The day after Ellen returned home, she decided to pay Sadie a visit. Since it was Wednesday, Sadie would be working at the hardware store. She looked forward to visiting her friend and hoped she and Sadie could go out to lunch during her noon break.
As Ellen headed down the road toward Shipshewana, it felt a bit strange to be traveling by horse and buggy again. During her time in Hawaii, she’d gotten used to either riding in a car or on the back of Rueben’s motor scooter. She’d enjoyed all those times spent with Rueben and hadn’t even minded getting windblown on the back of his scooter. Truthfully, Ellen had found pleasure in everything she’d done with Rueben.
“There I go, thinking about him again.” Ellen clamped her mouth shut. How long would it take her to get past the feelings she had for him? Perhaps the longer she was home, the more distant her memory of Rueben would become. She hoped so, because it did no good to pine for something she couldn’t have.
Soon another buggy came from the opposite direction. As it drew closer, Ellen realized it was Ezra’s mother. They greeted each other with a hearty wave, and their horses trotted on.
Ellen reflected on Lenore saying the other night that she believed Ezra might be in love with her. “What nonsense.” She snapped her horse’s reins. “Let’s go, Flame. It’ll be lunchtime soon, and we need to get to Shipshewana.”
Shipshewana
When Ellen entered the hardware store, she found Sadie behind the counter, but there were no customers at the moment.
As soon as Ellen stepped up to the counter, Sadie put down her notepad and leaped off the stool. “Ellen! What a joy it is to see you. When did you get home?”
“Yesterday, late afternoon.” Ellen hugged her friend. “If you haven’t taken your lunch break yet, I thought we could go to the little café in this building and visit while we eat.”
Sadie nodded. “I haven’t eaten yet. It’ll be great getting caught up and hearing all about your trip.”
Ellen smiled and slipped off her outer bonnet. Even though she’d written Sadie several letters, she hadn’t told her everything—especially about Rueben.
Sadie informed her boss she was going to lunch, and the two of them headed down the hall to the restaurant. After placing their orders at the counter and finding a place near the back, they took a seat.
Sadie leaned forward, with her elbows on the table. “I’m eager to hear how Mandy and Ken are doing, and also their boppli.”
“That baby is adorable. Little Isaac has Mandy’s brown hair and Ken’s blue eyes, but that could change as he grows older.” Ellen took napkins from the holder for her and Sadie. “Mandy’s doing well and getting her strength back.”
“How about Ken? Is he getting along better now?” Sadie asked.
Ellen nodded. “He uses a cane and has some limitations, but Rueben’s there to help out, so they’re getting along as well as can be expected.”
Sadie tipped her head. “Who’s Rueben? I thought you said Ken’s mother hired a young man named Rob to do the yard work and maintenance at the bed-and-breakfast.”
Ellen’s shoulders hunched. “Rueben Zook is Rob Smith’s real name. He was raised in Pennsylvania, and his parents and siblings are Amish.”
“What?” Sadie’s brows lifted high on her forehead. “Tell me more.”
“It’s complicated. That’s why I wanted to share this with you in person and not in a letter or phone call.”
Sadie leaned closer. “You have my undivided attention.”
Ellen explained everything about Rueben’s situation: his girlfriend, the accident, and why he’d hidden out in Hawaii.
“It hurt me deep inside when he admitted this to me.” She lowered her head. “If Rueben cared for me, like he said, then he should have been honest from the beginning.”
“Is he ashamed of his Amish heritage?”
“I don’t believe so. It has more to do with Rueben blaming himself for his girlfriend’s death and being unable to face her family or his.”
Sadie rubbed the bridge of her nose. “It’s a good thing you didn’t show your romantic side and get involved with him. He’s not an honest person.”
“To be frank, I do have strong feelings for Rueben.” Ellen fingered her napkin. “But I’ll get over it. It’s just going to take some time.”
“You should get a job so you’ll be too busy to think about Rob—I mean, Rueben.” Sadie shifted against the back of her seat. “And if someone asks you out on a date, you should go.”
