Section V: Antisocial Behavior in the Military

What was I Thinking?

Goals of the Exercise

1. Accept responsibility for own behavior and keep behavior within the acceptable limits of military rules and regulations.

2. List relationships damaged by disrespect, disloyalty, aggression, and/or dishonesty.

3. Indicate steps to be taken to make amends or restitution for past behaviors.

Additional Problems for which this Exercise may be Useful

Suggestions for Processing this Exercise with Veterans/Service Members

The “What Was I Thinking?” activity is intended to lead the veteran/service member to answer that literal question related to antisocial behavior, face up to its impact on others, and make amends as appropriate. Minimization and denial are predictable, being traits that often accompany antisocial behavior. This exercise is designed to increase sensitivity to the ways antisocial behaviors may cause pain to others. It is also intended to help the service member attempt to correct any damage done to his/her military career. Confrontation may be necessary to challenge the veteran's/service member's minimization, denial, and tendency to blame others for his/her behavior. Follow-up could include reporting back to the therapist/therapy group on actions related to this assignment and their outcomes, as well as bibliotherapy using books listed in Appendix A of The Veterans and Active Duty Military Psychotherapy Treatment Planner and/or videotherapy using films recommended for the topics of “Communication and Conflict Resolution” and “Values and Ethics” in Rent Two Films and Let's Talk in the Morning, 2nd ed., by John W. Hesley and Jan G. Hesley, also published by John Wiley & Sons.

EXERCISE V.A What was I Thinking?

We are capable of hurting others in a variety of ways. This assignment will help you become more aware of those behaviors which have a negative impact on others, including the habit of thinking that make it easier for us to justify or excuse our behavior to ourselves when we treat people in ways we wouldn't want them to treat us. It will also help you become more sensitive to others' feelings, make you aware of the impact your hurtful behavior has on others, and help you get started in repairing any damage to your military career your behavior may have caused.

1. Please review the list of hurtful behaviors below and put a check mark next to those that you have engaged in and that have resulted in pain for others. Resist the urge to minimize or refuse acknowledgment of your behaviors:

_____ Dishonesty (Lying) _____ Gossiping
_____ Verbal attacks _____ Unfaithfulness (Cheating)
_____ Threatening _____ Sexual abuse
_____ Physical assault _____ Weapon use
_____ Stealing _____ Irresponsibility
_____ Illegal acts _____ Name calling
_____ Drug or alcohol abuse _____ Insensitivity
_____ Blaming others _____ Unkept promises

2. Please describe three situations where you have hurt others by engaging in one of the behaviors listed above. Choose at least one situation that has negatively impacted your military career (e.g., Article 15, demotion, etc.), if that has happened.

Situation #1:

_____

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Situation #2:

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Situation #3:

_____

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3. Describe how your behavior affected others. How were they hurt?

Situation #1:

_____

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Situation #2:

_____

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Situation #3:

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4. What might you do to make amends to the people you hurt in these three situations?

Situation #1:

_____

_____

Situation #2:

_____

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Situation #3:

_____

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5. For the situation(s) that negatively impacted your military career, list three specific things you can do to overcome these consequences:

a. _____

b. _____

c. _____

Be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be prepared to discuss your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.

Mentorship and Respect

Goals of the Exercise

1. Accept responsibility for own behavior and keep behavior within the acceptable limits of military rules and regulations.

2. List relationships that have been damaged because of disrespect, disloyalty, aggression, and/or dishonesty.

3. List steps to make amends or restitution for past behaviors.

Additional Problems for which this Exercise may be Useful

Suggestions for Processing this Exercise with Veterans/Service Members

The “Mentorship and Respect” activity is designed for veterans/service members who seem open to forming mentorship relationships with others who will be good influences and teach more functional interpersonal and problem-solving strategies. Hurtful behavior toward others is easily minimized or denied by those who engage in the behavior. This assignment tasks the veteran/service member with finding a mentor he/she respects, such as a senior he/she sees as fair and dependable; then, with the guidance of that mentor, taking the first step of admitting his/her wrongdoings, increasing sensitivity to harm caused by his/her actions, and when appropriate, making amends for his/her behavior. As projection is a common tactic for placing blame on someone or something else, gentle—or direct, though not judgmental—confrontation may be needed to help the veteran/service member complete the assignment. Follow-up could include reporting back to the therapist/therapy group on actions related to this assignment and their outcomes, as well as bibliotherapy using books from Appendix A of The Veterans and Active Duty Military Psychotherapy Treatment Planner and/or videotherapy with films on the topics of “Substance Abuse” and/or “Values and Ethics” listed in Rent Two Films and Let's Talk in the Morning, 2nd ed., by John W. Hesley and Jan G. Hesley, published by John Wiley & Sons.

EXERCISE V.B Mentorship and Respect

If you've been given this handout, it's probably because something you did got you into some kind of trouble—legal, disciplinary, or some other kind. The way this exercise works is different from any others you may have done. First it asks you to choose a mentor and get that person's input on your situation and the best way to improve it. What is a mentor? A role model, someone fair and depenxdable, and someone with wisdom; usually someone older with more life experience who may have learned some things that could help you avoid getting into trouble or doing things that hurt people.

When you have someone in mind, tell your therapist who it is, then talk about how to bring this up with that person and what comes next. It's useful to put things down on paper to help you see the situation more clearly. Use this handout as a guide to help you talk with your mentor about ways to do things that give you better results and don't hurt others.

Admitting the pain we've caused others by our behavior is the first step. The next step is to make amends. Many times saying “I'm sorry” is not enough. People want us to treat them with respect and consideration, and they may still feel hurt and angry. But it's a start. It can mean a lot to someone just to see that you realize you hurt them and you respect their right to be treated the same way you want them to treat you. You'll feel better about yourself no matter how they respond. This assignment asks you to describe three incidents where you have hurt others, then write a brief letter of apology for each incident—your mentor and your therapist can help.

1. Three Hurtful Incidents: Please describe what you did, who was hurt, how they felt about it, how you feel about it now, and how you could have acted more kindly.

Incident #1: _____

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Incident #2: _____

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Incident #2: _____

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2. Apology: Write a short letter of apology to each person you hurt in the three incidents. Include a description of what you did, how your actions affected them, how you feel today about your actions, and what you could have done instead of the hurtful behavior. Once you've done that, go over the letters with your mentor and therapist before you give them to the people you hurt. Once you do give them the letters, describe that situation, how they felt about it, and how you felt afterward:

Incident #1: _____

_____

_____

_____

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Incident #2: _____

_____

_____

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Incident #3: _____

_____

_____

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Once you've done this, be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be prepared to discuss your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.