. But when my father arranged my marriage to Tyndale, I stopped dreaming of the mysterious, dark-eyed Captain of the Guard.”

Griffith smiled bashfully.

“I noticed you upon my arrival to Dorchester Castle,” he said. “You were difficult to overlook with your golden hair. I wanted to impress you, I think. I was bolder than I might have been on the days you were watching. I thought about you too, when I was alone at night in the barracks. I thought about you too often than was good for either of us.”

Ellie’s hands trembled and she flushed again. A dewy film cooled her brow and neck.

“I am glad we had thoughts of each other,” she said quietly. “For then we have cheated de Burgh of his vengeance. What happened between us last night—Griffith, it was as if our younger selves had crept across the castle grounds to find each other in secret. That is how we must remember each other. You did not reveal to de Burgh that you once had feelings for me?”

“Nay, he imagined he was committing the ultimate insult by forcing the captain of your father’s guard to defile his daughter.”

“I do not feel defiled,” she said. “What you did to me last night was not an insult, sir.”

His eyes went to her. Her cheeks were pink. He looked away again, his eyes on the road ahead, and groped for a dazzling phrase. “You are very kind, my lady.” It was the best Griff could manage, so suffused with pleasure was he by her remark.

They travelled deeper into Weald Forest.

“It will be dark soon. We’ll make camp here,” he said.

A night alone with Ellie was not in the plan and Cassingham will be wondering where he was, but Griff was not yet willing to part with her.

One night to make up for a lifetime of loneliness. The lords and kings and noble gentles that Griffith had served owed him that much.

 

THE FOREST after the sun went down seemed to close in around them. Griffith had built a fine fire and made a finer meal, and then adjourned to the recesses of the wood to keep watch as he had done the first night they had camped together. Ellie had thought to call him back and then decided against it, knowing the line she would cross if he were near. He was a married man. She must not lead him into sin and dishonour.

But now, dragged from sleep by the cold, Ellie glanced about her. The fire had burned down to embers and she felt terribly alone. She had always been afraid of the dark.

“Captain?”

The night was held against them. It was that uneasy time before first light and the darkest hour. Panicked, Ellie called a second time. “Captain!”

“Yes, my lady, I am here.”

Griffith came to her side and squatted beside her. “What is it?”

Ellie had curled in a ball and was shivering. “The cold woke me. Please, will you stay? I do not like to be alone in this dark.” She could hardly see his face.

Griffith lay down beside her and wrapped them both in his cloak. “Your gown is damp from the ground. Small wonder you are cold,” he said.

The captain held her close, chafing her skin through the thin silk of her dress to warm her up. Ellie was gripped with violent trembling as his warmth invaded her body.

“Were you frightened?” he asked.

“I was. I am not now that you are here. Griffith—please—may I open your brigandine? I will be warmer the nearer your flesh is to mine. I have learned in my studies, one body can warm another best when the contact is skin-to-skin.”

She heard his breathing change and felt his body responding to her words.

“Aye, my lady.”

Ellie worked the buckles of his brigandine and opened the tunic vest. His skin was closer to hers and the heat of that muffled flesh warmed her instantly. Like she was drawn near to the sun, Ellie burrowed her icy hands under his gambeson and he grumbled against the chill but he held her tighter, securing his warm cloak around them both.

Ellie clung to him gratefully. Grateful for the heat from his body, for his strength and the safety she felt when she was with him. She was a coward. It was wrong to use another woman’s husband for protection when she had a soon-to-be husband of her own to protect her. She remembered the loss her virginity and wondered how Tyndale would take the news his bride was a maid no more. Would he be angry with her?

“Captain Griffith, do you think de Burgh will inform Tyndale about the condition he will find me in on our wedding night?”

“That is the plan. De Burgh hopes to sow discord between Louis and your father. When Louis and Tyndale discover it was the captain of your father’s guard who robbed you of your virtue, they will not be convinced you were wholly innocent, or your father.”

“But I am innocent!”

“They will not believe you.”

“No, they will not,” she realized sadly. “Will your wife believe you, Griffith?”

“I have no plans to tell her, my lady. But if I did confess, Miranda would believe me. She would not forgive but she would believe. The wife of a soldier has witnessed enough to believe a man capable of all manner of evil.”

“But you will not tell her. Why will you not tell her?” Ellie could hardly breathe. She knew his eyes were on her face.

He lifted up on one elbow, a mountain of a man towering above her. She shank beneath him. Griffith stroked her hair. His hand trailed to her neck and collarbone. “For the same reason I am here with you like this. I am not going to tell her because I cannot sleep for reliving what we have done. I cannot stop desiring you.” His voice dropped to a low rumble. “If I tell her, my wife will ask what I felt when I entered you and I cannot lie. I would tell her that I wanted you. I cannot tell my wife that, Ellie. I cannot tell anyone.”

“You can tell me.”

He kissed her. “I want you, Ellie.”

His hand slid under her gown. Up her leg to her soft sweet core.