Ellen shrugged. “I’ll consider it.”
Kapaa
Mandy smiled, watching her father sitting in the recliner, holding his precious namesake. Mom sat near him, watching little Isaac. “He’s such a good boppli.”
“Jah,” Dad agreed.
What a precious sight to see her parents’ joy as they interacted with their newest grandchild. Mandy wished Mom and Dad could stay here permanently, but they needed to return to their family and Dad’s job back home. They would board a ship next week that would take them to California. Then it would be a train ride to Indiana.
Mandy moved closer to Ken on the couch and reached for his hand. It comforted her to see his strength returning and know that he had accepted his limitations with a more positive attitude. For a while, she’d been worried about his emotional state, but since the baby came, Ken seemed much calmer and upbeat. Their lives seemed to be back on track, although it did seem strange to be living in the home that used to belong to Luana and Makaio. She missed their smiling faces and gentle spirits. Maybe someday she, Ken, and little Isaac could fly to the Big Island for a visit. It would be fun to meet Makaio and Luana’s newest granddaughter too.
Mandy thought about Ellen, and how much she missed her. It was selfish, but she wished things could have worked out between Ellen and Rueben and that they could live in Indiana. It was strange how her thinking had changed, because Mandy hadn’t wanted Ellen and Rueben to develop a relationship at first—not until she learned that Rueben had been raised Amish. If only he’d get right with God and go back to his family, there could be a possibility of him and Ellen getting together. But Rueben seemed determined to wallow in self-pity, letting the guilt of his girlfriend’s death swallow him up like a bottomless pit. All Mandy and Ken could do was continue to pray for Rueben.
Mandy sighed, shifting positions. Guess some things just aren’t meant to be. I’m sure someday Ellen will find the right man and get married.
Needing a break from his work in the yard, Rueben entered the kitchen and got a piece of fruit from the refrigerator. As he ate the papaya, he watched the middle-aged Hawaiian woman who’d been hired to take Ellen’s place. She moved about the kitchen, helping Vickie get a midday snack ready for the two couples currently staying at the B&B. Every time he saw the native woman, he thought about Ellen and how much he missed her.
Well, I can’t stand around here all day, feeling sorry for myself. Rueben wiped his hands on a paper towel and headed back outside.
He’d begun watering some of the plants, when Ken came out of the house. Using his cane, Ken limped over to Rueben and stopped in front of him. “How long are you gonna let this go on?”
“What?”
Ken gestured to the picnic table. “Let’s take a seat. I’m more comfortable sitting down.”
“Okay.” Rueben turned off the spray nozzle and put the hose on the ground. As he followed Ken across the yard, he could almost predict what this conversation would be about.
Rueben took a seat on one side of the table, and Ken seated himself on the other.
“I’ve been watching you mope around here ever since Ellen left, and I think you were foolish for letting her go.” Ken stared right at Rueben, as though daring him to say otherwise.
Rueben lifted his shoulders. “She needed to go home. Her place is with her family, not here on Kauai.”
“I’m well aware, but you should have gone with her.”
Rueben shook his head with force. “No way! I can’t go back to the mainland and face my demons.”
Ken groaned. “Thanks to the shark attack that nearly took my arm and crippled my left leg, I’ve had to face my own share of uncertainties.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I also lived near the Amish the first two years of my marriage, and I’ve come to know Amish values, as well as their ways.”
Rueben massaged his forehead. “What are you getting at?”
“If you return to Pennsylvania and talk to your deceased girlfriend’s family, I’m bettin’ they’ll offer their forgiveness right away.” Ken leaned forward. “As I’m sure you must be aware, the Amish realize that without forgiveness there can be no healing.”
With both hands clutching his stomach, Rueben rocked back and forth. It was difficult to speak, or even think. Before he could ask anyone else’s forgiveness, he needed to forgive himself. The agony he felt over Arie’s death screamed for release.
Rueben’s shoulders shook as he rested his head in the palms of his hands. Dear Lord, forgive me for what I did. Give me the courage to go home and face my deepest fears.