Claire heard voices out in the courtyard and looked down at the bowl on the island countertop. Eight unbeaten eggs would not be enough. She pulled another egg from the carton and once again thanked God that they’d had the foresight to black out the weekend for guests.
Next week marked the first anniversary of the wildfire that had torn through the area. Even before Jenna’s tragic incident, Claire’s emotions had gone haywire, inexplicably and uncontrollably at times. Seeing to guest needs might have put her over the edge. Right now, just figuring out how many eggs to cook felt like an insurmountable task.
Max entered through the open kitchen doorway.
She sighed. Having him nearby was making all the difference. “Are Lexi and Tuyen here?”
“Dad too.” He arched his eyebrows. “Checking on the mums. Ready for breakfast. If there is any.”
“Got it covered, so wipe the angst off your face.”
Walking toward the island, he glanced toward the other end of the large kitchen. Skylar was stretched out on the couch facing the fireplace, her head on Indio’s lap. His mother, eyes shut, stroked the girl’s hair with her good hand and hummed softly.
Max laid some rosemary cuttings on the counter. “This was supposed to be a quiet weekend.” He spoke in an undertone. “You and me.”
Claire cracked two eggs, one in each hand, against the mixing bowl. “Ta-da! Look at that. Am I getting more efficient or what?”
Max breathed heavily at her shoulder.
“I learned this trick from your mom. I also learned”—she eyed him over the rim of her glasses—“that we go with the flow or forget about trying to run a retreat center.”
“No whining?”
“None.”
“That was Danny on the phone.” Max had just been talking on the cordless outside. “He already picked Jenna up from the hospital.”
“Really? Hallelujah! I still can’t believe she spent the night in a waiting room. How is she? How is Amber?”
“No change in Amber. Jenna, he said, is wiped out.” Max kissed her cheek. “They’ll be here in twenty minutes.”
Claire laughed. “Then we’ll make French toast, too, her favorite. After breakfast, we’ll tuck her into bed and hide all the car keys. She needs to stay put for the weekend.”
“I suppose God had a hand in this.”
“You think?” she teased.
“Yeah. We tell guests not to come. We tell our kids not to come and look what happens.” He sighed dramatically.
“They didn’t make it happen.”
“Doesn’t matter. They’re boomerangs. Won’t they ever move away and stay there?”
“Oh, I hope not.”
He chuckled with her. Their remarks echoed recent conversations they’d had about surrendering outdated parental roles. What did it look like to let their adult children go and yet . . . not let go of them? Where was the balance?
He said, “’Tis a quandary for the ages.”
Claire smiled and pulled two more eggs from the carton. A vague feeling of happiness tugged at her again. She’d been trying to tamp it down since the hospital visit last night because it seemed sort of demented. The truth was she was overly happy that Jenna needed them. But her poor baby needed them because she’d gotten hurt. Huh?
She beat the eggs and sent Max to search the freezer for French bread.
The vague happy feeling snowballed into an onslaught of pure delight. She giggled and sighed.
Maybe she was just tickled because Jenna was joining them for breakfast. And Danny. And Lexi. Tuyen as well. Skylar too, even. What was Erik doing that morning? A truly grand time would be if he came and brought Rosie with him. And Nathan, Lexi’s friend, who already seemed part of the family, might get a ride with them . . .
Claire smiled. When she told Max she hoped the “boomerangs” would never leave for good, she only half teased. Yes, the kids needed to spread their wings and fly, but the thing was, her mama’s heart sang whenever one of them paid a visit to the nest. Arias resounded if they stayed overnight. Entire operas poured forth if all of them were there together at the same time.
An opera couldn’t be bad thing, could it?
They sat around the kitchen table on chairs and the L-shaped bench seat. Jenna snuggled against Claire, Skylar against Indio. Max refilled coffee cups. Danny appeared tired. Ben was gregarious, Tuyen quiet but not withdrawn. No one moved yet to clear the breakfast clutter.
Lexi was talking about Nathan. “Remember that follow-up article he wrote about the fire victims?”
Max said, “When you two started dating?”
“Yeah.” She smiled in a dreamy way.
Claire smiled too. Little Alexis had blossomed into a lovely young woman, counting more battle wins than losses against an eating disorder, falling crazy in love with a wonderful young man, and thanking God for it all.
“Well,” Lexi went on, “he’s doing another article about where we all are now, a year later. He’s coming up today so he can file it before the actual anniversary date next week. The article is basically done, but I’m taking him along the escape route, sort of for ambience. Not that it’ll be the same with the sun shining.” She wrinkled her nose, her only negative expression about that awful night of the fire. “Mom, you don’t have to come along, but you’re welcome to. Same for you, Nana. Papa.”
