father left the forest, I removed Atargatis from my back and emerged from the water, hoisting myself into my trusted crook in the willow. Lying along the thick branch, I watch my tail sway with the vines while I contemplate where I go from here. I know I cannot abandon my parents or my duty to the crown. I also refuse to lose this part of myself. The merblood in me has always been there. It cannot be denied, and now that I know what this life entails, now that I know what I truly am inside and out, there is no going back. There is no forgetting the last few weeks. And what about Ezera? Can I have a relationship with him in this form? No.
So the question I really should be asking myself is what do I want more? What can I not live without?
My thoughts are halted by the slush of water, and I pick my head up from the branch, curls dragging through the coarse bark. My claws grip the tree tightly as I lean over, less steady with a tail than with legs.
"You're lucky to have a mother who loves you so fiercely." The Lady of the Lake—Alana—emerges from the pool, that ethereal voice sending shivers down my spine. Again, her features strike me as she approaches, gliding through the water. I try not to stare at her double tail from above, but the effort is lost. Each half moves in tandem with each other. Not quite like legs but not quite like a mermaid’s either. Her pale skin glows in the sun as she turns her flawless face up to me.
"I am." I sit up straighter, glad that she’s come to visit. I knew she would be here. She's always been here. But, still, her presence startles me.
"I've always wondered what that feeling must be like. To experience the bond that’s stronger than anything in the world. To have a visceral connection that is stronger than a lover."
"What bond?" I ask. Her words sound disjointed, as if she's speaking in riddles.
"Motherhood, of course." She says it so matter-of-factly. I almost feel embarrassed for not immediately understanding. "I think I would have enjoyed being a mother." Her long lashes blink with a pained expression and I remember the first time we met. The story she told me of the king and his sword. Of how she felt for him and was cast out because of it. I look down at her from the willow, admiring her intricate crown of braids atop her head, in place of the crown she will never have.
"Did the king ever come to visit you? After you were . . . sent here?"
"Ha." Her laugh is humorless, hard with years of resentment. "Once my people decided my fate, I was as good as dead to him. His love was conditional and I didn't meet the standards." She was once a different person before she was isolated for so long. It must do something irreversible to the mind, to be alone for so long. As much as I love my solitude, I wouldn't want it forever.
"I'm sorry," I offer, not knowing what else to say to make her sorrow ease. She turns away from me, looking out towards the stream that feeds into the pool.
"I should have known. Falling for humans must run in our blood. Seeing what my sister’s actions did to the world should have been enough to teach me." I look at her curiously, never thinking of the possibility that this creature could have close family, ones that abandoned her here for the rest of her days. Or maybe they're gone. Maybe they have long since turned to sea foam. But before I can ask, she offers up more.
"You know the Sea Wars was a direct result of Calypso's stupidity." With that I look at her dumbfounded. She is saying that Calypso is her . . . sister? Her elder sister, if timing plays a factor in their stories. How could Calypso allow such a thing to be done to her sister when she, herself, knows that you cannot choose who you fall for. I knew Calypso was a sharp edge of a female, but this is just plain cruel. The Sea Wars must have hardened Calypso's heart to unimaginable levels. Levels that made her forget her own weakness, if you can even call it that.
A thought suddenly appears in my mind as I remember what Alana said. She said falling for a human must run in our blood. The same blood that runs through her veins, runs through Calypso's . . . runs through mine. This creature is my ancestor too. Immediately I think of Ezera and reject the notion that this tragic flaw could be inherited all together.
Alana must see the contemplation on my face because after a moment she asks, "Someone on land gripping your heartstrings?" Heat floods my face, but I push it down, not wanting to be so easily read.
"No. I—"
She stops me with a raised hand. "No need to explain. You owe me nothing." As strange as this creature is, I can't help but like her. Maybe . . . we could be friends.
I shake my head to the side, wondering if I've been up here too long.
"See you around, Princess."
“Wait!” I sit up from the branch and dive into the bright pool below, barely making a splash. As I submerge into the water, my body becomes more alive. I break the surface before she has a chance to disappear around the bend. Her eyes are already on me, curious as to what I want from her.
“I was thinking, maybe we could talk.”
“What would we talk about?” she swims towards me, her interest peaked.
“The Sea Wars, what it was like to live through such a thing. What it was like growing up with Calypso for a sister. What fills your time these days. Anything, really.”
“So you want to get to know me.” It isn’t a question.
“I do.”
“Well, the first thing you must understand is that I’ve been here a very long time. Which means I have had a very long time to think about the world and my place in it. To think about what I’d do differently, if I had the chance.”
“Like what?”
“Well, for starters, I would have never asked my pod for their blessing to live on land.” She leans back, floating on the surface of the water. “That was my first mistake.” She closes her eyes, lashes fluttering. “Or maybe my first mistake was falling for the king in the first place.”
“I don’t think one can control that sort of thing.” That’s what makes love so irrevocable.
“Unfortunately for us all, you are right about that.” As she floats around the cerulean pool, I relax a bit, swimming in lazy circles.
“I would have left my life in the sea without a word. Silently, never mentioning where I was going or who I was going with. Then they might have thought that I died or swam away to a new ocean. Nevertheless, once I was the king’s bride, they would have no hold over me. I would have been free to live happily.”
