Few social systems can have been as thoroughly worked out as that of King Trailok of Ayuthaya in the fifteenth century, who ranked the citizenry by a system of numbers (sakdi na). A slave was allocated five points, a peasant twenty-five, a craftsman in government service fifty, and so on. If you became a top official your score jumped to ten thousand.
The sakdi na system gave the right to certain grants of land commensurate with rank, and permeated all economic, legal, and social life for four hundred years or so. It was not abolished until King Chulalongkorn came to the throne in the late nineteenth century, and it would seem that vestiges of the system live on in the Thai psyche.
Although there is more social mobility in Thailand now, there are many of the older generation who accept their position in life unquestioningly. They reason that if you have low status in this life it must be a result of misdeeds committed in a previous life. In Buddhist belief the moral law of karma determines that f you lead a virtuous life now, the chances are that you will enjoy a better status when you are reborn. It is no use complaining, since everyone else is in the same boat. However, education is increasingly seen as the pathway to a good job, and this has led to a record 22 percent of Thais enrolling in higher education.
Many Thais aspire to positions in the civil service, even though most government jobs are badly paid. Being a civil servant gives you prestige and security, however lowly your position. If you are a teacher (ajarn) you are especially highly regarded, though still poorly paid. Working in business, even if you are a very successful businessperson, is less well thought of. However, successful people are universally admired.
Work in an office or shop is more highly regarded than a manual job. At one time office girls would have long fingernails to indicate that they did not perform menial tasks. A pale complexion is also indicative of high status, and many Thai women go to great lengths to shield themselves from the sun. Medically, of course, this is a more sensible idea than exposing oneself to the risk of sunburn and skin cancer through sunbathing, as many foreign tourists do.
The people like the status that goes with a job, even if it is a non-job. In the Thai civil service, you will occasionally find people whose jobs have become redundant, but who still retain their splendid offices. To dismiss them would cause them humiliation or loss of “face”—a very important aspect of status. The Thais will experience shame if they do something that others would regard as dishonorable, and they expect to be treated honorably and not have their dignity offended.
It’s Not the Money!
I once got talking to a seller of pornographic magazines in Chinatown, Bangkok. He was doing a roaring trade and obviously earning good money, but confessed that he was dissatisfied with what he did for a living. His was a low-status job, and he wished he could get into a profession with status.
Status is shown by the clothes you wear and the cars you drive, which is perhaps why in the boom years of the 1990s Thailand was one of the biggest markets for Mercedes Benz cars. Many Thais prefer to drive to work through horrendous traffic jams rather than travel by the new Skytrain, for the simple reason that they would lose face by so doing.
The Thais are respectful people. Children are brought up to respect their elders and to defer to authority. If a person has a higher rank than you in society, he or she is worthy of respect, and a good employee acknowledges the superiority of his boss and does not contradict him. Students respect their teachers and would not dare to argue with them or even ask them questions.
One of the ways the Thais demonstrate respect is to press their palms gracefully together, fingers pointing upward as if in prayer, and incline the head forward in salutation. This is known as the wai. It is normal for people to wai when they see a superior, and the recipient of the wai will wai back. The greater the difference in rank, the lower the head is inclined and the higher the wai should be. The inferior should always initiate the wai.
Educated and younger Thais who are used to Western ways are more likely to shake hands with a foreigner and do not expect foreigners to observe the custom of waiing. Nevertheless, if someone wais to you it is much appreciated if you wai back at them. But it is advisable to learn how to wai correctly to avoid committing any faux pas.
Thailand has never been under foreign rule, so the Thais can hold their heads high and regard people from other nations as their equals. They come across as self-confident, and proud of their country, but never arrogant. They learn from an early age that Thailand is “Buddha’s own country.” They have savored independence for centuries and have much to be thankful for.
This self-confidence is reflected in their smart appearance. Cleanliness is important, and Thais think nothing of having several showers a day. They make a point of being well dressed, with clothes always spotless and neatly pressed. The Thai word for dirty, sokaprok, expresses disgust. Urban women, in particular, take a pride in their appearance, wearing smart clothes and making extensive use of cosmetics. They also smile a lot—simply because a smile always looks more attractive than a frown.
It is important not to prick the bubble of self-respect when dealing with Thais. They may criticize their government for its failings, but it is quite another thing for a foreigner to do so. They are sensitive to criticism, and if you start finding fault with their institutions they might feel you are criticizing them personally. If you criticize their monarchy or religion you will be very unpopular.
In most situations the Thais exercise remarkable self-control. Even if they are experiencing personal problems they attempt to put a brave face on things, and betray little emotion. Anna Leonowens in the Hollywood musical The King and I whistled a happy tune when she felt low; but in a similar situation a Thai would just smile and maintain a calm dignity.
This does not signify that the Thais are devoid of feelings, and that they do not experience the same frustrations that you do when stuck in a Bangkok traffic jam. It is just regarded as bad form to express one’s feelings overtly, to display anger or cause any kind of unpleasantness.
