Puppy Party

‘I need to see Nick,’ I said, standing as tall as I could, which was only to the edge of the counter, but it would have to do. ‘It’s an emergency. It’s about his wife – who also happens to be my sister,’ I added, for Good Measure.

‘I – well,’ said Nasal Woman. I was pleased to see that she looked suitably alarmed. She also couldn’t think of anything much to say to my announcement (especially since I had Honey with me this time, so I could be an actual Bona Fide patient, in other words I might really need to see a vet). So she backed uneasily away from the reception desk and tapped on the door behind her, while keeping one eye very firmly fixed on me.

She called to Nick, who came rushing out, looking very flustered indeed. He had a syringe in one hand, I noticed. It made me gulp looking at it. I do not have a very Good History with syringes . . .

Nick saw me looking at the syringe and hastily put it down on the desk in front of him. ‘What is it, Summer?’ he asked. ‘Oh, you’ve got Honey. What’s up, girl?’ he asked my pooch.

‘Can I talk to you in private?’ I asked, flicking my eyes sideways at Nasal Penelope.

‘Sure,’ Nick said, also flicking his eyes in her direction. Phew, thank the high heavens that April had at least married a sensible man who could read coded messages and was not like other grown-ups who needed things spelled out for them in .

Nick beckoned me and Honey to follow him, saying over his shoulder to Nasal Penelope: ‘Give me a few minutes before sending in the next patient, won’t you please? I’ll give you a shout when I’m ready.’

‘Give me a shout?’ I heard her mutter as I followed Nick into his Consulting Room. ‘Yes sir, no sir, three bags full, sir.’

I did wonder why she had chosen that moment in time to start whispering childish nursery rhymes under her breath, but then I thought, well she is a weirdo, so anything is possible. And anyway, I had more important things to be thinking about at that exact moment.

I waited until Nick had closed the Consulting Room door and then I realized I had forgotten to plan a conversation in my head. So I just panicked and blurted out: ‘April thinks that you don’t love her any more and that you are in true life seeing someone else.’

Nick’s face went from puzzled through to completely drained of its normal healthy pinkish colour to a rather worrying greenish shade, and he gripped the side of his vet’s table hard as though he might fall over if it wasn’t there to steady him.

‘How? What? Where?’ He babbled INCOHERENTLY, which is a posh word I learned from Molly to describe when someone is talking non-stop rubbish.

‘I don’t know how or what or where,’ I said. ‘But I came in today and I found her in a rage and crying and looking as frankly terrifyingly as the day she had that row with you outside our house with the Bottom Shuffler—’

‘I’m sorry,’ Nick cut in, waving a hand to stop me in mid-flow. ‘Who exactly is the Bottom Shuffler?’

I rolled my eyes in an over-the-top dramatical fashion and said, ‘Yoooouu knooow.’

‘The Bottom Shuffler! Your nurse. Who thankfully does not appear to be working here any more.’

‘Ah, you mean Felicity!’ he said, blushing slightly. ‘Yes, that was all a bit unfortunate. But she’s long gone. In fact, she left of her own accord when April and I got engaged. So I’m sorry, you’re going to have to start all over again. I don’t understand why April should think I’m seeing Felicity.’

So I took a deep breath and told him about the text messages, handing back his phone.

I jumped up and put a RESTRAINING, in other words calming, hand on his arm. ‘Nick! There is no need to punish yourself by getting violent!’ I cried.

‘Listen!’ Nick said, looking a bit wild and fierce. ‘I am an idiot! I thought that if I deleted the names of people from my phone, then it would prevent April from getting suspicious about the party if she checked my texts by accident –’ as if it would be by accident! I thought. April is far too cunning for that! But I did not say that out loud – ‘but of course what has happened is that April thinks I’m sending loads of secret texts to another woman. Or worse – lots of other women!’

I nodded, feeling quite a lot of bafflement, but thinking that at least Nick was thinking things through in some way or another.

‘We’re going to have to tell her,’ said Nick. ‘It’s a shame, and I know you wanted it to be a surprise, but I can’t have her going around believing that I’m cheating on her! She’s my wife for heaven’s sake.’

‘But you can’t tell her!’ I protested. ‘Molly and I have done so much work to keep it all a secret and we’ve planned so much and we’ve even had to ask Frank to get involved, and you know how much Molly hates to involve Frank.’ I stopped. Nick was glaring at me like I have never seen him glare before.

‘I’m sorry, Summer,’ he said, taking off his vet’s coat and grabbing his jacket and his car keys.

