Section XXVII: Post-Deployment Reintegration Problems

Why Am I Having Trouble Now?

Goals of the Exercise

1. Reestablish and strengthen connections with significant other and children.

2. Acclimate to the return to home, friends, family, and community from deployment.

3. Return to previous level of social and occupational functioning prior to deployment.

Additional Problems for which this Exercise may be Useful

Suggestions for Processing this Exercise with Veterans/Service Members

The “Why Am I Having Trouble Now?” activity is for veterans/service members ambiva- lent about being home after combat or other overseas duty. Service members are often conflicted about being home, for reasons that can range from not wanting to deal with relationship infidelity to guilt about leaving comrades in the war zone to having unrealistically idealized life at home. Service members are trained to systematically analyze and solve problems. This exercise calls on that skill, guiding the veteran/service member via Socratic open-ended questioning to find the source of ambivalence and generate solutions. The veteran/service member will probably be familiar with the Military Problem Solving Process, the focal point of the exercise. You may need to encourage introspection in this exercise, as denial is common. Follow-up can include reporting back to the therapist/therapy group on actions from this assignment and outcomes as well as bibliotherapy with books from Appendix A of The Veterans and Active Duty Military Psychotherapy Treatment Planner.

EXERCISE XXVII.A Why Am I Having Trouble Now?

Although it may not seem to make sense, sometimes veterans or service members are conflicted about being back home. This conflict can cause a variety of feelings including sadness, guilt, and disappointment. It's important to understand that these feelings are normal and will lessen with time. Although a veteran or service member might feel this way for a number of reasons, the most common cause is uncertainty about what life will be like once back home. Many things change over a 6-, 7-, or 12-month deployment. In this exercise you will identify what is causing this conflict for you and use a modified version of the Military Problem Solving Process to fix things.

1. Please place a check by the reason or reasons you are feeling conflicted about being back home. Please note that there is a place to add reasons that aren't listed. This is your time to be your own “shrink” so look down deep and give this question some thought.

_____ Financial Difficulties _____ Relationship Difficulties
_____ Career Uncertainty _____ Fear of Being in Public
_____ Lack of Friends _____ Problems with Children
_____ Legal Problems _____ Concern about Your Anger
_____ Alcohol/Drug Problems _____ Guilt for Leaving Comrades
_____ Increased Responsibility _____ Being Back under the “Flagpole”
_____ Too-High Expectations before Return _____ Missing the Intensity

Others:

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2. Using this modified version of the Military Problem Solving Process, generate solutions to the issues causing the conflict. The good news is that you have already completed Step 1 above. Still, it helps to put your thoughts down on paper so please do that here:

a. Identify the Problem (Who, what, where, when, and why)

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b. Gather Information (Identify facts, assumptions, and interests)

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c. Develop Criteria (Are facts, assumptions, and interests valid? If so, why? If not, why?)

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d. Generate Possible Solutions

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e. Analyze Possible Solutions

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f. Determine the Best Solution

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g. Make and Implement the Decision

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h. Analyze Results (if unsatisfactory, adjust solution as necessary and repeat steps d–h)

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Be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be prepared to discuss your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.

What's Different and How Will I Adapt?

Goals of the Exercise

1. Minimize adjustment difficulties upon return home.

2. Determine priorities related to family, work, and social obligations.

3. Set boundaries with family and friends.

4. Return to level of family and social functioning prior to deployment.

Additional Problems for which this Exercise may be Useful

Suggestions for Processing this Exercises with Veterans/Service Members

The “What's Different and How Will I Adapt?” activity is for veterans/service members who have returned from deployments and are becoming overwhelmed by responsibilities and requests for social interactions. The service member may have unrealistic expectations, or feel obligated to agree to all requests and neglect his or her need to take things slowly for the first several weeks. This exercise aims to help the veteran/service member prioritize household, family, and social responsibilities, and to help the service member see that it is okay to say “No” and set boundaries with family and friends. The service member may need reassurance that most friends and family members will understand his/her need for space in the early days back home. You may also need to challenge feelings of guilt or shame, using techniques such as Socratic questioning or the Gestalt “empty chair” to help the veteran/service member realistically assess demands and expectations. Follow-up can include reporting back to the therapist/therapy group on actions related to this assignment and their outcomes, as well as bibliotherapy with books from Appendix A of The Veterans and Active Duty Military Psychotherapy Treatment Planner.

EXERCISE XXVII.B What's Different and How will I Adapt

Within a few days of being back home you may feel the pressure (either from others or from your own expectations of yourself) to take over all your old responsibilities such as paying the bills or doing the yard work. You may have friends and family wanting to spend time with you to an extent which may be creating strain between you and your spouse and children. Although getting back into your old routines and spending quality time with loved ones is important, if you take on more than you have time and energy for you can become overwhelmed. If this happens, the time it takes you to adjust to being back will be greater and your quality of life and your most important relationships will suffer. In this exercise, you will prioritize things you want or need to do, separating those responsibilities that can't wait from those that can. Then you can develop a “script” that you can use to tell family and friends that you need time to decompress and reconnect with your family.

1. Prioritizing Responsibilities

a. Please list up to eight tasks or functions of everyday life for which you are expected (by yourself or by others) to take over responsibility (e.g., paying the bills), and rate them from 1 to 8 with the rating of 1 being the responsibility most in need of being taken over as soon as possible and 8 being the least critical.

Task/Function Rating
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b. After filling out the list above, talk with your significant other about your results and ask for his/her input. After this discussion, re-rank your respon-sibilities if they have changed.

Task/Function Rating
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2. With the help of your significant other, develop a “script,” or a ready answer, that you can rehearse and use each time someone asks you for your time or energy in a way that would interfere with the priorities you established in item 1.b. above or with taking care of yourself and getting enough rest and time with your significant other and children. Here's an example: you can use all or part of this one or create one of your own.

It's great to hear/see you and it's great to be back from deployment. I am really looking forward to spending time with you. However, our unit Chaplain/Com-mander told us about the importance of taking things slow and reconnecting with our wives/husbands and children during the first several weeks. It's a way to help us decompress after being gone for so long. But, don't worry. We will be spending time with each other again real soon. We have a lot to catch up on. Thanks again for thinking of me.

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3. Once you've got your script, practice it. Your significant other can help by role-playing as part of your rehearsal—playing the part of someone asking for your time and attention and perhaps being pushy about it. Do you find yourself using the script? How effective do you think it is?

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Be sure to bring this handout back to your next session with your therapist, and be prepared to discuss your thoughts and feelings about the exercise.