The PiPs learned later that Mrs Van Housen, Pedalbin and Gilbo had all been sentenced to do community service on Monkey Island. They had to paint over graffiti on the buildings of Simian City.
Meanwhile, Vincent had started doing paintings of his own instead of copies of famous works. His first picture was called Starry Night, with Pig and Gorilla. Apparently, Speedio Trunks were interested in buying it for their next advertising campaign.
But the real surprise had been George the gorilla. He turned out to be the most talented artist of all. His preferred technique was finger-painting, and he used it to capture his subjects in just a few bold strokes. Many of his pictures were of a smiling monkey. George was going to have his first exhibition at the National Primate Gallery in a month’s time.
After the mission, all of the PiPs became more interested in art. Peregrine decided he wanted Brian to paint a portrait of him. With this in mind, he put on his full dress uniform, including all the medals he had been awarded over the years, as well as a couple he’d got in Christmas crackers. He had waxed his moustache so that it stood to attention.
‘Make sure you catch my good side,’ he told the medic, striking a pose.
‘Erm, which is your good side?’ asked Brian.
‘From the back,’ said Lola, walking into the common room. She had a sequinned dress, massive hair and a big, golden microphone. ‘Anyway, Brian said he’d do a painting of me today. That’s why I’ve got my pop-star gear on!’
‘Oh,’ said a disappointed voice from the door. It was Curly with a matching woolly hat, scarf, jumper and trousers on. ‘I thought you were going to do a painting of me to send to my Nan?’
Tammy pushed her way past the trainee, carrying a stack of pizza boxes. ‘That’s not what he told me. He said he was going to paint a still-life of pizzas for me. Right, Bri?’
‘Er,’ said Brian, looking anxiously for a way out.
Then Pete strode into the room. He was dressed in a fetching bathrobe.
‘I’ve been thinking,’ said the PiPs captain. ‘I can’t keep a body like mine under wraps. I’m going to be an artist’s model, and you can be the first to paint me, Brian!’ With these words, he threw back the bathrobe and let it drop to the floor, revealing a brandnew pair of electric-blue Speedio trunks, surrounded by plenty of pink pig. ‘Consider it my gift to the world.’
‘Not so fast, Captain! I’m the commanding officer in this outfit,’ spluttered Peregrine. ‘He’s going to paint me first!’
‘No, me!’ cried Lola.
‘Me!’
‘My pizzas!’
‘My gut!’
Brian looked on them in despair. How was he going to get out of this without hurting someone’s feelings? Then he spotted something on the floor, just behind the squabbling pigs. It was the skin from the banana Tammy had scoffed before the mission.
Brian smiled to himself. ‘I’ll do a painting with all of you in it,’ he said. ‘First, you all need to take two steps back …’
All the PiPs took two steps back, and it was Peregrine who trod on the banana skin.
‘ARGHHHHHHH!’ he cried out, grabbing Pete on his way down.
‘ARGHHHHHHH!’ cried Pete, grabbing Tammy and Lola.
‘ARGHHHHHHH!’ cried the girls, reaching out for Curly as they hit the deck. All the PiPs collapsed in a gigantic piggy heap.
‘Perfect,’ Brian smiled. ‘Now just hold that pose …’