Claire froze. Images of thick smoke filled her imagination. She could smell it. She could hear the roar of wind, the crackling rush of fire. Her heart pounded.
Ben startled her with a chuckle. “Thanks but no thanks, Lexi. Being able to hike up that path a year ago was a miracle, thanks be to God. I see no reason to ask Him to perform it again.”
Indio smiled. “Amen. That trek was indeed a supernatural event. The good Lord will have to do a powerful lot of talking to my heart to get these old bones moving like that again.”
Max said, “Physical abilities aside, I don’t know that you’d all care to relive that night in other ways. Lexi, are you sure you want to?”
“I do.” She nodded. “I’ve thought a lot about it. I am totally ready now.”
“Must have something to do with The Guy tagging along?”
“Dad.” Lexi blushed whenever her dad teased about Nathan.
While everyone else laughed, Max locked his eyes with Claire’s.
Her heart’s mad thump slowed. Hearing her family’s reaction to the thought of retracing that night’s steps calmed her. Hearing Lexi proclaim that she was ready to face that demon encouraged her tremendously.
Claire had faced it some time ago, taking Max with her along the escape route. They’d driven through a large portion of the estate’s rough terrain, parked, and then hiked up what she would have deemed impassable rocky hills. She’d even crawled into the hole when she didn’t have to . . .
Yes, she’d relived it with her guy beside her. She understood now that the Lord had been there, too, singing songs of deliverance over her the entire way. It was finished.
Claire turned to Lexi. “I don’t think so, hon.”
“Been there, done that?”
“Yeah.”
Lexi smiled. She knew her mom’s story.
“I’m glad you’re ready.”
“Me too, Mom.”
Danny announced he wanted to go along. He invited Skylar, who perked up at his request. Tuyen wasn’t interested, but suggested they call Erik. Jenna, her eyes nearly shut, asked which room she could sleep in. Max declared he was back to Plan A, which included no hikes, no guests, no family. Claire hushed him with a fierce glare.
Ben cleared his throat loudly. “While we’re announcing plans to revisit the past, I have one to add.”
All eyes turned to him. Voices quieted. Ever since Beth Russell’s visit, Ben’s old compassionate, confident self had reemerged, a change welcomed by all.
Ben sat up straight in his chair. “Tuyen and I are going to Vietnam.”
Claire felt her eyes go wide.
He said, “She’ll show me BJ’s grave. Where he lived. Where he died. We want to go as soon as possible.” He snapped his jaw shut.
He had no more words, nor did anyone. Long, silent moments passed.
Then Indio sighed, a sound of release.
Everyone began to speak at once. Finally Max’s voice rose above the others.
“Dad, you won’t hike your own back forty but you’ll fly halfway ’round the world and somehow get to some obscure village up in the mountains during monsoon season?”
Ben stuck out his lower lip and nodded.
“Then I’m going too.”
Claire exclaimed. “What?”
“Yep.” Max nodded, still looking at his dad. “We’ll go. We’ll take care of it once and for all.”
Ben gave another nod, quick and final.
Claire met Indio’s gaze. The black eyes were inscrutable.
Her mother-in-law sighed again. “It’s a good plan. Necessary, like Lexi’s walk. If we don’t revisit the past that haunts us and banish it, its control over us will never end.”
Claire shut her eyes and thought of that tandem bike ride with her wild mother-in-law. Indio wasn’t steering this situation, but she might as well have been. Her respected opinion powered up the pedaling and jerked the handlebar. Claire felt as if they’d just rounded a curve and hit a pothole at full speed. The impact threw her equilibrium completely out of whack. The wind whistled in her ears.
She knew what Indio meant. Claire had revisited her own haunting memories, from the night of the fire to childhood traumas to emotional affairs with other men. She’d received forgiveness and healing through Christ.
Now, if she understood Indio’s wink, Ben and Max were headed down that rewarding but most difficult of paths: surrendering. They had to let BJ go once and for all.
Claire looked around the table. Her eyesight felt different. She saw all of them letting go . . . Jenna of the life she had wanted with Kevin. Skylar of whatever it was that kept her from settling down. Danny of his prejudices. And Lexi now, in trekking up to the gold mine, would let go of the terror from that night of the fire.
Perhaps even she herself would do some surrendering. The thought of Max being gone triggered old resentments from his many absences through the years. Why not let them go?
“Claire.” Indio smiled at her. “We just pray, dear.”
Okay. The matriarch prayed. She would. Just at soon as she let go of her fear that Indio was passing the tandem’s handlebars to her.