Nick turned and fixed me with a dramatical look. ‘My marriage is more important than a birthday surprise,’ he declared.

I told Nick that I thought April would still be at ours, as she would want to talk to Mum when she got in from work, so he told me to come with him. Nasal Penelope was not best pleased at having to deal with a load of patients who had to be told to go home and come back another day, but I don’t think she had ever seen Nick glare before either, so she actually quite MEEKLY, in other words calmly, did as she was told.

‘I only hope your mum sees that this is all in April’s head,’ Nick said grimly, as he drove rather wildly in and out of the traffic, taking short cuts and speeding along frankly faster than was usually a good idea to do.

It was a bit like being in a cops and robbers show, except that no one was following us.

We arrived just in time. April was leaving the house, looking Grim and Determined. Her hair was a bit smoother and she had wiped the black streaky tracks of mascara off her cheeks. Mum was standing on the doorstep, her arms crossed, shaking her head in bewilderment.

Nick screeched to a halt in the driveway, yanked on the handbrake and jumped out of the car before he had even turned the engine off. It would have been cool if it had not also been teeth-grindingly panic-making.

Nick put out his hands to calm her as though she was a about to pounce and rip his guts out. ‘Listen, April. You’ve got it all wrong.’

I quickly ran to Mum who, even if she had believed April’s utter lunacy and was cross with Nick too, would be infinitely more likely to listen to me than April would.

‘She has got it all wrong, Mum,’ I told her breathlessly. ‘The texts – she’s told you about the texts, hasn’t she? – they were to people asking them to come to the You Know What! The P-A-R-T-Y,’ I mouthed.

She ran down the drive just in time to stop April thumping Nick. At least, I think that’s what she had been about to do. She had one hand raised in the air anyway. I don’t think she was putting it up to ask a question.

‘STOP!’ cried Mum, stepping swiftly between Nick and my sister. April jumped back in alarm and let her hand fall.

‘You are making a mistake, April,’ Mum said. She put her hands on April’s shoulders and looked her firmly in the eye. ‘Nick was texting people because Summer and I have been planning a surprise for you.’

I make a strangled squealing noise, but Mum threw me a warning glance which was pretty scary actually, so I made a zipping motion with my hand across my mouth and Mum nodded.

‘Summer and I thought it would be nice to throw a party for you for your birthday as we have been missing you,’ she said.

As Mum explained about the secret, April’s face crumpled. Then she started blubbing all over again.

Honestly, you can’t get anything right with my sister. Either she thinks something is going on behind her back and she is angry about it, or she finds out that you are planning a lovely party for her and she cries about that!

‘Oh, oh, I’m sooooo sorreeeeee!’ she wailed, throwing her arms around Mum and then collapsing into Nick’s arms and showering him with yucksome kisses which were just too insanely hideous to be a WITNESS of. ‘I love you ALL and I don’t deserve you. I am sooorreeeee!’

Well, you are right about not deserving us, I thought crossly. And right now, I’m not even that sure I want to go through with this whole party thing any more at all.

I left her blubbling into Nick’s arms while I paced up and down worrying about what I was now going to say to Molly. I now had to face telling her that all our hard work had been utterly In Vain. The party was no longer a surprise one, the food was now all planned by Mum, and Frank had all the fun of making the dog treats without me and Molly. We were completely Surplus to Requirements, in other words, not needed at all.

Mum saw how anxious I was looking and gently put her arm around me. She gave me a squeeze and said, ‘Don’t worry, Summer. We can still make this the best party ever. And there are some things April doesn’t know about, aren’t there?’

‘What, like the fact we’ve bought cheesy puffs and that you have cooked loads of homemade snacks and are providing sparkly pink wine for the grown-ups? Wow, big fat hairy deal!’ I said, grumpily.

That evening April and Nick stayed for tea, and they helped me and Mum put up the balloons and some streamers. Then Nick made April promise that she would make a Grand Entrance at the party the next day so that all the guests would not be disappointed, because of course they still thought it was a surprise party.

No chance of April NOT making a Grand Entrance, I thought to myself miserably. That is the only thing my sister does know how to do, she is such a

But at the last minute, Nick came to the rescue of my deeply dark and depressive mood. When it was time for April and Nick to go home, Nick took advantage of a moment when April was saying goodbye to Mum and whispered to me, ‘I have to make this a party April will remember if it’s the last thing I do. Are you up for it?’

‘OK. Call me tomorrow,’ he said with a cryptical look. ‘Between us we will make sure no one will forget this birthday bash.’