Furthermore, to behave in such a manner would incur the wrath of the spirit world (see this page) and lead to loss of face. For the smooth running of society it is essential to keep one’s cool. The word for this is jai yen, or “cool heart.”
This manifests itself in several ways. The Thais don’t wave their hands about, or keep them in their pockets, which is considered bad manners. They also speak quietly—it is regarded as rude to raise one’s voice. They rarely touch one another or embrace in public, and stand at a respectful distance from each other when talking. However, it is quite acceptable for people of the same sex to hold hands in public, with no sexual overtones.
Times are changing, however. Some members of the younger generation are starting to adopt Western manners, particularly those who have studied abroad. Young couples link arms and kiss and cuddle in public, much to the consternation of their elders. Yet one senses that as these young people approach middle age they will revert to tradition and regain their jai yen.
At times the bottled-up emotion reaches the breaking point and something has to give. This can result in violent acts, such as shouting abuse, damaging property, maiming, or even killing. For this reason, you should be circumspect in your dealings with Thais and avoid acts that might be regarded as provocative. Thais have long memories, and do not forget insults or provocation easily.
In order to maintain social cohesion the Thais will try to avoid arguments. In a close-knit society it is regarded as bad form to cause dissension. One should endeavor to live harmoniously with one’s neighbors and follow the Buddhist middle path that urges followers to avoid extremes. Getting angry or telling people off is unlikely to solve anything—in Thailand anyway. Anger is disruptive, and they regard people who go around making a fuss and picking quarrels as hotheaded—or, to translate literally from Thai, “hothearted” (jai rón). The best advice is “keep your cool” and smile benignly, however frustrated or annoyed you feel.
The idea of maintaining social harmony has its roots in rural communities, where people need to cooperate in order to survive. You work together in the rice fields, you harvest the rice together, and you meet together for traditional celebrations. Everybody knows each other’s business, and the last thing you want is bad feeling between people.
One way of strengthening links is by doing people favors. The Thais have a do-as-you-would-be-done-by philosophy, reasoning that if you do someone a good turn he or she will feel grateful and will reciprocate the favor one day. Thus you have a network of people who are mutually obliged to one another. The Thais call this concept bunkhun—indebted goodness. The bunkhun system often manifests itself as an indirectness in communication that makes it difficult for a foreigner to know what message a Thai is really trying to convey.
The Thais can be obliging to a fault. They will put themselves to a great deal of trouble in order to comply with other people’s wishes—an attribute which they term krengjai. This manifests itself in various ways, such as in being overconsiderate. Thus, a Thai may see someone working and may decide not to disturb him, even if he has an important message for him. Or he may be inhibited about expressing his own opinions for fear of disrupting social harmony.
He is, in effect, repressing his intentions or desires for the sake of the general good. When asking a Thai to do you a favor, it is important to check first that he will not be inconveniencing himself for you. Some will go far beyond the bounds of duty just to be obliging, perhaps missing an important appointment to run a trivial errand for someone else.
Although it may seem that the Thais must lead very stressful lives in their quest to maintain social harmony, they find an outlet for their pent-up energies by enjoying themselves. Thais love to have fun; they like parties, gossip, going to the movies, taking trips, and eating out together.
Wherever you go in Thailand you will hear the word sanùk being used—the Thai word for fun. Is Bangkok sanùk? Was a certain film sanùk? Was a party you attended sanùk? Even occasions like funerals, which Westerners regard as serious affairs, ought to be fun in Thai eyes. And so is work. The Thais do not draw a sharp distinction between work and pleasure in the same way as Westerners do.
The Thais are exceptionally gregarious when it comes to fun. They like to have a good time together and cannot envisage enjoying life in any solitary way. Their idea of fun tends to be unsophisticated and playful—usually with noisy music and bustling crowds.
Forget about the Protestant work ethic. Most Thais are easy-going people who refuse to work themselves to a standstill. Work is a means to earning a living, not the be-all and end-all of life. This, too, has its roots in Thai village society. “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” more or less sums up this philosophy. Indeed the Thai word ngan, which means “work,” also means “party.”
So does that mean that the Thais have a lackadaisical attitude to work? Not really. Most of them work well and efficiently, and manufactured products from Thailand are of excellent quality. But work has to have a social dimension, too, and if the fun element is missing people will see little point in giving of their best. People who put all their effort into their work and neglect their social life are regarded as distinctly odd. Perhaps Westerners who complain of increasing pressures of work could learn from this Thai attitude.
One of the nicest characteristics of the Thais is their tolerant attitude. If you make a terrible mistake, provided you are apologetic about it, people will endeavor to put you at ease by smiling politely and uttering the words “mâi pen rai,” which means “don’t worry” or “it doesn’t matter.” Why get upset about something? Nobody is perfect and besides tomorrow is another day.
However, outsiders can find the mâi pen rai attitude extremely irritating. If a Thai driver backs his car into yours, you may feel that the damage to your car does matter. When he smilingly shrugs his shoulders, remember this is designed to defuse a potentially explosive situation, not to irritate.
