Spring 1954

Dear Tash, Received a phone call from Pop in the morning. Asked me to go out with him. Said I was going to Camb — he said I should cancel it. Nearly did then thought that I could have the best of both worlds by going out with him another day, he was rather annoyed but arranged to pick me up at RADA at 5pm following Thursday.

Went to Cambridge — felt very nervous. The cocktail party was very frightening at first, but I got invited by a rather nice boy to a Kings May Ball — I accepted it. (I’m not going — reason will be revealed below!)

Pop said he nearly didn’t come as I didn’t go out with him last Saturday. The evening was very nice, I like him more each time I see him. I think its much better to grow to like a person — much more secure. He asked me to come and live with him — (I declined.) I shan’t go to the May Ball as I think he’ll take me to an Oxford Commem! He says I’m the first girl he doesn’t feel absolutely at ease with — because I haven’t fallen head over heels etc. Says he thinks about me when with other girls.

P.S. Thought — difference between me and nice girls like Val — people ask her to marry them — people ask me to live with them.

Dear Tash, I often feel I lead a double life, for the world of the theatre is so complete, and all absorbing, that I find I change as I walk out of RADA to go home, or see Shirley etc.

I have been out with Pop several times since I last wrote. He really is very nice — (horrid word!) On Sunday I’m going down to visit him at the school where he is teaching. We get on together very well, and understand each other completely. He really is terribly sweet to me. We are going to two Commems on consecutive nights next month which ought to be bliss. Every time I see him I like him a little more — so far I hope none of the ‘gang’ (damn them) know. I can’t bear being talked about.

Dear Tash, I had a blissful time on Wed evening we went (you know who the other half of we is) and had a super supper in a Chinese Restaurant and then went to a lovely Jazz Club called the Fauburg. It really is quite Parisienne and has a gorgeous bar I drank glasses of Coca Cola and Rum which is heaven and everything was ----! (I’ve run out of adjectives.)

Dear Tash, He’s such bliss — we went to a wonderful party given by a girlfriend in Cirencester — her father owns a real dream house — tucked in the heart of the hills 7 miles into the country — with Rose gardens and a wonderful yew walk. That was last Saturday on Sunday I drove the car back to Oxford (its utter heaven driving an open car I went up to 70 mph once) and we took a punt on the river and slept for the whole afternoon.

I have told him about K — I had to because he had told me everything and it became a barrier between us — but he was wonderfully understanding & I love him.