“Would you have missed your sister, if you lived a life on land instead?” I don’t realize I’ve asked the question more for myself until I hear it out loud. Her laugh comes immediately and I cringe knowing what comes next.
“My sister is a foul creature. Always was. When we were just young merlings, she would find pleasure in slicing the tails off of sharks. Said she was saving the sea turtles from a gruesome death. But I saw the look in her eyes. The way they glistened when the shark would flail as it dropped to the sea floor. The way she would watch as other sea creatures feasted on it before it took its last breath. Gills fluttering to a close for the last time.”
A sick feeling fills my bones as bile rises to my throat.
“I think it was her only way to mask her tendencies. To disguise it as merciful instead of calling it what it was.”
“And what was that?” She stops to turn to me before speaking.
“Wrong.”
The feeling in the pit of my stomach sits uneasy at the thought. To purposefully maim a creature like that and then to watch it suffer. That is not the Calypso I know. That is not the fearless leader who taught me how to hunt, how to breach the water like I was flying.
“You don’t believe me.” Again, it is not a question.
“No, I do. It’s just . . . the person you described doesn’t exactly match the person I’ve met.”
“Well, my sister has always been exceptionally good at trickery of all kinds. She’s always been skilled at hiding her darkest parts, distracting the world with her fierce beauty and perseverance.” Alana’s eyes bore into mine with a strength that makes me want to look away, the intensity almost too much for me to take. It is then that I notice the resemblance between the two sisters. Their eyes are strikingly similar, not the color so much as the shape. The big bold pupil with the perfectly curved slant of their eyelid lifting to a point at the edges.
“Stop at the trenches just beyond the mangrove forest before you head back. There’s something I think you should see.”
The look on Alana’s face makes me hesitant, like I may not want to see what she would like me to. I try to push the possibilities that swirl in my head away and instead nod, taking the information in.
I try to work Alana’s opinion into my thoughts of Calypso and all that she’s been through. The war, the loss of her child, and her lover. In a way, she lost her freedom too. Freedom to swim along ships and interact with humans as she once did. But then how could she possibly turn around and do the same thing to her own sister if she knows the feeling so intimately. How could she want to spread that loss?
None of it makes sense. But I do believe Alana. What purpose would she have to lie? This new information about Calypso doesn’t change my decision to break the curse. It isn’t about Calypso. It’s about Marina and Kai and me and Alana. And all of the merfolk who are left.
I ask Alana about the Sea Wars and what Aqualasia was like then, about what she fills her days with now. I ask her if there’s any part of her that fancies the willow as I do, which she informs me she does. She tells me about how the Sea Wars tore everyone and everything apart, how no mercreature nor human were ever the same after.
She speaks of her time here like it’s chipped away at her sanity one day at a time. With each word, my heart reaches out to her more and more. I have to figure out how to free her from this prison. There must be something Calypso can do.
I don’t tell Alana about my mission to ask Calypso about freeing her sister. I don’t want to give her a false hope if nothing can be done. But I refuse to believe that. I will find a way to free Alana from this unfair captivity.
We say our goodbyes and I watch as the Lady of the Lake turns from me as she sinks lower into the cerulean pool and I watch the small ripples expand from where she dipped below the surface. The circles growing larger and larger until they reach the edges of the pool and disappear into land.
I waste no time grabbing my harpoon and darting through the tunnel that leads me back out into the ocean, having a new curse to break.
When I spill out into the open waters, I slow down, taking my time. I decide to hunt on my way to the trenches before I head back to the caves, but as soon as I begin tracking a school of yellowfins, a shadow appears from above, blocking the sun rays that beam down through the water. Without looking up, I know I've been caught below a ship, ruining my meal. Abandoning the fish, I dart to the right, careful to avoid any potential nets trawling behind. I pump my tail, sending me out of harm’s way and back into the rays piercing the waves. I descend further to be sure I'm not spotted from the ship and watch as the dark belly of the boat passes by, pushing through the water, creating a wake that ripples out from its path.
Once it passes, I take a different path, entering the underwater forest that spreads south of the mangroves. The plant life here is incredible. Trees like large mushrooms pock the sea floor, shadowing the sandy bottom like huge umbrellas. Other trees shoot out from the sea floor extending skyward for days, olive colored algae hanging from their branches like wet clothes on a line. Sea turtles filter through the plant life at a leisurely pace, floating through the copse. The further in I get, the darker the forest seems to be.
Gliding through the sea grass and kelp, I notice where the sea floor begins to crack, creating a sort of opening—the trench. I peer into the crack but see only blackness. What is it that Alana wanted me to see?
I swim further along the trench line as it opens up, a bit of light filtering in from above. This part of the trench seems to be filled with something, the void no longer there, and a shuttering chill wracks through my body. I mark the quiet stillness that surrounds me and realize this place of the ocean seems…disturbed in some way. Like it’s be tempered with, or altered by an outside force.
Pushing past the feeling, I swim closer, getting a better look as I grab Atargatis from my back, holding it at the ready and nearly combust when the figures come into view. Small bubbles escape my lips as my lungs constrict to near pain. I dart away from the opening, pushing away with my hands and kicking my tail, sending me backwards. Sending me further away until I am in a tangle of seaweed.
Bodies.
Human bodies.