The Thais are a generous people. If they have money in their pocket they like to share it around, and they often spend more than they can really afford. They cannot understand people who put away cash for a rainy day, or who invite them out for a meal and expect them to split the bill. Such people are regarded as kèe niaw or nǵok—which are both untranslatable pejorative terms.
One can sometimes view such generosity as a manifestation of bunkhun—a way of making the recipients of your favor feel indebted to you and willing to reciprocate. But in many cases there is no such ulterior motive. A person who has a good heart (jai dee) is always cherished and respected.
The top of the head is the most important part of one’s body for a Thai because it is here that a person’s spirit (kwan) resides. For this reason one should never touch a person’s head, even if you are close friends, though between people in love this taboo is often broken.
If you do happen to touch a person’s head accidentally a prompt apology is in order. Hairdressers are always most apologetic before they begin to deploy their skills on a customer. Patting the heads of small children is, however, accepted practice. Clothing associated with the head should also be treated with respect—try not to sit or tread on someone’s hat, for example.
One way to demonstrate humility is to ensure that your head is kept lower than that of your superior. Thai kings used to sit on a high throne so that their subjects’ heads were below the level of the royal feet; indeed one of the titles for the king is Somdech Phra Chao Yoo Hua—“The royal feet of the divine one above my head.”
For a similar reason monks sit on a dais when the faithful come to visit; servants shuffle around the room in a stooped position if their employer is seated; and waiters and waitresses stoop when serving people in a restaurant.
If the head is the most important part of the body, the feet are the least important, and should be kept out of sight wherever possible. Never point at anything with a foot, or rest your feet on the table. This is regarded as the height of rudeness. Only in Thai boxing are feet allowed to touch the opponent’s head.
The Thais do not have any inhibitions about sex; they simply regard it as fun. Polygamy was long a feature of the Siamese court and prominent officials and nobles would show off their status by taking mistresses or minor wives (mia nói) in addition to having an official wife (mia luang) who would tolerate her husband’s extramarital activities. The less well off had to be content with consorting with prostitutes. Old traditions die hard, and although the present monarch is monogamous, many leading politicians and businessmen have mistresses. It is reckoned that the majority of sexually active Thai men frequent brothels and massage parlors on a regular basis.
Yet there is a certain ambivalence about sex. Prostitution has been illegal in Thailand since 1960; establishments offering sexual services masquerade as bars, restaurants, and hotels, and the authorities are bribed to turn a blind eye to their true nature. The Thai language is redolent with double meanings, but one has to take care these do not intrude into polite conversation.
Homosexuality seems to be accepted, and transvestites are a feature of night life in the cities.
Thais tend to keep their indiscretions private. The attitude is that what you do in private is your own business; but one has to prevent improprieties from entering the public arena. Physical contact between the sexes in public places is frowned upon, but what goes on behind closed doors is fine.
Foreigners should not make the mistake of assuming that all Thai women are promiscuous. Most of them are not, and would be shocked if their charming demeanor were to be regarded as an invitation to have sex.
As we have already seen, the Thais have no postcolonial hang-ups about Westerners, simply because they were never colonized and regard Westerners as their equals.
The Thai word for European is farang, and you will hear the name used wherever you go in Thailand. Parents will point you out to their children, and often children will come up close to get a better look. Some may touch you for luck. Farangs are frequently a source of great amusement to the Thais, since they behave in such strange ways. Thais may watch visitors intently, waiting for them to commit some faux pas or do something odd. However, in many of the international tourist spots foreigners are so numerous that they lose their curiosity value.
Making a Good Impression
On one occasion I was sipping a beer with a friend at a roadside café in a holiday resort, when a local came up and greeted us. He said he wanted to meet us because we were dressed politely (supârp). On further investigation we found he was impressed because we were both wearing shirts and slacks in a place where everyone else was in T-shirts and shorts.
The Thais are particularly attracted to foreigners who behave politely and try to respect Thai manners. They are less impressed by foreigners who “go native” and dress as Thai peasants. On the whole, they prefer us as we are.
Thais can be disarmingly direct, asking personal questions even when they hardly know you. They will ask where you come from, whether you are enjoying your stay, whether you are married and, if not, when you are planning to tie the knot. They may even ask how much you earn. You are not expected to answer properly or exhaustively, for this is merely friendly small talk.
The Thais admire people with pale skins, but you will find some who are afraid of people with dark skins, which they call “kèrk.” For this reason, darker-skinned foreigners have to work harder to earn their respect and friendship.
Are there any signs that the Thais’ love affair with foreigners may be coming to an end? Mass tourism may benefit the economy, but it has its drawbacks. Some Thais feel they are being overwhelmed by the creation of international tourist ghettoes along the coast; they also fear that the behavior of some foreign tourists and residents may have a detrimental influence on Thai youth. One can only hope that their traditional tolerance of foreigners does not turn into resentment.